Friend problem

[manofpeace20]

About a week ago I met this girl on myspace. We talked for awhile and decided to meet last Tuesday. I told her up front I only wanted to be friends because I do not want anything serious....and she told me she was happy for that b/c she got out of a 2 year/7 month relationship just 2 months ago. Everything seemed cool and we met up for a group "date". I kept everything extremely light and fun as if I was out with a guy friend. And I am being 100% honest about this.

The next day, she told me she only wanted to be friends, and I reminded her thats all I wanted in the first place. We made a joke out of it and planned to hang out again this upcoming Monday. Everything might sound cool, but things have been weird since Wednesday. We played a question game and she asked me "Were you upset when I said I only wanted to be friends?" For some reason I think she has it in her head that I have a thing for her, even though I made it clear from the start I do not want anything serious. Now this girl was fun to talk to, but now she is being more "closed". For example, she cuts short our conversations pretty quickly and she doesn't seem "into" it.

My problem is that we are supposed to hang out again on Monday, but I really don't think that is such a great idea anymore. My brother thinks she is baffled by me because I am not throwing myself at her and presenting a "challenge"....or "being hard to get". I know she has a "church date" with another guy on Sunday morning. What should I do in this situation without coming off as a complete dick?

[greydemise]

ur not coming off as a dick..its weird, girls love it when a guy dusnt pay attention to them..no idea why, but seriously , keep a cool head, dont let it bug u *maybe shes playing a trick 2 get u with her?*

[alonzomourning23]

Not really adding anything important, but a "church date"? Who would want to go on a church date?

[ajh2298]

Not really adding anything important, but a "church date"? Who would want to go on a church date?

I went out with a girl for a little bit before I started dating my wife and she made me go a couple "church dates" with her.

[Javery]

You should say, "So long and thanks for all the fish, biatch!"

[whoknows]

Don't do anything until she does something.
But you could just remind her that you want to be friends and nothing else (if you somehow get a chance in a coversation to do so)

[manofpeace20]

Don't do anything until she does something.
But you could just remind her that you want to be friends and nothing else (if you somehow get a chance in a coversation to do so)

I plan on not talking to her until Sunday...largely because of work, social life, and the fact that I don't want to come off as a needy puppy. But if I don't hear from her by Sunday night....what should I tell her? She has my number and several ways of reaching me....

[Odenat]

play your nintendo DS in public that should show her! :) but serioulsy I've been in simular situations and it doesn't always have to end bad. Just be honest with her and if she doesn't except it eventually then you know she doesn't respect you as "just a friend" and it will end on a bad note. The girl i'm dating now I told her when I first met her i just wanted to be friends and a year down the road we ended up together.

[Noodle Pirate!]

Sounds like a tease, she might be mad that you aren't "in" to her and shes not getting the kind of devoted attention she thought he might get from you. She doesn't sound too mature to me and you might want to drop her before it gets wierder.

If you fawned all over her and flirted with her, she might warm up to you. The fact that she keeps asking you about the "just be friends" issue shows that she wants you to be attracted to her and give her more attention.
Other "just friends" fish in the sea for you to find :P

Good luck with it whatever happens!

[whoknows]

I plan on not talking to her until Sunday...largely because of work, social life, and the fact that I don't want to come off as a needy puppy. But if I don't hear from her by Sunday night....what should I tell her? She has my number and several ways of reaching me....

Wait for her to call you and go out like you planned. Just don't do anything to make her think that you are interested in her and just do normal things you would do if it was a guy (well....not everything ;) ) or you could make sure you both bring friends with you (if you already aren't) and since you both just want to be friends there shouldn't be a problem with that.

[manofpeace20]

Sounds like a tease, she might be mad that you aren't "in" to her and shes not getting the kind of devoted attention she thought he might get from you. She doesn't sound too mature to me and you might want to drop her before it gets wierder.

If you fawned all over her and flirted with her, she might warm up to you. The fact that she keeps asking you about the "just be friends" issue shows that she wants you to be attracted to her and give her more attention.
Other "just friends" fish in the sea for you to find :P

Good luck with it whatever happens!

