G.I. Joe- "A Real American Hero"? Not so with the new movie

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http://www.lvrj.com/opinion/10849526.html

Hollywood now proposes that in a new live-action movie based on the G.I. Joe toy line, Joe's -- well, "G.I." -- identity needs to be replaced by membership in an "international force based in Brussels." IGN Entertainment news site reports Paramount is considering replacing our "real American hero" with "Action Man," member of an "international operations team."

Paramount will simply turn Joe's name into an acronym.

The show biz newspaper Variety reports: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

Well, thank goodness the villain -- no need to offend anyone by making our villains Arabs, Muslims, or foreign dictators of any stripe these days, though apparently Presbyterians who talk like Scottie on "Star Trek" are still OK -- is a double-crossing arms dealer. Otherwise one might be tempted to conclude the geniuses at Paramount believe arms dealing itself is evil.

According to reports in Variety and the aforementioned IGN, the producers explain international marketing would simply prove too difficult for a summer, 2009 film about a heroic U.S. soldier. Thus the need to "eliminate Joe's connection to the U.S. military."

Well, who cares. G.I. Joe is just a toy, right? He was never real. Right?


No longer "A Real American Hero" and Cobra Commander will have a scottish accent(from the sounds of it)? WTF?

Is Paramount just asking for this fucking movie to flop all cause they're afraid to link the group to the U.S. Military?
 
I can kinda understand the international part since it wasn't as if G.I. Joe didn't run all over the world doing shit and had an international flavor anyway (we all know there aren't any real American ninjas). But um... a Scottish Cobra Commander? What the fuck is that?
 
*Geek Mode*

From that article, the villian portion of this movie *might* be sorta accurate....

...and will be Destro, NOT Cobra Commander.
[quote name='wikipedia']Born in Scotland, Destro’s full name is James McCullen Destro XXIV, and is Laird of Castle Destro in the Scottish Highlands.[/quote]

That is unless they decide to combine Cobra Commander and Destro:headache:


But Hollywood =

:imwithst:

They'll do exactly that.


And it ain't GI Joe without SUPER-patriotism, as shown in the end of this clip

[media]http://youtube.com/watch?v=DN034sBeF4c[/media]

This 3 minute intro >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Any live action Hollywood 'interpretation'
 
If Sergeant Slaughter isn't in it, then I'm not buying.

bigsgtslaughter.jpg


...MAGGOT!
 
nobody here could really be surprised that theyd rape that damn series. transformers was crap thundercats will probably be crap and now gi joe will be some sickly sweet watered down politically correct action cgi fest full of product placement and lame out of place slang and popular phrases.

not to say the cartoon was perfect after reading the comics i was letdown at how watered down the original 80s cartoon was. the story of how cobra commander came to power is some pretty impressive stuff.

im still pissed i never got that final gi joe comic where snakeyes fought cobra commander who was wearing a cyber suit.
 
Why the hell would you make a movie about G.I. Joe and take out everything that has to do with G.I. fuck ing Joe?!?

It's not like foreigners don't already associate "Joes" with American military anyway...jeezus Hollywood logic at it's finest. :roll:
 
[quote name='gunm']Why the hell would you make a movie about G.I. Joe and take out everything that has to do with G.I. fuck ing Joe?!?

It's not like foreigners don't already associate "Joes" with American military anyway...jeezus Hollywood logic at it's finest. :roll:[/quote]

well because everyone under the sun needs to be represented in the movie. so there will be arab joes and cobras as well as gay joes and cobras and maybe even crippled joes and cobras.


thats a shame too because when you look at gijoe overall it was a pretty diverse show. actually wasnt one of sgt slaughters trainess kinda fruity in the gi joe movie? man that movie was awesome. the opening song and intro for that movie was off the hook on so many levels too bad i lost my copy of the tape.
 
we had a thread about this a few months ago with fellow cags guessing which real actor would best play their cartoon counterpart.

ack...

anyways here we go again too much violence and parents bitch. Parents 1, GI Joe 0 :(

Honestly who the fuck cares, I mean really if there was a scene in the movie where GI JOE goes after Al-Keda (sp?) and kills Osama Binladen, bet you no parent or kid is going to bitch about that right?
 
