For those of you who feel like reading something upbeat filled with excitement and adventure, this is not the blog for you. This is the blog where I'm going to go ahead and vent on and on about all the bullshit that's been happening to me..which in some ways, isn't really that bad (compared to other people's problems) but still an annoyance nontheless.

My name is Edward. I'm 18 years old as of July 4th, i'm an avid video gamer, always on the lookout for that one "right" girl for me, always wondering if there's something out there for me that could stop me from seeing life to be as useless as I think it is, always wanting to do what I can never do.

My favorite video games/series are Metal Gear Solid, Bioshock, Devil May Cry (4 was a let down in my opinion..), Demon's Souls, Uncharted, Final Fantasy (hated Xll, think Xlll doesn't look so bad, loved VIII, X, and VII.) I'm in love with all Shin Megami Tensei games (especially DDS and Persona 3 and 4) except for Devil Summoner. etcetera, etcetera.

My iPod is filled with basically nothing but video game music, and songs from Japanese bands Nightmare, Malice Mizer, and Dir en Grey.

I'm a very shallow guy. Although I never really expect my standards to be met. Despite this, personality matters a hell of a lot to me, too. ...Anyway. All the chicks I want are most of the ing time..either taken, lesbian, or just flat out not looking for me, or anyone. I have terrible luck with women, despite me getting a lot of compliments on how "handsome" I am, or how much of an amazing guy I am, I get ed over a lot more than most guys I know. Maybe because i'm in high school and all the women are ing idiots? I suppose I can't deny that...

As for school, I don't care about my grades, going there makes me feel like i'm in solitary confinement (I think my anxiety attacks have mostly stemmed from how much I hate being there.)

...My cousins won't shut the up right now.


Guess that's just a bit of background.

What this blog is supposed to be about, is how shitty life is for me right now. My anxiety attack has been lasting for a ing week now (which makes me pretty much unable to smoke comfortably...having reduced smoking 6 of them a day, down to one..or none at all.) I have nothing to ing do.

... I suppose this blog is basically me whining about something that can't be changed. Maybe I should just stop writing since this won't solve anything?

I can deal with my life. But i'm just so ing fed up. I have no plans after high school ( college...taking a year off...) no girl, I've played the shit out of all my games and i'm just holding off until Bayonetta comes out in about four days. ...ugh.

You know, this isn't going to change anything. Life blows. I hope it'll get better sometime. I really do. I feel like an old man just doing what little he can until he dies.

I'm sure life will get better (or am I?) but shit, what the hell did you guys do during these times? I'm so fed up with everything. Everything pisses me off. Everything.

Blah. What a terribly written blog.

Whine, whine, whine.

Leave your comments. More than likely i'll get flamed for (insert reason here.)