So someone comes up to you and tells you there is a movie where Keanu Reeves wears a fake goatee and acts in a play. What do you do? Obviously you make watching the movie your #1 priority.

That's actually a true event that happend to me today. It all started when I was chilling out, maxing and relaxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were walking out of the woods walked up to me and told me of the goods. They said "Have you ever heard of Keanu Reeves fake goatee?" I said "how could such a badass thing be?"

They explained the jist of the movie to me and needless to say I rushed out to my local video Redbox store and rented this film.


I started watching it and got to see Keanu Reeves acting like a normal person, working a tollbooth and driving a truck. The wonders of movies, letting us imagine god-like people such as Keanu Reeves could actually be nothing more than a normal human.

In any case he and his buddies get in the car and drive to the local elementary school field to play some softball, but on the way make a quick stop to rob a bank. Keanu doesn't know of this of course, he is too perfect and innocent to be aware of such things and think they're just stopping for gas on the side of the road right in front of a bank. While waiting for his three friends in masks to get gas at the bank, he notices that someone pulled some wires out of the steering wheel column and there is no key in the ignition. Nothing to be alarmed about he surely (and understandably) thought.

Unfortunately he gets arrested and goes to jail. He grows a beard then shaves it, becomes friends with an old guy and then gets out of jail for all of his efforts after three years and looks exactly the same as when he went in. People like him don't age obviously. He truly is divine.

The old man leaves jail after Keanu does and meets up with him and this is where the magic happens. Keanu Reeves gets a fake goatee for the play, and wow, is there a religion behind such perfection? I need to join The Church of Keanu Reeves' Fake Goatee.




Keanu Reeves decides to use his fake goatee to actually rob the bank since he went to jail for it already without getting the opportunity to do so. He digs a tunnel with his fake goatee while acting in a play at the same time like some sort of amazing multi-tasker. Eventually he gets shot in the leg because some guy wanted to steal his fake goatee, but it ends up healing Keanu and making the bad guy pass out. Keanu finishes his play and then marries his fake goatee and lives happily ever after.


If you see only one film with Keanu Reeves fake goatee, make it Henry's Crime.