nip it in the butt before you lose your wife. when gaming addiction hits that point to where theyre getting close to other obsessed gamers shit turns ugly quick. sounds like you wife may have always had an addictive personality and for whatever reason gaming became her drug. calmly talk to her about it let her know your concerns and worries and try and get her some help.

Originally Posted by blindinglights As 62t said, just be careful with how you phrase things. The simplest stuff can make a huge difference.

Very good point from both of you. There was a point in the relationship where I made a concerted effort to follow interpersonal communication guidelines... but the wife is smart, and would critique my "proper" constructive criticism in the midst of the argument.

In a weird sort of way, I'm starting to think that she wants to be submissive. But in order for that to occur, I have to be more aggressive... which I'm not very good at. I'm far too much of a laid back guy. I've always been one to resort to compromise, evaluating feelings, talking about the problem. Approaches like these seem to infuriate her.

It's strange... she acts like she "wears the pants," but underneath that facade, it's almost like she wants someone to dominate her. Hmmm... that might explain other relationship issues we've had. Well... yeah... especially considering the types of long term relationships she had prior to me.

Man... the revelations are never ending!

do you mean dominate as in sexually or just take control of things overall? when it comes to sexual stuff your best bet is to ask her what she wants its surprising how far you can get with that and when women feel comfortable enough to tell you those sorts of things WOW!!!!!

I'm really sorry man. When I first saw the topic title I thought it would be one of those dumb threads where a guy's girlfriend said he's playing too much videogames. I was so wrong.

I don't really have anything new to add, but you have my support. Echoing what others said, get therapy/counseling (yourself and/or both of you), make sure everything is documented, etc, etc. As much of a cunt your MIL sounds like, hopefully she will do some good in this situation.

Post-weekend update:

The mother-in-law visited, preventing the wife from playing. She also gave me a pack of watermelon seeds for my garden that doesn't exist.

Following her exit yesterday afternoon, the wife restrained from playing, at least until our daughter went to bed. At which time, she picked a fight with me because I asked if she wanted to watch the new Underworld flick (one of her favorite series). Apparently I was being "controlling." I knew what her motivation was, as she exited upstairs to the bedroom and logged-in.

However, she did post the following on her facebook page:
"Real life shit is forcing me to limit my play time to 3-4 nights a week."

Not sure if I should take that comment as positive or negative. Obviously, she would rather play the game than be in a real life relationship. Or perhaps she's trying to exercise some self-control?

She referred to your relationship with you and your daughter as shit.

I'd take that as a negative comment, that your "shit" is limiting her playtime that she obviously wants to do more than her real life "shit".

If she does limit her playtime without making smart-ass, snarky comments like that, then there might be some hope. I would imagine that you won't see her looking at it favorably from this point forward.

I don't think it's self-control that she's exercising. Not in the least.

Originally Posted by Golden Idol When your mother-in-law is in it with you, you've got the upper hand. If you don't resolve this is as quick and efficient a manner as possible, you're as much to blame as she is. She is the one causing trouble. Not you. Why are you the one dancing around her? Just sell the iPads and iPhones and everything else that she can use to play the game and get it over with. The end. You're making this shit tougher than it has to be. Don't take no for an answer. Don't even ask.

That's just going to cause everything to blow up in his face. She'll end up going out and buying a new iPad/iPhone anyway, she'll villify him with everyone because of him taking extreme measures, and the action will only serve to solidify in her mind that he is controlling.

Oh wait, you were just trolling, I see...

MS, I don't know alot about addiction etc.

However I also don't think the situation can go on indefinitely because it will eventually impact your mental health, your finances, or your daughter.

I think you need to make a plan, in advance, about how much crap you and your daughter will take until the situation is unsalvagable. Set a timeperiod like 3 or 6 months and start actively planning for the worst.

Wow, three pages worth of comments and nobody said "Stick it in her pooper!". CAG, ya'll are growing up right before my eyes!

How bout detaching her from the ipad by walking up and giving her a nice massage while she's playing. If that doesn't distract her, ehem, focus the massage on certain locations and see if you can start a diversion. If it works, you win and she wins!

I agree, I don't think taking the iPhone/iPad against her free will is going to be as effective. She needs to realize that there is a problem and willingly take steps to correct her behavior.

If she agrees to get rid of the iPad, then great.

The fact that she is limiting her playing time is a good step and I think having a constant open dialogue about the issue is the best solution.

Originally Posted by antlp89 I agree, I don't think taking the iPhone/iPad against her free will is going to be as effective. She needs to realize that there is a problem and willingly take steps to correct her behavior. If she agrees to get rid of the iPad, then great. The fact that she is limiting her playing time is a good step and I think having a constant open dialogue about the issue is the best solution.

Just dumping the iPhone/iPad won't do anything to fix the issue, as she'll just go out and buy a new one on her own to keep going with it.

