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Family names, am I crazy?


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#1 smallsharkbigbite

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:31 AM

I'm usually a relatively easy going guy, but this bothers me. So I wanted to get the opinion of some random people on the internet whether I should be bothered.

I have a daughter and no son. At least not yet. We are planning on trying in the future again, so we may yet end up with a son. Now normally, I am of the opinion you have a baby first, you use the name first and that's the breaks. But.... I am the third individual in my family with this first name. My grandfather, dad, and me all have the same first name. We all have different middle names so I'm technically not the 3rd. My wife and me had decided to pass along the name if our potential daughter was a boy so he would be the 4th inline.

Okay, well anyway, I have an older sister. Me and my sister have always gotten along and she is 8 months pregnant with her second son. She had told a few months ago that Dyllan (not my name) was the name they were considering for their 2nd son's name. So I'm trying to be an excited uncle and ask how Dyllan's doing and try to stay interested.

Well, she tells me they have scrapped that name, and now my name with a "t" on the end with be the child's name after my father. I feel like I shouldn't be upset, but I was kinda floored since I didn't think she liked that name and she already took my father's middle name and gave it to her first son as a middle name. She wasn't rude, but laid it out as this is happening so I'm not really asking for your opinion.

Now I may never have a son and this could be a moot point. But it bothers me that she didn't ask. I also don't like that assuming I do go ahead and name my hypothetical son the same name as me-dad-grandpa, and now that he son has essentially the same name, our family gatherings will be ridiculous. But I guess overall, I just can't believe she thinks it is a good idea to use that name. Thoughts?

Edited by smallsharkbigbite, 05 November 2012 - 02:27 AM.


#2 Kreutz

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:30 AM

It will be asked... What is your name?

Anyways, I'd be bothered. My family has a tradition, of sorts, where the first son's middle name is passed on. If/when I have a son I will pass on the middle name (Allen for those curious). My younger sister has a son, but she wants me to pass on the family middle name, so she gave her son the middle name: Zombie (yes, yes she did). My stepmother and my father had a son (my youngest sibling of 4). My stepmother insisted on giving him the same name as the "family tradition," but as this did not go over very well with certain family members she spelled it differently (Alan). It seems petty on her part, yet petty on ours as well for being possesive of the name.

That said, how does your father/grandfather feel (I mean no disrespect if neither is alive). Ultimately, if you feel annoyed, good for you. That means you have pride/respect in your family. If your sister thinks it is no big deal, and you have clearly explained your position, then cest le vie. I'd Suggest that you continue with your own plan. Your son carrying your name, as well as his grandfather's and great grandfather's name, might mean something to him (should you eventaully have him..)

#3 advanced

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:49 AM

For this discussion, I'll be Joseph Black.

My dad is Joseph T Black Sr. I'm named after him so I'm Joseph T Black Jr. When I have a kid, and if it's a boy, I've thought about naming him Joseph T Black as well, so that'd be III or the Third, right?

Anyway, if my older sister or younger brother had a kid before me, and wanted the name, I'd expect them to ask me, yes. Why? Although it's all of our dad's name, it's also my name. I should have the first right of refusal on it. Even if I never have kids, I still should have that right. I wouldn't name my kid after my brother (another idea I had) unless I cleared it with him and he was okay with it. A name is important.

I'd talk with her about it in a non-confrontational way. Maybe she's a bitch and its futile, or maybe she sees your point and a change is made. Couldn't hurt to ask if you go into it with the best of intentions.

#4 WhipSmartBanky

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:01 AM

You can't "reserve" a name. Besides, if you're Bobert Jones, I'm assuming she took her husband's name, plus the added T it'll be like Bobertt Smith anyway. Name your kid what you want.

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#5 advanced

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:05 AM

While I don't agree with the first part, WhipSmartBanky has a point on the last name thing.

#6 Strell

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:17 AM

Are you the only son?


