Hell, maybe we should create a sister site called Caring Ass Gamer (bad joke... sorry). In all honesty, I almost feel as if I'm receiving more support from this family than I am from our real families. Kudos.
I wanted to reply to shrike's post, which covered several very important questions and recommendations. Rather than respond to each excellently made point, I'll just attempt to summarize.
Divorce is certainly the last resort, but not so much of a last resort that I'm not considering. Being responsible for the family budget gives me the opportunity to "pinch from the pot" for therapy and/or attorney consultation. She doesn't monitor the finances at all, and has more than once stated that doing so stresses her out. All of the bills are in my name, which is a result of her negligence as well. Just like managing money, she finds paying bills to be too stressful of an endeavor. It almost seems that all of her energy is spent at work, and when she arrives home, she just wants to reduce herself to a vegetative state. In other words, there's a certain level of avoidance of real life responsibilities occurring.
She and I have a joint bank account, and a joint iTunes/App Store account. With multiple i-devices in the home, we found that it would be most logical to be able to share the ever growing app library between devices.
Ah... her co-workers. --edited--
Our family situations are rather difficult. I already touched base on her family, but not mine. My parents adore my daughter... and truthfully are the most trustworthy people in my life. However, they're not without faults. My mother is an alcoholic, and my father frowns on my mother having my daughter alone. Therefore, if my daughter visits them, my father has to make certain that he doesn't have to work so he can be there to monitor. The last time we visited them (they live two hours away), my mother was walking down some stairs with my daughter and fell... breaking three of her fingers, crushing the fourth and causing a bone exposing gash (my mom... not my daughter). She claims to not have been drinking, but it's really hard to determine whether she's been drinking or not... as she always seems kinda drunk to me. That's an entirely different pile of shit I have to deal with from time to time though.
I confronted the wife about her "game husbands" several times. The most notorious of offenses happened approximately 16 weeks ago, where I caught her having rather intimate exchanges with a guy that went by the screen-name --edit--. Fortunately, his wife discovered the "affair" around the same time as I, and he wisely decided to quit in order to salvage his marriage. My wife quit as well... for two weeks. During those two weeks, my wife was an absolute delight... and because I'm apparently incredibly naive, I accepted her kindness as genuine. It seems that her sudden string of interest in me was merely so I would grant her permission to pick the game back up again. She disclosed this information to me a few weeks later during an argument concerning her gaming.
Last night there were some breakthroughs. Her mother caught wind of the situation from my wife's brother, who I had a conversation with yesterday afternoon. She's apparently coming up this evening to spend the weekend. This could be very good for my wife... but unfortunately horrible for me (please see: http://www.cheapassg...898#post9512898). Regardless, this almost seems like a possible intervention style move being made by her mother (kudos to the mom-in-law).
I also had a loooooong talk with my wife. I had constructed the conversation while at work yesterday, and it included the obvious personal feelings, concerns, and possible repercussions (along with some excellent scholarly case studies about mmorpg addiction/gaming addiction). There were some mild threats (or "options" for failing to hang up the game)... removing her wireless access, wiping the devices, granting myself full access to her accounts. Of course these are all things that I've been preaching to her before, but this time I added a bit more tact and assertiveness. I didn't allow my frustration to show, nor did I get emotional. I just laid it out straight. "This is what you're going to do..."
After the talk, she didn't play the game. She did play around on her iPad, but it didn't involve that game. I'm keeping an eye on her log-ins today... but so far she has only been logged in for an hour, which was early this morning as she was getting ready for work.
I'm also developing a schedule of sorts... basically a nightly activity outline. I'm thinking to include at-home date nights, alone time nights, and an individual preference night. Not sure if this will work... but it may just add a bit of organization to a life that's out of control.
You know... I again have to thank you all for the support. Last night's possible breakthrough likely wouldn't have occurred without the motivation you guys (and girls?) gave me with your replies. I'm eager to see how the weekend goes... we (her brother and I) believe that my mother-in-law's visit will likely keep my wife too busy to allow her time to game. ~fingers crossed~
Edited by metaphysicalstyles, 20 April 2012 - 03:28 PM.