The Official Simpsons Quotes Thread

[VanillaGorilla]

Only two rules: you need to know these by heart. Don't cheat, asshats. Only 1 quote per post, no double posts. Let's make this last.

"Awwww, can't I just have the surgery!"

[6669]

"Excellent"

[H-Town Info]

"Don't have a cow man"

[danito]

Mr. Burns: "Why is everyone being so insolent today?"
Smithers: "Well it is Christmas sir."
Mr. Burns" I say when it's Christmas!"

[starman9000]

"You shot who in the what now?"

[VanillaGorilla]

"Their Flower Power, is no match for my Glower Power!"

[Apossum]

It tastes like burning.

/thread

[kjauburn]

No tv and no beer make Homer go crazy!

[Apossum]

No tv and no beer make Homer go crazy!


go something something

crazy?

don't mind if i do!

[VanillaGorilla]

"This whole raid was as useless as that yellow, lemon shaped rock over there. Wait a minute, there's a lemon behind that rock!"

[H-Town Info]

"Thank you and come again"

[Magehart]

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[seanr1221]

Homer: Marge, this is everything I've ever dreamed of right here and nobody's gonna take it away from me. You never had faith in me
before, but let me tell you, the slim lazy Homer you knew is
dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?

[Ikohn4ever]

Willy: Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland

[6669]

"Dad, you just shot zombie Flanders!"
"Flanders was a zombie?"

[senorwoohoo]

Homer: Marge, this is everything I've ever dreamed of right here and nobody's gonna take it away from me. You never had faith in me
before, but let me tell you, the slim lazy Homer you knew is
dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?

Marge: There's no cake.
Homer: Aww.

[6669]

"I'll find you Beer Baron!"

"No you wont"

"Yes, I will!"

"D'oh"

[js1]

"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"

[js1]

"You, choo choo , choose me?"

[pacifickarma]

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. - Homer J. Simpson

[The Crotch]

"You want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 'Cause when you reach over and stick your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face... you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge! It's Chinatown!"

[doraemonkerpal]

Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

-----------------------------------------------

Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Police Officer: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Police Officer: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

-------------------------------------------------

Principal Skinner: For Privacy's sake, lets call her Lisa S...Wait thats to obvious. How about L Simpson

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

LOL! i posted the same quotes in this thread: http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96591&highlight=simpsons

[jrt1138]

"Smithers, remove my belt!"

"With pleasure, Sir!"

[VanillaGorilla]

Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

-----------------------------------------------

Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Police Officer: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Police Officer: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

-------------------------------------------------

Principal Skinner: For Privacy's sake, lets call her Lisa S...Wait thats to obvious. How about L Simpson

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

LOL! i posted the same quotes in this thread: http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96591&highlight=simpsons

Someone needs to learn how to read the rules.

[dastly75]

Now you know what to do, BURN THEM ALL!!!!!

[H-Town Info]

Bart: "can't sleep, clowns will eat me"

[The Crotch]

I believe it was "clown's gonna eat me".

Anyway! My quote-of-the-post: "If anyone wants to ask Mr. Burns for a favour, now's the time! He's doped up or dying or something!"

[Cry Havoc]

My bologna has a first name. It's H-O-M-E-R.
My bologna has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R.

[Kayden]

My name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic!

But Mr. Gumble, this is a Girlscouts meeting.

Is it, or can't you girls admit that you have a problem?

(I can actually do it in his voice :-))

[hobocorpses]

Now let's hear it for the REAL comptroller!

[PenguinMaster]

"Thank you and come again"

It's "Thank you, come again"

"Dad, you just shot zombie Flanders!"
"Flanders was a zombie?"

It's "He was a zombie?"

Bart: "can't sleep, clowns will eat me"

There was only one clown. "can't sleep, clown'll eat me"


"My daddy shoots people."
I used to be able to do Ralph's voice perfectly.

[kdunn77]

I bent my wookie. - Ralph

[jrt1138]

Homer, I've got someone here who's going to help you!

Is it Batman?

No, he's a scientist.

Batman's a scientist.

IT'S NOT BATMAN!

[dastly75]

Good thing those lesbians knew CPR Mr. Burns.

