Awhile back when I had first decided i was going to be moving to Arizona, I had made a blog detailing many aspects of my life that I was hoping would somehow magically change once I moved away from home. Very far away from home.

Now since I'm here, and finally settled in, I think now would be a great time to take another look at my goals so I can start working towards them. There's 5 goals in peticular I'm looking to accomplish. Lets take a look.

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1. Succeed with my Music, Education, and finally Career.

This is the sole reason why I came out here in the first place, and likewise, it's the most important. I'm a bit nervous going into the field, as while my passion for music is tremendous, this whole music engineering is a very foreign matter that I always wanted to learn, but never really did before. It's going to be very new for me, and I will have to work very hard to succeed.

For those that need a rehash of what I'm here to learn, I had dropped out 4 year universities and will now be attending a technical school for music recording, production, and engineering. My ultimate goal is to work either on game of film audio, where my duties would be music, sound effects, voice acting and more. Though I will admit I wouldn't mind my audio position as being a stepping stool into a producer position in the game industry, hell even any other decent positions as experience and knowing people seems to be the key in the game industry, not where you got a degree. Why I chose a technical school over just finishing my 4 year degree is a long story, with most being told in previous blogs of mine, but I am planning to retell that story in a future blog eventually.

So yea, this will be the first time I really need to work my ass off on something as I was generally lucky in highschool and college. I really never tried and would only study like 10 minutes before a test or quiz, yet managed to maintain a 3.5 or higher GPA for 7 years... (4 high school, 3 college) and remember that was me not trying.

This though I feel will not come as easy, and it doesn't help the industry I'm entering is one where networking and the need to keep pushing yourself out there is absolutely key to success. I just hope I won't slack off as I spent too much money on this whole like charade of mine, and failure on my part is simply not an option. I must absolutely be the best of everything we do, and hopefully that will be enough to get me started with a good career. I can't afford to come out of this without a career, and it's scary as I know many who haven't tried hard from these type of schools, and they end up working some shit job as a dish washer or something.

So that's my number 1 goal on the list. I understand I'm taking big chances here, but this is just something i got to try with all my heart and mind. Wish me luck.

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2. Get back in Shape

There was a time about 3 years ago when I was very happy with the shape I was in. It was around when I was 19 and in my first year of college. I was pretty toned and sitting at around 12% Body fat. I also used to be an extreme health freak, (seriously, you wouldn't believe the craziness I did...), but somewhere along the road, I just lost my ambition to keep working out, I started eating whatever was around again, and likewise got out of shape.

I still blame it very much on my parents, as one summer they started eating very badly much more often the usual. Normally they would bring home so junk once a week. Now they had started bringing home junk everyday. What was very easy to resist once a week inevitably became impossible to resist everyday, and I caved into the temptation. This is what I believe started my downward trend of losing my healthiness.

Needless to say, having a carefree diet and lack of ambition to work out for the last 2-3 years, I have become very out of shape. I am somewhat lucky as I didn't really get fat looking, but let's just say I lost all my tone, and my strength and endurance decreased tremendously.

Now, in the last year, I have been making feeble attempts to get back in shape, but I always start falling out of the groove of things in a few weeks and go back to my lazy habits. I wouldn't say I became a slob, it's just that whereas once I used to look forward to working out 5-6 days a week, now I couldn't give a rat's ass if i went or not.

Either way, getting back into shape and perhaps even into better shape for the time I'm here in Arizona is one of my big goals. I think the heat will help, as I am affected by seasonal affective disorder, meaning in winter I basically get depressed and feel like doing nothing. Its a condition caused from lack of sun and cold. Many have it, even if only a mild case.

I had started looking at gyms in the area and I'm split between a 24 hour fitness, or the YMCA. The YMCA here is $37 a month and a bit smaller, but they have a raquetball court and it seems more friendly a place. It's also less busier, and it seems a better place where you would be able to make acquaintances. The 24 hour fitness is cheaper, and much bigger and nicer, but they lack a raquetball court which is a major loss for me (as its a sport I wished to play more of back home) Not only that, but the 24 hour fitness seems more of like this chop shop for exercise goers. It looks friendly on the outside, but once your in and working out, I doubt anyone is in any mood to chat with you and they just want to work out. At least that's what I got from my tour. It just seemed everyone was in their own little bubbles at the 24 hour fitness, where at the ymca people are more friendly and talkative, would be easier to make new friends.

So right now its a tough choice for me, I would like to go with the 24 hour fitness as its cleaner, bigger, cheaper, and nicer, but the lack of raquetball court and the fact I may not meet anyone are downers, as meeting new friends is another goal that i have for myself, so we will see. It will be a toughie, but I would like to make a decision by tomorrow so I could work out already.

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3. Become more Social, Go out More, Make New Friends.

This is a really big goal for me, and I hope I will be able to accomplish it. Ever since I got out of highschool, i sadly never made any new friends, nor did I ever go out. I would maybe go out a few times a year, and this was only when my highschool friends came back from college for break. For the rest of the year, I pretty much just kept to myself.