Thats just it though....when you go crazy and give them alot of attention they view you as a loser. She even told me about guys that have done this to her, and how she loves the concept of guys "playing hard to get". I think in her head she thinks I am "playing hard to get" and I want to date her....and she is responding by being less receptive whenever we talk.

[manofpeace20]

Wait for her to call you and go out like you planned. Just don't do anything to make her think that you are interested in her and just do normal things you would do if it was a guy (well....not everything ;) ) or you could make sure you both bring friends with you (if you already aren't) and since you both just want to be friends there shouldn't be a problem with that.

I already told her the day we set up our Monday "date" to bring her friend, which at least in my mind screamed out "WE ARE FRIENDS!!!" If she doesn't call should I just call the entire thing off?

[whoknows]

I already told her the day we set up our Monday "date" to bring her friend, which at least in my mind screamed out "WE ARE FRIENDS!!!" If she doesn't call should I just call the entire thing off?

Well, if you don't have a said place and time planned for Monday then no, don't go. If you do then just go and bring a friend with you too. You should be fine if you both have friends there.
But if she doesn't call you then don't go. You could always call her and see whats going on if you want to, but it doesn't sound like you want to.

[TurkeyOnRye]

Just stick to your guns. You just want to be friends right now, right? Then that's it. Do that. If you two start to have a thing, that's cool too.

Don't try to figure out what she's thinking. It's impossible. Women are like Duckbill Platypi (platypuses?) Fun to look at but impossible to figure out.

[Ikohn4ever]

She might feel that men and women cant be friends. The only reason that friendships occur is attraction and maybe she is actin this way because she thought u would like her and since u dont she is getting all defensive

[kittie]

Fuck, her.

[thatstoobad]

don't see her ever again. it's probably not worth the effort it would take to be friends with this broad.

[Apossum]

Read between the lines....2 months after a break up, if she hasn't had any since then, wellllll... she's just using her stupid girl powers to get you to think that you actually do want her. Might as well fall into the trap and enjoy it until she's done using you as a piece of meat.

[JimmieMac]

You should try your hardest to fu(k her, then nut in her and go "Now you got AIDS, bitch"

That'll make a great story, weather you got AIDS or not.

[manofpeace20]

Oh she is hardly using me as a piece of meat. The reason I like this girl is because she has good morals like mine, as in she is waiting until marriage....

But damn why do they all play games? I went out tonight with some friends and chilled.....but I came home and found out she logged on the usual time that we talk, probably looking for me. But it was funny because earlier in the day when I was trying to talk to her, she pretended she wasn't on, but she really was. I handled that by saying "well I guess you are busy, but you can call my cell later". I knew all along she wouldn't call....What the hell is wrong with her?

[manofpeace20]

You should try your hardest to fu(k her, then nut in her and go "Now you got AIDS, bitch"

That'll make a great story, weather you got AIDS or not.

LOL I always thought that would be something funny to do.....I should tell one of my active friends to do that.

[BigSpoonyBard]

Morals? How 16th century. J/K Sounds like she's just a run of the mill pain in the ass. Ditch her

[Apossum]

Oh she is hardly using me as a piece of meat. The reason I like this girl is because she has good morals like mine, as in she is waiting until marriage....

But damn why do they all play games? I went out tonight with some friends and chilled.....but I came home and found out she logged on the usual time that we talk, probably looking for me. But it was funny because earlier in the day when I was trying to talk to her, she pretended she wasn't on, but she really was. I handled that by saying "well I guess you are busy, but you can call my cell later". I knew all along she wouldn't call....What the hell is wrong with her?


whoa. someone dated someone else for 2 and a half years.................and never........got any? :shock:

j.k. I know someone who says they're saving themselves for marriage, but he isn't for real. he just says that because he gets sick every time a girl talks to him.

I really don't know what to say-- if you feel like going the long haul, stay with her but end the game she is playing fast. otherwise, she's like a piece of duct tape on yer skin-- just gotta rip it off fast.

[JimmieMac]

You only want her because she doesn't want you.

