Joke

[wetcat4wm]

Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives. His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!".

[sblymnlcrymnl]

Eh, ok.

[crazytalkx]

Eh, ok.

"Eh" indeed

[jbroush99]

Rodney Dangerfield is turning over in his coma right now.

[bignick]

um lame.

[pimp_daddy_smurf]

ive heard this a thousand times. go back into hibernation you n00b

[dcfox]

The last time we had a joke thread, we ended up telling dead baby jokes for 5 pages.

[ex0]

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

[mtxbass1]

Rodney Dangerfield is turning over in his coma right now.

Best joke of the entire thread.

[Jaket]

The last time we had a joke thread, we ended up telling dead baby jokes for 5 pages.


... yeah sorry about that

[Moxio]

Joke's alright. Gave me a smile, maybe it's just because I'm tired after working overtime.

Where did you get that avatar? Awesomeness.

[Xevious]

Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives. His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!".

I have this friend who is an encyclopedia of bad jokes. He can tell one bad joke after another. This joke you told reminds me of the kind of jokes he tells.

[Cracka]

The first time i read it, i didnt quite get it... so i didnt know the guy reading was also the guy in the article... so i figured when his wife said "thank you", she was being a bitch and calling him a dumbass.. but then a few minutes later i figured it out lol...

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.


lmfao.. nice..


Ok heres an oldie but a goodie... (not considered a goodie by all ..lmao)

whats the difference in a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

[Lootr2Core]

The first time i read it, i didnt quite get it... so i didnt know the guy reading was also the guy in the article... so i figured when his wife said "thank you", she was being a bitch and calling him a dumbass.. but then a few minutes later i figured it out lol...

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.


lmfao.. nice..


Ok heres an oldie but a goodie... (not considered a goodie by all ..lmao)

whats the difference in a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.


:shock:

[crazytalkx]

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

:rofl: This one never gets old!

As for the pizza one it might offend a few people on this board....... :?

[dcfox]

That joke offended me and I'm not even Jewish, but I do like pizza.

[Xevious]

Ok heres an oldie but a goodie... (not considered a goodie by all ..lmao)

whats the difference in a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

I'm not jewish either but I think you stepped over the line with that one.

[dnt_h8me2]

im eating pizza right now and it didnt offend me...

[ZeroSupporT]

mmmmm... pizza

[Zenithian Legend]

argh pizza... sure I still love it... but yeah... lets just leave it at that.

[The Successful Dropout]

The first time i read it, i didnt quite get it... so i didnt know the guy reading was also the guy in the article... so i figured when his wife said "thank you", she was being a bitch and calling him a dumbass.. but then a few minutes later i figured it out lol...

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.


lmfao.. nice..


Ok heres an oldie but a goodie... (not considered a goodie by all ..lmao)

whats the difference in a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

i dont get it, why doesnt the pizza scream?

[Ikohn4ever]

The first time i read it, i didnt quite get it... so i didnt know the guy reading was also the guy in the article... so i figured when his wife said "thank you", she was being a bitch and calling him a dumbass.. but then a few minutes later i figured it out lol...

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.


lmfao.. nice..


Ok heres an oldie but a goodie... (not considered a goodie by all ..lmao)

whats the difference in a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

u are def livin up to your name, you are a cracka. What does Cracka have in common with a Cow Pie, they are both pieces of shit

[Zenithian Legend]

well that's why the joke isn't funny, the pizza does scream

[The Successful Dropout]

poor pizza....rest in piece...

[Zenithian Legend]

it's only funny if it's a pineapple pizza, mainly because I hate those things.

[The Successful Dropout]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v455/trustcompany1013/HPIM0117.jpg

leftovers from lastnight....pineapple papa johns pizza....im going to power down the two slices that are left....just because you said that

[Snake2715]

A recently-divorced man went to a party and found himself smack in front of his ex-wife's new husband. Having had more than a few drinks, he said in a condescending tone, "So? How do you like 'second hand merchandise?'" The other man smiled. "Not bad at all. Everything after the first few inches is brand new!"

