Montgomery AL CAGS: Cheapass Carton of Camels for $2.69!

[Skylander7]

Ok, not really a game deal but it's regional. But in case anybody wants a cheapass carton of Camel Turkish Jade Lights, I'm putting it here. Call it boredom at work, or just an attempt to help somebody get a cheapass nicotine fix.. whatever.

Smoking is an Alabama tradition.. like our fatty foods, beer, college football, or using Boone's Farm Strawberry Wine in high school to get laid. (Cousin humping is only a rural Alabama tradition, not statewide). It's kind of like the Hardee's commercial, smoking is passed down from generation to generation.

Entec gas stations (local Montgomery area gas station chain) has cartons of Camel Turkish Jade Lights in their computer as $2.69. That's 10 packs of lung coating, cancer causing, menthol tingling goodness at 1/10th of what you'd otherwise pay.

Buy them, light them, get shitfaced and chain smoke them at a bar.. whichever you prefer. This is one of those rare instances where the local unreliable and idiotic staff of all of our local establishments pays in gold (well.. Turkish Jade at least).

Better yet, you could even likely find a crackhead who would gladly trade his little brother's video games for a carton of smokes! Crooked and mean.. but hey, this is Montgomery Alabama we're talking about here.

Or.. take it to one of many of our local corrections facilities, and trade it with a convict to hire him for your dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

On a closing note, if anybody finds any vodka or spiced rum deals, please pm me (and that doesn't include Aristocrat).

[Crash55118]

Wow this may be up for thread of the year!

[tholly]

for that price, its almost the perfect time to use those nicotine patches to pick up the smoking habit....you know, work your way into it....

[Scobie]

Damn!!! That's a sweet deal, and I don't even smoke menthols unless I'm totally blasted and need to bum one off my menthol-smokin' friend.

Wish I was back in Montgomery... best I can do out here is a carton of Camels for $18ish plus tax.

[Skylander7]

Damn!!! That's a sweet deal, and I don't even smoke menthols unless I'm totally blasted and need to bum one off my menthol-smokin' friend.

Wish I was back in Montgomery... best I can do out here is a carton of Camels for $18ish plus tax.

Better yet, they're Camel Turkish Jade Lights: a "mellow menthol blend." They're smooth and mellow.. because the box says so!

All I had to do to get my cheapass carton (this is the 4th time I've gotten them at this price, every failure is due to somebody catching it and scratching their redneck ass and saying "wait there a minute.. that ain't right." I love Alabamians deep in thought.. anyways, this redneck guy was standing at the gas station window, with no teeth, in boxers and barefooted and wanted to purchase 3 pack of Doral lights and a bootleg gas station rice krispie treat. He pulled the cash out of his crotch for the transaction, and dusted off the dollar bills prior to the exchange (I'm not bullshitting.. this happenned).

All CAGs should visit our lovely state. We have cornbread fed women, the best college football players, and the most convincing population of why conservative government can damn a people.

That and.. well.. the ghetto fabulous Caprice cars on 22" rims and food painted themes.. like the Waffle House car with black and yellow spinners (complete with tinted windows and the Waffle House logo painted on the side!) or the Caprice with red and yellow spinners, with a custom arches and "I'm lovin' it!" logo on the back window.

Our citizens may have sex with farm animals (Google "Pita protests pony dying after man has sex with it and isn't prosecuted," also spoke about in a Jay Leno monologue), the locals may fight in bars over Nascar drivers; our locals may define a get rich quick scheme as a meth lab in a single wide trailer, and it may be legal to beat a women with a stick as long as it is no longer than 1/2" in diameter (in our state constitution)... but we can sell some cheap smokes, drink some beer, and fry some fucking okra beotches.

[Crash55118]

I Think it is kind of sad that one of my favorite southern restraunts is Waffle House, but Damn those Hashbrowns are good, and I also drive a caprice....But I am from Minnesota, so maybe that makes it a little more different.

[Skylander7]

Still working as of today, as I distracted the cashier while she rung the carton up with discussion of their contreception selection and lack of beer sales while she rang up the carton and a bottle of Aquafina.

