Marriage and Gaming

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dlostluv

dlostluv

CAGiversary!
Hey Cagizens ( i don't know if there is a formal calling for us but hey), i am an avid gamer who is getting married in months and i am excited for it but i know soon my gaming lifestyle will change so what i wanted to ask is how can i get my wife more involved in gaming with me as to have an outlet to relieve stress for her but also to maybe discover a new hobby (she does play games but mainly games like Peggle, mario and luigi inside story [which she calls on me to help her with bosses lol] and some fighting games). So i wanted to reach to you guys to see what games that are good so i can try to lure her to the good side (plus not have to sit through bridezillas and other crappy shows)? I pretty much have all 3 systems (the ps3 came when we started dating but that was because of metal gear 4 and i wanted a blu ray player).
 
I'm curious why you think your gaming habits are going to have to change immediately upon receipt of a piece of paper signed by the state.

I don't know what to recommend as far as games go - it sounds like she does like games (mario & luigi aren't for casual players) so have her try playing the best ones no matter the genre. I've found that a good game is a good game for the most part. There's no rule that says you have to both be gamers though - my wife rarely plays anything but it doesn't affect me.
 
[quote name='javeryh']I'm curious why you think your gaming habits are going to have to change immediately upon receipt of a piece of paper signed by the state.
[/QUOTE]

Maybe they don't live together currently? In which case that will bring a change in gaming and other habits.

But otherwise, I agree with you. Unless he's a hardcore gamer who games all the time, it shouldn't change that much. And not necessarily any need to share every hobby. His gaming time can be time she spends on whatever hobbies she has. Couples need their own personal time if relationships are going to work.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Maybe they don't live together currently? [/QUOTE]

I sure hope that isn't the case. Marriage is easy - it's living with someone else that's difficult!
 
I've been married for nearly 11 years now and it hasnt changed anything. I still game at night and she'll watch, read, hang out on the lap top, whatever. We're always in the same room together even if we're ignoring each other.
 
My gaming habits didn't change at all after getting married. But over the last 7 months since my son was born, I can count the amount of times I've sat down to play games on one hand.
 
[quote name='javeryh']I sure hope that isn't the case. Marriage is easy - it's living with someone else that's difficult![/QUOTE]

I hope it IS the case. Marriage should come before moving in together, so I don't see why you'd hope that isn't the case. Couples who move in together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce, so I wouldn't wish that on the OP.

Your gaming time shouldn't change THAT much after marriage. Mine actually doubled (my wife is still in her last year of her Masters, and I'm finished). Leaves me a lot of free time while she does homework and grades papers. After she is done with school I expect it to drop back to normal.
 
Just personal preference. I'd never get married before living with someone after having a couple relationships deteriorate after moving into together. And studies of whether living together first helps or hurts are very mixed on the impact on divorce.

I'm also not religions and really don't give two shits about marriage in the first place though. Also don't want kids, so I honestly don't know that I'll ever bother with marriage as I seem to get sick of who ever I date after a couple years and either call it off or end up straying.
 
I have been married for 8 years now and I havent changed a thing, lol. Ill play when she goes to bed mostly. She is a teacher and goes to bed at like 9pm, lol. Even have a buddy of mine come over once a week and we hang out and play for hours, np. But what really changed things is im a world of warcraft player and one night my wife couldnt sleep so I sent her at the computer and said try this game. A year later we have been playing togather almost every night. And if I want to play the ps3 or 360 she just goes in the computer room and plays wow. Never hear anything out of her, lol
 
[quote name='GaveUpTomorrow']I hope it IS the case. Marriage should come before moving in together, so I don't see why you'd hope that isn't the case. Couples who move in together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce, so I wouldn't wish that on the OP.[/QUOTE]

I find that very hard to believe. There are only two times in my entire relationship with my wife that were what I'd consider rough (more fighting than usual over stupid shit) - the first 6 months after moving in together (2 years before we got married) and the first 6 months after having our first kid. Everything else has been rainbows and unicorns.

I'm a firm believer that marriage should come AFTER living together to make sure you are compatible.
 
I agree. You don't know someone until you live with someone. You should live with someone first prior to marriage.

To OP, you shouldn't change your habits just because you get married/she moves in. Everyone needs a break from someone this is where each individuals hobbies comes into play (whether you use that time for gaming, sports, etc).

