nneace
05-10-2004, 10:04 PM
here it is...its somewhat morbid, but here goes:
- Men always wonder why is it that women always want to date you when you are involved with someone – that’s easy. It’s because you don’t say what you feel; you say what they want to hear. The façade we put up is just the bullshit they want to hear.
- But when we are alone, that’s when we are ourselves, we don’t have to lie, or hold our tongues simply for the benefit of those around us. A struggling relationship is like an incredibly long hallway. You see the door at the end, and you make your way towards it hoping that soon you will shove that 2-inch thick piece of hanging Formica ajar, and be liberated. So you gradually make your way down the hallway, taking in the newness of this premarital union. Yet after a few hundred steps, the natural light given off by the sun that permeates the blinds on the sides of the hallway start to dim; no the sun isn’t fading or going down for the evening, it is just getting a little darker. So the fluorescent lights start to kick in, and shine vibrantly causing a brief moment of euphoric bliss. With your ability to see your destination unhindered, you continue the almost “descent” towards to door. Gradually those overhead fluorescent lights start to pulsate and blink, faster and faster until the dim almost to black. And your road to the end seems more difficult; however you can still make out the door at the end. You then start to notice a feeling of suffocation, as the walls creep ever so close. They move, or so it feels, closer to the center. However, they don’t move until your eyes are no longer fixated on them. They creep when your back is turned, slowly, until you have to walk sideways to get through the hallway. And though this hallway has the same area as it held during its rectangular shape; its dimensions have changed dramatically. Where there was once freedom to roam, is now no more. The new dimensions resemble a new, elongated hallway. The length reminds one of The Lincoln Tunnel, and the new width can be closely compared to the width of a new born infant’s big toe. Suffocation is a luxury compared to this bottleneck predicament. As you move closer to the door you realize why the suffocation has occurred. Its not the outside restraints put on you by others, it’s the amount of stress and pressure you put on yourself to make the other person happy. And when that is not reciprocated, the effects are almost disastrous.
- Loneliness then is the pinnacle of realness. Only when you are alone can you be real. For pleasure masturbation then becomes the vehicle of self-exploration and acceptance. If one can’t be satisfied with their body, who else would be? This is when all the preconceived notions of happiness are realized. We can for once be honest with ourselves. When masturbating, you can’t lie about the size or girth of your penis (or lack thereof). And you can’t run, hide, or blur your thoughts and feelings because you know what they are and what you ultimately want.
- Yes loneliness brings despair, apathy, and resentment towards those who are in “love.” But who cares? You have reason, logic, honesty, and masturbation. What is love? A word to describe an emotion? No, it’s an ideological excuse to deal with loneliness. It’s a drug. But it isn’t addicting, in the drug sense, as in you don’t need it to survive. Without it one doesn’t feel the need to kill themselves, or if without this drug they won’t be able to function properly in our rapidly changing and evolving society. It’s addicting because we as a society and a generation are addicted to pain. What other thing in this world causes so much hurt. But then the old adage always comes in; “it is better to have loved, than to have never loved at all.” And while yes that’s true, what does love really do? It creates unnecessary emotional attachments that attempt to change us and fabricate a reality of peril, self-acceptance, lust, fear, and a lack of self worth. We become so inundated with what the other person wants, we lose sight of who we are and what we ultimately want. But that’s not entirely true. Yes we lust in love. And we fear losing love. And we attempt to define our existence by what the other person wants and feels. But that’s not always true. Usually one person gets the short end of the stick, and does a majority of the work in a relationship.
And that’s the worst thing…and unreciprocated feeling. The feeling that you are second best in a union that is supposed to be 50-50. And we can deal with it if it is 45-55, or maybe even 40-60. But when those numbers dip to 25-75 and 20-80, the pressure becomes unbearable. All this ranting is the effects and aftermath from a bad relationship, and from a sour, arsenic, rough old man. Take it for what its worth.
- Men always wonder why is it that women always want to date you when you are involved with someone – that’s easy. It’s because you don’t say what you feel; you say what they want to hear. The façade we put up is just the bullshit they want to hear.
- But when we are alone, that’s when we are ourselves, we don’t have to lie, or hold our tongues simply for the benefit of those around us. A struggling relationship is like an incredibly long hallway. You see the door at the end, and you make your way towards it hoping that soon you will shove that 2-inch thick piece of hanging Formica ajar, and be liberated. So you gradually make your way down the hallway, taking in the newness of this premarital union. Yet after a few hundred steps, the natural light given off by the sun that permeates the blinds on the sides of the hallway start to dim; no the sun isn’t fading or going down for the evening, it is just getting a little darker. So the fluorescent lights start to kick in, and shine vibrantly causing a brief moment of euphoric bliss. With your ability to see your destination unhindered, you continue the almost “descent” towards to door. Gradually those overhead fluorescent lights start to pulsate and blink, faster and faster until the dim almost to black. And your road to the end seems more difficult; however you can still make out the door at the end. You then start to notice a feeling of suffocation, as the walls creep ever so close. They move, or so it feels, closer to the center. However, they don’t move until your eyes are no longer fixated on them. They creep when your back is turned, slowly, until you have to walk sideways to get through the hallway. And though this hallway has the same area as it held during its rectangular shape; its dimensions have changed dramatically. Where there was once freedom to roam, is now no more. The new dimensions resemble a new, elongated hallway. The length reminds one of The Lincoln Tunnel, and the new width can be closely compared to the width of a new born infant’s big toe. Suffocation is a luxury compared to this bottleneck predicament. As you move closer to the door you realize why the suffocation has occurred. Its not the outside restraints put on you by others, it’s the amount of stress and pressure you put on yourself to make the other person happy. And when that is not reciprocated, the effects are almost disastrous.
- Loneliness then is the pinnacle of realness. Only when you are alone can you be real. For pleasure masturbation then becomes the vehicle of self-exploration and acceptance. If one can’t be satisfied with their body, who else would be? This is when all the preconceived notions of happiness are realized. We can for once be honest with ourselves. When masturbating, you can’t lie about the size or girth of your penis (or lack thereof). And you can’t run, hide, or blur your thoughts and feelings because you know what they are and what you ultimately want.
- Yes loneliness brings despair, apathy, and resentment towards those who are in “love.” But who cares? You have reason, logic, honesty, and masturbation. What is love? A word to describe an emotion? No, it’s an ideological excuse to deal with loneliness. It’s a drug. But it isn’t addicting, in the drug sense, as in you don’t need it to survive. Without it one doesn’t feel the need to kill themselves, or if without this drug they won’t be able to function properly in our rapidly changing and evolving society. It’s addicting because we as a society and a generation are addicted to pain. What other thing in this world causes so much hurt. But then the old adage always comes in; “it is better to have loved, than to have never loved at all.” And while yes that’s true, what does love really do? It creates unnecessary emotional attachments that attempt to change us and fabricate a reality of peril, self-acceptance, lust, fear, and a lack of self worth. We become so inundated with what the other person wants, we lose sight of who we are and what we ultimately want. But that’s not entirely true. Yes we lust in love. And we fear losing love. And we attempt to define our existence by what the other person wants and feels. But that’s not always true. Usually one person gets the short end of the stick, and does a majority of the work in a relationship.
And that’s the worst thing…and unreciprocated feeling. The feeling that you are second best in a union that is supposed to be 50-50. And we can deal with it if it is 45-55, or maybe even 40-60. But when those numbers dip to 25-75 and 20-80, the pressure becomes unbearable. All this ranting is the effects and aftermath from a bad relationship, and from a sour, arsenic, rough old man. Take it for what its worth.