[PR Mega X]

"Ahhh! It's the rapture! Quick, get Bart out of the house before God comes!"

[Duo_Maxwell]

"In your face Space Coyote!"

[2Fast]

Hans Moleman: "There's no way outta Moleville!

...except for that."

[ndshide]

The leprechaun told me to burn things.

[thatstoobad]

"you don't win friends with salad"

[integralsmatic]

SMRT Smart smart smart SMRT smart smart smart

[Sarang01]

"Now let's talk rustproofing cause these Coleco's will rust up on you like THAT(snaps fingers)! Shut up Gil! Close the deal, close the deal!".

[Mysticheat]

"To start press any key, where's the any key?"

[Zenithian Legend]

The Frogurt is also cursed!

[Danimal]

Chief Wiggum: Where on my badge does it say anything about protecting people?
Lou: Uh, second word, chief.

[Number83]

Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

[Ikohn4ever]

Willy: There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest? Ya ussssed me Skinner, ya usssssssssed me.

[alangst]

As Sung by Homer:

"When I was Seventeen, I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a Fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee.
I sat up listening to Queen.
When I was Seventeen."

[soonersfan60]

"...purple monkey dishwasher."

[PR Mega X]

SMRT Smart smart smart SMRT smart smart smart

"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!"

[gorgonzola238]

Bart: Go Apple
Nelson: Go Orange
Ralph: Go Banana!

[klwillis45]

Homer: "Stupid anti-fist shaking law!!"

[MrBadExample]

Lenny: Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

[Melhavic]

Homer -"I'll practice you."

Homer - These are $600 Italian pants.
Moe - Really?
Homer - Yeah.
Moe - (Pulls out shotgun) Hand them over(Homer quivering)...Yeah I rob now.

Otto - That call them fingers,but I don't see them fing...ow there they go.

One of Fat Tony's Boys - Me and him are going to kick you in the labondza!!

[PR Mega X]

Lenny: Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

On the topic of Lenny's eye... :)

"Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!"

[Ikohn4ever]

some men hunt for sport
others hunt for food
but the only thing I'm hunting for
is and outfit that looks good

see my vest
see my vest
made from real gorillas chest

see my sweater
theres no better
than authentic Irish setter

see my hat
was my cat
my evening wear
a vampire bat

my slippers are albino
African endangered Rhino

Grizzly bear underwear
turtles necks ive got my share
beret of poodle on my noodle
it shall rest

try my red robin suit
it comes in one breast or two
see my vest see my vest
see my vest

Like my loafers
former gophers
it was that or skin my chauffeurs
but a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best

now prepare these dogs

kill two for matching clogs

see my vest, see my vest
oh please wont you see my vest


I really like the vest

[dastly75]

"Please!....if you're up there....pleasssse save me, SUPERMAN!"

[nesfan8222]

Would you like to play again?
You have selected "no".

[VanillaGorilla]

Martin: "Dickety? Highly Dubious"
Abe Simpson: "What are you cacklin' at fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!"

[PR Mega X]

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Back up a bit now. When are the pancakes coming in the mail?"

[Mid Boss]

"Hey Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?"

[VanillaGorilla]

"Hey Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?""Nobody ever says Italy."

Hank Scorpio: You ever see a man say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer: Yes, once

[Javery]

Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood with the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.

-------------------------------

If the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls sports such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such...

-------------------------------

Are you there God? It's me... Duffman!

[Melhavic]

Homer sings- 'I'm getting Blue pants in the morning, Ding-Dong the zipper gon'a shine. Blue pants! Blue pants!

Millhouse(climbing up a rope in gym class)says. "All most to the top, reaching for self-esteem." Then a {Guy on a ladder} says...Repo Man!! and cuts the rope.

Homer - Yells out "Purple Rain"
Little Richard - Reply "Shut Up"
Homer - "Michael Jackson spoke to me"

[The Crotch]

Dammit, Ikohn! I wanted to use that one!

"Now caaaaalm down, Nedly, diddly, diddly... They did their best - shoddilly, iddly, iddly... Gotta be nice - hostility, ility, ility... Aw, hell-diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can't you morons do anything right?"

