Dating A Single Mom

N

nasum

CAGiversary!
Any tips?
We've seen each other pretty regularly for a couple of months now but she's leery of doing the kid introduction. He sounds pretty cool and I'm all for the idea of going to the zoo or having a picnic or whatever.
 
Don't meet the kid just because you feel like it's the next step. If she's weary, it's because she's not sure you're committed. If you aren't, don't do it.
 
Any responsible parent would be weary of introducing their kid to someone there dating so I wouldn't be overly concerned about it but I would try to find out her reasons for being weary so you can ease her fears. Is it because she is afraid you aren't serious about the relationship (which if that is the case and you aren't sure where you want to go with this then DO NOT meet the kid until you are committed, and if you are serious then do your best to put her fears at ease) or is it something with her, is she nervous you guys won't get along or worse yet what is her relationship like with the child's father. Is he one of those douchey dead beat baby daddy's that feels like he has some kind of control because of the kid (if that is the case get the fuck out of dodge because you will get dragged into her hell) or do they have a civil working relationship for the sake of their kid? One other thing you need to find out is she serious about the relationship because that might be another reason why she is weary.

Once you find out these things and everything seems satisfactory put her fears to rest but don't force the issue, let her know that you would like to meet the lil' guy but only when she is ready and comfortable. Again I wouldn't worry too much because it is perfectly natural for a parent to feel that way when they introduce their kid to someone they are dating, I know I was when my son met my girlfriend...It took me 6 months to introduce them to eachother.
 
well, we grew up in the same neighborhood so "dating for a couple of months" also translates to "we've known each other for 28 years and fooled around a bit when we were teenagers".

I'm absolutely 100% committed. We're more or less perfect for each other. Equivalent intelligence, constant witty banter, incredible chemistry, similar tastes in just about everything, equally skilled in a lot of the things we like to do together, disgustingly sarcastic, hate cats, etc...
We've made "beat around the bush" statements that have long term implications. She just introduced kiddo to Transformers on Netflix and I offered to donate my collection of toys to the cause. "Well, it'll have to be when he's older" as well as tickets for hockey games next season and my personal favourite "we'd have to be absolutely pants on head retarded to stop this time around". I mean, that says that she's pretty much thinking that we're taking this the distance so I figure she just doesn't want to rush anything since we know we have time. I'm totally cool with that and she knows that I respect that her boy is, and always will be, the priority and if we do end up together that he'll become my priority as well. Hopefully with the addition of one or two more. I'm from a blended family so I know how it works.

The deal with the father is a bit on the brutal side. Divorce due to domestic violence which was almost 3 years ago. The boy is 5 for a couple more months. The father has since had visitation revoked and hopefully there will be a successful legal deal in Sept. that will have him permanently removed with restraining orders and such.
 
well it all sounds a go for you then, her hesitation probably stems from just being naturally protective of her child especially seeing the situation she is coming from with the father...as long as he is out of and stays out of the picture then just keep doing what you're doing and things will work themselves out. If the dad however does decide to cause a ruckus you need to make the decision to stay out or stand your ground (and from the little I have read you seem like you would stand your ground and I applaud you for that), the situation with my son was very similar and even though his mother and I are no longer together I recently adopted him. But overall I wouldn't sweat it too much she just has the natural nervousness that any parent would have introducing their child to someone they are dating, as cliche as it sounds it will happen when the time is right but just keep reassuring her that you are on board and have a true desire to meet the little tike.
 
Don't rush it, and be prepared for rough times. The son MAY not like you around and find ways to get his dad back in the picture. Best thing to do is go slow with the child, and reaffirm both of them you're there for the long haul. If you're not, then don't meet the kid. just cause angst.
 
He's afraid of his dad to a certain degree and doesn't seem to miss him from the stories I get. I'm sure that would change later in life but for the time being it isn't an issue. My fear is him taking it out on the kid that the lady is moving on and stumbled upon the right guy. I think she has that same fear to a certain degree.
 
befriend the kid and show him that you are nice and can be his friend.
do things that these days children likes. bond with him. treat him some ice cream, go to amusement parks, malls, etc.
 
[quote name='nasum']Any tips?
We've seen each other pretty regularly for a couple of months now but she's leery of doing the kid introduction. He sounds pretty cool and I'm all for the idea of going to the zoo or having a picnic or whatever.[/QUOTE]


remember in her life the kids come first so if she ever breaks a date over them be understanding. id also suggest trying to find common interests you can share with her kids but dont push too hard to get close to them. and find out what her ex is like since if things get serious you will have to meet him eventually.


all relationships are work and when kids are involved its even more work. btw 10 extra cool points for hating cats those damn things are creepy little mini lions who will eat you when you die. no respect for them at all.
 
Dating a single mom would be nice. But I think it would be cooler to date two moms. As long as they don't find out about eachother.
 
I've done this before. It's good that she doesn't want you to meet her kid right away. It shows she is responsible. Since you've been dating this long I'll skip over baby daddy stuff and go straight to meeting the kid.

I don't know how old the kid it but getting on his good side is important. If the kid hates you your dating life will suck. If the kid is young bring him something small the first time you meet. The woman I was dating had a daughter I brought her a stuffed dog. Scored major points with mom.

