Holy crap! I hate being a loser

[GameDude]

Home on a Friday night. yay!

I can't get ahold of that hot chick. I don't know if she went with the threesome and just doesn't want to be bothered with me or if she has AIDS or if she is just out of town.

What are all of you losers doing this evening?

[bignick]

Join the club.

[SneakyPenguin]

Watching X-Games.

[captainfrizo]

Right now I'm currently posting in this thread. I'll probably watch a movie later (To Live and Die in LA is the likely choice at the moment).

[liquidsnake]

watching nfl network on directv, great channel

[bignick]

Im watching the miss teen usa competition. I wish I was 13 and this was "good material"

[Nirvanaguy777]

well me and my friends were gonna hang tonight but we just decided not too, very tired from work, and as for my GF we usually do things on saturdays

[Wshakspear]

sitting at work with paperwork and about 50 t-shirts to price and hang up except im sitting here replying to threads and reading way too much of www.actsofgord.com.

and unfortunately GF is at work until 2, so no "happy time" later.

i want more dew...

[BigLebowski]

Waiting for the girlfriend to come over for a movie. We are going to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. I hope it's good.

[Scorch]

Bored, not feeling too well and havent for 2 weeks.. had some stomach virus from either sonic or hooters last week, and now this week is me trying to get used to food again. On the up side, i've lost 20 pounds. On the downside, i'm always hungry, tired, and have a headache.

So nothing tonight.

[Wshakspear]

Enjoy:
For the longest time Gord used to price crap N64 game cartridges with high prices and leave them on the shelves for people to try and steal. Madden 64--$50. Wayne Gretzky '98--$45, etc. Usually it was just one game at a time.

So buddy comes in and steals Automobilee Lamborghini. Rather than run for it, he walks around before finally leaving. So once he steps outside Gord hops over the counter and step outside.

"Hey! YOU!"

And boom! The one punk bolts. But to make sure Gord has the right person, Gord grabs the one just standing there. His scream like that of a little girl pretty much cleared any doubt that the runner had the crap game.

With strides being nearly a foot longer than the runner, Gord was able to catch up in a block. The thief tosses the game behind a dumpster and begins screaming "I don't have the…"

<BOOM!> Football tackle action!

Gord gets pissed when someone makes him run.

"ARGH!!!!!!!"

Gord begins to throw the punk around. Into the side of the garbage bin, into the fence, into the cement wall, into the side a commercial van, back into the cement wall. And damn hard. This thief was in pain.

One hand goes up on thief's neck, and the other goes for his glasses to make sure he doesn't try to run.

At this point the thief begins screaming like a little girl. He was pinned against a wall by his neck and his glasses were just removed, so perhaps he assumed Gord was going smack his head around.

Instead Gord tossed him into a choking headlock and dragged him back to the store. He was saying something about how he couldn't breathe, but no one understood a word he was saying. Gord even stopped and asked him to speak up.

Back at the store Gord locked the front door, and headed to the counter. At this point the punk was being bent over backwards in some painful hold.

"I'm going to phone the police now. I'll let you go as long as you sit down and don't move, alright?"

"OK."

Surprising no one, as soon as Gord let him go he made a break for the door… Shame no one told him the door was locked and made of glass that was one step down from bulletproof glass.

<BOOM>

Ass over tea kettle. KO'd in one hit. So Gord phoned the police and afterwards, he went and picked the thief up and gently slapped him around to wake him up. (he was groggy at this point, but fear brought him around pretty quick).

At this point he decided to he was going to kick his way to freedom. So back to the football thing, and Gord ran him into the wall as he carried the thief in front of him. If you look closely you can still see the imprint in the wall.

That pretty much finished him off.

After this, a customer came in after this who knew the thief.

"Dave… please… help me….<sob>…"

"Uhm… I don't know you… Gord, do you have any copies of Tekken 3 in?"

"Ya, right at the end there. And one copy just came back, it's sitting on the counter. You can just take that one."

"Ok. Take care. I'll leave the money on the counter."

All while Gord has this punk pinned to the wall.

The police showed up after that and he was taken away. During his take away he was screaming something about how Gord beat him and such, but no one could remember anything like that. We seem to have recalled asking him to sit in a chair for trying to steal a game, and that is what he did. Honest. No marks on the face...

In the end he plead guilty to shoplifting and was sentenced to 40 hours community service or something.



...i was laughing too hard at the door part...M.Dew burns the nose...

[Graystone]

just got off of work and proably order pizza and stay up til 3 or so and play way of the samurai 2 I just got it wed love it so far.

