Contest: Win Simpsons Season 4 (Brand New) on DVD for posting something funny!

doraemonkerpal

doraemonkerpal

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What's up everybody! The "mystery" person who won my prize from the Child's Play contest declined the gift b/c they already have Simpsons season 4. Therefore, I would like to make a contest open to all CAGs to win the prize instead of keeping it or selling it on Ebay.

The rules are simple, post something funny in this thread and I will do a random drawing to see who wins the prize. The post can be a quote, picture, joke, or whatever you think will make people chuckle. I will choose a winner by next Friday (January 25th) to give everybody plenty of time to enter. One entry per person. G'luck!

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, “It's what mommy calls me sometimes'”.
The little girl screams to her brother, “Don’t eat it, it's an asshole”.
 
One day Mr. Goodbar decided to get a Bit 'O' Honey. So he went to Miss. Hershey. He took her behind the Powerhouse. Where he felt her Mounds. They were Pure Almond Joy. She snickered when he stuck his Butterfinger up her Milky Way.
His Bazooka fired and Baby Ruth was born.
 
True Story...My friend works at gamestop...Takes place near christmas time

A woman walks in, pleads with my friend for a wii. She begs and begs and offers extra money, etc. etc. etc., then she(a milf in her 30s) says, "Is there anything I CAN DO TO YOU for a wii?", my friend walks away hysterically laughing...

the end
 
Peter Griffin after seeing a "Free Tibet!" sign:

"I'll take it! *Goes to payphone and calls someone* Hello, China? I have something you want... And this time I want all the tea."

That may be a bit off, but it's close.

Jons
 
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
 
It's another snowstorm at Chicago O'Hare, and time to rebook all of the canceled flights. As a ticket agent is dealing with a family, the businessman from hell arrives. "I want a flight that leaves tonight, and it better be first class!" exclaims the business man. The agent points to the end of the line, tells him she will deal with him when it is his turn, and goes back to helping the family. The man immedialty replies "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??!!!?!?!?!!!" The agent without missing a step grabs the PA microphone: "Attention Ladies and gentleman in the terminal: I have a man heer who DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone knows the identity of this mystery man, then please come forth to identify him." As all the passengers around them are laughing hystericaly, the businessman turns to the agent and says "fuck you." The agent, quick on her toes, turns to him and states he will have to wait in line for that service as well.
 
Cornering the PBF comic market....
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