I'm in a bad state. I don't know how to identify it. Depression / anxiety / etc. I like "nervous breakdown," that feels right.
Backstory: For just short of a year now, I've lived with 4 others in a 3-bedroom apartment. A couple in one room, a couple in the other room, and me. The four of them have/had been good friends for a while before living together, but I was a new inductee to the group.
I never felt very welcome. There's a big part of me that believes it was all just the result of pessimistic perception, and that this wasn't actually the case, but I felt unwelcome and that fueled some bad blood. Not terrible blood, just, we didn't become as close of friends as we could've. We're all still friends, just, not super close friends.
Well, our lease is up and we're moving on. Yesterday we rented a UHaul and finished most of our moves. The two guys, one from each couple, got a place together. The two girls got a place together. I got a place with an ex-girlfriend (now friends, don't worry, it's a healthy friendship). And... I'm super bummed about it. I feel like I just lost my four closest friends, even though we still live near one another and plan to continue hanging out. Hanging out as non-roommate friends is waaaay different than being roommate friends though. That sounds so minor, yet it's gotten me upset enough to have spent the better part of the day mopey and wet-eyed. I guess I'm being a little ridiculous.