Never discipline the kid or offer parenting advice. No matter how annoying her kid gets it's not your job. I wouldn't suggest any long activities at first. They can make kids tired and cranky. I met her daughter at dinner at her house.

You are going to have to put effort into the kid as well as mom. I would juggle for her daughter, had tea parties with her, and watched kids shows/movies.

Just be careful. If you and mom break up the kid will be upset you don't come around anymore.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Dating a single mom would be nice. But I think it would be cooler to date two moms. As long as they don't find out about eachother.[/QUOTE]


nah a mom and her daughter. that would be the ultimate pull.
 
[quote name='lokizz']nah a mom and her daughter. that would be the ultimate pull.[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure you get a ticket straight to hell for that. All three of you.
 
[quote name='lokizz']nah a mom and her daughter. that would be the ultimate pull.[/QUOTE]
I almost had that situation at one point. I was seeing a 35-36 year old mom when I was 25 or so. Only problem was her kid was like 16 or so(legal in PA is 18). I never met the kid though since the mom lived an hour or so away and used to only come up for a lil fun.

Only other time I dated or messed around with a single mom was this one Hispanic chick. She had 4 kids, two older and two very young. The young ones came in the one night when we were in bed and asked when she was getting back with daddy.:cry: That sucked bad since I had some serious feelings for her.:cry: But at least one of the older kids was a gamer and showed me the one gaming shop that I never even knew was there.

But yeah, definitely take it slow OP.
 
Everything silentevil just said. No matter what, no matter when, if it comes down to you or the kid, you will always lose. No matter how right you think you are, you're wrong. Remember that.

Yes, I've been down this road and I'm still on it. It's not an easy path.
 
Some interesting stuff in here.

Something I haven't seen: watch for family who will be overprotective of the kid around you.

A close relative is almost divorced from her alcoholic drug absuing abusive husband and a bunch of us have pretty much agreed if she ever tries to be with another loser( she has a history of being a dingbat) like her husband we are going to send him running for the hills with a tin hat. She can ruin her life but we aren't letting her drag her kid down with her. Kid shouldn't have to suffer, so think, does she have a history of dating losers her family warned her about?
 
well that's the beauty of it all, I know her whole family and they already know me. Granted they haven't seen me in 15 years but still... From what she says, they're all pretty happy that we bumped into each other again. Well, one brother is a little frightened since he beat me up when I was 7 and he fears retribution! No reason to fear of course.
 
Did it once, would never do it again unless a last resort. My relationship with my ex was fantastic until her kids started getting involved and meddling. Then it turned into complete shit.

Unless you have kids of your own OP, run while you still can.


[quote name='Ziv']Everything silentevil just said. No matter what, no matter when, if it comes down to you or the kid, you will always lose. No matter how right you think you are, you're wrong. Remember that.

Yes, I've been down this road and I'm still on it. It's not an easy path.[/QUOTE]

Agreed. You'll always be #2 or #3 when there are kids are involved. Mothers do anything for their kids, even ditch the b/f if pressed hard enough.
 
Ok fella. Let's be rational.

1) 2 months - nowhere near enough time for a mom to start bringing you around to her kid. Doesn't matter how long you've known her off and on throughout the years.
2) Perfect for each other - have you lived with her? I've known girls who will like what the guy likes to try to make it seem like they're perfect for one another.
3) Psycho ex. What was her family life like when she was younger? Is this a pattern for her? What drew her to him in the first place? Danger? Trying to change him? You should be prepared for this guy to make your life hell.
4) Wanting to donate toys - way too eager. It's almost like you want to be her knight in shining armor.

To me, lots of red flags here. You jump into the deep end right away, you might struggle to swim. Chill out and go slow.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Dating a single mom would be nice. But I think it would be cooler to date two moms. As long as they don't find out about eachother.[/QUOTE]
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
All the single moms I dated were really easy. They quickly introduced me to their kids, and I just maintained the role of "mom's buddy." I'm telling you though... the best sex I've ever had was with women who have kids.

Edit: What I meant to say is... have fun banging her, keep the kid at a distance, and when she gets to the serious settling down point, run your ass off.
 
I wouldn't date a single mom. They have kids or possibly baby. HAIL BABY. You must pay tribune to the children. If you want it to be all about you, then fall back and run.
 
[quote name='Kerig']This is the worst-replied thread I've ever read on CAG.[/QUOTE]
I hope you're not including my replies. I even dropped a more than relevant Jerry Maguire clip.
 
Don't date single mothers! They already made one mistake. Don't be the next mistake!

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxjLNvoW850
 
[quote name='shieryda']The only thing I'd be worried about is the ex coming after my ass with a chainsaw.[/QUOTE]
Its time to start looking into gun laws and a safety course if needed, much better to deal with a stand your ground case than a murder-suicide. People get a little funny in the head when you start talking about taking them out of their kid's life permanently.
 
The win to win over everyone's trust here is to assure the mom that you have a fun, windowless fan and lots of candy so you and the kid can have lots of fun! She'll practically donate him to you.
 
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