[quote name='evilmax17']If Sergeant Slaughter isn't in it, then I'm not buying.

bigsgtslaughter.jpg


...MAGGOT![/QUOTE]


"This one's for Falcon, this one's for Duke, and this..... THIS IS FOR THE U....S.... of A!!!!!"

I mean if SS did that on the big screen, you can bet the crowd will go nuts!!!!
 
Destro: Cobra Commander, Toys R Us is all out of GI Joe action figures.

Cobra Commander: Destro! You idddddddiot!
 
[quote name='VipFREAK']They (as in hollywood) fucked up Transformers so why stop there? :shrugs:[/QUOTE]

o.0

700+ million dollar take in at the box office isn't considered a fuck up for a 150 dollar movie :whistle2:|

what you actually ment to say "They (as in Paul Anderson and company) fucked up the Resident Evil Movie Series, and now he needs to die."
 
fuckin' liberals.

Reminds me of the GI Joe animated miniseries "Operation Dragonforce" (or something similar), where they began the series on a humanitarian mission to help out tibetan monks or some such shit.

GI Joe should be about killin' commies, or some sort of aggrandizing Rush Limbaugh nonsense.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']fuckin' liberals.

Reminds me of the GI Joe animated miniseries "Operation Dragonforce" (or something similar), where they began the series on a humanitarian mission to help out tibetan monks or some such shit.

GI Joe should be about killin' commies, or some sort of aggrandizing Rush Limbaugh nonsense.[/QUOTE]

this will be one of the few times I do this, but I actually agree with you for once Mykevermin. I remembered bits and pieces of that show and was turned off by that.

GI Joe was about a bunch of single men with small cocks who loved to blow shit up, all in the name of Justice!
 
[quote name='mykevermin']fuckin' liberals.

Reminds me of the GI Joe animated miniseries "Operation Dragonforce" (or something similar), where they began the series on a humanitarian mission to help out tibetan monks or some such shit.

GI Joe should be about killin' commies, or some sort of aggrandizing Rush Limbaugh nonsense.[/quote]

yeah i remember that shit series. i think thats when they brought back cobra commander with some kind of ancient power. then they infused vehicles with that same power and essentially they made some good vehicles evil and evil vehicles good in an odd kinda way.the vehicles did look cool with their new paint jobs though in toy form.
 
The scottish arms dealer should be Destro not Cobra Commander.

I loved the GI Joe movie. I still have a couple of the toys - golobulus, nemesis enforcer, and a royal guard.

It's kind of dumb to have the license but then change it completely. I hope they're not trying to make this ultra realistic - I want to see all the different types of Cobra soldiers!
 
I always thought that GI Joe was kinda like a UN force. I mean Cobra wanted to take over the world. And what, the US was the only ones who cared about stoping them ?

They could always update the Real American Hero to be "The real XX Hero" where XX is the contry in the movie is released in.
 
[quote name='KingDox']I always thought that GI Joe was kinda like a UN force. I mean Cobra wanted to take over the world. And what, the US was the only ones who cared about stoping them ?

They could always update the Real American Hero to be "The real XX Hero" where XX is the contry in the movie is released in.[/quote]

I believe they changed the tagline of classic GI Joe for international markets.

The change would be hella lame. If Hollywood is going to waste it's money then just do Captain Planet - sure it will suck but at least I'll get some funny youtube clips out of the deal.
 
[quote name='KingDox']I always thought that GI Joe was kinda like a UN force. I mean Cobra wanted to take over the world. And what, the US was the only ones who cared about stoping them ?

They could always update the Real American Hero to be "The real XX Hero" where XX is the contry in the movie is released in.[/quote]

if i remember right each nation had its own kind of gi joe type group. wasnt there an episode where they all banded together to stop cobra. i think it could have been in the episode where cobra had that machine that caused all machines to stop working within a certain area. those were always the best episodes the ones that took a week or 2 to finish. firefly was the shit too bad he never got props for being a ninja in the tv series.
 
Don't you guys see what is happening?

COBRA is behind the new movie, and they're using the whole thing to make the Joe's look like a bunch of idiots. It's insidious!
 
[quote name='evilmax17']If Sergeant Slaughter isn't in it, then I'm not buying.

bigsgtslaughter.jpg


...MAGGOT![/quote]

It's amazing that this fat ass could even pass as a Marine, much less a childhood action hero.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']fuckin' liberals.