[argyle]

That and.. well.. the ghetto fabulous Caprice cars on 22" rims and food painted themes.. like the Waffle House car with black and yellow spinners (complete with tinted windows and the Waffle House logo painted on the side!) or the Caprice with red and yellow spinners, with a custom arches and "I'm lovin' it!" logo on the back window.

Hrmm, I don't think I've seen the Waffle House car yet. Have you seen the Skittles SUV? There's another one, too - I'm thinking maybe M&M's? What the hell is up with that, anyway? You'd have to pay me - a lot - to do that to my car. But what's sad is I know these people paid to have it done! I think I'm in the wrong line of work....

[Desslok]

Are you allowed to send cigs in the mail? If so if some ones looking to make a couple of bucks I'll paypal you money for 3 cartons plus 12 dollars, I would really appreciate it as it costs me 28.70 to buy a carton of camels up here PM if you want to make a couple of bucks easy.

[Skylander7]

Scored another carton today, I usually get caught in the act 50% of the time now. This time, I bought a newspaper, $20 in gas, and got the $2 carton. I requested the carton as the woman was talking with a coworker about her no-good baby daddy, who kept borrowing her car during the day and farting in the bed. I politely asked for a carton, and requested the newspaper as she rung it up to distract her.

As I pulled away, listening to Beck's The Information, I smiled in triumph as I looked over the receipt. However, as I did, a purple Chevy Malibu pulled into the exit lane sporting flashy plastic hubcaps and a yellow pair of fuzzy dice in the mirror, and an airbrushed license plate on the front. She almost hit me head on, and flipped me off as she drove by.

Using my powers of hand eye coordination, gained in years of gaming and trained highly in my old days of Battletoads questing, I turned the windshield cleaner on to squirt her car with Rain-X bug remover washer fluid as she drove past.

I won the day, vengeance was mine, and I promptly lit up a menthol from my $2 carton. It was a nice diversion from my day full of corporate bullshit.

[munch]

:rofl: That was awesome!

And that deal almost makes me want to start smoking again. almost

[Skylander7]

Been a while since I updated, but I'm sitting here farting up my cubicle from the cheapass luncheon at work.. so I might as well.

The glitch still works! That's right.. Camel Turkish Jade Lights, the ultimate mellow menthol blend.. still rings up as $2.59 at Entec stations.

My usual target.. where the highest concentration of low IQ staff work.. is on the Northern Blvd. They're on to me. I'm now referred to as "that punkass white boy who comes in here for some damn cheap cigarettes." How do I know? One of the clerks told me. Pretty good I guess, I'm a celebrity! Now, they won't even CARRY the cartons at this store. I leave the store with only two packs, and the customer behind me says "bout damned time." I replied to her that "it's ok, don't get your weave in a knot. I'm finished." I left before being executed...

Being the methodical strategic bastard that I am, I decided to change NAV points. Next target: Ann St.

That night, I was on the glorious hunt for the Wii Classic controller. After striking out, I bobbed and weaved through the traffic of shiny rims to hit the Entec.

I enter the station, and present my debit card. "One carton of Camel Turkish Jade Lights please!"

The lady looks at me funny.. and replies "We don't carry those no more."

What? NO!!! I couldn't have been outfoxed.. it isn't possible. Oh well.. I give up, and go home empty handed.

A week and a half later.. yesterday, to be exact.. I'm running on fumes. The truck was low, I had one menthol, and some fatass bitch at work told me that I should stop smoking since my papaw (to you non-southerners, that means "grandpa") has lung cancer. Nasty ass tripled chin white trash Jabba the Hut looking crusty makeup having slut whore.. anyways, I digress. I hit the Wetumpka Entec.. the cheapest for gas in the area.. and begin the attack run.

I stand around for 20 minutes until the lady starts the pump. She tells me over the loudspeaker that it's prepay, when the guy in front of me did the same exact thing without having to prepay.. just wrong. Not only that, she lowers the pump speed.. making it pump slower. To get 15 gallons of fuel, it took around 20 minutes.

I walk in.. smell the fresh smell of not so fresh Subway and some fried chicken stand inside the place.. and snag a pack of gum. I head to the counter..already miffed about the whole gas pump fiasco. In line is a tall man missing most of his teeth, smelling of feces and beer. I kinda took pity on the guy.. but he whipped out a roll of $20 bills. A big roll too.. talk about trickery.

