How Do You Wipe Your Ass: Sitting vs. Standing?

thehuskerfan

thehuskerfan

CAGiversary!
My roommate comes up to me this evening and tells me that he was wiping his ass and he almost fell over into the wall.. He's quite a stocky guy, so I thought it was kinda weird that he would mention this, and then I asked him, "Why were you standing while you were wiping!?" He gave me a bewildered look, and I guess he'd always done it that way. We then went on a mass search all over the internet, and the results were inconclusive. I suppose you'd be doing us and everyone here a favor by voicing your method(s).
 
Dude didnt we do this already?

Yeah I always stand while wiping my ass.....you get a better wipe.
 
[quote name='Soodmeg']Dude didnt we do this already?...[/QUOTE]

Possibly, I searched through the forums, I couldn't find anything, but I could be wrong.
 
With seashells. If anyone can name the movie that's from you uh.....earn a cookie or something.

10 bucks says modium or brak know which movie that's from.
 
I wipe while sitting.

[quote name='Soodmeg']Dude didnt we do this already?

Yeah I always stand while wiping my ass.....you get a better wipe.[/QUOTE]

See thats what I don't understand. When you sit your ass is relaxed and open. When you stand by nature your ass become clenched shut. How is it a better wipe?

[quote name='hiccupleftovers']With seashells. If anyone can name the movie that's from you uh.....earn a cookie or something.

10 bucks says modium or brak know which movie that's from.[/QUOTE]

Demolition man. They laughed when ol' girl told them that we wiped with bunch up wads of paper.
 
[quote name='fart_bubble']Easy, its Demolition Man[/quote]
Damn it......ok, well maybe that was too easy. Still, that movie kicks ass.
 
[quote name='Soodmeg']Dude didnt we do this already?

Yeah I always stand while wiping my ass.....you get a better wipe.[/quote]

We did, it wasn't really that funny/interesting then, and it certainly isn't now, but apparently the new fad on CAG is to make retarded bathroom habit related topics. On that note, where is Jeff Goldblum when you need him...
 
Cat%20in%20toilet.jpg
 
[quote name='Zenithian Legend']We did, it wasn't really that funny/interesting then, and it certainly isn't now, but apparently the new fad on CAG is to make retarded bathroom habit related topics. On that note, where is Jeff Goldblum when you need him...[/QUOTE]

I'll take a bathroom thread over a relationship one any day.
 
I remember when this became a huge controversy among my group of friends. Everyone found out that other people did it differently, it was like the beginning of the war between Lilliput and Blefuscu in Gulliver's Travels.
 
I used to wipe standing up - up through college. Once I started working at a company started wiping sitting down. I agree sitting is easier - better access. I think when a kid is potty training, the parents have the kids stand up so they could wipe them and so the kid thinks standing up is the way to wipe.
 
It's for questions like this that I wish we could call forth the stalwart figures in the American home for the right answer: Martha Stewart. And maybe Rachael Ray for shits and giggles.
 
[quote name='CitizenB']See thats what I don't understand. When you sit your ass is relaxed and open. When you stand by nature your ass become clenched shut. How is it a better wipe?

[/quote]

The AOA (Angle of Attack)...you know Leverage.
 
[quote name='fart_bubble']Lift half of my ass up and wipe with my right hand[/QUOTE]

Ditto! I SEE NO OPTION FOR HALF OF AN ASS BEING LIFTED!
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']Wouldn't standing up smear the shit all over the inside of your ass?[/quote]

I would think so. Not gonna try it to find out, though. Sitting is way to go.

A toilet seat is designed to spread your cheeks when you sit on it. It curves inward towards the bowl of the toilet, and the hole is large so that most of your butt fits inside, and then your weight pushes downwards, making the cheeks spread. Simple ass physics, people.
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']Wouldn't standing up smear the shit all over the inside of your ass?[/QUOTE]

Only if you've experienced the chocolate shotgun effect after a particularly bad Mexican or Chinese meal. Otherwise the stand-up wipe assumes that all excess meatloaf has been delivered into the Pool of Delight previous to your standing.
 
[quote name='HeadRusch']Only if you've experienced the chocolate shotgun effect after a particularly bad Mexican or Chinese meal. Otherwise the stand-up wipe assumes that all excess meatloaf has been delivered into the Pool of Delight previous to your standing.[/QUOTE]

Well without having to look at my ass with a mirror, that just seems like a risk I would not be willing to take.
 
Wow, I always thought I was the only one who stood (enough so, that I've tried to change). So, I'm excited that nearly 50% of people here stand.

