Conservative blogger sez: "Mass Effect has the buttsex"

[Reality's Fringe]

I just found this to be really funny for some reason. I think it's because it's so insane:

[Presidential candidates] all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.
It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players… to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of…
Here’s a question [for the candidates]… “How much moral judgement should the President push into legislative issues that are likely to severely damage our children’s innocence, function, and capability?…”

If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the women DO submit without choice, are made to appear as Barbie streetwalkers, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what’s to stop that same male from assuming that the women in his “other world” shouldn’t be forced to do the same.

…And because of the digital chip age in which we live - “Mass Effect” can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.

With it’s “over the net” capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.

How refreshing would it be for a President to… put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such simulated sex excess in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?

http://gamepolitics.com/2008/01/14/conservative-blogger-claims-mass-effect-offers-customizable-sodomy/

I made my guy a transvestite with giant man-titties who would give hot close-up reach-arounds to all manner of sloppy alien cock. It's the most REALISTIC SEX ACT EVER CONCEIVED.

Aside from being blatantly false, I wonder if this is the type of guy who only has sex with his wife in the misonary position with the lights off(if he does at all)? I'm pretty sure Jesus was against fucking your girl's mouth, pooper, armpit, patella, eyehole, and that space between her big toe. Also, you'd better not look at her vagina, lest the devil pop out of it and pull you inside.

[loserboy]

Aside from being blatantly false, I wonder if this is the type of guy who only has sex with his wife in the misonary position with the lights off(if he does at all)?

I doubt he has sex with anyone other than himself...ever...in any position. That's why he's so worried about my recently created gaggle of three-titted alien sluts I've created.

[Nephlabobo]

The problem is conservatives know they can't win using actual facts and have to resort to these shenanigans to get attention.

[Strell]

I have been around on the intermotrons for quite some time. I've been in AOL chatrooms back in version 2.0. I surfed Compuserve and Prodigy in their heyday. I've read tons of bash.org, used to frequent Fark, read idiotic debates on digg, have participated in tons of discussions on just about every volatile topic possible for a human to engage in, and have seen the rampant evidence of sheer stupidity that our species is able to manifest by mangling words, logic, and setting up arguments for nothing more than disruption.

And through all of that, this is by far one of the dumbest things I have ever read.

[emdub]

I think he and I got different versions of Mass Effect.

I don't recall the part where you "to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes." and I must have missed that "virtual orgasmic rape" planet.

[karkyco]

Aside from being blatantly false, I wonder if this is the type of guy who only has sex with his wife in the misonary position with the lights off(if he does at all)? I'm pretty sure Jesus was against fucking your girl's mouth, pooper, armpit, patella, eyehole, and that space between her big toe. Also, you'd better not look at her vagina, lest the devil pop out of it and pull you inside.

Nah, the type of person who wrote that scathing review (Jack Thompson et al) is the sanctimonious, uptight prick type who can barely get it up for his wife, and is secretly in the closet.

Thus, he lashes out in anger and rage at the world around him, all the while doing so because he secretly hates himself for what he is and can't face or admit to.

See Senator Craig, among millions of others.

Just your typical uptight enraged closet polesmoker. Either pissed off because he can't accept what he is, or pissed off because he can't get it and enjoy life like others are. So he has to try and ruin life for everyone else.

[karkyco]

I think he and I got different versions of Mass Effect.

I don't recall the part where you "to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes." and I must have missed that "virtual orgasmic rape" planet.

He must have gotten an advance copy of Mass Effect Director's Cut, where you play from the evil alien perspective, and you have to go about sodomizing, pillaging, plundering, alien raping, etc. The game ends when you capture the commanding human officer, force him to drop his pants, and violate him.

[js1]

I made my guy a transvestite with giant man-titties who would give hot close-up reach-arounds to all manner of sloppy alien cock. It's the most REALISTIC SEX ACT EVER CONCEIVED.

Aside from being blatantly false, I wonder if this is the type of guy who only has sex with his wife in the misonary position with the lights off(if he does at all)? I'm pretty sure Jesus was against fucking your girl's mouth, pooper, armpit, patella, eyehole, and that space between her big toe. Also, you'd better not look at her vagina, lest the devil pop out of it and pull you inside.


