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LOST PLANET 3: BEST GAME EVER

Posted by whoknows, 08 September 2013 · 1161 views

So good.


Forget all the other garbage that came out this year such as The Last of Us or Bioshock Infinite or whatever other junk people are calling GOTY, because they're not. In fact, those games aren't even worth thinking about with Lost Planet 3 being in existence. It's just that good.


Now, if you have any other games this year your'e going to need to go take them outside and set them on fire. Pretend you're in Lost Planet and need to burn some shit for warmth.


Ok, now that you've done that and are sitting next to your fire I'll tell you why Lost Planet 3 is the greatest game this year, and possibly this gen. You get a god damn mech. Not only do you get a mech, but you get a mech with a drill arm.


So what does this mean? Well obviously it means you get to drill the shit out of all the dumbass akrid who think they stand a chance against you and your machine of death! Not only that, but you get to pilot it as a Nicolas Cage look a like.

Here's my favorite things from the game. Walking around in my mech and them some asshole akrid try to stop me. It's like, Fuck you guys. I have a mech. So they're hitting your mech or shooting things at your mech so what do you do? Walk over and stomp the shit out of them. SMASH SMASH SMASH. Take that you Fuck ing akrid. You are no match for my mech. America: 1 Fuck ing loser akrids: ZERO. Gonna grab that valuable thermal energy you morons were so kind to die and let me have. Thanks losers!


Then you're walking around a big Fuck ing akrid comes and tries to challenge you. It's like "yeah, I saw you stomp the shit out of my little friends, I'm going to kill you" and I'm like "no you Fuck ing aren't" So what do I do? Punch that Fuck face in its face and grab it with my claw arm.


"Oh shit!" is what it's probably thinking as I take my drill arm and DRILL MOTHER Fuck er!! Orange akrid blood is flying everywhere and it's like "nooo. I should have realized how awesome and amazing your mech is!"


Too late though. It's dead. Drilled to death by my mechs awesome drill arm.


Now with all that being said, it should be pretty obvious why it's game of the year or perhaps game of the generation. Buy it, losers.

Otherwise you'll be a loser forever.




7 Fuck s, Nicholas Cage, and absolutely no supporting statements as to why I'd even want to rent the game.  Good job.

 

Drill Arm = Bioshock

Mechs = Titanfall

Lost Planet = franchise that does a great job getting people to play it who don't actually play AAA games.

good job on the review

7 Fuck s, Nicholas Cage, and absolutely no supporting statements as to why I'd even want to rent the game.  Good job.

 

Drill Arm = Bioshock

Mechs = Titanfall

Lost Planet = franchise that does a great job getting people to play it who don't actually play AAA games.

titan fall is not even yet

10/10

Pretty funny,though Jim looks like a mix of Tim Allen and Cage Jim-Allen.jpg

The mechs in LP 1-2 had guns and rockets. LP3 you have a giant drill that runs out in like 5 seconds of use.

Ehh... who knows. 

The real game of the generation is this forgotten gem

 

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