In a recent discussion over the merits of the various Team Fortress 2 classes, I mentioned in passing that while I enjoyed playing different roles depending on the situation, I absolutely hated playing as the Demoman. My buddy Hambot (you remember, the lesbian?) suggested jokingly that perhaps I was racist, as the sole minority character in the game was also the sole target of my hatred (for the record, I couldn't care less what the character looks like; it's that ing gun which drives me up the wall). Never one to let a verbal barb land unchallenged, I smugly replied that I'd played as lots of black characters in games, and then prepared to rattle off a list of protagonists in a comeback so vicious it would reduce him to quivering jelly. Unfortunately, I was tripped up by one teeny-tiny fact; I couldn't for the life of me name a single black video-game star. I explained my problem to Hambot, and while he initially tried to mock my ignorance, he too soon found himself totally at a loss....

In this issue of Splatoon's Bargain Bin Review-o-Rama, I take a mildly critical look at the beloved Metroid Prime. In the next issue, I ask the Nintendoids who read this review to stop throwing rocks at my house.

The story of bounty hunter Samus Aran, Metroid Prime seems like a game that would be right up my alley; you've got a hottie protagonist, plenty of aliens to blast, and a sweet armored suit to do it in. Also, the game is all about the single-player, something I can appreciate as a friendless shut-in. Ultimately though, the game just never clicked with me. I don't hate it, it's just that its developers made a lot of design choices that I feel neuter what could have otherwise been an great experience. Of course I'd have to be an idiot to ignore the game's virtues, of which there are many. Gorgeous scenery, an vibrant aesthetic and most importantly, super-tight controls; mechanically, this is one of the best shooters I've ever played on a console, and considering...

In this issue of Splatoon's Bargain Bin Review-o-Rama, we take a look at the classic (but fairly one sided) debate over which has more selling power; boobies or bugs. The stars of today's show are Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball (X-Box, Mature) and Mister Mosquito (Playstation 2, Teen)



I have to admit, I'm a little unsure as to why exactly Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball even exists. I know why it exists in theory, but with the advent of the Internet age and the soul-crushing insanity that is Rule 34, you'd think this sort of exercise in juvenile pandering would have been rendered largely extinct. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against adult-themed entertainment as a rule, but considering everyone with a pulse and DSL can access that kind of media for, let's see, FREE, this seems a little redundant (much...

Picture this:
You're standing in your local Gamestop, a copy of Superman: The Man of Steel in one hand, X-Men Legends in the other. A pasty, bespectacled chap, who reeks of Mountain Dew and sadness, is inching ever closer, clearly preparing to start some kind of conversation regarding your game purchase, comics and possibly which game has hotter babes, Rumble Roses or DoA (Answer: Rumble Roses). You've got to escape, but you can't remember which game is supposed to be better, and with $5 on the line you can't afford to screw around. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

Oops, too late. Now you're stuck in the never-ending conversation from Hell, trying to find room between the human sponge and the PC game rack so you can leap out the store's window. Well Splatoon's Bargain Bin Review-o-Rama is here to ensure that kind of situation doesn't happen, and since we couldn't afford enough tasers for all our fellow CAGs, we've decided instead to provide quality reviews for all your...