EDIT
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Forgot to answer other questions...
The only games my fiance plays is Rock Band with me (every once in a while; she got good enough to play Hard on most songs) and Angry Birds on her droid (granted asks me occasionly to beat a level for her when she gets stuck). In the past, the only other game she played was Animal Crossing. She justs dizzy with "3D" games i.e. the majority of games out on the market since PS1 era.
As for tv shows... first off don't write off her shows. At least try them for 3 times before you write them off; same goes for her and your shows. Shows can be hit or miss based on episode...Glee for example. Worst case scenario... you each have your individual shows to watch (example between fiance and I... she couldn't stand Lost and I couldn't stand Private Practice). This scenario should be lump into your "hobby" time.
 
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[quote name='lordopus99']
To OP, you shouldn't change your habits just because you get married/she moves in. Everyone needs a break from someone this is where each individuals hobbies comes into play (whether you use that time for gaming, sports, etc).[/QUOTE]

True. But at the same time, changes are required for people who are obsessively into hobbies.

Once you're living for someone you probably aren't going to be able to be gaming (or whatever hobby you do) 6 hours a night every night etc. for people who live those kind of lives.

If you're doing the normal adult thing and just spending a couple hours here and there on hobbies, then yeah, really no change is needed as you can game while she's doing her hobby stuff etc.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']True. But at the same time, changes are required for people who are obsessively into hobbies.

Once you're living for someone you probably aren't going to be able to be gaming (or whatever hobby you do) 6 hours a night every night etc. for people who live those kind of lives.

If you're doing the normal adult thing and just spending a couple hours here and there on hobbies, then yeah, really no change is needed as you can game while she's doing her hobby stuff etc.[/QUOTE]

I was stating more or less the "typical" person. Of course there is the extreme where someone could game more than 6 hours.
 
My wife doesn't play video games except for the occasional attempt on her part to get into it so she can participate in an activity me and our kids like (one kid more then the other). It has yet to work. They're just not her thing. And Kinect has not yet done anything to change that. In fact, I suspect it's probably even less appealing to her. :) I didn't buy it for her, though. :)
 
When my wife and I moved in together, I'd still game pretty often. She's set with me and help or take a turn. She started playing a little... Heroes of Might and Magic III on PC. Now she's beaten KOTOR at least 5 times.... I don't think she's finished a Light Side play through, yet. She does love Peggle, but also Plants vs Zombies, Civilization Revolution, Puzzle Quest and others. If she becomes a gamer she just will. Now kids! That will mess up your play time. :)
 
Don't try and force anything. My wife isn't much of a gamer but she's surprised me a few times. We played through both Baldur's Gate ps2 games a couple years ago and she loved them. We played a ton of Pixeljunk Monsters. Played a good bit of Animal Crossing. She got into the ds for a time years ago. Played some wii stuff for a while. Right now though, she's not interested - she is doing a lot of knitting and crocheting. I still managed to find time to game whether it was with her or not. Right now though, with a new baby in the mix, I don't game as much as I use to.

Oh - and I'm a big fan of living together before getting married. Me and my wife lived together for 3 years before getting married.
 
Actually something I was thinking about yesterday.

My wife games occasionally. Sometimes we play together, but I don't often buy two-player games, so it's pretty rare. Or sometimes she just watches me play if she's interested in the story.

But usually, it's me playing and her doing something else (sometimes she clicks around online, reads, watches TV, does chores, etc.). We try to make sure we're at least in the same room more often than not, but we both tend to prefer solo activities.

A lot of the time, I worry that she's bored. I don't know why. I guess because I'd be bored if I were doing what she does. ;) I just kinda wish she had a hobby she defaulted to the way I default to games if nothing else sounds entertaining.
 
[quote name='Blank Earth']A lot of the time, I worry that she's bored. I don't know why. I guess because I'd be bored if I were doing what she does. ;) I just kinda wish she had a hobby she defaulted to the way I default to games if nothing else sounds entertaining.[/QUOTE]

My wife used to tell me that she got bored. She didn't have any hobbies and I played video games, so I understood. To fix the issue, I started taking her out on friday and saturday nights. It worked, and its a win for the both of us. Its nice to go out on a friday or saturday night rather than stay in and play games.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Just personal preference. I'd never get married before living with someone after having a couple relationships deteriorate after moving into together. And studies of whether living together first helps or hurts are very mixed on the impact on divorce.