Reminds me of the GI Joe animated miniseries "Operation Dragonforce" (or something similar), where they began the series on a humanitarian mission to help out tibetan monks or some such shit.[/quote]
You mean the Dic series where they changed the intro song from "Real American Hero" to "International Hero"?

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBX2ns-01D8[/media]
 
I don't recall when they changed to "International Heroes" (though the Dragonfire/force miniseries I saw had this theme) - I never figured out if they went ultra-PC at this time (though lazily left the logo reading "A Real American Hero,") or if the episodes I was watching were international distributions (they were bootlegs, after all).

shipwreck may know.
 
Team America: World Police will have been more faithful to G.I. Joe source material than this film. From the underpinnings of America -- fuck Yeah to the belief that hiring amazing actors is a crucial part of freedom fighting (or against freedom, in the case of Zartan, et al).
 
An article from the Las Vegas Review Journal by Vin Suprynowicz has some information regarding if G.I. Joe was "real" or not.

Well, who cares. G.I. Joe is just a toy, right? He was never real. Right?

On Nov. 15, 2003, an 85-year-old retired Marine Corps colonel died of congestive heart failure at his home in La Quinta, Calif., southeast of Palm Springs. He was a combat veteran of World War II. His name was Mitchell Paige.

It's hard today to envision -- or, for the dwindling few, to remember -- what the world looked like on Oct. 25, 1942 -- 65 years ago.

The U.S. Navy was not the most powerful fighting force in the Pacific. Not by a long shot. So the Navy basically dumped a few thousand lonely American Marines on the beach at Guadalcanal and high-tailed it out of there.

(You old swabbies can hold the letters. I've written elsewhere about the way Bull Halsey rolled the dice on the night of Nov. 13, 1942, violating the stern War College edict against committing capital ships in restricted waters and instead dispatching into the Slot his last two remaining fast battleships, the South Dakota and the Washington, escorted by the only four destroyers with enough fuel in their bunkers to get them there and back. By 11 p.m., with the fire control systems on the South Dakota malfunctioning, with the crews of those American destroyers cheering her on as they treaded water in an inky sea full of flaming wreckage, "At that moment Washington was the entire U.S. Pacific Fleet," writes naval historian David Lippman. "If this one ship did not stop 14 Japanese ships right then and there, America might lose the war. ..." At midnight precisely, facing those impossible odds, the battleship Washington opened up with her 16-inch guns. If you're reading this in English, you should be able to figure out how she did.)

But the Washington's one-sided battle with the Kirishima was still weeks in the future. On Oct. 25, Mitchell Paige was back on the God-forsaken malarial jungle island of Guadalcanal.

On Guadalcanal, the Marines struggled to complete an airfield that could threaten the Japanese route to Australia. Admiral Yamamoto knew how dangerous that was. Before long, relentless Japanese counterattacks had driven the supporting U.S. Navy from inshore waters. The Marines were on their own.

As Platoon Sgt. Mitchell Paige and his 33 riflemen set about carefully emplacing their four water-cooled .30-caliber Brownings on that hillside, 65 years ago this week -- manning their section of the thin khaki line that was expected to defend Henderson Field against the assault of the night of Oct. 25, 1942 -- it's unlikely anyone thought they were about to provide the definitive answer to that most desperate of questions: How many able-bodied U.S. Marines does it take to hold a hill against 2,000 armed and motivated attackers?

But by the time the night was over, "The 29th (Japanese) Infantry Regiment has lost 553 killed or missing and 479 wounded among its 2,554 men," historian Lippman reports. "The 16th (Japanese) Regiment's losses are uncounted, but the 164th's burial parties handled 975 Japanese bodies. ... The American estimate of 2,200 Japanese dead is probably too low."

You've already figured out where the Japanese focused their attack, haven't you? Among the 90 American dead and seriously wounded that night were all the men in Mitchell Paige's platoon. Every one. As the night of endless attacks wore on, Paige moved up and down his line, pulling his dead and wounded comrades back into their foxholes and firing a few bursts from each of the four Brownings in turn, convincing the Japanese forces down the hill that the positions were still manned.