A blonde, waiting by the first tee for her lesson from the golf pro, watched a foursome tee off. The first man hit it 230 yards, straight down the middle of the fairway. "Nice shot," said the blonde. "Not bad, considering my impediment," replied the golfer. "What do you mean?" "I have a glass eye." "I don't believe you," said the blonde. "Show me." He popped out his glass eye and showed it to her. The second golfer hit it 240 yards, straight down the middle of the fairway. "Good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad, considering my impediment," replied the second golfer. "You, too?" said the blonde. "What's wrong with you?" "I have a prosthetic arm," said the golfer. "I don't believe you," said the blonde. "Show me." So he screwed out his arm and showed it to her. The third golfer hit a 250-yard drive down the middle. "Great shot," said the blonde. "Not bad, considering my impediment." "Another? What's your impediment?" "Prosthetic leg," said the golfer. "No way," said the blonde. "Show me." So the golfer screwed off his leg and showed it to her. The fourth golfer hit a beauty, 320 yards, straight as a string. "Now that's a shot," said the blonde. "I suppose you have an impediment, too?" "Yep," said the golfer. "Artificial heart." "What? I don't believe you! Show me." "I can't show you here in the open," he said. "Let's go over there, behind the Pro Shop." They did, but when they hadn't returned after fifteen minutes, his partners peered around behind the Pro Shop to see what was keeping him. And there he was -- screwing his heart out!

[Snake2715]

The Rules of Bedroom Golf 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club re-quires a firm shaft. Course owners may check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well-formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the current course. Upset course owners have been known to damage players' equipment. 9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for protection. 10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be their private course. 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation, while more advanced players will find alternative means of play. 12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for im-proved viewing of alignment with, and approach to, the hole. 13. Players must obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine. 14. Slow play is encouraged, but players should be prepared for quicker play, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request. 15. Time permitting, it is considered outstanding performance to play the same hole several times in one match.

[Snake2715]

A blonde called her boyfriend and asked him to "come over and help me finish this killer jigsaw puzzle." "What's it supposed to be?" She says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." He came over, saw it and said, "First, no matter what we do, we can't assemble this into a picture of a tiger. Second, relax, have a cup of coffee, and then we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!"

An elderly gentleman flew into Paris, made his way to customs, then fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" asked the customs officer sarcastically. The old man admitted that he had. "Zen you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready!" The American replied softly, "The last time I was here, I didn't show it." "Impossible! Americans alwayz 'ave to show a passport!" The American explained, "When I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day back in '44, I couldn't find a Frenchman anywhere to show it to!"

[Snake2715]

A woman approached a banker at the country club. "Sir, I hate to bother you, but I represent the Save the Children Federation. Did you know that just $10 a week will support a child in India? Please give that some thought." "I certainly will," replied the banker. A week later, he shipped his children off to Bombay.

Fred entered his doctor's office. "Doc, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first promise that you won't laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," said his doctor. "I'm a professional. In my twenty years of practice, I've never laughed at any patient." "Okay," Fred said hesitantly as he dropped his trousers revealing his tiny penis, which was the size of a peanut. The doctor tried to control himself but failed miserably; he started tittering, then giggling, then laughing until he was rolling on the floor. Finally, he regained his composure. "I'm so sorry, I truly am. I don't know what came over me. I swear it won't happen again. Now, Fred, what's your problem?" Fred replied seriously, "It's swollen!"

[Zenithian Legend]

So the fact that there Mister Ed is on your computer screen is just so awesome, that I can overlook the fact that it's papa john's pizza.

[Snake2715]

Two proctologists were talking. "Did you go to the big proctology convention last weekend?" "Sure did." "How was it?" "Great! I spent the whole weekend looking up old friends!"

Three guys were discussing their marriages over lunch. Two bragged about the control they had over their wives, while the third remained silent. Finally they asked the third guy, "Well? What about you? Do you have control over your wife?" The third fellow said, "Damn straight! Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The other two were amazed. "Really?! What happened?" The third guy sighed and confessed, "She yelled, 'Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!'"

[Snake2715]

A band of terrorists heard a loud explosion from inside their headquarters. Rushing in, they saw their boss lying on the floor with his face all bloody. "What happened?" "A letter bomb!" exclaimed the injured leader. "But would not a letter bomb wound your hands instead of your face?" asked one. Their leader replied, "I was sealing it!"

[Snake2715]

What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.

[Snake2715]

The difference between a man and a woman is that a woman wants ONE man to satisfy her every need while a man wants EVERY woman to satisfy his one need!

[Snake2715]

Little Johnny's beautiful young fourth-grade teacher asked him, "John, why are your grades slipping?" Little Johnny replied, "Because I'm in love!" "Really? With whom?" "With you," he said. "But, John," she said with a warm smile, "that's impossible. I am looking for a boyfriend, yes, but certainly not a child!" "Well," said Little Johnny, "then I'll use a condom!"

[Snake2715]

Well thats enough bad jokes for now....

[sblymnlcrymnl]

The last time we had a joke thread, we ended up telling dead baby jokes for 5 pages.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple? I don't fuck the apple before I eat it.

Best. Dead. Baby. Joke. Ever.

[Lootr2Core]

boo.. very boo

[Moxio]

Lol for some reason Snake, your jokes are damn funny.

[1SwtDeception]

It made me just say "ha" to most of those jokes.