[scsg75]

I'm being forced to watch What Not to Wear by my girlfriend. (note: I snuck onto the computer when she wasn't looking)

[xspeedracerx]

Enjoy:
For the longest time Gord used to price crap N64 game cartridges with high prices and leave them on the shelves for people to try and steal. Madden 64--$50. Wayne Gretzky '98--$45, etc. Usually it was just one game at a time.

So buddy comes in and steals Automobilee Lamborghini. Rather than run for it, he walks around before finally leaving. So once he steps outside Gord hops over the counter and step outside.

"Hey! YOU!"

And boom! The one punk bolts. But to make sure Gord has the right person, Gord grabs the one just standing there. His scream like that of a little girl pretty much cleared any doubt that the runner had the crap game.

With strides being nearly a foot longer than the runner, Gord was able to catch up in a block. The thief tosses the game behind a dumpster and begins screaming "I don't have the…"

<BOOM!> Football tackle action!

Gord gets pissed when someone makes him run.

"ARGH!!!!!!!"

Gord begins to throw the punk around. Into the side of the garbage bin, into the fence, into the cement wall, into the side a commercial van, back into the cement wall. And damn hard. This thief was in pain.

One hand goes up on thief's neck, and the other goes for his glasses to make sure he doesn't try to run.

At this point the thief begins screaming like a little girl. He was pinned against a wall by his neck and his glasses were just removed, so perhaps he assumed Gord was going smack his head around.

Instead Gord tossed him into a choking headlock and dragged him back to the store. He was saying something about how he couldn't breathe, but no one understood a word he was saying. Gord even stopped and asked him to speak up.

Back at the store Gord locked the front door, and headed to the counter. At this point the punk was being bent over backwards in some painful hold.

"I'm going to phone the police now. I'll let you go as long as you sit down and don't move, alright?"

"OK."

Surprising no one, as soon as Gord let him go he made a break for the door… Shame no one told him the door was locked and made of glass that was one step down from bulletproof glass.

<BOOM>

Ass over tea kettle. KO'd in one hit. So Gord phoned the police and afterwards, he went and picked the thief up and gently slapped him around to wake him up. (he was groggy at this point, but fear brought him around pretty quick).

At this point he decided to he was going to kick his way to freedom. So back to the football thing, and Gord ran him into the wall as he carried the thief in front of him. If you look closely you can still see the imprint in the wall.

That pretty much finished him off.

After this, a customer came in after this who knew the thief.

"Dave… please… help me….<sob>…"

"Uhm… I don't know you… Gord, do you have any copies of Tekken 3 in?"

"Ya, right at the end there. And one copy just came back, it's sitting on the counter. You can just take that one."

"Ok. Take care. I'll leave the money on the counter."

All while Gord has this punk pinned to the wall.

The police showed up after that and he was taken away. During his take away he was screaming something about how Gord beat him and such, but no one could remember anything like that. We seem to have recalled asking him to sit in a chair for trying to steal a game, and that is what he did. Honest. No marks on the face...

In the end he plead guilty to shoplifting and was sentenced to 40 hours community service or something.

...i was laughing too hard at the door part...M.Dew burns the nose...

Holy Crap thats awsome!

[Tom]

http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=105414
Just put this together.

[Wshakspear]

www.actsofgord.com

its kept me entertained for the last 3 hours....

[mtxbass1]

Sitting here listening to Coheed and Cambria while I mull over playing Slugfest Loaded or Psi-ops.

[Wshakspear]

Big Nick will like the end of this one:
So one day Gord decides he wants to restock his fridge, but he doesn't want to head to the bulk store to buy 20 flats of pop. So Gord sends a few of the regulars from the store in a convoy to buy some cases from the local grocery store. 5 kids, 15 cases, so not a problem.

Anyway, on the way back the convoy was attacked just like out of the old west! Bandits ambushed the convoy, brandishing shotguns and wearing bandannas and cowboy hats! At high noon! In the desert!

Or rather, a 15 year old girl came up and stole a case off the stack one of the kids was carrying.

So, the Gord was perplexed. He wasn't about to go about beating a girl, but no one escapes the wrath of Gord!

So Gord walked down the street and caught up to her. At first she claimed she was given the case, then she threw the case at Gord and began screaming there was nothing he could do to her.

Oh the Gord can always do something…. Never taunt the Gord!

So Gord phoned up the parents and let them know that their daughter was involved in a shoplifting incident. The parents were very not impressed with their innocent daughter.

So the father comes down and brings the thief with him. He forces her to pay for what she stole at retail, and makes her apologize.

So all was done except for the excommunication.

"I trust I won't see you in here again till you're 19?" spoke the Gord.