[anomynous]

"Hello operator? Give me the number for 911."- Homer

[Ikohn4ever]

mmmmmm sacrilicous

[PR Mega X]

"Jesus, Allah, Buddah, I love you all!"

[DCriminal]

"Ow! OWWWWW! The bees are defending themselves somehow!"

and from the same episode:
"To the Beemobile!"
"You mean your Chevy?"
*Sigh* "Yes"

I am trying to remember one of the best Homer quotes of all time, but I need some time to get it right. Stupid no cheating rules.

[GuilewasNK]

Homer: "Sweet Merciful Crap!"

Bart: "I find it ironic dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas."

Apu: "Thank you for coming! I'll see you hell!"

[PR Mega X]

"What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

[GuilewasNK]

"You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass." - Mayor Quimby

[DT778]

"he said smell ya later, but he never smelled me agian."
- nelson on his papa.

"You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass." - Mayor Quimby:rofl:

[The Crotch]

Way to only use one quote per post, guys.

"Lunch Lady Doris? Have y'got any grease?"
"Yes. Yes we do."
"Then grease me up, woman!"

[Ikohn4ever]

if I dont save the wee turtles, who will. Someone save me from the wee turtles, they were too quick for me

[PR Mega X]

"...it was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever."

[dastly75]

"You told me we would be greeted as Liberators!!!!!!" - Kang and Kodos

[PR Mega X]

(To the Flintstones tune)

Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in history.
From the town of Springfield,
he's about to hit a chestnut tree.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

[lilboo]

"Just because someone is a lesbian, doesn't make them less.. of a being!" - Marge

[Sarang01]

"My worst ehhh? SMITHERS! Release the robotic Richard Simmons!".

[rodeojones903]

I can't believe this hasn't been said yet.



"Me fail English?!? Thats unpossible!!" Ralph

[PR Mega X]

"They'll kill ya five times before you hit the ground!" ~ Agnes Skinner

[GuilewasNK]

"Willie hears ya. Willie don't care." - Groundskeeper Willie

[PR Mega X]

"Back in nineteen dickety two...We had to say 'dickety' cause the kaiser stole our word for twenty!" ~ Abe Simpson

[GuilewasNK]

"But I'm using my whole ass." - Homer Simpson after Bart complains of his half-assed underparenting.

[PR Mega X]

"Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!"

[Mike23]

"no Ben!"

[JJSP]

"I have the only working phaser ever built. It was fired once to stop William Shatner from making another album." - Comic Book Guy

[PR Mega X]

"'Do not touch Willie'. Good advice!" ~ Homer, reading a note from Willie not to touch the thermostat

[dastly75]

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww...I'll take the crab juice.

[The Crotch]

if I dont save the wee turtles, who will. Someone save me from the wee turtles, they were too quick for me
It was: "Save me from the wee turtles! They were too big for me!"

My quote: "He's trying to hypnotize me... and not in the good Las Vegas way!"

[UncleBob]

mmmmm... chocolate...
D'oh!
mmmmm... chocolate...
D'oh!
Marge, we need some more chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream!

(Wow... it loses something without the pictures...)

[JEKKI]

ahahaha... this thread makes me wanna break the rules so I can post about the onion on my belt....

but when in doubt, there's always:

man: a bubble? why did you think a bubble would stop her??
woman: shutup! that's why!!!

[2Fast]

"How 'bout instead of burying the gold, we use it to buy stuff, y'know, stuff we like?"

[DT778]

how do we get out?

we'll dig our way out

no no dig up stupid.

[Sarang01]

"AWWW, you ruined my Batmobile!"
"Ruined or improved?"

[dastly75]

The dog with the shifty eyes

[dude2003]

"i'm gonna get out of this town alive even if it kills me"

[crazytalkx]

Homer to gay steel mill workers:"You're all sick!"-"oh, be nice! *waves hand down*"

[dude2003]

"it's like speed 2! only it's on a bus instead of a boat."

[dastly75]

Why does Jesus have a lasso?


Because he's all man!

[Rozz]

"My name is Otto. I loooove to get Blotto"

- Otto:applause:

[The Crotch]

"Wait, there he is!
...
No, that's a horse."