The cashier explains to me that they are a prepay facility, although no markings exist on the pumps to hint such information. I request my carton. Then, I use the CAG mind trick during the process. You know.. where you make small talk with a cashier as they ring stuff up, just so they will miss a glitch.

Total for a fillup of 15 gallons of gas, carton of Camel Turkish Jade Lights, an Aquafina, and gum: $36.97.

FUCKING SCORE!!!

I leave the place with a smile on my face, and fart as I walk out the door. With a flash of flatulance and $2 dollar carton.. I was back in the game. Lady luck had returned. I now returned to defy the man, and knock his thumb off my back. May the gods of charbroiled lungs smile upon thee.

[jah2004]

Thats fucking hilarious. Bobbing and weaving through the shiny rims on Ann Street. I know how that is.

[xnonfactor]

Are there ANY CAG'ers south of Montgomery?

[Skylander7]

Are there ANY CAG'ers south of Montgomery?

Yeah, there are a few Dothanites around. Here's the general Alabama CAG thread:
http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=70454

Also some in Mobile. I get dragged down to Evergreen to the g/f's family gatherings.. and those cheapass carton of Camels come in handy.

Her uncle has got to have the best privately owned bass lake I've ever seen in the state down there too. I go down there with a couple packs of smokes, fishing gear, hook up a weedless popper.. and enter a state of nirvana.

[DeathDealer]

So how about an update? This thread is great. Im currently on my 5th day of not smoking. Its good to hear you are able to get some cheap cigs. I guess now maybe they are 3.69 with the tax increase huh?

[Skylander7]

So how about an update? This thread is great. Im currently on my 5th day of not smoking. Its good to hear you are able to get some cheap cigs. I guess now maybe they are 3.69 with the tax increase huh?

Oh yeah... so last Friday, I decide to try the Wetumpka Entec for a carton. I figure.. "what the hell, I never get them from here.. I have a chance." As I arrive, police and ambulances are EVERYWHERE blocking off traffic. I get to Entec, fill up the Red Baron's gas bladder (my Tacoma).. and walk in to initiate the next stage of my quest. I ask Shaquinthia (no shit, that was her name) for a carton and gas on #9. In typical CAG Jedi mind trick style, I distract her in conversation upon the subject of the high concentration of fuzz in the vincinity. Her response was as follows:

"Some cracka got in a wreck and rear ended somebody, and he didn't put on his hazzard lights. Then everybody on the highway started running into the guy, and that's all the hell I know."

With a grin, I realize she has rung up the carton and my 15 gallons of gas at $36.xx. Success!!! She talks to this guy who is trying to get her and the other clerk's phone #, swipes my card, and keeps talking for a couple minutes. I wait patiently, realizing my success at another cheapass carton.

Suddenly, as her 2" long fingernails type the total button, she sees the error. My hopes are dashed!

"Holy shit, them cigarettes rung up at $2.69! If I walked in to a store and a carton rung up at $2.69, you know I'd be gettin' me some cheap squares."

My reply was "Yeah, I know, they rang up as that, that's the contracted agreement at the point of sale, so I have to get them at that amount.. right?"

She tells me "naw man, I can't sell that shit for $2.69!" She scans a carton of Camel 100's for the full price. COCKBLOCK!!

I wanted to push the point, but the girlfriend and I had been bitching and had decided to go to Crockmire's for Capt. Morgans and some steak.

My hopes.. again.. were dashed. Bastards!

I then leave, and proceed down 231, dodging a deer on the way back.

My papaw (what us southerners refer to as a "grandpa") recently was diagnosed with lung cancer and had part of his left lung surgically removed. He gave me some of his Welbutrin (the prescribed block for the cravings of nicotine). My birthday is in 2 days, and I'll be 27. I figure.. what the hell.. I've got three packs of the carton that I paid full price for, and I'll call it quits at midnight on January fifth. My quest to screw the man, and his tax sucking habits, may finally be over.