[DuelLadyS]

Girls are screwed up sometimes. My boyfriend actually had a crush on my best friend before we started dating... she would flip-flop from telling him to his face that he was a showoff/macho jerk to 'your new haircut is cute! *tackle hug*'

When he finally got fed up and we got together, she got even worse and started badmouthing him almostly constantly. Once she told me 'you know he's only seeing you to get back me since I won't go out with him, right?' :roll: After a long period of us just ingoring her and hitting our one-year anniversary, she's calmed down quite a bit.

I guess my point is, this girl probably doesn't know what the hell she wants. If you can find another friend of yours to come along on Monday, do it, and drop her a quick email or something saying you'll have someone with you. Go through Monday as normal as you can, and then don't plan another visit- if she asks, say you're busy with some work/school project and don't know when you'll next have free time, but you'll try to be in touch. Then you're free to ingore her. :)

[zionoverfire]

She wants attention so either play with her little games and tell her how sorry it is that you can't date or if you really aren't that desperate for friends stop returning her calls.

[manofpeace20]

Girls are screwed up sometimes. My boyfriend actually had a crush on my best friend before we started dating... she would flip-flop from telling him to his face that he was a showoff/macho jerk to 'your new haircut is cute! *tackle hug*'

When he finally got fed up and we got together, she got even worse and started badmouthing him almostly constantly. Once she told me 'you know he's only seeing you to get back me since I won't go out with him, right?' :roll: After a long period of us just ingoring her and hitting our one-year anniversary, she's calmed down quite a bit.

I guess my point is, this girl probably doesn't know what the hell she wants. If you can find another friend of yours to come along on Monday, do it, and drop her a quick email or something saying you'll have someone with you. Go through Monday as normal as you can, and then don't plan another visit- if she asks, say you're busy with some work/school project and don't know when you'll next have free time, but you'll try to be in touch. Then you're free to ingore her. :)


I like all the advice everyone is giving me and I appreciate it all.

I haven't logged onto myspace at all in the last 24 hours, and I noticed she has been logging on frequently for short amounts of time. Even last night when I was out she logged on when we usually talk and then logged off quickly when I wasn't around. But its funny because when I have actually been online since last Wednesday when she has been on she is keeping things short and "not into it". I hate having to play games like this, but it seems like this is the only thing women respond to--when you show them you can play their game right back.

I'll definitely let you guys know how this turns out.

[goatindaruffness]

I know she has a "church date" with another guy on Sunday morning. What should I do in this situation without coming off as a complete dick?

Ask her if her god wants to be just friends with her, she'll probably get so upset that she'll say something stupid, and then she'll be the dick... :o)
Besides, if you no longer want to talk to this girl, why not be a dick???
Isn't that the whole fun of cutting ties with people...
-Goatman

[manofpeace20]

Ask her if her god wants to be just friends with her, she'll probably get so upset that she'll say something stupid, and then she'll be the dick... :o)
Besides, if you no longer want to talk to this girl, why not be a dick???
Isn't that the whole fun of cutting ties with people...
-Goatman

Well thats just it, I would really like to be friends with her but one of two things are going on:

1) She thinks guys can't handle being friends and she thinks I'll pick up on her

2) She is upset that i told her I just wanted to be friends and now she is "playing hard to get".

Even if I did not want to see her again, its best to not be a dick. You never know if down the road they have a hot friend...and I have been in that situation before.

[GizmoGC]

Just do her and be done with it man.

[Purple Flames]

It's best not to be a dick to her. Sometimes women jerk a guy around in hopes you'll get pissed off. It's some sort of sick ego boost for them to break a guy. If you don't get pissed off however and stay cool, then they'll be the ones who get pissed, and some of the time they end up being even more attracted to YOU. Indifference in a guy is very attractive to women. Why do you think the guys that take them out on dates, pay for everything, give them a barrage of compliments, stick uvder them like a puppy and are overly nice never get laid while the cool, laid back guys score left and right?

Women have a very fucked up logic.

[Quillion]

MySpace, mind games, "waiting for marraige", calling each other "just friends"...

How old are you? I'm guessing younger than 18, or at least in that range. When you get older, you don't have time for that kind of stuff anymore.

[el bobo]

This same thing is going on right now with me. It's annoying as hell, but I have non-stop soccer for the next three weeks so I'm getting off easy woohoo!

[opportunity777]

Just do her and be done with it man.