She has to be shown what she's doing is wrong, why it's wrong, and that she has a problem that needs to be fixed.

It's only a good step if she does actually limit her playing time without referring to her real life as "shit".

dude go ahead and sit her down and openly talk already. ask her point blank what is going on with her and what does she want. sounds like your relationship is on the verge of falling apart mainly due to her addiction and whether you do something or not chances are your marriage will end. theres really no safe road to take with this shit you do nothing her addiction worsens and she will probably hook up with someone online.

say something youll get into an argument and could lead to things ending. therapy could help since itll give you a place to go voice your feelings but you need to get on this asap and you should also be prepared for the worst.

did something happen in her life or between you 2 before she started gaming like this? has she ever showed any kind of obsessive/addictive behavior before?

coat a dualshock 3 with LSD and tell her to go play Journey.

but seriously, hope you guys can not only fix the problem, but return to a fun and positive relationship in the process. if you win and she stops playing, doesn't exactly mean anything has gotten better.

Originally Posted by Golden Idol I'm absolutely not trolling. She vilifies him anyway. She JUST did it in her last post when she called him and their daughter "shit". This notion that we cater to the irresponsible is silly and ludicrous from my perspective and anyone condoning her to be selfish because they're afraid she might call them "controlling" doesn't know the first thing about how to deal with such a situation. Personally I think you're just looking at it from the perspective if someone took your iPhone or iPad away and how that would make you feel. That's the wrong perspective. My mother is overweight. I was always badgering her constantly to go to the gym with me because I didn't want her to have a stroke like her mother. She would hate me for it. Now she doesn't. Why? Because she's losing weight and feeling better than ever. If you want something done, get it done. The more they fight about this in front of their daughter, and kids can tell, the worse for them it will be. Simply put, this is just my way of handling things. He is free to handle them how he wants. If the addiction is getting in the way of their family and relationship with one another, the simple solution is end the addiction. If that doesn't work, the next step is divorce. But catering to and tip-toeing around a woman who picks fights just so she can game some more and talk crap about the family like she is stuck in high school is the worst solution to this kind of scenario. He is making things tougher than they have to do be. Sure she'll throw a hissy fit. But it will force her to confront the issue with him rather have her skirt around the issue by picking fights. The day you have to carry on a relationship by having to tip-toe around one another or pick fights to make the other person go away is the day a relationship is over.

See, where we fundamentally disagree is not that being blunt and fighting the issue head-on is the way to address the problem. I disagree with the method of taking/selling all of her stuff will address the problem. The simple fact is that if he does that, with the seeming amount of disposable income that she has, she'll just replace them on her own and go back to hating him even more.

I think a far more effective way of addressing the problem would be to either have a full-on intervention with her with any friends and family that will attend OR a mini-intervention where he sits her down tells her how this game is affecting their relationship and tell her quite frankly that this could lead to divorce. I'm not married myself but I would hope that using that word with her would convey the severity of the situation. He should also mention the "online relationship" not necessarily being physical cheating/infidelity but still a form of emotional infidelity. If she's as educated as it sounds, she should understand this distinction and the impression of her actions. Frankly, I see the game addiction as one problem, but this online relationship is far, far more damaging and problematic to the marriage.

At that point if nothing is even attempted to be fixed a divorce should be a serious consideration because clearly she is not giving her vows their appropriate amount of weight.

Originally Posted by metaphysicalstyles Post-weekend update: The mother-in-law visited, preventing the wife from playing. She also gave me a pack of watermelon seeds for my garden that doesn't exist. Following her exit yesterday afternoon, the wife restrained from playing, at least until our daughter went to bed. At which time, she picked a fight with me because I asked if she wanted to watch the new Underworld flick (one of her favorite series). Apparently I was being "controlling." I knew what her motivation was, as she exited upstairs to the bedroom and logged-in. However, she did post the following on her facebook page: "Real life shit is forcing me to limit my play time to 3-4 nights a week." Not sure if I should take that comment as positive or negative. Obviously, she would rather play the game than be in a real life relationship. Or perhaps she's trying to exercise some self-control?

Again, make sure you document all this shit. Like Shrike said, she basically called you and your daughter shit.

And DON'T take away the iPhone etc. This WILL backfire. , my dad didn't even take away my mom's computer and she ended up buying her own laptop without him knowing just so she could flirt with some assbag over the internet. She'll find a way to get what she wants.

i know this is a shitty thing to do but you should find a way to keep tabs on what she says and does online. if things go south you can use it against her so you get custody of your child.

Originally Posted by lokizz i know this is a shitty thing to do but you should find a way to keep tabs on what she says and does online. if things go south you can use it against her so you get custody of your child.

Sounds like he is already doing that already. Seems like she doesn't have any privacy settings. So either she is an idiot or she actually wants him to see all the crap she writes.