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#7 ITDEFX

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:30 AM

My wife and I are also trying to start a family and we have thought of lots of names. She has asked me if there was any name in the family that I want to carry on and I said no not really...even though my brother is named after my grandfather [arthur] and my brother's son has Arthur as his middle name.

Here are some ideas... Think of a name that will flow with the last name and middle name[keep it to three names and not go for like 4 or 5 like I have seen with some latin families] Try not to be a bastard and name your child with the same letters across the board...such as KKK...yes I had a boss once with those initials.

#8 chiwii

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:42 AM

I think your sister is being rude. You should be able to reserve your own name!

What do your parents think of this?

#9 MoCiWe

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 05:10 AM

I agree with WhipSmart on this, it seem's weird to me to "reserve" a name and you should just name them whatever you want and not based on something else.

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#10 ITDEFX

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 05:22 AM

I think your sister is being rude. You should be able to reserve your own name!

What do your parents think of this?



Don't let your parents get involved in the name game...........trust me...my mom has already tried with my wife and she's not with child yet.

#11 smallsharkbigbite

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

My name is Kenneth. My sister is planning on naming her child Kenton. I currently go by Ken, she plans on calling her child Kent, and if I name my child that he would probably go by Kenny as I did when I was young. My dad now goes by grandpii (insert wii jokes). And my grandpa passed away a few years ago.

As far as I know her husband has no family members remotely close to that name and she indicated as much when she told me she is naming him after my dad.

I get the you can't reserve names and had I been the first with that name I probably could care less because it wouldn't be a tradition and it probably wouldn't occur to me to name my potential son. I just thought that a family tradition would at least get me as far as my sister not taking the name.

I asked my mom if she thought it was weird (trying to be nice), and she thought the names were unsimilar enough and it wasn't a big deal if I still named my child that.

I'm not furiously mad about it, and part of me thinks it shouldn't bother me, it's just it does. Little things like she didn't tell me the name was in consideration (my mom knew for several months). It's her 2nd child and her 1st child's first name wasn't remotely a family name at all. Plus, I guess a general lack of support I feel she brings for me and my family.

I'd like to say I'm better than this, but I could see myself passive aggressively spamming the kid that he is named after me everytime I see him.

Edited by smallsharkbigbite, 05 November 2012 - 01:02 PM.


#12 cdeener

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:16 PM

Just go through with your plan. So what if your children have similar names its just how your family rolls. As long as its not the same exact name you should be fine.

#13 ITDEFX

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:52 PM



start at 58 seconds lol.

#14 blindinglights

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

My name is Kenneth. My sister is planning on naming her child Kenton. I currently go by Ken, she plans on calling her child Kent, and if I name my child that he would probably go by Kenny as I did when I was young.



She's not naming her kid the same thing, so the issue is that the nick-name sounds similar?

Maybe I don't know because we don't have any name traditions like this in our family, but is her using a name that isn't the same but sounds kind-of-like-it really that big of a deal?
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#15 dohdough

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:34 PM

Yeah, this is NOT a big deal.

#16 MushaOne

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:41 PM

If you arent even expecting a son yet then I dont see why you should get mad. Think of a new first name for the future child and just give him the name you wanted as his middle name.

#17 advanced

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:09 PM

Yeah, not a big deal. If my sister wanted to name her kid Josie or Josephine, it's a completely different name. Kent/Kenny won't lead to any problems.

#18 CaptainJoel

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:45 PM

Yeah, I don't see how this is a big deal at all. You do sound just a tad on the crazy side.

#19 tonyv4

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:15 PM

Yeah, I don't see how this is a big deal at all. You do sound just a tad on the crazy side.


I agree with this. It's not something you should be so angry so about. There are worse things that are occurring in this world.

#20 F-Zero

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:26 PM

But your sister won't technically have the 4th right? I think that counts for something. If it impresses you, I'm the 4th with my name, and assuming I get married and have a son first, I will for sure be dictating the existence of the 5th!

#21 Strell

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:28 PM

Do you hate Street Fighter, OP?


