"Ban masturbation and oral sex," says US Senator (R-PA)

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CAGiversary!
I usually don't like to post about this type of stuff, but it was too good to pass up:


Rick Santorum: It's all about sodomy
by John in DC - 6/06/2006 12:16:00 PM

Far-right Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) is on the Senate floor right now railing about sodomy. According to Santorum, this entire debate about gay marriage hinges on the issue of whether society should legitimize sodomy or not.

Santorum is railing against the recent Supreme Court decision, Lawrence v. Texas. That's the decision that rules that states can no longer throw gay people in jail simply because of who they are (up until then, several states made "sodomy" a crime - and remember, sodomy includes oral and anal sex, both heterosexual and gay).

So, Rick Santorum is upset that states can no longer throw gay people in jail. Rick Santorum is upset that analingus, cunnilingus and fellatio are no longer crimes in America, even for heterosexual married couples. Rick Santorum thinks this is what the United States Congress should be spending its time and money debating.

Santorum just spent a lot of time defending Justice Scalia's dissent in the case. Santorum agrees with Scalia's dissent. That would be the dissent in which Scalia said the following:

State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers’ validation of laws based on moral choices. Every single one of these laws is called into question by today’s decision; the Court makes no effort to cabin the scope of its decision to exclude them from its holding.

Yes, Rick Santorum just made the entire debate about masturbation and oral sex.

Nice.

And he wonders why he's 23 points behind his Democratic opponent in his re-election campaign. He wonders why the American public overwhelming is fed up with the Republicans running Washington?


http://americablog.blogspot.com/2006/06/rick-santorum-its-all-about-sodomy.html
 
I see someone is upset that his mate wouldn't give him a BJ so he wants to take it out on his fellow Americans.
 
[quote name='cdeener']I see someone is upset that his mate wouldn't give him a BJ so he wants to take it out on his fellow Americans.[/QUOTE]

This is a perfect example of why I could never be a senator, because I'd probably flat out say that to him on the floor of the senate. Preferably when the floor was open to debate so everyone could hear it.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Is masturbation were a crime I'd be committing it right now.[/quote]

As evidenced by your using of "is" instead of "if".
 
i really hope santorum gets the boot come election time, he also said there because MA was such a liberal state, was the reason there was so much child molestation by the clergy there, a real nutter
 
That wacky Santorum! What will he do next!

20050731-115132-1308.jpg

"Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?"
 
[quote name='Scorch']As evidenced by your using of "is" instead of "if".[/quote]

It's hard to type with one hand...
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']i really hope santorum gets the boot come election time, he also said there because MA was such a liberal state, was the reason there was so much child molestation by the clergy there, a real nutter[/QUOTE]

The creepiest thing about Santorum is when his wife had a miscarriage, they BROUGHT IT HOME. They took family portraits, WITH THE DEAD FETUS. And he says liberals are out of the mainstream, sheesh.

I wouldn't worry about him keeping his seat, he's down some 20+ points in the polls. It's getting worse for him, especially since he doesn't even live in PA anymore, he moved to VA years ago.
 
[quote name='Cheese']The creepiest thing about Santorum is when his wife had a miscarriage, they BROUGHT IT HOME. They took family portraits, WITH THE DEAD FETUS.[/quote]

No freaking way.
 
[quote name='Sleepkyng']yup, it's a true story *fap fap fap*[/quote]

Unbelievable. That's something I wouldn't ever like to think about let alone have pictures of. How completely fucked up do you think his parents are?
 
There was a Rolling Stone article on him a few years back, if I remember correctly his parents are pretty normal, he himself was a pretty normal guy until he and his wife got into drugs, then kicked them through Jesus. That's when he lost his mind, and somehow got elected.
 
Your thread title is misleading and seems to suggest that the phrase came from Santorum's mouth. Turn your bullshit down for long enough; it's Rick fucking Santorum! Can't you let his own dialogue sabotage his own arguments!?!?
 
Alternately, if the Democrats want to sweep the fucking voting nation, they should propose that Santorum, and the Republican's, proposed bill, if hinged on sodomy rights, would mean the widespread criminalization of all pornography involving oral, anal, or anything but two middle-age and of average beauty people having sex, through their mormon underwear, missionary style.

The Democrats need to pounce on this with some witty slogans!

This also makes me want to search for the fundamentalist christian/uberconservative politician/religious right personality who would forcibly buttfuck his wife, and then claim that he didn't know he was sodomizing her.
 
[quote name='Scorch']As evidenced by your using of "is" instead of "if".[/QUOTE]
evident*

Why ban two of the greatest things on Earth?
 
[quote name='mykevermin']This also makes me want to search for the fundamentalist christian/uberconservative politician/religious right personality who would forcibly buttfuck his wife, and then claim that he didn't know he was sodomizing her.[/QUOTE]


That took all of 3 minutes...

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20050530/mcgarvey

Bush appointee Dr. David Hager formerly of the FDA, was allegedly ass-raping his wife for years.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']3 minutes is important when you're making dinner!