Oh well.. back to watching "An Evening With Kevin Smith 2." Knowing my habit of drinking, telling stories and jokes, and enjoying a menthol.. who knows how long this quitting thing will last. I did it for a year, and faltered back to smoking after a $100 bar tab and a slut sitting on my lap. We'll see, right? :)

[jah2004]

Shit and you almost screwed the man once again. I guarantee you Shaquinthia would have sold them to any of her own friends. Fuck her. And oh yeah $100 bar tabs and sluts in your lap are laways nice.

[pimp tyranny]

i gotta ask this, because this thread's an interesting read, but are you a writer, Sky? it seems you could be, make like a comedic novel about your experiences and thoughts on Alabama.

You know what I think? I think you should go home to Greenbow AlaBAMA!

and btw, we have many similar characters here in ole Columbia, SC.

[Skylander7]

i gotta ask this, because this thread's an interesting read, but are you a writer, Sky? it seems you could be, make like a comedic novel about your experiences and thoughts on Alabama.

You know what I think? I think you should go home to Greenbow AlaBAMA!

and btw, we have many similar characters here in ole Columbia, SC.


Nice Forest Gump reference.. heh. I've written a few things.. and I appreciate the compliment! I dabbled in poetry a good bit (both read and wrote), and a little bit of short story writing. I preferred to do kind of social commentary kind of work (a little like Bill Hicks, with a few bigger words and lighter on the explicitives).. but also wrote some comedy. Kind of sad that my biggest hit was titled "Ode To Waffle House".. a little piece that I wrote shitfaced in Waffle House after leaving a strip joint when I was 21. It was picked up in a regional paper, and I even wrote for it for a little while (not exactly the big time, but it was something).

I've been to Columbia a few times. I had a little bit of fun on Hilton Head Island once as well. It isn't all that bad, at least in comparison to something like southeastern GA (now that's an asscrack of a place). I mean.. you guys have John Boy and Billy... we have Rick and Bubba. I dropped the whole writing thing though... never could find a publisher for my poetry collection or novel, things got a little rocky in my life, and I had to sell out to go work for "the man." Dropped my liberal arts degree 3 years in to switch to Business/IT, and started all over. Now I'm 27, have worked in banking for 5 years, and will finally fucking have a degree and become an official educated idiot this year.

I'd love to not only write a book about my adventures in Alabama.. but one about all of my journeys in the southeast. Like the time a friend of mine drove to Jacksonville FL one Sunday night for the shits of it.. to film a dying jellyfish and two chicks making out on the beach. Or when I tried to interview hookers for a paper on Mobile Highway... I have met an uncle who was married to his niece in GA... and seen firsthand in a bar how drunk cajuns behave when LSU loses to Auburn.


Enough babbling I suppose.. I'll update my commentary for the smoking adventures.

Friends, CAGs, Alabamians.. lend me your years. It has been 7 days since I have embarked in quitting the sweet bliss of the menthol, and it has crippled my soul. I feel, as I sip on this rum and coke, that my lungs ache for the sweet blissful sensation of nicotine. On this night, this final night of 2 for 1 slinging at the now defunct Rhino (it's kind of like Rhino was the Branch Davidians of the game retail industry.. Gamestop is the fatass Janet Reno of the business... and she just rammed her tank barrel up all of our collective asses).. that I shall now go and enjoy a cigarrete that I shall honarably thieve from my girlfriend. I am sure that this will lead to new cheapass cartons of Camels.. and I will thus update this thread once that has been accomplished. If not.. I will buy a carton for the hell of it, and take pictures of my act of giving them to a deserving bum.

[Skylander7]

I know it's a double post.. but to reiterate my point of how funny this place is, here's a couple of local stories from around my old "stomping grounds" of Prattville AL...

Guy shot in the ass after fleeing a robbery last week:
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007701130304

Sting operation that busts 10 homosexual prostitutes at night at Cooter's Pond:
Can't find a link to the story.. I'll edit the post when I find it. It's pretty damned funny.

Times Square drops a ball on new years.. in Wetumpka, AL.. they drop an asteroid on the Elmore County Court House:

http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007701030317

Guy arrested for stealing underwear:
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070113/NEWS02/701130369

[jah2004]

Wow, youve done quite a bit down here. Keep this thread going with your stories, they are quite entertaining.