[Sarang01]

"If it's clear and yella, you've got juice there fella! If it's dark and brown, you're in Cider town.".

[DT778]

"saxamaphooone saxamaphooone"

[Sarang01]

"If it's brown drink it down. If it's black send it back.".

[avatar94]

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!"

(What?... This is a what?.... oh a Simpsons quote thread, my bad)

"Let's just say it moved me... TO A BIGGER HOUSE!!!"

[LinkinPrime]

Homer when Lisa sabotages his barbeque and pushes his roasting pig away from the party, ends up flying then lands in the dirt and rolls into the water IIRC:

"It's a little bit airborne its still good is still good....I'ts a little bit dirty its still good its still good....its a little bit wet its still good its still good....do'h"

[Apossum]

"Suspect is driving a................car."


*bart walks up to smokey the bear* "Only who can prevent forest fires? (Bart presses a button labelled "you") You've pressed "you", referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is you!"

[dastly75]

"damn sexy Flanders!!"

[LinkinPrime]

Homer checking answering Machine (after Bart switches tapes): "♫ Hello mother, hello father...here I am....in Camp Grenada...♪)

Homer: "Marge....Is Lisa in Camp Grenada?"

:rofl: everytime

[dastly75]

Bart: "psh when I turn 18 I'm legally changing my name to 'Joe Kickass'"

[The Crotch]

(regarding a bill worth a ridiculous amount of money)
"Oh, yeah? Which president's on it?"
"Um... all of them! They are having a party. Jimmy Carter passed out on the couch."

[Soodmeg]

Homer: YOUR RIGH! I AM A RAGEOHOLIC.....I JUST CANT LIVE WITHOUT RAGEOHOL.

[Kayden]

Homer when Lisa sabotages his barbeque and pushes his roasting pig away from the party, ends up flying then lands in the dirt and rolls into the water IIRC:

"It's a little bit airborne its still good is still good....I'ts a little bit dirty its still good its still good....its a little bit wet its still good its still good....do'h"

Its just a little slimy, its still good, its still good....

Give it up Home-boy, that piggy's gone...

ddohhhhhh....

[LinkinPrime]

Its just a little slimy, its still good, its still good....

Give it up Home-boy, that piggy's gone...

ddohhhhhh....

That's right! It's been so long since I've seen that episode, I didnt kill it too bad ;)

[The Crotch]

Its just a little slimy, its still good, its still good....

Give it up Home-boy, that piggy's gone...

ddohhhhhh....
Wha? That one was just on a few days ago...
"It's still good! It's still goo-"
"It's gone."
"I know."
[/anal]

[Kayden]

Wha? That one was just on a few days ago...
"It's still good! It's still goo-"
"It's gone."
"I know."
[/anal]

:roll:



:-P

[Mouse]

Get your paws off me you dirty ape!

He can TALK!?!
He can talk? He can talk! He can talk? He can talk!

And I can SIIIIIINNNG!

[RBM]

OP, I find your optimism/naivete in thinking that folks on this website could read (much less abide) by a thread's rules...well...hee hee...funny.

Marge: "Homer, God only asks for one hour out of your life, every week."

Homer: "Then He should have made the week an hour longer...lousy God!"

[only the Simpsons could pull that one off!]

[Apossum]

"You sir, are worse than Hitler!" *slap*

the DMV boss to Homer after he takes the blame for smoking two cigs in the DMV office. sad part is, I remember when people actually said that about smokers. :roll:

[Ikohn4ever]

Mattingly cut those sideburns

[Sarang01]

"Both he and I made weapons for the Germans but mine worked DAMMIT!".

[The Crotch]

"Both he and I made weapons for the Germans but mine worked DAMMIT!". Correction: "We both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit!"

"Hello-Smithers-You're-Quiet-Good-At-Turning-Me-On."

[elprincipe]

Barney: "What about us braindead slobs?"
Lanley: "You'll be given cushy jobs!"

And I have to also post this since it hasn't been posted:

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!

Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We dooo!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!

Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We doooo!

[Sarang01]

Is that stat right crotch? Wow if only MS could get 1/5 of their 360 owners to buy the HD-DVD add-on.

