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A CAG's Guide to Tebonics: Part 2 - ADVANCED Tebonics

Posted by CarnivalMadness, in Uncategorized, Tebonics 17 May 2014 · 526 views

tyfreak tebow tebonics mutant meatballs
Disclaimer: This guide in no way, shape, or form is meant to insult, disgust, traumatize or inflict any mental or bodily harm to the reader (not on purpose, anyways) and is just a satirical observation on a fellow CAG member. If it does, then blame the tebowdragon. Any IQ points lost during the reading of this guide, or the subsequent search for proof of these observations will not be refunded. Consider yourself warned.

Note: Please read Part One: Basic Tebonics first, otherwise Part 2: Electric Bugaloo may not make any sense. (Not that it does now, but you know what I mean)

- Introduction --

Well, tebow's back. Sort of.

Though, at first, he tried to hide his true nature with misdirection upon secretly arriving back into the CAG ecosystem (classic case of "Shock Spank and Awe"; see below), his cognitive dysfunction has become much more visible after several weeks. Luckily, full tebow has yet to materialize. He is a shadow of his former self, as half of his posts are surprisingly coherent. Feeling the affects of the (still active) ban, he can only show glimpses without drawing unwanted attention to himself. But the signs are there. This isn't exactly the same tebow that was evicted months ago. He has had time to hone and evolve his craft. Things have changed.

Even now, the PC CAGs are witnessing their short-lived peace slowly being eroded. Some meatballs have merged. Spanks are being dealt. Diapers left unchanged. Early reports of tebow sightings indicate CAGs are being sent to dungeons for being bad heeh heh. Nobody is safe.

Which leads us to one terrifying thought: This isn't even his FINAL FORM.


A CAG's Guide to Tebonics: Part Two

Advanced Tebonics
  • As mentioned in Part 1's comments, the Urban Dictionary is used, a lot. Kick the Webster's to the curb.
  • If a CAG posts, thinks about buying, or bought a generally ill-regarded deal or bundle, it is essential to call them out by saying "u baad" or "u ben bad boy" and told they've lost or are losing their mind. Afterwards, they must be sentenced to the "spanking (sometimes zombie) dungeon / dungoe / cage", "timeout table", or "grannnies wild party", depending on the mood.
  • Any bundle sites offering terrible bundles are labeled "zombie" bundles (as if the bundle site is dead and irrecoverable, but may be cured if a good bundle is offered later), and is subsequently cursed out. Though not responsible for the games in the bundle, further blame is directed at the CAG who posted it, saying it is "ur fault" and also cursed out. The spelling and cursing are exceptionally bad in this instance since it's determined that a heightened emotional state triggers rampant uncontrolled tebonics.
  • If a decent posted deal leads to actually buying it, any CAG in the immediate vicinity is also told it is "ur fault make me spending my monies", followed by multiple spanks, "hehh"s and "lol"s. Sending a WWE Diva or two to spank them to "spankblivion" or "spankpocalypse" and being sent to a cage may also follow, depending on how good the deal is.
  • Even if you have no valid points to make or any clue of the subject at hand, arguments are automatically won by telling the other person to "go lick your (fat) eggo" and then spamming them with "no u" or "u whroe" until they give up and/or block you. Understand that a win is a win, especially if nobody wins.
  • Though CAGs normally use "FTFY" (fixed that for you) when correcting another's response (sarcastically or not), "FTFY" in tebonics just means replacing several (or all) verbs from a CAG's quote with "spank" or its derivatives. In an effort to avoid the law or being mistaken for icedragon15, post-ban tebonics disguises these fixes with a font, color and size change, i.e. "spank", because yea, that'll work.
  • On occasion, a more extensive "FTFY" is used, where a CAG's quote is entirely rewritten off-topic and out-of-context. The rewrite is random but in most cases it is about obscene fantasies involving the quoted CAG, a WWE Diva's body parts (often referred to as their "hotness") and several acts including but not limited to licking and steamrolls. In this case, "FTFY" is replaced by "oh really now hheh".
  • Sometimes, it must be aliens. GIF required.
  • After a dozen or so posts following the guidelines above, an on-topic, educated post of coherence, clarity, and decent spelling is written. This will throw any readers into mass confusion and self-doubt, and is known as the "Shock Spank and Awe" since most will not see it coming.
Note: The spelling observations may or may not be applied as randomness definitely rules here. However, the contextual stuff almost always applies, especially when it comes to spanking, WWE, and CAGs.


That's all I got. I'm done. Feel free to add to it in the comments section if you see any glaring omissions.

Great job!  :)

July 2014

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