[Negronometry]

I know it's a double post.. but to reiterate my point of how funny this place is, here's a couple of local stories from around my old "stomping grounds" of Prattville AL...

Guy shot in the ass after fleeing a robbery last week:
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007701130304

Sting operation that busts 10 homosexual prostitutes at night at Cooter's Pond:
Can't find a link to the story.. I'll edit the post when I find it. It's pretty damned funny.

Times Square drops a ball on new years.. in Wetumpka, AL.. they drop an asteroid on the Elmore County Court House:

http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007701030317

Guy arrested for stealing underwear:
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070113/NEWS02/701130369

I actually saw the story on the news about the Prattville Police busting those guys for soliciting prostitution. They showed it on WAKA, I was just laughin my ass off. The funny thing was they only charged them with loitering.

[Skylander7]

No cigarette story, but I did a coworker's homework for them today. Here's what I've done so far.. she has to post it on WebCT in a messageboard later.

Question: Present two reasons scheduling resources is an important task

Answer: Prevention of conflict, and protection of assets

It prevents conflict, and preserves assetst/resources. In rural Alabama, married couples will frequently enter into domestic disputes over available resources, such as cigarettes and beer. Let’s name our hypothetical couple as Billy Ray and Erma. Say Billy Ray and Erma did not schedule the consumption of their alcohol and tobacco resources. The resource is exhausted, and the two will seek to replenish their reserves at the same time. Due to the effects of the consumption, they will likely be inebriated. Before seeking to replenish these resources, they decided to burn the trash on their pig farm.

Billy Ray and Erma embark on their mission to replenish the resources at the nearest Wal-Mart or bait shop. En route, they end up fleeing from the pursuit of a county sheriff deputy. The amount of time it takes to replenish the resource and return home unscathed is around 2 hours.

When the two return home with reserves, the trash fire has torched the farm. Assets are destroyed, as their pigs have become smoked sausage and pork chops. Billy Ray slaps Erma, Erma retaliates with a large cast iron skillet, and the two are soon arrested for domestic abuse.

Thus, lack of scheduling of resources can create conflict, and disrupt all aspects of a business’ operational capacity, and place undue risk and misuse of assets.

[jah2004]

No cigarette story, but I did a coworker's homework for them today. Here's what I've done so far.. she has to post it on WebCT in a messageboard later.

Question: Present two reasons scheduling resources is an important task

Answer: Prevention of conflict, and protection of assets

It prevents conflict, and preserves assetst/resources. In rural Alabama, married couples will frequently enter into domestic disputes over available resources, such as cigarettes and beer. Let’s name our hypothetical couple as Billy Ray and Erma. Say Billy Ray and Erma did not schedule the consumption of their alcohol and tobacco resources. The resource is exhausted, and the two will seek to replenish their reserves at the same time. Due to the effects of the consumption, they will likely be inebriated. Before seeking to replenish these resources, they decided to burn the trash on their pig farm.

Billy Ray and Erma embark on their mission to replenish the resources at the nearest Wal-Mart or bait shop. En route, they end up fleeing from the pursuit of a county sheriff deputy. The amount of time it takes to replenish the resource and return home unscathed is around 2 hours.

When the two return home with reserves, the trash fire has torched the farm. Assets are destroyed, as their pigs have become smoked sausage and pork chops. Billy Ray slaps Erma, Erma retaliates with a large cast iron skillet, and the two are soon arrested for domestic abuse.

Thus, lack of scheduling of resources can create conflict, and disrupt all aspects of a business’ operational capacity, and place undue risk and misuse of assets.