"Oh look a can-dy bar wrap-per.". Data is the shit. Why doesn't Groening feature him more?

[The Crotch]

Is that stat right crotch? Wow if only MS could get 1/5 of their 360 owners to buy the HD-DVD add-on.

"Oh look a can-dy bar wrap-per.". Data is the shit. Why doesn't Groening feature him more?
Which one? The VGCharts numbers haven't changed in ages for the 360. NexGenWar's numbers are generally considered to be less accurate, but given that VGC has been at 8.55 million for ages, their Xbox numbers seem about right.

"Red room (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redrum). Red room. Over there!"

[Sarang01]

Well I was originally referring to Next Gen Wars but then VGCharts said they're more accurate. Well it's either of these #'s it makes me wish more 360 owners would buy the add-on. I'm buying it.

[VanillaGorilla]

I don't recall Xbox 360 sales figures ever being quote on The Simpsons. Get back on topic.

[Sarang01]

"That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks.".

[The Crotch]

I don't recall Xbox 360 sales figures ever being quote on The Simpsons. Get back on topic.
Calm down, man. We both used Simpsons quotes in our posts.

"Any time, chummmmmmm-p!"

[Ikohn4ever]

Agent: When I say, "hello mr. thompson" and press down on your foot you smile and nod.

Homer: No problem.

Agent: Hello mr. thompson

Homer: I think he's talking to you.

[Apossum]

"That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks.".


"and damn good cherry pie!"


oh man, can't believe this thread gone on so long without this classic:

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."

"Okay Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"

"I... don't... know..."

[Sarang01]

"You can't say that! That's our word for making fun of you, we NEED it!".

[cruster]

"Spell AC/DC!"

"A...C...D...C..."

"Nu-unh, you forgot the LIGHTNING BOLT!"

[LinkinPrime]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

[Havoc1701]

Homer: "Marge! The doll's trying to kill me, and the toaster's been laughing at me!!!"

[LinkinPrime]

Ralph: "Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers"

[Havoc1701]

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best, and failed misserably. The lesson is... never try."

[Apossum]

"You call that a knife? THIS is a knife!"

"That's not a knife, that's a spoon."

"Ahh, I see you've played knifey-spooney before."

----------------------

"I'll have a coffee."

"Beer?"

"Coff-ee."

"Bee-eer"

"C-O-F-F-E-E"

"B-E-E-R"

[Havoc1701]

Just saw this one last night...

Homer and Cletus role-playing...

Cletus: "Pa, I cut my finger on the screen door again."
Homer: "Why you cotton-pickin'!!!" *strangles Cletus*

[Eradicator]

Mein bratwurst has a first name; it's F-R-I-T-Z...
Mein bratwurst has a second name; it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N...

[The Crotch]

"Ahh, I see you've played knifey-spooney before."

"Alright, alright, you win. I see you've played knifey-spoony before."

My new quote: "New feelings - brewing in Duff Man! What - would Jesus do?"

[TheBlueWizard]

In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics.

[Bathory]

"Trying is the first step towards failure"

[dastly75]

Cletus: "I can call my ma from up here, HEY MA!!"

[elprincipe]

Homer: "Are you like one of those English guards who can't smile or move?" *makes noises and faces at guard*
Marine: *punches Homer in the face* "No, sir! US Marine Corps, sir!"

****

Homer: "Look! I'm in Australia, I'm in America! Australia, America! Australia, America!"
Marine: *punches Homer in the face* "Here in America we don't put up with that kind of crap, sir!"

[Sarang01]

"Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.".

[Ikohn4ever]

Is this the untimely end of Milhouse

But Milhouse is my name

But I thought I was the only one

A pain I know all too well

So this is what its like when doves cry

[Sarang01]

"I don't go to school.".
"What's 2+2?".
"Five.".
"Ok his story checks out.".

[Ikohn4ever]

But I'm all Milhouse

[VanillaGorilla]

Money gets you one more round, so drink it down, you stupid clown. Money gets you one more round, then your out on your ass!

And my all-time favorite:

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, my groin!"

