I'm a little tired of hearing the Nintendo Fanboy Frat complain that casual games are ruining the market. The latest diatribe is about the rumor that Nintendo will be making a "casual" new Zelda title based on some new Miamoto patent application or something to that affect.

Every time Nintendo is rumored as trying something new, we get broadsided by whiney little bitches complaining about how Nintendo isn't catering to their needs. And yes, they sound just like whiney little bitches we dated in high school. You know, the kind that always complained that you weren't giving them enough attention, or you weren't spending enough time with them, or listening to their feelings. Yeah, they're just like THAT.

Nothing seems to please you Nintendo nerders. What the hell do you want anyway, Zelda:Gears of Shin Megami Eternal Fantasy XIV ? Or do you want more of the same? Cause you freakazoids seem to eat up that more-of-the-same crap like it's cocaine and you find a way to complain about that too. Then, when Nintendo even hints, or someone make a rumor from an inference that they may do something different, you go ape shit and threaten to sell your consoles like a goddamn spoiled brat. As if you are the sole owners and protectors of the Zelda legacy.

TP may have been easy for some(and we all know who you are because I've been talking about your ass for three paragraphs), but some of that shit was tough. The statue puzzle 3/4 of the way through took a long damn time to figure out. The double chainhook minigame took a lot of goddamn time to finish. And some other shit I can't remember right now cause it's late and it was 2 years ago that I played TP.

I think I might be getting it now. You like your member's only club, your little exclusive club where you're the only experts. You need a tastically hard game to be published to exclude all the others who aren't as big of fanboys as you. Just make sure you cover all the bases, Nintendo. Make sure Link jerks off with his left hand instead of his right foot, and make sure every boss battle is the same as all the other Zelda games cause you can't with the canon.

Really, I have my beefs with Nintendo too, but it's times like these that I feel for Nintendo - cause I've been there. I don't want to break up cause the sex is good, but I just can't put up with the whining and the crying anymore. Then I might want you to break up with me and move on so you can make someone else's life a miserable hell. Yeah, see, I AM Nintendo and I want you to sell your ing Wii to that soccer mom down the street cause she'll take it, work it, play with it, and won't complain about a goddamn thing.