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How does an adult make friends?


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#1 steve_k

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 05:56 AM

It's easy to make friends in high school and college as you are surrounded by people your own age, many of whom have the same interest as you. To top it off, many college students live nearby and have spare time, meaning it's easy to gather together to play some video games or do whatever.

Now that I am out of college and am an adult, I am no longer around other people my own relative age with common interests as myself. All of my friends from college are either married and have no time to spare, busy with work, or live too far away to socialize with. The only people I am around now barely speak English or are just flat-out weirdos (I live in a cheap apartment comlpex, which may explain that). I've joined an organization pertaining to my hobby, but unfortunately, it is dominated by old men (baseball cards, coins, stamps, model trains, etc). Nearly all of the members are men aged 40 to 70. It's awkard to 'buddy-up' with a 60 year-old man who has already accomplished a spectacular career and is far more advanced in life than you. I don't remember ever feeling compelled to call my college friends 'sir'.

Most people go out drinking when they want to socialize, but that is not what interests me. I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs, and I really don't want to make 'online' friends either. Besides, it's usually too loud to talk to people at bars. I've noticed churches are usually full of families or old people and not a great way to meet someone in the 25-35 age bracket who happens to have spare time to 'hang out'.

Hardley anyone attends my gym, and often I am the only person working out at the gym, so that rules that option out.

What are some good avenues for meeting people? Once I meet people, I have no problem being able to talk to them if they are cool, but my problem is that I have a hard time actually finding places where people go to socialize.

#2 CoffeeEdge

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:03 AM

It's easier to meet more people, if you have at least one friend you can take places to do things. There must be at least one person?

And why not try to see some of your old school buddies again?

I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs,


I'm interested in what you think that people who hang out at bars are like.

Seriously, man, hit some bars.
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#3 c0rnpwn

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:10 AM

Have you seen the movie I Love You, Man?
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#4 steve_k

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:12 AM

It's easier to meet more people, if you have at least one friend you can take places to do things. There must be at least one person?

And why not try to see some of your old school buddies again?



I'm interested in what you think that people who hang out at bars are like.

Seriously, man, hit some bars.


It's not that they are bad people, but it's kind of hard to talk to someone when you have to speak slowly and shout to overcome all the background noise. Also, most people are not trusting enough to invite someone over to their home after meeting in a bar. Most people will think the person is some kind of pervert who is trying to get sex out of the deal or rob them. Maybe I just want to be able to hang out and play video games, go jogging, talk, and do social activities just like people do in college. It's not so easy to trust people though, so it makes bar-room social activities limited to the bar.

If you happen to talk to a female in a bar, she will most likely assume you are interested in her sexually. Maybe you are, maybe you're not, but regardless, she make think you are coming on too strong (because she has already assumed you want her) and be turned off. Some of these bar-girls get a lot of opportunites to have sex, which means many of them have sex frequently with different people. I'm not saying always, but more than usual. Say for example 20% of single women are sluts. I would venture to guess 40% of single women who frequent bars are sluts. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's not the kind of girl I want to meet.

#5 mietha

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:17 AM

Wait, how did looking for friends become cruising for girls in 4 posts...?
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#6 craven_fiend

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:18 AM

Don't go to trashy bars. Hell, go to a Coffee Shop or something then
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#7 steve_k

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:26 AM

Wait, how did looking for friends become cruising for girls in 4 posts...?


Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with and meet a girl to do guy/girl activity. I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored. I certainly can't watch Grey's Anatomy with a girl. I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think. I'd probably get slapped. It's hard to go jogging with someone a foot shorter than you. I've got to do those things with guys.

It would be nice to meet a great girl and get married. Then I could live a normal adult life and would not have to worry about becoming a real-life John Arbuckle (Garfield's owner).

So maybe I want to meet both guys and girls.

#8 basilofbkrst

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 06:28 AM

Well, their is a difference between people who hang at the bar daily, and people that go to the same bar every weekend or two.


#9 naiku

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 07:28 AM

coffee shops are a decent place. just say hi. start a convo about current events, local area stuff, coffee, weather ...whatever. doesn't always work but who cares. i think einstein said it best "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."

gotta try something new, go to a bar, do something, life is way to short to not say hi...there is a chance they are there because they haven't said hi to you.
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#10 crystalklear64

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 07:52 AM

go to an arcade

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#11 bardockkun

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 08:19 AM

By following them home...

Other then that really just socialize in a setting you feel familiar with. Like a concert or some kinda gathering.
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#12 PogoOfGo

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 09:13 AM

Maybe you live in a city or at least nearby one, or in a decent-sized town?

I've found Meetup.com to be a great place to find interesting groups of people for friendly outings.

The groups vary widely, from professional networking nights to geek-out board game fans, to casual frisbee-type sport clubs and intellectual hobbyist or lecture groups. It really helped me branch out and start making friends once I finished school and moved.