:applause: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[jer7583]

honestly, this is just silly. The scandalous section in question lasts less than 3 minutes (Maybe the problem is Shepard is too ashamed to admit that fact) in a 20 hour game. Way to go, retarded conservatives, for making us few rational conservatives look bad.

I bet you can name over 100 movies or TV shows that show show more and longer nudity/sex that came out in the past year. But who cares about that?? That game that clearly says 17+ on the cover is being marketed to 15 year old boys!

[Halo05]

The problem is conservatives know they can't win using actual facts and have to resort to these shenanigans to get attention.

If you think that conservatives have a monopoly on ill-informed, emotional, baseless tirades, you're fucking naive.

[Callandor]

The "Sex-Box" Race for President

"It's my Mass Effect! And her name is Sony!"

[Kendal]

The problem is conservatives know they can't win using actual facts and have to resort to these shenanigans to get attention.

Hilary Clinton and Joe Lieberman are real conservatives you fucking douche.

[KingBroly]

I hate it when people like this make us real conservatives look bad. This man is just an idiot.

[elmyra]

Hilary Clinton and Joe Lieberman are real conservatives you fucking douche.

Yes, they are.

[InnocentSinner]

As an aside, sodomy doesn't necessarily mean buttsex. Oral sex is included in that as well. In fact, everything other than coitus is technically sodomy. Yup, masturbation too.

And, as others have stated, you definitely don't get to have sex with whatever/whoever you want. Otherwise my Commander Shepard would have hooked up with Tali. :P

[blueshinra]

Tycho linked to the article in yesterday's editorial on Penny Arcade, which is how I got to read it. It's totally ridiculous, I agree.

One part that got me was this: Then there's the dishonesty behind the game' title. "Mass Effect" sounds like a war game with a deadly virus that is spreading unless the GI-Joes are able to defeat the evil and deadly substance and it's covert war plan. By it's design, kids could ask for it, or for their parents' Best Buy Card to go purchase it with nary a raised eye-brow. Generic, non-descriptive, and relatively harmless.
Okay, so this guy has no problem buying his kid a potentially violent M-rated "war game" for his kid, but he hears that it contains a lovemaking scene and it's all "ZOMG THIS IS SO WRONG!!11!!1" before he proceeds to blow things out of proportion.

I also liked this comment:
Did Kevin actually do any research for this piece?
Did play the game himself? Did he contact the games developers for comment?

I really want to know where Kevin got his information?

Anyway, I have passed this piece of fiction onto a friend who works for the developer (Bioware), who has had a bit of a rough time as of late, and could use a good laugh.
I bet they're all laughing their heads off at BioWare right now.

[lordxixor101]

Just a thought,

Isn't it a bad thing that almost every sitcom was really stupid guys and the women are always smart and are almost always right? Come on from Everybody Loves Raymond to King of Queens on and on, this is the idea. I don't know if I want my son (when I have him) to grow up thinking he has to be dominated by a girl.

Yet, no one stands up against them? But, 3 tittied aliens, wow, have to stop that.

[Apossum]

http://i3.tinypic.com/85z27ev.jpg

[PyroGamer]

Hilary Clinton and Joe Lieberman are real conservatives you fucking douche.
They sure as hell aren't liberals.

[whiptcracker]

I want that version of Mass Effect :(

[cognitive77]

This quite possibly has to be the funniest "article" I've ever read.

[adamska2020]

Virtual vagina explodes in fluidy joy all over blue alien face! RAH RAH RAH!

[russellgreco]

I don't think its exclusive to any particular party it's pretty much the same group of ignorant people (politicians) who have never played the game, less probably any other title, trying to garner attention and ire for themselves. I don't listen or pay any heed anymore, all I hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Oh and Strell, you crack me up as always.

[erehwon]

It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players… to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of…

Did anyone else here, besides me, finding themselves wanting to play that game? If games like that existed, I bet the 360 would be doing a whole lot better in Japan.

[KingBroly]

They sure as hell aren't liberals.

You're right. They're socialists.

[mykevermin]

Hilary Clinton and Joe Lieberman are real conservatives you fucking douche.

*cough*