"Why the fuck would I ever want to come back here?" was the retort.

"Because I'm a sexy man."

[bignick]

http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=105414
Just put this together.

nice, I hate putting that shit together though. I alwyas overtighten some bold, and then it cracks, then I have to fix it.

[Mr. Anderson]

I love being a loser. Nobody ever bothers you about playing too many video games because they know what they have to say doesn't matter to me at all. So I don't ever feel obligated to go out with my friends. And Acts of Gord is spectacular. I read the whole thing, then emailed Gord. Hope he replys.

[unctennis122]

I saw harold and kumar go to whitecastle, thought it was pretty funny too

[Wshakspear]

that movie was freakin hilarious *remembers dancing pound bag*

[Wshakspear]

i want to run a game store in Canada too...:

A quiet night as the Gord was preparing a letter to be sent off. Then suddenly an individual runs up and kicks the front door to the store as hard as he can.

"What the hell is he doing?" thought the Gord as he stood up.

The attacker tried a second time to kick the door down. Failing that, he turned and left the scene.

The Gord was an angry Gord, and the Gord was a vengeful Gord.

The Gord hopped over the counter and exited the store. He quickly caught up to the two would be thieves across the street from the staircase exit to a lower level nightclub.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" queried the Gord in a most unpleasant fashion.

"We're just walking" was the response.

"Trying to kick down doors is a part of your walk!?" questioned the Gord.

"You want trouble? You got trouble!" spoke one of the two individuals that Gord had stopped. The individual pulled out a metal pipe from his jacket.

The Gord was curious why he hadn't used that to try and take the door down.

Anyway, the vandal wasn't very proficient in using a weapon and levelled it above his head in a threatening fashion. Fortunately the Gord was trained for just this scenario. He stepped in, ensured the arm could not swing the pipe at the Gord while the Gord's other hand came up and proceeded to send the vandals nose into his cranium. The stories are true. When you do that to a person there truly is blood everywhere.

While the vandal was dropping back and screaming in pain as his blood went everywhere, the second vandal stood in surprise. Before the first person even hits the ground the Gord side kicked the second person in the chest and send him careening down a cement staircase.

The conflict was resolved in two hits. The Gord was 2 and 0.

The Gord picked up the pipe and returned to the store. Shortly there after the police and paramedics arrived. According to one of the officers on the scene a group of four guys gang beat up the two guys. Or at least, that was their story.

For if you cross the Gord, the Gord shall strike you down!

[Tom]

http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=105414
Just put this together.

nice, I hate putting that shit together though. I alwyas overtighten some bold, and then it cracks, then I have to fix it.
Twice I couldn't get the wood to fit together, and after a good 2 hours of being preplexed i took it apart again and got it right. That thing really frustrated me.

[Mr. Anderson]

That site is just full of great material.

[Wshakspear]

http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=105414
Just put this together.

nice, I hate putting that shit together though. I alwyas overtighten some bold, and then it cracks, then I have to fix it.
Twice I couldn't get the wood to fit together, and after a good 2 hours of being preplexed i took it apart again and got it right. That thing really frustrated me.

it also looks like you cant open that door now...and that is bad

[MeGaWC27]

watching Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis. well was anyway just finished :D

[xspeedracerx]

;m

[Mr. Anderson]

I finally got back my Smash Mouth CD from my aunt! Three frickin' years! Jeez. It's been to long since this CD had a good play through.

[guardian_owl]

watching Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis. well was anyway just finished :D

ditto, hope Atlantis improves, sure does have potential with the Wraith, those are some bad-ass villians.

[x0thedeadzone0x]

Had friend over last night, she stayed until tonight. So tonight I'm not doing anything, but tomorrow I'm going to a comedy show and Sunday I'm leaving for disney for the first time ever. :D

[evilmax17]

Had friend over last night, she stayed until tonight. So tonight I'm not doing anything, but tomorrow I'm going to a comedy show and Sunday I'm leaving for disney for the first time ever. :D

Who are you seeing?

[Wshakspear]

which Disney? "Happy fun" World? or "well, were trying, here's California adventure!" Land?

[biggestinuyashafan]

just got done "hanging out" with my gf,gotta wake up at 7:30 am to be at her mom's place at 8 so that i can help take stuff in their small little rented house. it is a pain in the butt.

[x0thedeadzone0x]

Had friend over last night, she stayed until tonight. So tonight I'm not doing anything, but tomorrow I'm going to a comedy show and Sunday I'm leaving for disney for the first time ever. :D

Who are you seeing?

Hehe at Wshakspear, I'm going to the one in Orlando. :D

And I'm seeing Brian Regan. He is fucking great.

