Girlfriend problems. LOL

[$hady]

UPDATE: The follow is a joke, I found it on another forum and it's the funniest thing I've read in a minute so I brought it here. ;)

---------------


over the last couple of months i've been dating the clerk at the local store, whenever i purchase my groceries she always smile at me and waves me good bye.
i love her really, but im not sure how this is going to end up.
i've been going there everyday, just to see her, and her smile, but one problem is i've never touched her??

are girlfriend/boyfriends supposed to touch eachother or am i missing something??
whenever i see her i want to hug her, maybe even kiss her but i dont think shes that kind of girl.
i've been following her home, making sure she gets there safely, but i never have the guts to tell her that, but she's sending me signals that she likes it.
like sometimes when i buy my groceries and im packing up, she blinks at me, usually the day after i guarded her when she was walking home.

i also have dreams, we share dreams actually, she comes to me and we can fulfill all our stuff there, like this one time i ate a string of strawberrys with her in a field, it was beautiful and blue and green, and then our lips touched when i was looking away.
i felt kind of fdirty after that and i hope i didnt soil my beloved kate.

tomorrow im going to talk to her about our problems, because im in constant agony because of this.
i just hope she wont be mad, i mean, i dont know if she wants to touch me or not or if it's an insult to her perfect personality.
regardless, i must calm down, everything is going to be okay, she's a good girl and she wants what's best for me.

im going to ask her to marry me next week, when i resolve it.
its going to be a big one!! im gonna hire a small 6 man string orchestra and play "beautiful world" for her in the store, before bowing down and asking her for the holy matrimony!!
shes going to be so happy and surprised!!

i must wear something nice though.. must ask mom to take me to the store for that.
im almost 26 years old now so its time i got married my mom says.
well my mom is going to be so happy for me!!

speaking of which, every night i write a poem for her, to her, and then i read it to her in our dreams.
i can tell everyday when she gives me signals and blinks that she loves them..

why was i even worrying to begin with, she loves me and i love her and thats all that counts. im going to march up there right now and ask her to marry me, screw the orchestra, i need to do this NOW!

wish me luck!!

[Mike23]

I think you might need therapy, my friend.

[Prock]

good luck

[Odenat]

Why in the world would you ask gamers for girlfriend advice

[xzafixz]

If this is a joke, thats hilarious, if not... oh my god.

[alonzomourning23]

Joke, right?

[GuyWithGun]

This is a joke, right?

Are you sure she's your girlfriend?

[javeryh]

That was a lot to read to find out you are a stalker.

[mtxbass1]

Seek therapy...please.

[camoor]

If this is a joke, thats hilarious, if not... oh my god.

It's a joke

i can tell everyday when she gives me signals and blinks that she loves them..

This shady guy doesn't seem psychotic in any of his other posts, so this line pretty much seals up the joke angle.

[longdillon1]

Dude does she even know shes your girlfriend.I mean you "guard" her home.Sounds like she needs to be guarded from you.I mean just because a girl blinks her eyes doesn't mean shes blinking at you.I really hope your just kiddin and not some wierdo.
Hope you resolve your ISSUE.

[RAMSTORIA]

i thought we had seen the end of these "help with my gf" threads

[$hady]

Ok any serious advice? Someone questioned why I would ask gamers for girlfriend advice, well you people are just like me. Most of us are kinda shy and akward as far as girls go.

[bmulligan]

You need to give her the buttseckz after following her home tomorrow. After that, all your problems will be solved. Well, maybe one of them at least.

[onetrackmind]

:rofl: this cant be real

[RAMSTORIA]

all i can think is that an older brother or something is on his account, this is something id do to my little brothers...

[Noodle Pirate!]

Your a freak. Enjoy your restraining order : )

[worx]

:rofl: this cant be real
if it is :shock:

[TheJudge427]

What have you been smokin' and where can I get some?

[$hady]

Ok maybe I'll try some dating/love advice forums, I just tried here first because I'm here most often and thought you guys would be able to understand where I'm coming from. Maybe I was wrong. :(

[camoor]

You need to give her the buttseckz after following her home tomorrow. After that, all your problems will be solved. Well, maybe one of them at least.

:lol:

all i can think is that an older brother or something is on his account, this is something id do to my little brothers...

I BET that's it.

[GuyWithGun]

Ok maybe I'll try some dating/love advice forums, I just tried here first because I'm here most often and thought you guys would be able to understand where I'm coming from. Maybe I was wrong. :(
What are you talking about? We've given you the best advice ever. Just read between the lines.

[TheJudge427]

For dating and love advice, always trust in the ways of the Fonz.

http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/~rb224/images/fonz.jpg

[AngellicLulu]

It's been awhile since one of these popped up.

[miniarnold]

This is too funny! Whoever's on his account has even gone to the trouble to change the custom rank under his user name.

[$hady]

Nobody is on my account, it's been like that for a week now, it used to say "ANAL IS NICE!":lol:

[PKRipp3r]

over the last couple of months i've been dating the clerk at the local store, whenever i purchase my groceries she always smile at me and waves me good bye.
i love her really, but im not sure how this is going to end up.
i've been going there everyday, just to see her, and her smile, but one problem is i've never touched her??

are girlfriend/boyfriends supposed to touch eachother or am i missing something??
whenever i see her i want to hug her, maybe even kiss her but i dont think shes that kind of girl.
i've been following her home, making sure she gets there safely, but i never have the guts to tell her that, but she's sending me signals that she likes it.
like sometimes when i buy my groceries and im packing up, she blinks at me, usually the day after i guarded her when she was walking home.

