November has come quicker then i thought, and I'm now down to only about 7 weeks left before i make my near cross country move from Pennsylvania to Arizona. Time has seemed to fly by so quickly the last several weeks, with me last remembering it being early September and me telling myself how much time i had left and being proud of myself for not procrastinating on aspects of the move. Some snail mail and "processing" times later, its november and there's still lot's to wrap up. I still have to finalize my housing arrangements and a school loan, and i only have a month to do it...

Lots of aspects I've made previous blogs about such as how to get there and what to bring are becoming recurring issues still without answer... I had originally planned to drive down there, but now its seeming that we are definately having the car shipped and flying down. Another issue is whether or not to bring my 250+ game collection. In many ways i want to bring it, but i'm between a rock and a hard place. Last blog on the game collection issue, most people said to not bring it, but they were also wise to add, "only if you can trust it at home". The reason I'm between a rock and a hard place is exactly that I can't trust it at home. I have a trouble maker sister who has shoplifted 3 times in the past, constantly getting in trouble, and i would not put it past her to take them from my room and sell them to pawn shops... my mom would probably never do anything in reality, but she is always telling me how much she wishes she could sell them. Leave them with her unattended for a long period of time and.... well, i don't want to risk it.

I think i may just honestly bring the games in concealed boxes, so at least ill have them in my safety, but not on display so they can tempt any folks i have over or window peepers. I would appreciate some more advice on what to do though.

The real situation I'm starting to face is whether or not I'm ready for this move, emotionally. The big day is coming closer and closer, and as it nears i get more and more nervous. I begin to doubt myself, wonder if this is really right (seems i do this with everything...) I ask myself stupid questions like "can i really make it?"

All them aside though, i think the largest worry of the bunch is swallowing the fact that this move is basically my step into true adulthood. I wouldn't say i was immature by far. I have always been a more mature person even from grade school. Maturity aside though, I really have lived a sheltered and easy life. I never felt like my life was going anywhere, but it was damn easy. I had very few bills, a house, a car, a phone. I payed parts of those bills, but its still nothing compared to living on your own. I've always had someone to back up on or ask for help (aka parents right there)

I think the toughest thing about making this step is that I'm realizing my life has to change in drastic ways. For one, I'm going to have to bust my balls to learn this stuff I'm going to school for. I always went through school with a ho-hum attitude, and surprisingly did this with a 90% some average at least all 12 years of grade school and 3 years of college. Like doing assignments last minute, only studying 10 minutes before a test.... I realize i will really have to give this my all, or failure may result, and failure CAN NOT HAPPEN. I'm putting too much on the line with this big move, especially money wise, that failing would be devastating.

Thats only one of many big changes i can foresee in myself if i truly want to make something of myself out there. I vowed to get a girlfriend, work out at the gym passionately again, and start socializing more. I have trouble picturing myself going out at night with friends or a girl when the last few years my friday night was online gaming spree... Hard to picture, but one of the many big changes ill need to make if i want to succeed. This may very well lead to me having to give up video games... at least compared to what i have been playing. I dont think i play much, but it adds up. Since i turned 17, i have probably gamed at least an hour per night, and this is a habit i stick to vigilantly. There's been only a few times in the last 5-6 years where maybe for a month or so I didnt game, but generally no matter what, gaming for at least 30 minutes before bed has become a ritual.

All and all, I wonder if i'm truly ready for this drastic change in character. I know i will still be able to game, but this move is my step towards a professional career, and a boatload of new responsiblity. No more can i just work a 9-5 job, come home and do what i wish. I'm going to have lots of stuff to take care of, and many new challenges to tackle.

Sure, i could easily go there and just be my old self, doing the bare minimum, keeping to myself, playing games and doing for myself, but looking back on my life the last few years, I need to move out of that phase of my life. I would say i enjoyed myself, but as i stated in the beginning of this blog "my life was going nowhere..." Should i continue this lifestyle, my life will continue to not go anywhere, and then the whole purpose of the move has become an epic fail

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Either way, i understand there's a lot I need to be ready to accept in my new life that is creeping ever so close faster and faster each day. I just hope its not as hard as it sounds... wish me luck, and thanks for reading. any advice and comments are welcomed and appreciated!