[Wshakspear]

if you go to tommorowland, tell me how the "Alien Encounter" ride is...i think it now stars Stitch...i love Stitch!!

[Mr. Anderson]

YOU MUST RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN. NO EXCUSES.

[ex0]

Space Mountain is closed in the California one for a few years while the fix it/update it. Best ride in the whole park too :(

[magilacudy]

A couple of weeks ago I stayed up until morning reading all of the actsofgord posts. Good stuff.

As for tonight, I was playing THUG on GBA until the battery died, unfortunately I misplaced the charger. I'm tempted to go to sleep early because I haven't been sleeping well at all this whole week. Hows that for being a loser. :?

[x0thedeadzone0x]

YOU MUST RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN. NO EXCUSES.

I'm definitely planning on it. Probably the first thing I go on.
I can't wait for BR tomorrow, though. :D *beams with happiness*

[magilacudy]

The name Brian Regan sounds familiar. Does he have his own sitcom or show or anything?

[Moxio]

Doing the geekiest thing possible.

Playing Counter-Strike.

[BlueWingX]

My girlfriend went to a friend's house to hang out, so I'm watching Cabin Fever while she's gone. Kinda boring so far. I hope it picks up.

[strayfoxx]

I just got home from drinking and playing darts with my buddies. Now I am going to play Doom III until my wife gets home....Thats what I did.

[y2jrevolution]

just had sex, now time for some espn nfl football. things could not get any better :lol:

[Scorch]

just had sex, now time for some espn nfl football. things could not get any better :lol:

You had sex and the first thing you did is run on CAG to tell someone?

:?

[y2jrevolution]

not exactly, had sex and then got on to check my email and to check out the cag message boards, now im playing espn

[Reality's Fringe]

Waiting for the girlfriend to come over for a movie. We are going to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. I hope it's good.

It sucks. HArd. Watch the original instead.


Back on topic: doing things on Friday is over-rated. For some reason, people treat friday as a magical time in which to "Hang out" or "Go see a movie". Why do it all on friday and be bored the rest of the frigging week? You should spread your plans out.

[Wshakspear]

its called "i have the weekend off and work sucks"...unless you work any type of retail...then your just gonna have a headache while going to work in the morning

[gomer1andonly]

not exactly, had sex and then got on to check my email and to check out the cag message boards, now im playing espn

Well, I guess that email is pretty important stuff after sex. Much more respectable than the original thought of you hurrying to the CAG boards afterwards. :?

Anyways, to the topic at hand. My friday night is like every friday night, sitting at work in front of the computer till 7 AM. I swear I need to get off of the graveyard shift.

[x0thedeadzone0x]

The name Brian Regan sounds familiar. Does he have his own sitcom or show or anything?

No, but he once appeared on Comedy Central for a live show, and also has a Live CD out, and hopefully soon they will release a DVD. He's great. His official site is here:
http://www.brianregan.com

[Reality's Fringe]

its called "i have the weekend off and work sucks"...unless you work any type of retail...then your just gonna have a headache while going to work in the morning

Bragh, good call. Now, work, that's somehting that's over-rated.

[pimp_daddy_smurf]

im watching emeril live right now.........dont make fun

[SneakyPenguin]

im watching emeril live right now.........dont make fun

BAM!

As soon as I get my Half Life 2 news, I'll either play Madden 02 (I'm very out of date), or watch more Love Hina.

[cag1000]

i'm about to rob the shit outta gord
no one escapes the gord?
yea right i'd b ebaying gords games before he cracked open his 14th soda for the last hour.

[Wshakspear]

lol!

and what HL2 news

[mousin]

im talking to my gf =]

[SneakyPenguin]

lol!

and what HL2 news

Nothing new, just a quick interview with Doug Lombardi after Gphoria. My mouth dropped though when they premired the PoP 2 gameplay footage.

[Wshakspear]

ahhh...ok

[Ledhed]

im sitting here replying to threads and reading way too much of www.actsofgord.com.

Holy crap, I thought noone else on the planet knew about that site. Absolute comedy gold.

[Wshakspear]

my girlfriends mouth is moving, and shes making hand gestures.

i kinda wish my ding-a-ling was involved with all of that.

[SneakyPenguin]

my girlfriends mouth is moving, and shes making hand gestures.

i kinda wish my ding-a-ling was involved with all of that.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

You made me spit on my keyboard.

[godhatesjustyou]

all day today, i was moving stuff from the old house to the new house. its a pain in the ass, i also put together my bunk bed, and now we're going back to paint my mom's room. its 10:30 pm..:(

[GSJaia]

Tournament Where Everyone Wins!

