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broke
02-19-2004, 08:42 PM
Hotshot CAG correspondent Broke, aka “INOPOST”, got off his both broke and lazy ass, away from his girlfriend (NBA Live 2004), and spent an evening with the stars this President’s Day Weekend working for the man, attending and covering Shaquille Oneal’s Allstar Party at the Playboy Mansion for the one and only cheapassgamer.com. Whats the connection between CAG, Shaq and Hef? There really isn’t any – but Cheapy D requested that I share my travels with my CAG homies.

Comments…
· Shaq is big. I was in a large tent with 700 to 900 people (including other basketball players like Ray Allen, Richard Jefferson and Luke Walton) and you could see him from a mile away. He was wearing a money NBA suit/hat combo. Feel it.
· Sponsored by (among others) the Alize House of Passion, I had many Alize cocktails and give them the thumbs up. I would have to say that Red Passion is my favorite flavor – I enjoyed getting my fruit-flavored cognac on.
· Jacob the Jeweler (another sponsor of the event) makes big watches with a lot of diamonds on them. Lots of diamonds of good if you have lots of money. I don’t, but I appreciate the bling appeal. I think big watches are kind of like big shoes.
· I need a Mercedes Maeboch (not sure if that’s how you spell it) on my next assignment. If my car doesn’t have a glass roof and a place to keep champagne, how can I do my best work? For the record I drove over to the party in the third row of an SUV and basically fell out onto the Mansion lawn. Although I love the European styling, you know I have to keep it street. I have a cheapass rep to protect.
· Yes, there were a lot of Playmates in the house. They, overall, were obviously hot. I didn’t see any nudity, although I saw one of them flash Doug the intern on Leno while he was interviewing her on Press Row in front of the house. I’m pissed I missed it. He freaked out, and I’m pretty sure he’s gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).
· What was the only thing hotter than the Playboy Bunnies at the party? Hef’s girlfriends. He’s got about 12 of them, and they are pretty ballistic. They sat with him in his roped off corner of the party. Bananas.
· Now that Lennox Lewis (also at the party) and his dreadlocks (pretty sweet) retired, every night is Playboy Mansion night. How sick is that? What are you doing today? Ah, just sitting around counting my money whilst being entertained by a bevy of bunnies.
· I met John “Mushroom Shirt” Witherspoon aka the “bangbangbang” man. I don’t sweat celebrities, but I broke down and shook his hand and told him I was a big fan. When I grow up I want to be John Witherspoon.

That’s it for now. Feel free to ask questions and don’t forget to stay tuned for more adventures from your friendly CAG correspondent. When I got on the messageBest, Broke

Ben_F
02-20-2004, 12:20 AM
Its not Doug the intern, its Ross. I caught it on Leno.

Looks like it was quite the party.

broke
02-20-2004, 01:50 PM
You are right - thanks for the correction - when I was watching Leno I must have gotten distracted looking for myself in the background (I figured this would be my one big shot on TV). "Look Mom, you can see my elbow!" Couldn't find me. I know that I was about 5 ft. away from Lennox Lewis when we was being interviewed (I think he was on the show as well) but no luck on that one either. Yeah, it was a good time...I predict that I will never set foot on at the Mansion again and that this will be the begining of a downward spiral that will last the rest of my life. Just the same, I wouldn't change a thing.

GameDude
02-20-2004, 02:15 PM
huh?

BjAngel
02-20-2004, 02:23 PM
Uh

CheapyD
02-20-2004, 02:23 PM
huh?
That is the usual response given upon hearing one of broke's stories.
Glad to see it holds true to typed stories as well.

JimmieMac
02-20-2004, 02:26 PM
That dude just told a story like we were all on the same page in our hymnals. But I'm on the part where the guy gets swallowed by a whale and he's talking about burning bushes.

broke
02-20-2004, 02:36 PM
Nice analogy...sometimes I get a little ahead of myself. The jist is that through some stroke of luck I ended up at this party and Cheapy D told me to write about it.

JimmieMac
02-20-2004, 02:39 PM
It's all good. You should have gotten some of them young wet bitches to show you their tits. At the very least.

robot
02-20-2004, 02:45 PM
Haha, you said bananas. Awesome.

Good read, btw.

Ben_F
02-20-2004, 05:06 PM
omg pics plz

broke
02-20-2004, 05:38 PM
Yeah, pics would be good - I'm working on it (a friend is e-mailing them to me) - I'll post 'em when I get 'em...

Ben_F
02-21-2004, 09:01 PM
/end retarded Somethingawful.com talk