I'm also not religions and really don't give two shits about marriage in the first place though. Also don't want kids, so I honestly don't know that I'll ever bother with marriage as I seem to get sick of who ever I date after a couple years and either call it off or end up straying.[/QUOTE]

This, though I'd go so far as to say I don't even want to live with someone lol
 
Something about that just rubs me the wrong way. You're not really a candidate for marriage anyway so how can you comment? You'd never get married without living with someone, yet you don't want to get married. The reason you'd never get married without living together is because they deteriorate after living together, yet you say that you always end them. It's weird because people never realize the contradictions in what they're saying until someone else tells them. I'm the same way.
 
[quote name='GaveUpTomorrow']I hope it IS the case. Marriage should come before moving in together, so I don't see why you'd hope that isn't the case. Couples who move in together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce, so I wouldn't wish that on the OP.

Your gaming time shouldn't change THAT much after marriage. Mine actually doubled (my wife is still in her last year of her Masters, and I'm finished). Leaves me a lot of free time while she does homework and grades papers. After she is done with school I expect it to drop back to normal.[/QUOTE]

Arranged marriages also have the lowest rate of divorce, so perhaps everyone should have their parents tell them who they should marry.:)
 
I play much more often than my husband. He is often too tired after work and just plays a little DQ9 or Tecmo Bowl while lying down. Meanwhile I can play for hours after work, and then on the weekends, provided I have a game that is gripping me.
 
I've found that the more the women you date/marry play video games the more they manage to get in the way when you want to, very few multi player (non-mmo) games are as addictive as MMOs and single player games so don't be too surprised when you come home and want to play COD that she's just gotten home and started up Kinect.

I got my wife addicted to the Wii and lost my TV for a month.
 
[quote name='davo1224']Something about that just rubs me the wrong way. You're not really a candidate for marriage anyway so how can you comment? You'd never get married without living with someone, yet you don't want to get married. The reason you'd never get married without living together is because they deteriorate after living together, yet you say that you always end them. It's weird because people never realize the contradictions in what they're saying until someone else tells them. I'm the same way.[/QUOTE]

I don't see any contradictions. I'm not anti marriage, just not obsessed with the notion that I have to get married like most people in society since I'm not religious and hate kids.

I've had two long-term relationships (one was an engagment) fall apart after living together. Thus I'm a fan of living together before marriage as I was super fucking glad to not have to worry about divorce etc. in those cases as it was difficult enough already.

And they were both situations were we didn't fight much etc. in the years of dating before moving in. You just can't really know if you're compatible with someone before living together and being stuck around them all the time IMO. And both times I've been the one that's ended them, sure, but that's still not a contradiction. Just saying it's much better to be able to just move out than deal with all the legal hassles of ending a marriage if you find out you're not compatible after moving in together.

And everyone is a candidate for marriage. I'm just not that focused on it for the reasons above. If I meet someone I want to spend my life with who cares about getting married, I'll do it. If not, I won't.

Right now, despite being in my early 30s, I'm in no hurry. I'm recently out of a 6-year relationship and just fed up with all the putting up with someone else's drama that goes with long-term relationships. So for now I just want to focus on myself and my career and I'm not thinking anything other than casual dating for time being. But I'm sure I'll change my tune eventually if I meet the right person etc.
 
I love how my best friend's wife doesn't like him playing games but will go play peggle/bejeweled/whatever and it's not considered gaming. :/

[quote name='InfinityCartier']This, though I'd go so far as to say I don't even want to live with someone lol[/QUOTE]

So fucking agreed, I live though my best friend that's married.
 
I game way too much for my wifeys taste so I do cut down more than I would like. I've gotten her to play some games and she enjoys it when she isn't getting frustrated about the game. Here are some great ones to try with her.

worms 2 PSN
singstar/rockband
buzz
tekken/soul caliber - need fight stick for her to button mash and have fun
dr mario, tetris, puyo puyo, bejeweled, etc.

I can't get her to play games as seriously as I do but we have fun we these.
 
try to condition her mind into gaming before marrying her. In that way you can both enjoy playing games during your honeymoon.LMAO!:D Maybe it's just a balance between your married life and your gaming life that you should look into ;)
 
I actually met my wife IN a video game. We started played Final Fantasy XI around the same time in '06, became friends, visited each other in person, became a couple, she moved across the country and now we're married. I'm a lucky guy!
 