The citation for Paige's Medal of Honor picks up the tale: "When the enemy broke through the line directly in front of his position, P/Sgt. Paige, commanding a machine gun section with fearless determination, continued to direct the fire of his gunners until all his men were either killed or wounded. Alone, against the deadly hail of Japanese shells, he fought with his gun and when it was destroyed, took over another, moving from gun to gun, never ceasing his withering fire."

In the end, Sgt. Paige picked up the last of the 40-pound, belt-fed Brownings and did something for which the weapon was never designed. Sgt. Paige walked down the hill toward the place where he could hear the last Japanese survivors rallying to move around his flank, the belt-fed gun cradled under his arm, firing as he went.

Coming up at dawn, battalion executive officer Major Odell M. Conoley was the first to discover how many able-bodied United States Marines it takes to hold a hill against two regiments of motivated, combat-hardened infantrymen who have never known defeat.

On a hill where the bodies were piled like cordwood, Mitchell Paige alone sat upright behind his 30-caliber Browning, waiting to see what the dawn would bring.

The hill had held, because on the hill remained the minimum number of able-bodied United States Marines necessary to hold the position.

And that's where the unstoppable wave of Japanese conquest finally crested, broke, and began to recede. On an unnamed jungle ridge on an insignificant island no one ever heard of, called Guadalcanal.

When the Hasbro Toy Co. called some years back, asking permission to put the retired colonel's face on some kid's doll, Mitchell Paige thought they must be joking.

But they weren't. That's his mug, on the little Marine they call "G.I. Joe." At least, it has been up till now.

Mitchell Paige's only condition? That G.I. Joe must always remain a United States Marine.

But don't worry. Far more important for our new movies not to offend anyone in Cairo or Karachi or Paris or Palembang.

After all, it's only a toy. It doesn't mean anything.
 
[quote name='paddlefoot']Next they will tell you:

Duke: George Clooney
Sean Penn: Shipwreck
Snake Eyes: Tim Robbins
Scarlett: Susan Sarandon[/QUOTE]

ZOMG and they're going to destroy God's America LAWLZ.
 
It's a good thing Captain Planet already emphasizes, you know, the whole planet then, on the 0.000001% chance his viridian David Bowie ass would ever get a movie devoted to him.
 
if it's directed by Micheal Bay... it might actually be a good movie, as he knows how to get good support from the US Military.
 
I have always thought as GI Joe as international anyway. I mean quick kick, storm shadow (He became a good guy look it up and go away. :), and there were some other. I think snake eyes was american. But anyway the point is the internationals joined with the american team making it a... international american team? I would like the main force to still be american based but you know.. nothing we can do. Transformers didnt come out to bad right? ;)
 
[quote name='phenommsu']I have always thought as GI Joe as international anyway. I mean quick kick, storm shadow (He became a good guy look it up and go away. :), and there were some other. I think snake eyes was american. But anyway the point is the internationals joined with the american team making it a... international american team? I would like the main force to still be american based but you know.. nothing we can do. Transformers didnt come out to bad right? ;)[/QUOTE]

There's little more ethnocentric in this world than thinking "hey, there are some nonwhites there, so they MUST be international!"

:lol:

Perhaps it was Quick Kick's accent that clued you into his upbringing in the ancient Orient? ;)
 
[quote name='mykevermin']There's little more ethnocentric in this world than thinking "hey, there are some nonwhites there, so they MUST be international!"

:lol:

Perhaps it was Quick Kick's accent that clued you into his upbringing in the ancient Orient? ;)[/QUOTE]


your forgetting Spirit.
 
After Transformers, expect this to be just as bad. Transformers was a massive pile of overhyped shit. Michael Bay FTL.
 
[quote name='Agent_BBJ']The only way this could suck anymore is if they put the viper in it. real gi joes fans know about the viper.[/QUOTE]

5 75....
 
Maybe Serpentor will be in the movie. Complete with terrible custom design ala Street Fighter: The Movie. At least then it would be good for a laugh. Well, it will be good for laugh anyway, but it needs stuff like that to put it over the top.
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']It's amazing that this fat ass could even pass as a Marine, much less a childhood action hero.[/QUOTE]

I know a lot of marines whose physique doesnt even look as good as Sarges there. I liked him better coaching the Steelers anyways though.
 
bread's done
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