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To Cheapy: Mass Effect Book "Dump Calculations"


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14 replies to this topic

#1 Simon D I

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Posted 06 February 2008 - 02:25 AM

Hey, Cheapy. You mentioned that the two things in your bathroom late last year were your Nintendo DS and the Mass Effect Book.

Anyways, I recently bought the book, and I also only read it while on the "throne." What I've been doing is reading one chapter per dump. Bringing me to Chapter 15 as of 3:55pm today (central time).

So my question is; how many dumps did it take YOU to finish this excellent crap-expelling book?

#2 WhipSmartBanky

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Posted 06 February 2008 - 03:28 AM

Hey, Cheapy. You mentioned that the two things in your bathroom late last year were your Nintendo DS and the Mass Effect Book.

Anyways, I recently bought the book, and I also only read it while on the "throne." What I've been doing is reading one chapter per dump. Bringing me to Chapter 15 as of 3:55pm today (central time).

So my question is; how many dumps did it take YOU to finish this excellent crap-expelling book?

Man, I stopped reading/gaming in the shitter after reading some horror stories about anal fissures and hemorrhoids.

Though, I do throw those free GFW and EGM in there from time to time.

Now that, my friend, is a shared moment.

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#3 Simon D I

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Posted 06 February 2008 - 04:04 AM

Hahahah, yeah man EGM is an awesome mag, but even better in the shitter!!!

But holy crap, dude, I've heard of hemorrhoids,..but ANAL FISSURES!?!?!

...now that you mention it,...I think some Biotic in the Mass Effect Book had the "Anal Fissure" tech... :o

#4 Quintessence

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Posted 06 February 2008 - 08:17 AM

Man, I stopped reading/gaming in the shitter after reading some horror stories about anal fissures and hemorrhoids.


WTF?!?! What is this all about?

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#5 CheapyD

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Posted 07 February 2008 - 10:26 AM

I think I too probably averaged at least one chapter per dump.

#6 fatbeer

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Posted 07 February 2008 - 10:37 AM

Ass wash + Awesome book= Win for Cheapyd
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#7 ma

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Posted 07 February 2008 - 03:14 PM

Man, I stopped reading/gaming in the shitter after reading some horror stories about anal fissures and hemorrhoids.

Though, I do throw those free GFW and EGM in there from time to time.


The trick is to stop pushing after all the poop is out.

#8 vanilla_shakin_it

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Posted 07 February 2008 - 06:41 PM

Jesus, I hate being in the bathroom. I never understood why people love to spend hours on the can after the initial five minutes or so of pooping and then staying there anyways.

#9 Simon D I

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Posted 07 February 2008 - 08:13 PM

Damn...fatbeer is right...I forgot about the asswash...

Now THAT would be some fun reading! Having a delightful cascade of sparkling water crash against your cheeks while immersing yourself into a story would be nothing short of spectacular! Shit...in the intense parts of the book, I'd hit the Vag-Wash and make things REAL intense!!

Holy crap (no punk intended), what an idea!


and on a side note, I think the next DumpNovel I will experience is the "Darth Bane" novel by Drew Karpashyan (sp?), the same dude that wrote the Mass Effect book/most of the game/other Star Wars books.

I wish I knew about this reading tactic back when I had to read Shakespeare and other unexciting literature for school!

#10 ratzombie

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 01:47 PM

Strange... I'm currently reading Mass Effect on the can as well. I think I average 2 chapters a dump, so either I read really fast or I shit really slowly.

#11 Simon D I

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Posted 10 February 2008 - 05:40 AM

so either I read really fast or I shit really slowly


Daaaaaamn... That's deep, man!! It's a good book though, right? All that action just tends to..."push" things out!

#12 ratzombie

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Posted 11 February 2008 - 06:56 AM

Yup, I'm really enjoying it.

#13 OneWingedAngeI

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Posted 18 February 2008 - 05:58 PM

i hope you guys realize that staying on the pooper makes you smell like a mixture of... well poop, and toilet water. you dont notice it yourself because you get used to the smell, but trust me, is no good :(

#14 ratzombie

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Posted 18 February 2008 - 07:45 PM

That's not a problem for me, I take a shower after a dump.

Not a big deal as I go only once every day, and coincidentally I shower that often as well.

#15 Simon D I

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Posted 18 February 2008 - 08:16 PM

That's not a problem for me, I take a shower after a dump.


I pretty much always do that as well! Unless I'm at work, but that's okay because my books stay at home, thus making me take short, to-the-point dumps @ work.


OH! and quick update (I may have to make a thread for Dump Books....)
Since I finished REVELATION, which was AWESOME, I am now reading WILLIAM GIBSON's "NEUROMANCER" ...on the "throne"