Thanks for the link.[/QUOTE]

Oh that wasn't a dig on you, just a comment of how easy it was to find a rightwing ass raper.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']Alternately, if the Democrats want to sweep the fucking voting nation, they should propose that Santorum, and the Republican's, proposed bill, if hinged on sodomy rights, would mean the widespread criminalization of all pornography involving oral, anal, or anything but two middle-age and of average beauty people having sex, through their mormon underwear, missionary style.

The Democrats need to pounce on this with some witty slogans!

This also makes me want to search for the fundamentalist christian/uberconservative politician/religious right personality who would forcibly buttfuck his wife, and then claim that he didn't know he was sodomizing her.[/quote]

:-({|=
 
[quote name='mykevermin']Alternately, if the Democrats want to sweep the fucking voting nation[/QUOTE]

they should highlight the Pubs obsession with a gay marriage banning amendment while young men are dying every day in Iraq. Although now that gerrymandering is down to a science the days of any sort of real sweep may be gone for good.
 
[quote name='AFStealth']Conspiracy to commit sodomy![/QUOTE]

Actually it would be solicitation but if the person I told to suck my dick said sure then it would be conspiracy.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']

The Democrats need to pounce on this with some witty slogans!

[/QUOTE]

How about: If masturbation is outlawed, only outlaws will masturbate.

They could use Marilyn Manson's "Cake and Sodomy" as the official song.
 
[quote name='niceguyshawne']How about: If masturbation is outlawed, only outlaws will masturbate.[/QUOTE]

I love it!

And Manson's an admitted Republican, so fuck him.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']And Manson's an admitted Republican, so fuck him.[/quote]

That's got to be an ironic joke on his part. Not that the Dems have stood up for free speech, but Republicans are the worst (See: Ashcroft vs. the left boob of Liberty)
 
Shit... if you make masturbation a crime, half the internet would have consecutive life sentances.
 
[quote name='niceguyshawne']How about: If masturbation is outlawed, only outlaws will masturbate.

They could use Marilyn Manson's "Cake and Sodomy" as the official song.[/QUOTE]


I like: Vote Democrat, we'll still let you touch yourself.
 
[quote name='RedvsBlue']I like: Vote Democrat, we'll still let you touch yourself.[/QUOTE]


But that can be turned around by the GOP so that by voting Democrat you are admitting to touching yourself.
 
[quote name='niceguyshawne']But that can be turned around by the GOP so that by voting Democrat you are admitting to touching yourself.[/QUOTE]


Vote Democrat: Our voting booths have 25 channels, cleenex, glory holes.
 
[quote name='Cheese']Vote Democrat: Our voting booths have 25 channels, cleenex, glory holes.[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but it still can't beat the Republican offer: Free prostitutes personally delivered by the head of the CIA.

Wait, that offer is only available to Republican congressmen. Never mind.
 
[quote name='Drocket']Sorry, but it still can't beat the Republican offer: Free prostitutes personally delivered by the head of the CIA.

Wait, that offer is only available to Republican congressmen. Never mind.[/quote]

The Republican offer is all the booze, coke, and strippers you want until you turn 33+ and find Jesus.

Jesus is the ultimate

get_out_of_jail.gif
 
[quote name='I AM WILLIAM H. MACY']That wacky Santorum! What will he do next!

20050731-115132-1308.jpg

"Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?"[/QUOTE]

That actually exists... lol. it's called the Hershey's Take 5 candy bar.
 
[quote name='CounterSeal']That actually exists... lol. it's called the Hershey's Take 5 candy bar.[/QUOTE]

And it's fucking delicious.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Unbelievable. That's something I wouldn't ever like to think about let alone have pictures of. How completely fucked up do you think his parents are?[/QUOTE]
Wikipedia doesn't say anything about pictures, but...
Santorum and his wife, Karen Garver Santorum, have six children: Elizabeth Anne; Richard John ("Johnny"), Jr.; Daniel James; Sarah Maria; Peter Kenneth; and Patrick Francis. In 1996, their son Gabriel Michael was born prematurely and lived for only two hours. (A sonogram taken before Gabriel was born revealed that his posterior urethral valve was closed and that the prognosis for his survival was therefore poor.) Karen Santorum wrote a book about the experience: Letters to Gabriel: The True Story of Gabriel Michael Santorum (ISBN 1568145284). In it, she writes that the couple brought the deceased infant home from the hospital and introduced the dead child to their living children as "your brother Gabriel" and slept with the body overnight before returning him to the hospital. The anecdote was also raised in a 2005 New York Times magazine cover story on Santorum. Karen is also the author of a book on etiquette.

Source
Of course, that's still plenty fucked up.
 
Holy shit, they fucking slept with it?! That's even worse!

Also,
analingus

Holy shit, that's the best word I've heard in years! I'm going to have to try to work that shit into daily conversation.
 
bread's done
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