[Sarang01]

"And for the Grand Prize, a lifetime supply of Duff Beer!"
"Just stick it in my vein"

[Kayden]

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

[PR Mega X]

"More horse testicles mean more iron." ~ Lunchlady Doris, pouring a bag of horse testicles into the stew

[The Crotch]

"Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy."

[dastly75]

That elephant ate my whole platoon.

[dastly75]

*yo yo demonstration assembly in school auditorium*

"I question the educational relevance of this."

"Hey it will give them a good memory to think about when they're pumping gas for a living."

[The Crotch]

Looks like it's up to the two of us to keep this thread alive, Dastly...

"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?"

[dastly75]

"ooooo my enchanted shin! How did you know the very source of my power ahhhhhhhhh *mr burns dies, smithers eats him*"

[Sarang01]

"Do you know what this means sir?! He's alive!"
"Oh you're right. I guess I owe you a Coke.".

[Kayden]

Disco Stu can't breathe!

[Apossum]

Duffman says a lot of things, oh yeah!

[elprincipe]

Duff Man: *watering lawn* That brown patch needs a little H2O! Oh yeah!
Moe: Let's see how you like a sticker over your face, Duff Man! *slaps sticker over Duff Man's face*
Duff Man: Duff Man can't breathe! Oh no!

[The Crotch]

"Kwijibo: a big, dumb, balding North American ape... with no chin."
"And a short temper!"

[Eradicator]

"Kwijibo: a big, dumb, balding North American ape... with no chin."
"And a short temper!"
Isn't it spelled "kwYjibo"?

Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

[The Crotch]

Isn't it spelled "kwYjibo"?

Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!
Damn. I used two "I"s because they're more likely to appear than one "I" and a "Y" in an average game of Scrabble. I will not repeat my mistake again.

Also, we're on a bit of a theme here: "This Reich will last a thousand beers! Oh ja!"

[dastly75]

From tonight's episode: "REVENGEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

[elprincipe]

We're talking softball
From Maine to San Diego
Softball
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run in with the law
We're talking Homer...
Ozzie and the Straw

[bardiya27]

don't know if it's been said...

"Up and ATOM!!"

[Maklershed]

Tonights episode was awesome. I laughed the whole way through. My favorite lines were

From a Hitler cut out in the library: "Before I was a Nazi leader, I was a Nazi reader"

Milhouse: "Bringing a weapon to school has turned out to be awesome"

Lenny: I'm not a villian, I'm a transvestite
Bart: Let your God sort it out (throws Lenny into a power transformer)

[Ikohn4ever]

Duffman: Thats a mug, you dont want to chug

[The Crotch]

"In your face, Space Coyote!"

[dastly75]

^ I think that one was already in this thread

"Either that's dad or Batman really let himself go..."

[strayfoxx]

Barney: My name is Barney, and I am an alcoholic.

Lisa: Barney this is a girl scouts meeting.

Barney: Is it really, or do you girls refuse to admit you have a problem?

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

[2poor]

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[The Crotch]

Barney: My name is Barney, and I am an alcoholic.

Lisa: Barney this is a girl scouts meeting.

Barney: Is it really, or do you girls refuse to admit you have a problem?

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.
Dastly already dinged me, so I can't let the above re-quotes go.

"No giggling! It weakens the haunches!"

[Yoohoo1231]

Mr. Burns: "I think I'll donate a million dollars to charity. When pigs fly!"
::Pig flies by window::
Smithers: "Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?"
Mr. Burns: "Eh, I'd rather not."

[cleaver]

It's good thing we came to our senses and started worshiping a carpenter who's been dead for 2000 years!

[Kayden]

I put two quotes in here and you managed to copy them both in one post. :lol:

Barney: My name is Barney, and I am an alcoholic.

Lisa: Barney this is a girl scouts meeting.

Barney: Is it really, or do you girls refuse to admit you have a problem?

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

[gorgonzola238]

Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Leader!
Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Leader!
Leader!
Batman!
I mean Leader!!!

I love the leader!

[Ikohn4ever]

another whopper for the coper

[The Crotch]

It's probably been said - and it's probably been said by me - but: "I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I... like to kiss my own butt."