I don't really think of these friends as "online friends" ...we don't really even email or chat or anything. The web site was just a place to post the place and time to meet, and I've been lucky to make good friends lasting a few years now.

Online works for me because I've got the benefit of living in range of large suburbs and cities; I still encourage you to think of an activity you like, whether it's something you love and want to share, or something excitingly new and strange.

I've talked to other friends who have this trouble, and some are starting to check out meetup sites... I definitely recommend it and I wish you well on your search for new fun!

#13 CoffeeEdge

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 09:26 AM

Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with and meet a girl to do guy/girl activity. I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored. I certainly can't watch Grey's Anatomy with a girl. I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think. I'd probably get slapped. It's hard to go jogging with someone a foot shorter than you. I've got to do those things with guys.

It would be nice to meet a great girl and get married. Then I could live a normal adult life and would not have to worry about becoming a real-life John Arbuckle (Garfield's owner).



Okay I'm pretty sure this is a jokepost now.
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#14 Mana Knight

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 09:44 AM

I suggest using Facebook or join geek2geek. Geek2Geek is a great place to meet women and other people just looking for friends. Plenty of adults there.
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#15 mykevermin

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 10:59 AM

Most people go out drinking when they want to socialize, but that is not what interests me. I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs.


Hey buddy, we're not exactly bangin' down your door to get you to hang out either.

Have fun with your coins.
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#16 guinaevere

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 11:41 AM

I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored.

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I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think.

I've noticed churches are usually full of families or old people and not a great way to meet someone in the 25-35 age bracket who happens to have spare time to 'hang out'.

Could be wrong, but I don't think the single girls at church would be the type who'd be lining up to 'hang out' with you.
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#17 Pucker

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 11:59 AM

I think it's just a matter of going out and getting into groups that interest you. If your hobbies attract an older set, then try out some new things.

I have met some good friends playing hockey and golf (in leagues). Those kind of activities just build a connection right from the start.

Friends of friends help too....like boyfriends of your girlfriends friends.

Overall though - most of my adult-made friends come from work.

#18 SpazX

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 12:33 PM

At first I was like - yeah, I can understand how it may be difficult.

Then it got weird.

Maybe this is your problem...

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#19 mazinga z

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 12:47 PM

Candy always works for me.

#20 Soodmeg

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 12:55 PM

It was only a matter of time before this thread turned creepy.

#21 Bmac1775

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 01:03 PM

Damn the gym thing always worked, how about myspace and stuff like that? Hookin up with atleast one friend from school and going from there. Work?

And what gym are you lucky enough to go to where no one is there? Enjoy that!
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#22 olde_english

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 01:12 PM

Candy always works for me.


Like candy candy, or roofies candy? Doesn't matter I suppose.

#23 Bmac1775

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 01:21 PM

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Candy always works for me.


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#24 camoor

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 02:46 PM

OP, do you live near a big city, or just a small town?

#25 darthbudge

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:04 PM

Yeah, so maybe you could try finding some hobbies that's main demographic isn't creepy old men?

Play some recreational sports at the gym, like racquetball or something. You will probably meet a good cross section of girls and guys there.

Edited by shrike4242, 05 October 2009 - 03:57 PM.



#26 Eviltude

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:05 PM

Yeah, so maybe you could try finding some hobbies that's main demographic isn't creepy old men?

Play some recreational sports at the gym, like racquetball or something. You will probably meet a good cross section of girls and guys there.


:lol: I can't believe it took that long for someone to mention.

Edited by shrike4242, 05 October 2009 - 03:57 PM.


#27 nasum

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:08 PM

I had a discussion about a very similar topic with a few people not long ago. What do you do to make pals as an adult? Isn't it kind of weird if you meet someone that seems like they'd be fun as the same sex? You almost have to hit on them in a way. How do you (as a guy) say to another guy, "hey, can I get your number so we can hang out?" because it just seems sort of odd.

A decent bet is to go to meetup.com and find a group that you're interested in and go hang out with them. I've found that I now have friends for specific things as opposed to when I was a kid having friends with whom I would do anything. I now have biker buddies, but I really only see them at bike functions, I've got pinball buddies and likewise only see them at pinball things. The groups tend to not cross over.
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#28 CoffeeEdge

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:13 PM

:lol: I can't believe it took that long for someone to mention.



Actually, someone made that joke as like, the third or fourth reply to this thread, but the post is deleted now.
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#29 Goonie85

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:23 PM

Pick a section of Craigslist and post away... You may even get a few "roses" for your time...

I jest, but seriously, I find it hard to find new friends as an adult, and as a female. I get along better with men, because I have more in common with them. But their girlfriends always get pissy, or the guys think I want to have nasty ninja sex with them or something. Meeting guys in public just seems like I'm trying to get their number for a date, not a L4D game. What DO you do?
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#30 blackjaw

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 03:27 PM

Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with


What exactly do you define "guy" activities as?

Drink beer, watch football, and scratching eachothers balls?