WildWop
08-04-2004, 03:47 PM
I'm noticing a phenomenon in the office. No, it's not people losing lots of weight (though I do notice many people trying to go "low carb," and I applaud their efforts), it's something I like to call Office Ass.
Let me explain. First, this particular phenomenon (word of the day, phenomenon) solely deals with women in the office, not men. I'd coin other descriptive phrases for them, such as Business Bitch-Tit.
A study detailed in the New York Times awhile back stated that 60% of American females are "pear shaped," or slimmer up top, girthéd down below. Like a pear. No shit. For some, this is genetic: they simply have wide hips and narrow shoulders. That happens. That is not Office Ass.
I'd wager, however, that a good majority of that 60% are pear-shaped because they are fat. They eat too much goddamn chocolate, or snack on junk all day long at the office, or just eat too damn much in general and don't exercise enough. There are many reasons for being pear shaped. The Office Ass phenomenon falls near the pear-shaped category.
If you have a critical eye for such things (i.e. you are not female, since your taste in women cannot be trusted), and work in a large office building, take a look around every once in a while. Take note of the age and shape of the women around you. Office Ass follows a high school -> freshman year bell curve.
Professional Woman : Office Ass :: Student : Freshman Fifteen
If you ever get the chance, which I think highly unlikely, group together three to four women of varying age. Arrange them ascending by age, left to right. Pay particular attention to the HAT region (Hips-Ass-Thighs). Notice anything yet? You should. Note the flattened pear shape as it increases in bulk as you go to the right. I say flattened pear, since it appears that working in an office building all day (and, I guess, snacking on various vending machine goodies), sitting in a chair, makes fat gain to the sides--away from the areas of high pressure (i.e. where the ass hits the chair).
Before you jump all over the fact that I may be ignoring the weight gain associated with (A) pregnancy or (B) menopause, go grab a few more test cases of a more specific type. Find women that have never had a child, and are not above 50 years of age. You will still see the trademark flattened-pear shape, and probable tree-trunk thighs, develop from left to right. Sad ain't it? Well, my friend, that is Office Ass in a nutshell.
Let me explain. First, this particular phenomenon (word of the day, phenomenon) solely deals with women in the office, not men. I'd coin other descriptive phrases for them, such as Business Bitch-Tit.
A study detailed in the New York Times awhile back stated that 60% of American females are "pear shaped," or slimmer up top, girthéd down below. Like a pear. No shit. For some, this is genetic: they simply have wide hips and narrow shoulders. That happens. That is not Office Ass.
I'd wager, however, that a good majority of that 60% are pear-shaped because they are fat. They eat too much goddamn chocolate, or snack on junk all day long at the office, or just eat too damn much in general and don't exercise enough. There are many reasons for being pear shaped. The Office Ass phenomenon falls near the pear-shaped category.
If you have a critical eye for such things (i.e. you are not female, since your taste in women cannot be trusted), and work in a large office building, take a look around every once in a while. Take note of the age and shape of the women around you. Office Ass follows a high school -> freshman year bell curve.
Professional Woman : Office Ass :: Student : Freshman Fifteen
If you ever get the chance, which I think highly unlikely, group together three to four women of varying age. Arrange them ascending by age, left to right. Pay particular attention to the HAT region (Hips-Ass-Thighs). Notice anything yet? You should. Note the flattened pear shape as it increases in bulk as you go to the right. I say flattened pear, since it appears that working in an office building all day (and, I guess, snacking on various vending machine goodies), sitting in a chair, makes fat gain to the sides--away from the areas of high pressure (i.e. where the ass hits the chair).
Before you jump all over the fact that I may be ignoring the weight gain associated with (A) pregnancy or (B) menopause, go grab a few more test cases of a more specific type. Find women that have never had a child, and are not above 50 years of age. You will still see the trademark flattened-pear shape, and probable tree-trunk thighs, develop from left to right. Sad ain't it? Well, my friend, that is Office Ass in a nutshell.