Well it depends on what she looks like ... if she's hot and he doesn't really want to be with her he should definitely just hit it and bail :lol:

[Epic Wolf]

maybe she think's you ugly and really doesnt want to be seen in public with you , I kid seriously fuck that , its not like your losing anything, friends like her are a dime a dozen...

[josherz]

You should try your hardest to fu(k her, then nut in her and go "Now you got AIDS, bitch"

That'll make a great story, weather you got AIDS or not.

lol :rofl: thats sig worthy :D

[Admiral Ackbar]

Sorry, wront thread...

[MeGaWC27]

I'm probably not the one who should be giving advice but as it was previously said, bring a friend with you and try to keep the amount of socializing to a minimum as possible.

[cheapass Gundam]

Dude, you keep saying you don't care yet you cyber-stalk her and even know when she's logged on and how many times she's logged on.

Just admit you want to be more than friends with her and it'll be easier on yourself.

Otherwise you wouldn't be so sensitive about it and asking for advice from total strangers on the internet. Just call her like a regular friend and ask "What's up? You've been acting strange lately, are we still cool or did I piss you off somehow?"

[Gamer's Girlfriend]

how 'bout you e-mail her this thread and ask what she thinks you should do. Or link to it in your myspace account if you want to be more subtle about it. Seriously though...people like that aren't worth the trouble...unless of course you don't value honesty...which seems to be the majority of the population.

[cag1000]

wow do i really have to weigh in on the definitive CAG1000 wisdom yet once more.
I guess so...

1.If she's hot(7 and above).....Bang her

2.(5-6)maybe bang her up to you

3.relationships are built over time and after sexual compatibility......not overnight

4. always remember to play them as if they were sega....

[JSweeney]

wow do i really have to weigh in on the definitive CAG1000 wisdom yet once more.
I guess so...

1.If she's hot(7 and above).....Bang her

2.(5-6)maybe bang her up to you

3.relationships are built over time and after sexual compatibility......not overnight

4. always remember to play them as if they were sega....

I really hope you're talking about "above 7 on a scale of ten"... otherwise, that's just disturbing, and I'd hope that the police and a bunch of townsfolk with flaming pitchforks were at your door.

[help1]

One smile sums it up:

:joystick:

[Friedle]

Casually suggest that you'd rather have sex with a meat grinder. That shoudl leave no doubt in her mind about the possibility of a relationship.

Heh.

Hoenstly, playing that question game only leads to stuff like this. Maybe you should mention your interest in another girl you know. She doesn't have to be real, but that should firmly place Mrs. MySpace in the friend zone.

[Apossum]

I just looked through that site(myspace) for fun last night....namely the singles section...freaky, yet very entertaining.

[sblymnlcrymnl]

I really hope you're talking about "above 7 on a scale of ten"... otherwise, that's just disturbing, and I'd hope that the police and a bunch of townsfolk with flaming pitchforks were at your door.

Don't be hating. ;) :lol:

[Tha Xecutioner]

I say that she's secretly a guy.

[manofpeace20]

LOL well she isn't a guy...I actually spent time with her in person. But I understand what you guys are saying. This is only a friend thing and I should not care as much as I do. I think I need to be put back on meds...LOL

[The Successful Dropout]

tell her to take her church date and eat cockbiscuits with it

[6669]

My guess is she was playing hard to get, and wanted you to be upset over the fact that she just wanted to be friends. Now that you have denied interest in her (romantically) she is somewhat insulted and embarassed by it.

[el bobo]

tell her to take her church date and eat cockbiscuits with it
:rofl:

[manofpeace20]

Ok so I have an update....

Late Sunday night came around and I heard nothing. So I decided to just cancel our plans. I sent her a message saying "Hey something came up and I need to cancel our movie plans for tomorrow. You said you had a big day Tuesday anyway so this probably isn't even a big deal. I'll talk to ya later."

IMMEDIATELY after sending the message she logs onto AIM. Rather than replying or even saying anything she turns on an away message and doesn't say a word. I have reached the conclusion that she was going to shun me, but I only beat her to it. Being a gentleman I offered to her move to her new apartment because I have a truck, but I doubt I'll hear from her again.