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Major life changes -> mental funk
By Koggit 05-30-2010 09:39 PM
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I'm in a bad state. I don't know how to identify it. Depression / anxiety / etc. I like "nervous breakdown," that feels right.
Backstory: For just short of a year now, I've lived with 4 others in a 3-bedroom apartment. A couple in one room, a couple in the other room, and me. The four of them have/had been good friends for a while before living together, but I was a new inductee to the group. I never felt very welcome. There's a big part of me that believes it was all just the result of pessimistic perception, and that this wasn't actually the case, but I felt unwelcome and that fueled some bad blood. Not terrible blood, just, we didn't become as close of friends as we could've. We're all still friends, just, not super close friends. Well, our lease is up and we're moving on. Yesterday we rented a UHaul and finished most of our moves. The two guys, one from each couple, got a place together. The two girls got a place together. I got a place with an ex-girlfriend (now friends, don't worry, it's a healthy friendship). And... I'm super bummed about it. I feel like I just lost my four closest friends, even though we still live near one another and plan to continue hanging out. Hanging out as non-roommate friends is waaaay different than being roommate friends though. That sounds so minor, yet it's gotten me upset enough to have spent the better part of the day mopey and wet-eyed. I guess I'm being a little ridiculous. |
 Comments (Total Comments: 11) |
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madbst
- 05-30-2010, 09:46 PM
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You are being ridiculous. People come and go, friends stay with you. Just because you're not living together doesn't mean you can't still be friends.
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KingKRool
- 05-30-2010, 09:59 PM
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I can see if you're moving out and being in a place all by yourself or something, or if you're moving out of state, but I honestly don't see this as something to be THAT super bummed out about. I mean, you can still all hang out at one of your houses.
But hey, I've never had roommates before, so I wouldn't understand the type of bond you've dealt with. |
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bigsick
- 05-31-2010, 07:18 AM
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well you dont have depression or anxiety, because if you did they are never-ending sicknesses that need to be treated with medication and aren't triggered by an event.
nevertheless, i agree with madbst. you can still see your friends even though you're not living together. Maybe you're not one for change but it has to happen i guess. |
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Danimal
- 05-31-2010, 08:51 AM
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Koggit, have you considered that this change in living arrangements might actually improve the friendships you have with these people? You said yourself that you always felt unwelcome as the 5th person living with two couples. I'd say that was understandable; I think I'd feel like a 5th wheel myself in that setup, no matter how gracious or friendly the other four people were towards me. Give it some time and see how it goes. You may end feeling a lot more welcome at their places now as a visitor than you did as a roommate.
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ejamer
- 05-31-2010, 09:34 AM
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Danimal has a good point - in the past, I've become better friends with some people after moving away a little bit. Give it a chance, and embrace the opportunity to try something new.
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mission42
- 05-31-2010, 09:40 AM
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Just see if you can hang out in a coffee shop with them all the time. It'll work really well if one of the girls work there and maybe the other one plays guitar and sings there or something for entertainment.
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billyrox
- 05-31-2010, 05:25 PM
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Koggit, as all things in life, give it time ... its always hardest in the beginning.
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Koggit
- 05-31-2010, 07:59 PM
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Thanks guys -- sometimes it's tough to see past my own thoughts. You all make some good points that hadn't crossed my mind.
I was sad earlier today, but not nearly as upset as I was yesterday. I'm pretty content right now. I definitely think I'll be back to my usual happy self in a short amount of time. One thing's for sure though, life at home will be far less exciting -- with 4 active roommates there was always something interesting going on, but with 1 roommate there's far less stimuli. I'm gonna start looking for jobs ASAP. |
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kainzero
- 05-31-2010, 09:43 PM
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I've been through this before.
The "inductee" feeling: I think it's something you just need(ed) to shake off. If you have this image in your head all the time that you weren't in the group, it manifests itself. In my rare moments of when I feel like being social and I introduce myself to a tight-knit group of friends, when I let go of the "outsider" status in my head, I realize that things are just the same. On people moving out: In college, I had 4 roommates in sophomore year. In junior year, they all moved out together, leaving me behind. Yeah, it sucked. Self-esteem issues and everything. I still hung out with them every once in a while. Either way, it's up to you keep it going. If it fades, oh well, that's what happened. |
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iceveiled
- 06-02-2010, 04:16 PM
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You've moved on and it sounds like you have a hard time coping with change. Just find something to occupy your mind, and in the mean while build your relationship up with your new roommate. Go watch a movie together or do some other activities. It'll all be okay.
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Koggit
- 10-30-2010, 01:45 PM
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Update: Ridiculously better. One of the couples I lived with back then split soon after moving out, I'm currently dating the girl that left the guy. We both consider it to be the best relationship we've had, and are both grateful that we got to know each other as friends/roommates before becoming involved.
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