[coolsteel]

" This leash demeans us both"

[dastly75]

*Homer singing*

'Shavin my shoulderss......shaving it all, shavin it all off"

*homer in bathtub*

*bart hits him in the back with a wooden chair and chair breaks*

Homer: "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*pain*"

[The Crotch]

"Now my pants are chafing me!"

[Ikohn4ever]

my name is Herschel Krustofsky, my father was a rabbi, his father was a rabbi, my father's father....well you get the idea

[cleaver]

I think I bent my wookie

[Gustav Holst]

"D'oh!"

[Ikohn4ever]

Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to Clown College!

[elprincipe]

Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Leader!
Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Leader!
Leader!
Batman!
I mean Leader!!!

I love the leader!

Ooh, gotta add on to this one:

The leader is good
The leader is great
We surrender our will
As of this date

[The Crotch]

I think I bent my wookie
"I am ever-so-pissed!"

[Sarang01]

"Would you like a bottle of "Scotch" and some jerky with that?".

[Judhudson]

Quote from Nelson in the episode where Bart becomes his friend and Nelson see's Bart hugging a gift that he gave him:

"Ha Ha, I touched your heart!"

[Ikohn4ever]

my raisin roundies!!

[The Crotch]

"If I lean over, I leave myself open for wedgies, Wet Willies, and even the dreaded "Rear Admiral"!

[elprincipe]

"Hey everybody! Come and see! It's that boy who laughs at everybody. Let's all laugh at him!"
Everyone: "HA HA!"

[Sarang01]

"You'll be going on after Al Franken so the guards will have used up most of their bullets.".

[dastly75]

Fish Slaughtering Plant in Japan
bart:"Knife a goes in, guts a come out,..."
*grabs fish*

magical fish: "If you spare my life, I will grant you 3 wis....ahhhhhhh"bart:"Knife a goes in , guts comes out."

[Sarang01]

"Wow Ted Koppel really is a robot.".

[Ikohn4ever]

donuts, is there anything they cant do

[Eradicator]

Let's take a peek a the killing floor...Don't let the name throw you. It's not really a floor; it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported!

[gofishn]

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.

[Sarang01]

"And if you really tick me off, I'll run you over with my car.".

[jrt1138]

"Time to take out the Eurotrash!"

[dastly75]

(german accent)german trainer:"cats back for everybody"

gymnast girl:"but I had a dog!"

(german accent)german trainer:"YOU HAVE CAT NOW"

[Apossum]

"I'll take him to the guillotine factory. That'll be the perfect place to shoot him!"

[elprincipe]

"Yar! Ye call that an anchor?!"

[Kayden]

You call that a knife? Now this, this is a knife!

But... Thats a spoon.

Ah, I see you've played kniffy-spoony before.

[dastly75]

^^ already done

male scientist"You thought a giant balloon would stop him?"

female scientist"Shut up! that's why!"

[The Crotch]

You call that a knife? Now this, this is a knife!

But... Thats a spoon.

Ah, I see you've played kniffy-spoony before. Already done. Still, nobody's done it correctly yet.

"The walls are melting again..."

[Ikohn4ever]

NF:Homey I can see your doodle

HS:shut up flanders

[dastly75]

"...from the pockets of a pocketfox, no longer in existence."

"saying your buddy's name out loud is a security risk, I better just pair you two together"

[elprincipe]

Call Mr. Plow
That's my name
That name again is
Mr. Plow

[Apossum]

It's going to be bigger than 10 superbowls!!! not to oversell it or anything

[The Crotch]

"Ooh, a Gary Larson calendar!
...
I don't get it.
...
I don't get it.
...
I... don't get it."

[Soodmeg]

Homer: There's a crayon.....in my brain?
(Points to stomach)

Doctor: (Redirects Homer hand to actually point to his head)

Homer: In my brain?/



Fucking classic. The to me is the single funniest thing that ever happend in The Simpsons.

[The Crotch]

"But I'm all naked and wet!"

[gorgonzola238]

I don't remember all of it, but i loved this one.

One of Fat Tony's Goons: Shutup you face!
Linguo: Shut up YOUR face!

[The Crotch]

Brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar."
Brain: "But what else is open at night?"
Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
Brain: "I woulda never thought of that."