Nice. :applause:

[Skylander7]

What happens when a rural Alabama mother gives her one year old son beer? She gets arrested (which is kinda surprising!).

http://www.wsfa.com/Global/story.asp?S=5980979

An update to smoking/quitting smoking.. my doctor told me to start BACK smoking. Apparently, my blood pressure was too high from stress. I'll post more later, as I can't remember the stop smoking prescription name.. but basically, until it kicks in, he told me to buy a pack of smokes after I left his office. Gotta love that :)

[pimp tyranny]

sure to get one's license revoked

[jah2004]

What happens when a rural Alabama mother gives her one year old son beer? She gets arrested (which is kinda surprising!).

http://www.wsfa.com/Global/story.asp?S=5980979

An update to smoking/quitting smoking.. my doctor told me to start BACK smoking. Apparently, my blood pressure was too high from stress. I'll post more later, as I can't remember the stop smoking prescription name.. but basically, until it kicks in, he told me to buy a pack of smokes after I left his office. Gotta love that :)

Wellbutrin maybe? Never heard of any doctor suggesting that you start back smoking but if the bp is too high I can see his point. When the Rx kicks in it should be fine. But he didnt mention maybe putting you on something for blood pressure? Anyway, good luck on starting and quitting again.

[thegarageband]

How much for some of those shipped?

[munch]

How much for some of those shipped?

I'm pretty sure it's against the law to ship cigarettes across the country.

[Halo05]

Posting in legendary thread.

I used to live in North Carolina and after a lifetime of living in San Diego and Northern Virginia, I thought it was the most ass-backwards place on the planet. I was way off, Alabama sounds like a hoot.

[Skylander7]

I'm pretty sure it's against the law to ship cigarettes across the country.

You know what's weird.. you can actually ship them if they are to be used for personal consumption. It kind of blows me away, since tobacco sales are such a huge item for tax revenue. I actually know of at least one trailer full of rednecks that practiced online cigarette ordering, but they were some really odd off brand. Almost as bad as military generic brand/DeCA/AAFES/etc cigarettes (taste like shit, cost about $10 per carton, and come in a white box simply labeled "Cigarettes" in military font).

It's kind of the same principle as Absinthe.. you can order it online and import it as long as it's for personal use/private consumption (although it's overrated and tastes like shit).


Posting in legendary thread.

I used to live in North Carolina and after a lifetime of living in San Diego and Northern Virginia, I thought it was the most ass-backwards place on the planet. I was way off, Alabama sounds like a hoot.

Oh yeah, we're fucked up. I was born here, then moved to California, then to Louisiana, then back to California, then Alabama for a few months.. then Kentucky for a year, Utah for a year, back to Alabama.. moved to Georgia for a year, and came back to Alabama. It's like a vacuum of stupidity that sucks you in. Of course, that's attributed to a good & proper "military" upbringing (side note: a study established that 65% of military children develop psychological disorders.. I understand why, and am glad that I only developed sharp cynicism). I have to say though.. Alabama has probably the worst state government I've ever seen (and I can say that, going through so many school systems). I'd also have to say that only a few local governments are above par.. Auburn/Opelika, Prattville, Huntsville being the primary three (Hoover doesn't count.. it's just the business district of Bham if you ask me). Rednecks here are quite colorful.. however, none beat those of southeastern Georgia.

In my 9 or 10 months there, I was called a genius for graduating high school (a town called Waycross.. look it up). I met a couple at Wal Mart once that were proud to be related (uncle and niece).. the town was clearly segregated.. and police occasionally would choose to settle violations "out of court" by dragging somebody down to the Okeefenokee swamp and beating the shit out of them. Anybody with a vehicle could get laid (incomes were kept severely below national averages to protect small business). I also believe that it had the second highest growth rate for HIV infections in the state at that time.. second only to Fulton County ( 'cause we all know that them rednecks hate using a rubber!).

I don't know.. the thing that frustrates me about Alabama is that believe it or not (and this will probably contradict many of the stories in this thread) the state isn't full of idiots. It has the potential to reflect the culture of its people and progress at the same time. However, Alabama is a die-hard republican and "neo-conservative" state. The church is literally.. and I mean LITERALLY.. the law of the land. Thus, the class system is blurred by plutocracy and the people are treated as sheep and flock to the pulpit for orders. Even democrats in this state have to heavily push their religious values. The biggest evil is the amount of lobbying and special interest groups that goes on (almost in the open). The state legislature frequently shuts down as everybody bickers over funding (walkouts). Hell.. even in shitty ole Montgomery, sales tax is 10%.. and nobody knows where it's appropriated. The city council shut down recently for the mayor vetoing a budget that contained discretionary funds for each council member.