In the middle of a Tekken 2 tournament with about 70 contestants someone's father comes up to the Gord.

"My son was eliminated in the first round."

"Well, lots of people were eliminated in the first round."

"Why is he already out?"

"I would take a guess and say about 35 people were eliminated, and that would be half the people who entered. It's an elimination ladder. In the end there can be only one."

"I want him to be put back in!"

"And why would I do that? I put him in, I have to put everyone back in."

"So?"

"Then it's hardly a tournament."

"This isn't a fair tournament."

"Do you even understand the concept of a tournament?"

And the winner of the tournament won the controllers that were opened for the tournament (worth $80), and $20 in cash. Second place was a can of coke and an autographed picture of Gord. Third place was $20.

The Gord likes to remind people that second place is just the first loser.

[Jaket]

im at a LAN.... hanging with other losers like me... w00t..... im not a loser tho!

[SneakyPenguin]

More Mod Chip Madness!

"Do you sell mod chips?"

"Go ahead, ask me what I sell."

"What do you sell?"

"I sell video games. What a stupid question."

"What does a mod chip cost?"

"Apparently one of us isn't keeping up."

"What do you mean?"

"If I sold you a mod chip, then you would never buy a game from me ever again. And that would be very much in opposition to my being able to run a profitable business."

"I just want one to play copied games."

"What? Do I look like an idiot? What the hell did you think I thought you wanted it for?"

"err…"

"Exactly. Now look, if I were to sell you a mod chip I would lose you as a customer. Now, if I were going to lose you as a customer I'd rather do it on a high note like setting you on fire. At least then I would have some satisfaction of a job well done."

"I'm leaving!"

"But I haven't set you on fire yet!"


This is one of the funniest sites ever.

[redgopher]

Yeah baby, I'm putting together a SNES emulation disc for my Dreamcast which will be here shortly.

Woo for Sega!

[pimp tyranny]

gord, kinda funny

[Wshakspear]

Yeah baby, I'm putting together a SNES emulation disc for my Dreamcast which will be here shortly.

Woo for Sega!

Emulation bad.
with that said, add "Umihara Kawase"...its like bionic commando, without the gun, with fish and better physics.

also, go here http://bisqwit.iki.fi/jutut/nesvideos/ to d/l videos of game being beaten very fast...must have bittorrent

[GSJaia]

Thanks for the Gord site... I really needed to stay awake most of the night and go to work at 6 AM ... Great site.

<Ring>

"Gamer's Edge"

"What is a Gran Turismo worth in trade?"

"$8 to $9 if its in mint condition."

"Why so little?"

"Because it sells for $20 brand new. Not withstanding #2 being a touch more, and number 3 just came out."

"Ok."

Customer then asks about what games are in, and decides on one.

Customer comes down to the store.

"So, you said $10 for Gran Turismo?"

"Assuming I did, it would be for one that had the instruction books and case. "

"So?"

"So it's a hell of a lot harder to sell in a plastic rental case with no packaging. When one says they just bought it and it was new, that implies it was new when they bought it recently. That is not new."

"So, $10?"

"More like $2."

"I think I'll keep the game."

"Please."



heap Game Mania And A Half!

<ring>

"Gamer's Edge"

"Yes, why did you send me to collections over a game I bought?"

"Now that would be a strange oddity. More of a contradiction really. What is your name or phone number?"

<Gord checks the computer>

"Well, that would be because you rented Resident Evil 3 in November for one night, and you didn't bring it back."

"I bought it!"

"You bought it?"

"Yes."

"For $2?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't think it was odd that you thought you were buying a popular game for $2?"

"Well, I didn't get the case. So I thought it was on sale."

"And I took your drivers license and social insurance card info from you, and I also got your address and phone number, just to sell you a $2 game?"

"I thought I would get a flyer."

[Sartori]

Tonight I felt like shit, so I went to bed earlier (10). That didn't pan out. As I told my girlfriend on the phone "I'm going to wake up at 2 Am, not be able to get back to sleep, and be pissed."

Oops. That's what happened. Now I'm awake and pissed.

[1SwtDeception]

i watched the miss america teen pagent thing.. :still being envious: and i.. Mmm played some beach volleyball but err its like every other day im loser like

[D4rkewolfe]

I had to work yesterday so I was tired, bunch of lifting crap to fill up a carrier. So I just fell asleep. It was alright I guess, at least made 65 bucks. Can't complain $10 bucks an hour is decent, but still need to find a job at least around 14 bucks an hour. Oh well, I'll re-enlist later on.