Originally Posted by shrike4242 She referred to your relationship with you and your daughter as shit. I'd take that as a negative comment, that your "shit" is limiting her playtime that she obviously wants to do more than her real life "shit". If she does limit her playtime without making smart-ass, snarky comments like that, then there might be some hope. I would imagine that you won't see her looking at it favorably from this point forward. I don't think it's self-control that she's exercising. Not in the least.

+1

I plus one this because she is BLANTINTLY telling you that you and your daughter are #2. Its pretty obvious were her prioritys are. Sorry man just what it is

Originally Posted by Dead of Knight Sounds like he is already doing that already. Seems like she doesn't have any privacy settings. So either she is an idiot or she actually wants him to see all the crap she writes.

seems like there may be more to the overall story like why did she start getting into gaming heavily?could things that happened in their relationship cause her to look to find something in a fantasy world? could his mil be responsible for any of this? sucks to hear about anybody having relationship problems but even worse when kids are involved.

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Originally Posted by lokizz seems like there may be more to the overall story like why did she start getting into gaming heavily?could things that happened in their relationship cause her to look to find something in a fantasy world? could his mil be responsible for any of this? sucks to hear about anybody having relationship problems but even worse when kids are involved.

Just some additional input. My wife has struggled with addiction in the past, and has always found risque behavior appealing. From the time that we met, I have had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing both of these characteristics. She cheated on me a few times early in our relationship. Two of which instances were with complete strangers. Prior to our relationship, she maintained an intimate relationship with a married couple... ultimately leading the husband to abandon his wife and the three-way relationship for an exclusive relationship with my now wife. During her relationship with this guy, she started with the whole bulimia gig coupled with an unhealthy addiction to Ultram XR. At this same time, she was in med school, and being concerned for her health, he contacted the school to advise them of these issues. From how the story was told to me, she believes it was out of spite because she was being unfaithful. But I honestly believe that this was more of an attempted intervention. Regardless, these actions she's exhibiting is not unusual when taking into account her previous psychological issues.

Before the "you should have known better than to have married that woman" comments come flooding in, allow me to defend myself. I was never a "saint" by any means (use your imagination). However, as I assume most people experience, I just decided one day that I wasn't going to "party" or participate in rather risque behavior any longer. I went back to college, graduated with honers, and began focusing on my career. During this time, I stumbled on to this gorgeous Lebanese woman on Myspace (of all gawd forsaken places). She too was in school, pursuing her degree in medicine. Even though she lived two hours away, we decided to give having a relationship a shot. After I graduated from college, she wanted me to move in with her. We had been together for almost a year by this time, and I managed to land a job at the local university in the city she was living. So I moved.

We married two years later... as this is what she ultimately wanted. We accepted that we both had torrid pasts, and agreed that we were both ready for a life with one individual. A more "straight" life... with only leisurely dabbling in random illicit substance (this was prior to having a child of course). I've remained faithful to her ever since the day we met. She on the other hand, not so much. However, the three instances did occur before we married, and she considers these instances as mistakes, but justifies them as her last "hurrahs." I trusted her in this explanation, even though it actually sickened me. Look... you do stupid things when you're 30 and in love.

Shortly after we married, she expressed how badly she wanted to start a family... and because I give her everything that she wants, I agreed. We introduced our daughter to the world nine months later. I felt for sure that if marriage wouldn't keep her straight, being a mother to a beautiful little girl would.

So that's the abridged back story. Our relationship is void of any serious issues. She has everything she could ever want. I do the cleaning, the cooking, the transportation of the daughter to and from school, managing our finances, and so forth... not because I want to, but because if I don't, she certainly won't either. Due to her bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (I assume), she become irate when it's suggested that she keep up her end of the deal (the deal being having a home, husband, and daughter). Instead, she just does what she wants to do.

She cycles her addictions. For a few weeks, it will be alcohol. Then it will be prescription pain killers. Sleeping pills. Then a combination of two or more. Then I have it out with her... and she stops (or just conceals it). This lasts a few weeks, and then she seems "stable." But this gaming thing has lasted over a year... and it almost seems as if it's allowing her to revert back to her behaviors prior to marriage. She games, participates in questionable online affairs, and because she barricades herself in the bedroom when she plays, she also takes the opportunity to take pills and binge eat/drink.

So this whole mess is more deeply rooted than just a gaming addiction. However, this is the most profound effect I have seen any of her addictions have on her life. Not to self promote, but I couldn't imagine that any other woman would find a relationship with me to be difficult. I believe that my desires and expectations are no more extreme than the average thirty-something person. I don't expect for her to carry more than a quarter of the responsibilities at home, nor do I expect wild monkey sex every night. Just a little bit of attention every so often... directed toward the house, my daughter, and me.

Update:

As I'm typing this, she calls and claims that she no longer likes me. All because I asked that she not spend any more money on the game.