[quote name='Blank Earth']I actually met my wife IN a video game. We started played Final Fantasy XI around the same time in '06, became friends, visited each other in person, became a couple, she moved across the country and now we're married. I'm a lucky guy![/QUOTE]

What server? GF and I both started on FFXI on release day in Oct 2003, and now we've been living together for a little over 3 years now. =P

I'm considering a second TV and second PS3 so we could both play or watch something the other doesn't like (she likes Castle and Glee, for example). She reads or I use my laptop, but it sucks when I look forward to playing something all day, only to go home and she just started an episode of Castle.

That divorce stat is stupid. It doesn't factor in people who are common law etc, I'd bet. And like someone else said, if we believed stats like those, we should all have arranged marriages.

Also, we just fought over the LBP2 CE yesterday. She called the bookends, and I called Sackboy =P
 
[quote name='zionoverfire']I got my wife addicted to the Wii and lost my TV for a month.[/QUOTE]

fucking animal crossing. Same thing happened to me.

For the first 2 or 3 months of her pregnancy, my wife didn't feel like getting out of bed, and didn't like me being next to her, so I got free reign to play as many video games as I wanted. It was glorious!!! All I had to do was bring her whatever she wanted, which was super easy.

Now that she's no longer bed-ridden, she's taken over the living room and my PS3.
 
While I might not be in a relationship currently, my suggestion would be to have her try out some same screen co-op games that aren't exactly frantic or punishing. Plants vs. Zombies and South Park: Let's Go Tower Defense Play would be good starts as would any of the Lego titles. Cooperative instead of competitive should be the focus until she gets the hang of things and gets more comfortable gaming. Don't go for any competitive material until much later.
 
[quote name='Blank Earth']Nice! We're from Asura, born and raised, although we quit around July.[/QUOTE]

Ah. Shiva here. We left a little after WoW came out.
 
My wife and I play together. We did Red Dead together. While I play she watches the cutscenes and tells me what to watch out for, or what herbs are around or even what animals are in the area. It was very helpful doing all of those hunter challenges and she actually enjoyed the game. It was fun having her help and alot quicker.
 
I seem to be the exception here, but being married has really cramped my gaming time (this was the same when we were living together unmarried). I usually get up early to snag an hour of gaming time in the morning and sporadically elsewhere. I don't see it as a wholly bad thing because I'd game all the damned time and never leave the house if it weren't for having a relationship. I still finished 13 games last year.

So yes, you'll probably have to make some sort of adjustment, even if slight. The important part is paying attention to your partner's emotions and make sure you're not estranging her by gaming too often.
 
This thread has made me realize that it would be pretty cool to be gay because you'd have a gaming partner and someone to help you drop a load or two.

Jesus, I need to get laid.
 
[quote name='Brownjohn']fucking animal crossing. Same thing happened to me.

For the first 2 or 3 months of her pregnancy, my wife didn't feel like getting out of bed, and didn't like me being next to her, so I got free reign to play as many video games as I wanted. It was glorious!!! All I had to do was bring her whatever she wanted, which was super easy.

Now that she's no longer bed-ridden, she's taken over the living room and my PS3.[/QUOTE]

I feel your pain, when my wife was pregnant she gammed a lot and now that we have a baby I have almost no free time at all.:cry:
 
Just to update alot of people- me and her don't live together (reason being both our parents are traditional but also because we both work in opposite directions so we're trying to save up for essentials). Found she actually admitted to wanting the kinect once we move out for some games and she took interest to tekken 6 (she didn't tell me her brothers showed her how to play the game or the name of it in the first place calling it- That karate game).
 
My gaming hasn't changed since I get off of work hours before my wife so I get my time in then and she works later in the day so she normally plays before she goes to work. We don't play many games together cause she is mostly in RPG games that are single player. I play mostly shooters and sports which she hates so I try to play them when I'm not around her.
 
My gaming completely changed, but I'm cool with that. When we got married, we moved in together, and that just shifted everything almost immediately. It's alright though, I still play the games I want to play, but no longer do I have marathon gaming sessions. Gaming just slipped down a notch on the priorities list.
 