[DT778]

Call Mr. Plow
That's my name
That name again is
Mr. Plow
ill follow that up with

"senor plow no es macho
es solamente un borracho"

[Sarang01]

"Ve Germans are not all smiles and giggles.".
"Oh Smithers, the Germans are coming to get me.".

[The Crotch]

"Ve Germans are not all smiles and giggles.".
"Oh Smithers, the Germans are coming to get me.".
Giggles? Sunshine.

"Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger!"

[The Crotch]

I hate to double post, but this thread deserves a BUMP.

"Hey, he lied to us through song! I hate when people do that!"

[jrt1138]

Kent Brockman after being introduced and booed at the big fight:

"This just in: Go to Hell!"

[Ikohn4ever]

Its full of bun-ny goodness

[dastly75]

"So HOW much does this free weekend cost?"

[Eradicator]

From the educational film, "Road Rage: Death Flips the Finger":

"I sentence you to kiss my ass!"

Cracks me up every time, as does Eddie's little dance as Curtis E. Bear.

[strayfoxx]

Nighboat: Look theres a canal.

Bart: Oh, every week theres a canal, or a peninsula, or a fjord.

[elprincipe]

McGwire: Well, I could explain why, or you could watch me hit some dingers.
Crowd: Dingers!

[teabagn]

Ralph- My hair hurts.

[The Crotch]

"But what can I do? I'm only...

...

... one man!"

[Ikohn4ever]

Mr. Vice President Gore someone finally bought a copy of your book

[Apossum]

"You think that's funny? Well, right now Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!"

[The Crotch]

Mr. Vice President Gore someone finally bought a copy of your bookI think you're missing a "sir" or two. Could be wrong on this one.

I'd be shocked if this one hasn't been said yet: "Worst. Episode. Ever."

[Ikohn4ever]

I think you're missing a "sir" or two. Could be wrong on this one.

I'd be shocked if this one hasn't been said yet: "Worst. Episode. Ever."


I am pretty sure there is a sir at the end, but i didnt feel like looking it up and cheating

[Sarang01]

"Joe it was just Vapor Lock.".

[dastly75]

*Ned and kids are in house, toxic gas is seeping in*

Jesus:"It's alright Ned, goooo to sleep."

Ned: "Ok."

Jesus:"...mwhaahahaha."

[Bathory]

"Stupid smarch weather..."

[Ikohn4ever]

Chief dont quit your day job, whatever that might be

[whoknows]

Someone else might have said it, but oh well:

Bart: Well, what are you going to do now dad?

Homer: Something I should have done a LONG time ago...

Marge: You don't know, do you?

[The Crotch]

Chief dont quit your day job, whatever that might be
That was one on two days ago, and you still got it wrong. *tisk*

"Mmmm... organized crime!"

[jrt1138]

"I sleep in a drawer!"

[dastly75]

homer:"What the hell am I gonna do with 10,000 angel ash trays?!"

bart:"I can take up smoking!"

homer:"You damn well better."

[dastly75]

*pronounced gime*

"Gym? What's a gym?"

"ooooooooh, A GYM"

[The Crotch]

We will not let the Futurama thread defeat us!

"Enough about the badge! When do we get the freakin' guns?"

[Apossum]

"I told you already, you don't get a gun without giving me your name first."

"I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR...RUUULES!"

[Ikohn4ever]

That was one on two days ago, and you still got it wrong. *tisk*

"Mmmm... organized crime!"


just because its on by you doesnt mean it was on by me



I can't believe smell ya later replaced goodbye

[The Crotch]

"If you're still mad at me, I'm gonna be really mad!"

[Apossum]

Homer:this next song is dedicated to a special lady, shes 100 years old and weighs about 4000 tons

Some guy: This gigantic woman will crush us all! *jumps into the water*

Homer: uh..i was talking about the statue of liberty

[The Crotch]

You missed a "very", switched "over" with "about", "enormous" with "gigantic", "devour" with "crush", and "meant" with "was talking about". Also, he just says "Statue". No "of Liberty". This thread really brings out the worst in me.

"Cram it, ma'am."