I'm not sure about ass-physics, etc, but I've always stood, I've never had any smearing issues, so I plan to continue.
 
Wait. How can you SIT and whipe? Do you lift a leg up off the seat, and slide your arm underneath it, or what? I've always done it standing up, and in fact, whenever I take a poop at home, I get completely naked. I like the feeling of having No Boundries.

I just don't see the logistics behind sit-whiping. Do you reach your hand around your back, and then whipe down, and if so, wouldn't you need freakishly long forearms in order to whipe it out?

An animated gif or video explaining this method would be greatly appreciated.
 
For the first half of my life, I wiped standing up. I never even considered that one would remain seated for such a thing. Then I stumbled across a survey asking this very same question. I was astounded. From that day on, I wipe while sitting. Doing it while standing seems so absurd now.

To sum it up: why the fuck would you stand up to wipe?
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']Wait. How can you SIT and whipe? Do you lift a leg up off the seat, and slide your arm underneath it, or what? I've always done it standing up, and in fact, whenever I take a poop at home, I get completely naked. I like the feeling of having No Boundries.

I just don't see the logistics behind sit-whiping. Do you reach your hand around your back, and then whipe down, and if so, wouldn't you need freakishly long forearms in order to whipe it out?

An animated gif or video explaining this method would be greatly appreciated.[/quote]

Perhaps they reach behind their balls? But wouldn't that get your wrist covered with piss from your wet penis?
 
All over America there are going to be some extra long poops tonight as all of CAG tries the antethis of what they've always done.

Sitters: "Holy crap how do they do this?"
Standers: "Shit this is hard."

we're in for a long and smelly night.
 
I usually just shit standing.

That's what I like to call "Base Jumping".
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']Wait. How can you SIT and whipe? Do you lift a leg up off the seat, and slide your arm underneath it, or what? I've always done it standing up, and in fact, whenever I take a poop at home, I get completely naked. I like the feeling of having No Boundries.[/quote]

You know, I don't even have to answer anymore because of this. 100% agree on all counts. it's to the point where I hate going in public simply because i can't get butt ass naked.

If you are at home or somewhere familiar, and you keep your clothes on, i think you're constricting yourself and asking for trouble.


On a side note, if this is going to be a yearly thread, maybe Cheapy can front page it.
 
[quote name='Zing']For the first half of my life, I wiped standing up. I never even considered that one would remain seated for such a thing. Then I stumbled across a survey asking this very same question. I was astounded. From that day on, I wipe while sitting. Doing it while standing seems so absurd now.

To sum it up: why the fuck would you stand up to wipe?[/quote]

This is exactly what happened to me. I made the switch in college and I've never looked back. it's much easier and cleaner, IMO.
 
[quote name='crystalklear64']Standing certainly. Allows for maximum ass-spreadage resulting in a much deeper clean.[/QUOTE]
As someone who used to be a stander and is now a sitter - I have to disagree. As a sitter, you can use half of the seat to "hold" one but cheek and then lift the other but cheek slightly for an easy wipe. When I was a stander, I had to hold a butt cheek with one hand, lean slightly foward and wipe with the other.

I made the switch when I started working at a company after college - it was for privacy purposes mostly - otherwise anyone in the bathroom sees you standing up and wondering what the hell your doing.
 
[quote name='cheapfrag']As someone who used to be a stander and is now a sitter - I have to disagree. As a sitter, you can use half of the seat to "hold" one but cheek and then lift the other but cheek slightly for an easy wipe. When I was a stander, I had to hold a butt cheek with one hand, lean slightly foward and wipe with the other.

I made the switch when I started working at a company after college - it was for privacy purposes mostly - otherwise anyone in the bathroom sees you standing up and wondering what the hell your doing.[/QUOTE]
Clearly, you're doing it wrong. You hold a cheek with each hand and wad some toilet paper in your mouth. Then you bend over and around so you can get a clear look at your ass and wipe with the paper in your mouth.
 
[quote name='hohez']
If you are at home or somewhere familiar, and you keep your clothes on, i think you're constricting yourself and asking for trouble.
.[/QUOTE]

Well I'm sure most people lower their pants when they sit down.

To the ones that stand, The one thing I thought about is when your a stander after you wipe you have a handfull of shitty paper that you have to turn around and make sure goes in the toilet, yes?

As myself a sitter, I wipe, and drop the paper in the toilet because I'm sitting on it so I know where the paper is going. advantage= sitters.
 
the only way to be sure you have the cleanest ass possible is to install one of those toilets that shoots water up your ass afterwards.

bidet.jpg
 
how many time can this thread come up. the bigger question is why one would want to know how someone else wipes there ass
 
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