I've been married for 6 years and have a 6 month old girl. I still consider myself an avid gamer. You'll have to make sacrifices, but I find time (usually late night). I would like to play more but I'm not complaining, in fact I find myself very fortunate. My wife is very understanding of my hobby and will even listen to my nerdy gamer talk. I do my best to balance my time between work, my wife, my daughter and my play time.

Don't try to convert her. You each should have your own interests, hobbies and activities. I've never tried to get my wife into games, it's my hobby and I'm keeping it that way. She'll play a game every now and then but never anything more than a passing interest. I'd rather play what I want less of the time than be forced to play shitty Kinect games.
 
Rodimus - your situation sounds a lot like mine except I have a 6 year old instead of a 6 month old. As she gets older my free time has decreased dramatically and I expect that trend to continue until she is all grown up and out on her own. At 6 months there were naps and playing games while she was on my lap - now I have to fight for the TV! She stays up later and has her own interests and always wants to play with me (not video games). I'd rather have a pretend tea party than play Xbox any day of the week but my free time went from sneaking a few hours in late at night to having to miss out on sleep entirely to play anything nowadays.
 
^ I'm sure my situation will evolve into something similar and I'm ready for it. I can't wait until I have my first tea party actually.

People even ask me when I'm going to get my daughter into video games, and I don't want to. If she likes games that's fine, but I'm trying not to expose her to games quite so much (especially violent ones). Even my wife hates violent video games, she can't stand gunfire. So another sacrifice I've made is play with the volume low or with headsets.
 
[quote name='Rodimus']^ I'm sure my situation will evolve into something similar and I'm ready for it. I can't wait until I have my first tea party actually.

People even ask me when I'm going to get my daughter into video games, and I don't want to. If she likes games that's fine, but I'm trying not to expose her to games quite so much (especially violent ones). Even my wife hates violent video games, she can't stand gunfire. So another sacrifice I've made is play with the volume low or with headsets.[/QUOTE]

Sounds like my household, minus the child. My wife hates when a new FPS comes out, because it's all cursing from me and gunshots, lol.

I'm all for not converting your wife into playing games. I simply don't understand the logic behind it. I know people will say something to the effect of, "Games are important to me, and I want to share that with my wife/husband..." blah blah blah. I just don't see the appeal.

I'm my own person, and my wife is her own person. She has her own hobbies, and I have mine. I wouldn't change that for the world. I can talk to my wife about gaming, and she can talk to me about Korean dramas and home essentials and we both have a blast. I honestly believe that because we have never forced each other to partake in our respective interests, we are actually MORE interested in each other's interests than we were before we were married.
 
For those who turned this into a marriage/living together thread, I didn't live with my wife before we got married and am glad we did it that way. We are both Christians and believe that this is the wisest way - as a result our decision was part of our mutual faith and the it drew us closer to God and closer to each other. We are by no means perfect people or the perfect couple, but a lot of people on here have shared their stories and this is ours.

Regarding gaming after marriage, in all reality gaming is primarily entertainment. As a couple you will inevitably grow together as people. My experience has been that one of the the biggest changes was an increase in demands on our time. These come from "opportunities" rather than "burden of another person". When we were dating everything we did was momentary - movies, video games, eating out, etc. Once we got engaged and married a whole world of possibilities opened up - investments, dog, (eventually) children, even travel and being more involved in each family's lives are just a few of the areas where I find myself investing more time than was really necessary or appropriate before marriage. These are good things, but with opportunities comes trade-offs. Am I saying games gets a backseat to these other things? Not necessarily, they just move into a bucket with significantly more choices. How you and/or your wife make those choices is entirely up to you. The good news is that if the gaming decreases it is likely due to the rise of a choice you prefer over gaming.

As for the "experience" together - I know it's stereotypical but I can only give you my experience. My wife LOVES: Cooperative/competitive, Simple yet deep gameplay, Varying levels of challenge (If you want to blow through it you can, if you want to do the harder work and find the "secrets" you can). Highest priority though is ironically lack of commitment. She wants a game she can play for 5 minutes, or for 5 hours. It's not about SHORT, it's about the OPTION for either short or long playing. New Super Mario on Wii is the perfect example. Little Big Planet. Mario Kart. She even likes Cabella's and House Of The Dead.

At the end of the day, I've never had a relationship with any girl where the gaming experience wasn't forced from "serious" to "pure entertainment" when we played together. But that's just my experience.
 
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