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SneakyPenguin
02-02-2005, 11:19 PM
The best thing to come out of Russia since Vodka (or so I'm told), Tetris has been fun for gamers since it's inception. There have been countless version, and this review focuses on the GameBoy version (der).

Tetris as we all know is a very complex game. It centers around a lone communist insurgent, attemtping to collapse the foul capitalist pig dogs of the Demoratic Russia. He accomplishes this task through the dropping of large blocks on the heads of the rich and well-off. Once enough blocks have been dropped to align, they vanish, so a new row of capitalists may be crushed. Once in a while, a Tetris will be achived, in which four lines are eliminated at once. This is equvalent to droppng a nuke in Red Square, to send all of those money grubbing greedy capitalist scum to whatever god they choose.

Controls aren't much of an issue here, as ovethrowing the governemt has never been so easy. B and A rotate the block, so that it may be better positioned for its quest of destruction, while the D-Pad moves the piece, for precise targeting of Capitalist hot spots, such as country clubs, and banks.

The graphics aren't all that great, but they never really have been in Tetris. It's all very simple 8-bit imagry. It would have been nicer to see the flailing arms of the enemy-of-the-workers as they are crushed by the might of the people, but it will do.

The sound is nothing to write home about to Mother (Russia, heh). It's all simple beeps and boops, no wails of anguish from the ruling class here. The music is pretty good, with a selection of digital Russian beats, kicking it old-school.

All in all, it is one of the best portable versions (if not the best) of the seminal Capitalist killing simulator. Come on, bring out the Red in you, and drop some blocks.

KrazyKefka
02-03-2005, 04:38 AM
:applause:

Bravo.

SneakyPenguin
02-03-2005, 12:52 PM
::takes a bow::

I get this bored way too often.

FriskyTanuki
02-03-2005, 09:08 PM
This could be The Onion material.

dcfox
02-03-2005, 09:21 PM
That's not funny Sneaky. My father was a capitalist :x

AlbinoNinja
02-03-2005, 11:53 PM
wow, i was expecting a stupid review... but... wow

(compliment)

SneakyPenguin
02-04-2005, 08:42 PM
wow, i was expecting a stupid review... but... wow

(compliment)

Thank you. I am truely insane.

And dcfox, I feel so sorry for your dad :wink:

Xevious
02-16-2005, 06:14 PM
I like to read SneakyPenguin's other takes on various games.

Is Pac Man an agent for the tobacco companies? Is Asteroids meant to be a deconstruction of mankind versus nature? What about Pong? WHAT ABOUT PONG??!?!? WHATS FREAKIN' GOING ON WITH PONG??!?!?!??!

AHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRAAAAUGUUGGGHHH!!@#@@!@!! !!!!


(I need to cut back on Starbucks....)

FriskyTanuki
02-17-2005, 01:51 AM
I like to read SneakyPenguin's other takes on various games.

Is Pac Man an agent for the tobacco companies? Is Asteroids meant to be a deconstruction of mankind versus nature? What about Pong? WHAT ABOUT PONG??!?!? WHATS FREAKIN' GOING ON WITH PONG??!?!?!??!

AHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRAAAAUGUUGGGHHH!!@#@@!@!! !!!!


(I need to cut back on Starbucks....)

Pac-Man's an agent of Pizza Hut, bent on destroying all the competitors that hang out in underground pipes. The dots are the really small pizza places and the ghosts represent the big boys, but they're not easy to get rid of.

alongx
02-17-2005, 01:56 AM
Tetris could use some better graphics. Like blocks with 5k polys each, a lens flare, and motion blur.

SneakyPenguin
02-17-2005, 08:09 PM
Tetris could use some better graphics. Like blocks with 5k polys each, a lens flare, and motion blur.

I got a sickness, and the only cure, is more LENSFLARE!

SneakyPenguin
03-21-2005, 10:17 PM
OK, it's turned terminal, I need 5 cc's of lensflare stat!

Rodimus
03-21-2005, 11:07 PM
The story to Tetris is one of the driving points in the game. A genius review, the most intresting thing I've read all day.

SneakyPenguin
05-18-2005, 10:44 PM
Hahaha, wow, I forgot I wrote this. I should send this somewhere.

hiccupleftovers
05-19-2005, 02:06 AM
Sneaky, this is one of my most favorite reviews I have ever read of a game. True new game journalism applied to a review. Just great. This review and another one on Kingdom Hearts (PS2) that I saw on GameFAQs are my favorite reviews. Thumbs up man.

Xevious
05-19-2005, 02:14 AM
Pac-Man's an agent of Pizza Hut, bent on destroying all the competitors that hang out in underground pipes. The dots are the really small pizza places and the ghosts represent the big boys, but they're not easy to get rid of.

Oh.....my bad.

BIG5
06-01-2005, 09:35 PM
Nice review, comrade.

adamones
06-06-2005, 06:50 PM
lol greatness

SneakyPenguin
06-06-2005, 10:54 PM
It's great, every so often this is randomly bumped. keep the red spirit alive.

Friend of Sonic
06-07-2005, 12:16 AM
Awesome. Hillarious.

m_que01
06-17-2005, 05:40 PM
My first ever GB game, back in the days it was a big hit. Everyone was hooked on this game.

sblymnlcrymnl
10-10-2006, 04:20 AM
I still don't own this one. Someday ...

Photomotoz
10-10-2006, 05:00 AM
I still don't own this one. Someday ...

Indeed, I am in the same boat.

Great review.