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A CAG's Guide to Tebonics: Part 1 - BASIC Tebonics

Posted by CarnivalMadness, in Uncategorized, Tebonics 17 May 2014 · 1726 views

tebow icedragon15 sunasun sun simulator tyfreak grannies wild party tebonics
Disclaimer: This guide in no way, shape, or form is meant to insult, disgust, traumatize or inflict any mental or bodily harm to the reader (not on purpose, anyways) and is just a satirical observation on a fellow CAG member. If it does, then blame the tebowdragon. Any IQ points lost during the reading of this guide, or the subsequent search for proof of these observations will not be refunded. Consider yourself warned.

- Introduction --

No sense in saving this for a rainy day, since tebow's gone. For those who don't follow the PCDD, Steam or bundle threads, you'll probably have no clue who tebow is (not the QB), or what the heck this is about. Below are just a few observations I've made the past few months to figure out what icedragon15 was saying half the time in those threads. Basically, a cheat sheet on the language and behavior of tebow (icedragon's nickname). Admittedly, some are embellished for the sake of humor, those who've seen his incoherent ramblings know that most, if not all, apply in some shape or form. That is what makes it all the more funny and terrifying. Written all out and stitched together into a half-baked guide for the PC CAGs that got to know this maniac, I've posted here for posterity before it's all forgotten. Even after reading this though, he probably still won't make any sense. Have fun.


A CAG's Guide to Tebonics: Part One

The Basics
  • Being way off topic is key. It don't make sense makes sense, make sense?
  • The first word of any conversation must always have the first and second letters in it switched. This is referred to as the preemptive strike spank.
  • For every third word after the first, delete a random vowel. If there are two vowels in a row, add a third. For every fourth word, switch the second and third letters.
  • No punctuation, ever. This keeps the reader from having any semblance of a break from reading the mess of run-on sentence and see you couldn't stop reading could you I got you hooked you're lucky this wasn't tebow or you'd be doing the Jackie Chan WTF are you saying pose right now
  • Any common words, such as "can't", "left", "spoon", or "plane", a random one must be misspelled so horribly that it spells an entirely different word altogether that is either naughty, profane, or vulgar in most English-speaking countries.
  • Any long or complex words, such as "Gettysburg" "exaggerate" or "Antonio Banderas", must be spelled perfectly.
  • Exchange several verbs with "spanky", "spank", "spanking", or any combination of the three at your discretion. Include extra a's and/or y's for additional impact.
  • The "WWE Divas:Other nouns" ratio must be >= 2:1.
  • If you are referring to an adult actress, be cognizant that specific ones are slaves to certain CAG members. You must know each by heart, or they will get insulted.
  • Regarding certain special CAGs, specific phrases such as "mrged nnuts", "f nnuts", "mutant meat balls", "sun/spank simulator $200", "gorilla diapers", "derrick", "zombie gf", "help desk", "burgers", "my lord", etc. should be included after mentioning them. You also must know this.
  • Add "hheh" or "lol" to the end of almost every post. For every "spank" or WWE reference, add the total and divide by 3. This number, rounded up, equals the additional "hehh"s or "olol"s to be added at the end. According to several CAGs, this has evolved from "jk muahah" which is no longer used, possibly due to the fact even tebow is no longer aware if he's joking or not. (thanks, BrownDerby)
Note: The spelling observations may or may not be applied as randomness definitely rules here. However, the contextual stuff almost always applies, especially when it comes to spanking, WWE, and CAGs.

(Originally posted 3/13/2014, updated 5/17/2014)

Many CAGs believe they do a good impression of tebow by just spelling poorly, referencing AJ Lee, and adding a few "spanks." As you can see, that really only covers a few basics. If you really want to go full tebow, proceed at your own risk to Part 2: Advanced Tebonics.

I never realized it was so thought out.

For a while it was "jk muahah" instead of "hheh".

This guide would have been far more useful if it had been published before he got himself banned...

Amazing work!  

Edited the introduction and added a note at the end.


Also, tebow's comment after reading this, "llol ol"

I hope Pepsiman reads this.

what did he do to get banned?

I don't know the reason, and we'll probably never know the full story.  It was a private decision.  Personally, he was funny some of the time and outrageous most of the time, but he didn't know when to slow down or filter his thoughts.  I didn't find him too offensive or troll-y, but maybe enough people did, some with authority. 


Anyway, long story short:  If you grow up most of your life using the Urban Dictionary instead of a Webster's as a reference, your time in many places are inevitably going to be cut short.

tebow memorial page


is it still possible for him to be unbanned 

i remember idiot had his reversed so maybe there's some hope.

Updated since he's (kinda) back, added and edited several points, enough so that the guide is now split into two parts.  I probably won't update anymore myself, as the original post was just for fun, but if anybody wants to include something, just leave it here or the next section and I'll put it up.

July 2014

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