I will admit I have an introverted personality, so that played a huge part in me hating to go to bars, clubs, parties, concerts, etc.. It wasn't so much that I never had the oppurtunity more so then I just kept turning it down all the time. I wouldn't say I was socially retarded by any means, in fact, I would say I am very social, but only in certain conditions. Get me talking about some subject I like and I can go one for hours. The small chit chat and social mingling though honestly just drains me of energy and is a bore.

I had made a more detailed blog on this lack of going out of mine before, so I won't repeat much, but I finally think, and I want to take a trip to the other side. I may still not like going to bars and nightclubs but I want to be able to tolerate it enough and do it enough so I can meet new people who can then in turn do the things I like with me. It has made me feel very selfish when I finally realized how can I expect people to hang out with me if I wont spend a measly night at a bar with them doing something they enjoy?

Either way, my lack of friends and lack of going out if something I feel I really need to change. It's not like I have a hard time making friends either. In fact, I shocked myself when it dawned on me one day how many people i was restricting myself from being friends with! Here i was complaining I had no friends, yet I was at fault the whole time! The reason why is that I'm the type of person that people gravitate to. Wherever I had worked, school, clubs, etc... people were always trying to hang out with me, yet I never would go out with them. I never asked them to do something I like. The best example I can think of is just my last job doing lanscaping. i worked with 6 other guys. Two asked me to go hang out at their house all the time, yet I refused. One was a huge video game fan and was always hinting that I should ask him over to play some games. We would talk about games for the whole day, and I wanted to ask him over, but for some reason just never did it. Another always asked me to go eat with him, yet I never did. I just sat at home.

So I figure now that I'm in a new area, now is the best time of any to rid myself of this problem, and I really want to start going out more, making new friends, and generally just being more social in every situation. I know it's in me to do it, it's just been hiding deep down in me for some reason I don't know. I may still in the end liking to sit at home playing a game, or hanging out with 1 or two friends at some area of common interest, and that is fine, but god damnit, there is no reason why I can't handle some nights out on the town, spend some more time making small chit with strangers, and just generally being more social.

So we will see what happens. I am planning to stay the holiday in Arizona, so I might see if I can find any good christmas parties or new year's eve events to go to.

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4. Get a Girlfriend

I REALLY NEED TO GET LAID.

As many of you know from when I made the blog about it, I am a 22 year old virgin. When I posted about my virginity on the internet, I actually surprisingly received a large amount of positive support for being a virgin, but nevertheless it still somewhat bothers me. At this point though, considering I waited so long already, I probably would feel awful if I lost it to any girl, but hell, If I met a girl I thought was really attractive and we had the oppurtunity to do it, I probably just would.

Part of me wonders why I really never had the oppurtunity thus far. I feel its more so me turning down women and lack of going out rather then actually not ever having the oppurtunity. Women are sexual beasts and I don't consider myself a bad looking guy at all.

Either way, enough with all that sex stuff. What I really need is a girlfriend. Once again I had discussed all of this in a previous blog, so I will only retell some. I had only dated a few girls in highschool, but none lasted more then 3 weeks. Most were over in a week. I then became the type of guy that enjoyed being single from the freedom it gave me, but looking back on it, i think it was more an excuse for my lack of luck with the ladies.

About a year ago I said enough was enough, I really do want a girlfriend! I started asking out and talking with A LOT more girls. Recall this was after i lost all my weight, and by this time my self esteem has really blossomed, yet I had no luck. I was rejected 8 times in a row by girls telling me they already had boyfriends. It wasn't just some lame excuse either as usually a week or so later, I would then see the girl with her alleged boyfriend. How and why I didnt know this before hand is beyond me as I often would spend a good amount of time flirting with and getting to know the girl before I asked her out.

After my 8th rejection, I said it, I'm not asking out any more girls till I move to Arizona. So here I am now, and I'm hoping that somehow I can become the ladies man, or hell at least have better luck because as I said, the last 8 only rejected me because they were only taken, and many said they would have taken me up on the offer if they were single.

So this is something that really is important to me now. Why so important you ask? I won't lie. I'm lonely. I get really sad when I see couples in public, sharing time together, holding hands, going for walks, talking and smiling. I will be honest, It really bums me out. I want to be able to experience that love, that feeling of having someone care for you. So that's why I really need to find a good girlfriend already.

Many have said I am too nice, and I will say it's true that I am a very nice and good natured guy. I'm humble and polite, but thus far I haven't made it even to first base with the ladies....

I think the biggest bulk of the problem was that i just never went out, rather then being some failure with girls like I was beginning to believe. I feel that if I follow my third goal by becoming more social, by going out more, that this will just fall into line. Sure there's the whole asking out part, but looking back on the situation, my problem mostly was that I never met any girls because I was usually sitting at home...

Back to the having sex part, like i said, granted I do start going out more and to new places, and saying I met some lustful girl at a club or bar that I found attractive, I probably would just go for it then, but that's only what I say I would do. Putting me in the moment, I really don't know. For now I just really want to concentrate on getting a girlfriend first, and the sex part can come later.

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All and all, they are the 4 goals I really want to accomplish in the 8 months I'll be out here in Arizona. If you have any advice or comments for me, all of it good or bad is appreciated. Thanks for reading, and hopefully I can get some advice for my goals.