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#22 chiwii

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

Originally, I thought that your sister was wrong to do this without discussing it with you. But, now that we know the specific names, I think they're different enough that it's not a big deal. i wouldn't worry about your future's son's name being too similar. Both the full-names and nick-names that they'd use when they're young are quite different.

Actually, it's kind of cool that she found a name that's different enough to not cause weird issues with cousins with the same name, but still keeps a part of that family tradition going if you don't end up with a son with your name.

Edited by chiwii, 05 November 2012 - 05:58 PM.


#23 HumanSnatcher

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 05:28 AM

Sometimes traditions are just a collection of bad habits, OP

When I was in High School a friend got a 100% on a D.A.R.E. test and they gave him a D.A.R.E. duffel bag. Two years later, a drug dealer that was a friend of ours at the time asked to borrow something to transport 2kg of cocaine in and he handed over his D.A.R.E. bag. He brought it back to him with an oz of weed in it as a thank you.



#24 AFRO insomniac

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 05:45 AM

At least she didn't name him Ryu.

E. Honda would have been interesting...

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#25 smallsharkbigbite

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 03:42 PM

Sorry I hadn't checked in in a while. I'm over the name thing, but I'm still a little upset she didn't ask me. I have no right to say she can't use that name, but I'm named after my father. I think the polite thing thing to do would be just to ask me. Say something like hey, we want to name our child after my dad and I know that you're named after dad. Is that something that would bother you? Then maybe I could have gotten on board with the name thing sooner knowing that my opinion was important to her.

Some families aren't close and the thought of asking a sibling may seem ridiculous, but I've tried to be there for my sister and I think I deserved that courtesy. I think like most things this really indicative of larger problems that I don't feel supported by her in our relationship.

I'm not going to go into all the examples because I'm not going to get that personal. But I'll give one example. She was in the hospital for one day with the birth of her son. Me and my wife drove 2 hours to see her in the hospital and experience that with her. She came to see my daughter when she was 6 months old. She claimed it was too hard to travel with her son. Her son was 14 months old when we had our daughter. She could have had someone watch him or even her husband watch him or just brought him. I know it's not the funnest thing to travel with a young one, but it's an important event and 2 hours of driving isn't a cross country trip. Just seems to me I wouldn't have missed the birth of her child. And by not making the birth of mine which was an important event to me, what else can I take from it but it's just not that important to her.

#26 davo1224

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My aunts and uncles, respectively, all literally have the same first name. I think the OP would have slit his wrists if he were in my family.

Also, did you have a kid when you went to visit her in the hospital? I took a two hour road trip with two 30 year olds and all I can say is Fuck the idea of doing that with a one year old.

This entire thing seems like nonsense and bordering on preserving patriarchal society. My dad who I've only spent maybe a month's worth of time my whole life, wanted me to change my last name to his to preserve his legacy.

#27 pimpinc333

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

My aunts and uncles, respectively, all literally have the same first name. I think the OP would have slit his wrists if he were in my family.

Also, did you have a kid when you went to visit her in the hospital? I took a two hour road trip with two 30 year olds and all I can say is Fuck the idea of doing that with a one year old.

This entire thing seems like nonsense and bordering on preserving patriarchal society. My dad who I've only spent maybe a month's worth of time my whole life, wanted me to change my last name to his to preserve his legacy.


Preserving his legacy of being a bad father?

IMO naming your kids after you is pretty boring and uncreative way of pretty much saying you can't think of anything else to name them.

#28 davo1224

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 09:29 PM

Exactly. I've dealt with so many ridiculous examples of tradition in my family that I generally relate it to foolishness. I stopped talking to him altogether.

#29 dohdough

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Kenton!=Kenneth

You're getting seriously butthurt over nothing.

Exactly. I've dealt with so many ridiculous examples of tradition in my family that I generally relate it to foolishness. I stopped talking to him altogether.

Are you Italian? Lots of Maria's and Anthony's?:lol:

#30 blindinglights

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:12 AM

Kenton!=Kenneth



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