I need your smartass help.

[erika1209]

I've never been great with words so if you can help me with this I need to make a 16 year old kid cry :twisted:

I know it sounds bad but a friend of mine has a brother that's a real jerk, he's always saying these really mean things to us and it really makes me mad. I've told him to stop, and his sister doesn't do anything about it either. Anyway, I don't even want to go to her house when he's there but he showed up yesterday and started talking bad to me again, I got really mad but all these two year old's comebacks started coming out of my mouth and I only made it worse for myself :wink: To make it worse, he started calling my sister harry potter and made her cry, he's such a little jerk.

So come on, someone help me out with some come backs.

[LV-426RS]

Funny story, but I have nothing for you.

[captainfrizo]

Why use comebacks? Fists work much better.

[Smell]

tell him he has sand in his vagina and that its bugging him

[greendj27]

You could tell him that Santa Claus isn't real.

[Cornfedwb]

I'd go with...

"want me to get a block of ice for you to sit on".. 'why?'.. "because apparently your pussy is swollen up"

edit - Disclaimer: If he is much bigger than you, this or any of the other comment listed will probably not cause him to cry, rather you to get beat.

[erika1209]

I wish I could give him a swift kick in the ass, but unfortunetly, I'm a girl, and much smaller than he is. As for Santa, he reminds me of a man version of bart simpson, pure evil.

I like those other ideas, I don't know if I can bring myself to say pussy or vagina :) but I'm sure he'll pull them out from me :)

[Renzokuken]

I wish I could give him a swift kick in the ass, but unfortunetly, I'm a girl, and much smaller than he is. As for Santa, he reminds me of a man version of bart simpson, pure evil.

I like those other ideas, I don't know if I can bring myself to say pussy or vagina :) but I'm sure he'll pull them out from me :)

Kick him in the nads and lock urself in the house. I use to do that to my brother alot! :D

[erika1209]

lol. Yeah, thanks for the disclaimer but at this point I'm hoping to piss him off and use Renzokuken approach :)

[Smell]

good idea Renzokuken i would do that

[erika1209]

I know he gets mad when people talk about his weight, he doesn't look fat to me but I know his cousin tells him stuff that makes him mad but I can't remember any of it, any good fat jokes?

[greendj27]

Ok, honest advice now....

Start talking about how fat his head is, how huge it is. Start calling him melon head and things like that. I was goofing around and started doing that to one of my friends one day and now he is freaked out about the size of his head.

[erika1209]

This guy won't be bothered by that

[scsg75]

Just tell him to shut the f up or else you'll make him. Honestly, a 16 year old overweight punk who likes to make girls cry should not be able to outwit you.

[The Successful Dropout]

wait...your sister is harry potter? you trying to get me an autograph?

[Mr_hockey66]

Say your so fat..

you can jump up in the air and get stuck

Your bvds are so big thy don't say bvds they say bolavard

if you ever fell down and broke your leg gravy would pour out

YOur mouth is so big you have to brush your teeth with a push broom



:x or say HEY KID IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP i'LL KICK YOU IN DA NUTZ! YOU WILL RESPECT MY AURTHITIE :x

oR MAYBE YOU COULD YOU KNOW JUST IGNORE HIM :roll:

[biggestinuyashafan]

call him DragonLordFrodo and show him a pic of him. that is a great fat joke IMO.

[hutno]

watch some south park from this past saeson, Cartmans got some good ones and if that doesnt work out watch the episode "scott teneman must die" and follow accordingly

[Smell]

thats a bad idea hutno... lol

its scott tenorman

im a south park freak i know

[Duo_Maxwell]

You could take the homer Simpson advice:

"There's only one thing a bully like that understands and that's squeling, you have to squel to every adult who'll listen..."

Or you could just kick'em in the gonads, trust me that will hurt any man more than words.

[ialsohaveadream]

I know he gets mad when people talk about his weight, he doesn't look fat to me but I know his cousin tells him stuff that makes him mad but I can't remember any of it, any good fat jokes?

If he's sensitive about his weight, and you're a female, there is only one joke you need:

"Man, I wish I had boobs like yours. So big and round and full. Maybe if I stopped exercising and spent my time making fun of little girls mine would grow like yours have."

[zewone]

I know he gets mad when people talk about his weight, he doesn't look fat to me but I know his cousin tells him stuff that makes him mad but I can't remember any of it, any good fat jokes?

If he's sensitive about his weight, and you're a female, there is only one joke you need:

"Man, I wish I had boobs like yours. So big and round and full. Maybe if I stopped exercising and spent my time making fun of little girls mine would grow like yours have."

Thats pretty good. I would say something like that. Or have a guy friend of yours set his ass straight with a nice ass whupping. Beating someones ass is my approach and it works pretty damn well.

[magilacudy]

If he's a teen, then you could say he's teasing you because he's insecure about his small penis (or that he's so fat that it makes his junk seem small). That is probably true.

If he's around your age, then tell him that likes you or has a crush on you.

If those don't work, find a blunt object and hit him repeatedly with it. Sorry in advance for any corruption of your young mind.

[ialsohaveadream]

If you want to get really cruel, you can say:
"Is this because of that summer when you were an altar boy? Don't feel bad, I spoke to the priest, and he said you were the best he had. You took it like a real man."

Of course, why would you say something like that? For shock value?