Yes, we're the kind of place that you'll see abortion protesters hanging out in front of the mall on any given afternoon... yes, people get caught having sex with barnyard animals, and yeah.. we won't legalize gambling, but all drive to Biloxi and Georgia to give them our money while we carry Jesus fish magnets on the back of our trucks. However; while it is funny, it's also very sad. This state is raped of its good people as they leave and go elsewhere. Standing up to the infestation of stupidity in this state is simply not possible. Alabama is what happens when there is no antithesis to plutocratic agendas. Alabama is what happens when you rape an entire state of its right to ask questions (the core concept of "learning"... and yeah, we have schools around here that will debunk evolution and teach creationism). Yeah.. I guess Alabama is also a place where we hump on a sheep and bet on a cockfight :)

[Skylander7]

Ok... I've neglected this sweet little treasure of mine for too long.

Camel Turkish Jade Lights.. the pinnacle for which all other menthol light cigarettes merely dream of achieving in greatness... well, the brand has now passed on to that great white ashtray in the skies.

Camel, in their infinite stupidity, ceased production on the beautiful mellow menthol blend of Turkish Jade Lights. Instead, they're pushing those customers to try the regular Camel Menthol Lights, now with "Turkish blend!!"

No Camel.. fuck you. I am not taken by your little ruse.

Camel menthols taste like ass (well.. all cigarettes kind of do, but they have a higher degree of ass-tasteness).

I felt like writing them an angry letter about it (Dear Camel, screw you, I'm not smoking your cigarettes anymore. Instead of switching brands, you will no longer get my money; I'm switching to Chantix to quit smoking). C'mon though.. it'd get a laugh.. but my precious Jades are gone.

Every once in a while, in the ghetto gas stations that I may come across (you know, the ones with the "hunk of pizza/Hunt's Brothers" gas station pizza, the place smells like cat litter and slight cat piss for some reason, and there's a Hindu guy trying to sell knockoffs of hats and stuff... there's been some guy dropping a slam in the bathroom for a year, and it's like the turd rope just never reaches the end... I'll come across a pack. Then I go Gollum, "That's it! Me Precioussss!! I want 3 packs of me Preciouuuuusss!!! With debit."

So you get a taste of what will never be again.. it's like when you nail the first hot chick of your life, you raise your standards for all other chicks, but then you have a long slump and dry season..and you think back "man, I should've savored or repeated that one."

I'll write a better tribute to the Jades later. Working in state government, I see all kinds of ghetto-centric events and happenings.. and a very evil meter maid from my smoking area that I frequent. I call her Sgt. Hemorrhoid for short

[BlueLobstah]

Hey, I remember reading these a while back. I don't smoke, but I enjoyed reading about your antics in Montgomery. You should make a return and keep these going.

Speaking of governments, at least you don't have to deal with the hilarity of Larry Langford down there. It's like a circus up here, we get a new act nearly every day!

[Skylander7]

So happy days are here again. En route to a house warming party at a friend's new house, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon 5 packs of the mellow menthol holyness at a gas station in Prattville. Upon seeing this holy grail of charbroiled bronchial tubes, I promptly asked for all that they had. Granted.. they were aged, like a dusty box of 3 dollar wine at a run down grocery store (as well as my recent chest infection likely becoming more flamed by the staleness of them). The meth-headed lady with the Aqua Net 80's hairdo was more than happy to comply (although it took a while to figure out what the hell I was talking about).

Ah yes.. they went so well with my 2005 bottle of Pinot Grigio. It was pure happiness I say (and if it wasn't for the chest infection, it would have been Captain Private Stock instead of wine.. for some reason, it just seems a little more coarse when sick). It's like running around to each local Gamestop with a 25% off coupon in hand, looking for copies of games that are a bitch to find. Like hunting for a golden easter egg, or a baby daddy on a Maury Povich paternity test special. My search continues to stockpile what few packs there are left out in "the wild."

[Access_Denied]

Hell, I don't smoke, but I'd buy a box full of these to sell at 5 times the price, but still half the normal price. It's all profit.

[PINKO]

wow i just found this thread and this is my favorite thread

[the4thnobleman]

How have I not run into you around Montgomery yet?

Its refreshing to see such a "smart people" as yourself and to know they actually live in the same city as I!