i also have dreams, we share dreams actually, she comes to me and we can fulfill all our stuff there, like this one time i ate a string of strawberrys with her in a field, it was beautiful and blue and green, and then our lips touched when i was looking away.
i felt kind of fdirty after that and i hope i didnt soil my beloved kate.

tomorrow im going to talk to her about our problems, because im in constant agony because of this.
i just hope she wont be mad, i mean, i dont know if she wants to touch me or not or if it's an insult to her perfect personality.
regardless, i must calm down, everything is going to be okay, she's a good girl and she wants what's best for me.

im going to ask her to marry me next week, when i resolve it.
its going to be a big one!! im gonna hire a small 6 man string orchestra and play "beautiful world" for her in the store, before bowing down and asking her for the holy matrimony!!
shes going to be so happy and surprised!!

i must wear something nice though.. must ask mom to take me to the store for that.
im almost 26 years old now so its time i got married my mom says.
well my mom is going to be so happy for me!!

speaking of which, every night i write a poem for her, to her, and then i read it to her in our dreams.
i can tell everyday when she gives me signals and blinks that she loves them..

why was i even worrying to begin with, she loves me and i love her and thats all that counts. im going to march up there right now and ask her to marry me, screw the orchestra, i need to do this NOW!

wish me luck!!

don't bother talking to her

your best bet is to drug her somehow, gag her and throw her in your trunk for a couple of days

chicks love shit like that

[Zenithian Legend]

This is just downright creepy...

[onetrackmind]

don't bother talking to her

your best bet is to drug her somehow, gag her and throw her in your trunk for a couple of days

chicks love shit like that

i recommend a good ball gag

[Ikohn4ever]

how about asking her name, and maybe hello and if you ever get her to your place for god sake throw away the hair doll you made of her

[Javil]

Good shit, Shady. :applause:

[modium]

i recommend a good ball gagBring out the gimp...

[el bobo]

Why in the world would you ask gamers for girlfriend advice
Not all of us all slobbering ogres who can't talk to women.

[The Successful Dropout]

for the past couple of months, i've been fucking the same clerk...maybe that's why she won't touch you

[Renzokuken]

Club her over the head and have your way with her.

[flizmo007]

haha, this is funny.. I needed a good laugh... Thanks

[onikage]

You need to give her the buttseckz after following her home tomorrow. After that, all your problems will be solved. Well, maybe one of them at least.

I totally agree. :lol:

[2poor]

i recommend a good ball gag

nah. go with the sock soaked in ether.

[SuprTnr2]

Forget the socks, just get a big jawbreaker put it in her mouth, then cover it with ducttape ;)

[PKRipp3r]

i recommend a good ball gag

agreed

(i was going to post an image, but after doing a google image search for 'ball gag' i need to go pour liquid soap directly into my eyes)

[bobo2k4]

This is going to end up on the 9 o'clock news.

[supadupacheap]

Shady has always been an attention whore. He either says inflamatory stuff or just stupid shit (so people will react) Its best to not take anything he says seriously and ignore anything that seems abnormal.

[racthamp]

so is this really a joke or what? seem like a joke to me eh?

if not.. just give her a donkey kong punch and you will be alright :)

[Reality's Fringe]

(i was going to post an image, but after doing a google image search for 'ball gag' i need to go pour liquid soap directly into my eyes)

Ha ha ha, what a terrible idea! Never do a google image search for ambigious things...as some of them cannot be "unseen".

[jaykrue]

so is this really a joke or what? seem like a joke to me eh?

if not.. just give her a donkey kong punch and you will be alright :)

It's donkey punch. Plain ol' donkey punch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_punch

EDIT: And OP, if you're serious about that getting married thing, you should reevaluate your decision if you need advice on whether to 'touch' her or not. If you don't know the signals before getting married, you might want to learn them beforehand. Otherwise, it's a recipe for disaster.

[munch]

It's donkey punch. Plain ol' donkey punch.



It's a Donkey Kong punch when you are pretending like the person you are hitting is mario.

[Apossum]

Put it in her butt. If she gets a pink sock, it was meant to be. No pink sock, then it's time to find someone else my friend.

[Scorch]

There's no way this is real.

[$hady]

LMFAO!

I came across this on another forum and it was so good I had to post it here as my own! I cracked up reading it, it was a joke when the other guy posted it also. :lol:

http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/6890/10gw.th.png (http://img354.imageshack.us/my.php?image=10gw.png)

[SuprTnr2]

Why is it we always suggest the Donkey Punch? Oh well, go 'fer it!

[Saucy Jack]

Funny story, $hady! :lol:

[crazytalkx]

I'm more of a Strawberry Shortcake kinda guy.

[Ikohn4ever]

It's donkey punch. Plain ol' donkey punch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_punch

.

it will be a donkey kong punch on the Nintendo Revolution

[racthamp]

it will be a donkey kong punch on the Nintendo Revolution


haha.. i was just joking.. since this is CAG afterall.. just give her a Donkey Kong Punch... would be more appropriate...

[Graystone]

Funny?

[Scorch]

That word is so stupid in that context, "minute". "I haven't seen you in a minute!".. it came from a rap star, no doubt. They come up with the dumbest things.

[smellhasreturned]

:rofl: i found it funny shady

[onetrackmind]

agreed

(i was going to post an image, but after doing a google image search for 'ball gag' i need to go pour liquid soap directly into my eyes)

:rofl:

[Sleepkyng]

and thus DKP was born on CAG.

[Zenithian Legend]

Yes, from now on I'm gonna call it a Donkey Kong Punch!

[radjago]

This thread reminds me of this site for some reason.

http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/

[Drtyazn]

Rule #1... women are nothing but trouble... if she won't let you touch her, that's messed up. It sounds more like a brother sister thing though... it's not legal up here.