I ordered a monitor from amazon like 3 days ago and got it yesterday. I return home from work today, the monitor is leaking shit all over my desk, xbox ( because its directly under the monitor ), keyboard and mouse. Im glad I moved my laptop. Anyways! The monitor ended up breaking everything that was on my desk and all amazon offered to do was replace the monitor. The best part of the whole thing is they want me to return the monitor to UPS and I keep telling them UPS doesnt accept items that are hazardous. They keep telling me they will take it so Im going to go try to take it to UPS knowing they are going to reject me from sending it back. They want me to put it in a box but, the damn thing is still leaking.
If Amazon and Asus are going to keep dicking you around tell them your dog ate some of the ooze and died, and make a huge stink about it. I'd say to tell them your cousin or niece/nephew died but people seem to get much more up in arms about animals suffering than actual people.
If this idea fails to work I'd suggest you go to the pet store and purchase 4 turtles and a rat. Then apply ooze liberally to the animals and if all goes correctly you should have your very own Ninja Turtles (and Master Splinter) within a few hours. At that point its up to you what recourse you'd like to take against Amazon and Asus