New living arrangements? UPDATE 9/17!

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I recently started dating a girl a couple weeks back. With my work schedule, we've only seen each other a few times on the weekends. We seem to have a lot in common, and things are going pretty good. (Still feeling each other out; that kinda thing.)

She moved to my state to get "away from home" (parents). She's 21 and I'm 23. I guess two of her friends were renting a house a town over from mine, and she's been living with them.

But, they are going to be evicted. I don't really know her friends' work situation, but she doesn't have a job. (Been here for maybe a month or so.) She wants to move in with me. Otherwise, she'll be heading back to her parents home.

I rent an apartment. I've got renters insurance, and work a full time job. While I wouldn't consider having a girlfriend move in so soon, these circumstances are a bit different than past girlfriends.

I'm not really asking what I should do, but rather, are there any real consequences if I decide to let her move in? Legally, is there anything that could go wrong?
 
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She wouldn't be on your lease, therefore technically she's not supposed to be there, and you'll be responsible for anything that she does. Luckily you didn't ask what you should do.
 
Things to consider:

- Is she trying to use you for a place to squat?

Yes. I just listed one thing.
 
I know you didn't ask what you should do OP, but if you let someone move in after dating them for 2 weeks, you're likely heading for disaster.

Help 1 made a very good point, think about it before you decide.
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']When do I get to say "stick it in her pooper"?[/quote]

Surprised it wasn't the first reply. :lol:

[quote name='Brak']Things to consider:

- Is she trying to use you for a place to squat?

Yes. I just listed one thing.[/quote]

Yeah, this is probably the most nagging concern. The only somewhat settling thing to me is that she doesn't really seem attached to anything else around here. Knows very few people and such. I guess what I'm getting at is that, if she wasn't interested in me, she probably wouldn't have any "real reason" to want to stay here. It's not a very exciting area.

But then, I guess if you're forced back to where you really don't want to go, you may do whatever you can to stay away from there.

[quote name='benjamouth']I know you didn't ask what you should do OP, but if you let someone in after dating them for 2 weeks, you're likely heading for disaster.

Help 1 made a very good point, think about it before you decide.[/quote]

I guess, by even making a thread like this, I'm showing I'm not 100% on the whole situation. And if I were the one viewing the thread, I'd probably tell the OP the same thing (that he's crazy).

Thanks guys. I would like to hear more from others. I'm probably not going to find somebody with a similar situation. :lol:
 
id be curious why they got evicted from the place theyre at. also what are the "issues" she has with her parents. like others have said if they move in with you and act stupid youre going to be held responsible for anything they do which could lead to you getting evicted from where youre at.

if youre bold enough tell her you arent ready for things to move to that point or beter yet help them to find a new place to stay. if youre not so bold then tell her you asked your landlord about it and he said you couldnt do that and if people did come in your rent would increase and you cant afford that happening.

but all signs seem to point to it being a bad idea. how well do you know her friends anyway?
 
She won't be kicking in for rent, so she'd best be giving up the boo-tay. Plus, you never know if she'll be up to shenanigans while you're out working your ass off.

Typically, whenever a dude starts dating a chick, they bang all the time whenever they can get together. When (if) the chick moves in, though, you may get sick of her real quick.

PS. I love how you said that you're "still feeling each other out".
 
[quote name='lokizz']id be curious why they got evicted from the place theyre at. also what are the "issues" she has with her parents. like others have said if they move in with you and act stupid youre going to be held responsible for anything they do which could lead to you getting evicted from where youre at.

if youre bold enough tell her you arent ready for things to move to that point or beter yet help them to find a new place to stay. if youre not so bold then tell her you asked your landlord about it and he said you couldnt do that and if people did come in your rent would increase and you cant afford that happening.

but all signs seem to point to it being a bad idea. how well do you know her friends anyway?[/quote]

I don't know the friends at all. I hope this makes sense:

My girl came over here with her friend, who was moving in with her boyfriend. So, my girl is essentially living with her friend and her friends' boyfriend. She's been here about a month. She is looking for a job. I don't know if the boyfriend has lived here long, or whether or not the boyfriend/girlfriend have jobs. I'm guessing that since they can't pay for the place, they don't work, but I dunno.

I was considering the "help her find a place to stay", but I'm not really sure what I can do on that part. Without a job (for her), there's probably not going to be much I can do to help.

[quote name='shieryda']She won't be kicking in for rent, so she'd best be giving up the boo-tay. Plus, you never know if she'll be up to shenanigans while you're out working your ass off.

Typically, whenever a dude starts dating a chick, they bang all the time whenever they can get together. When (if) the chick moves in, though, you may get sick of her real quick.

PS. I love how you said that you're "still feeling each other out".[/quote]

I've had previous relationships that were "all action", and a few that were "seldom action". None of them ever escalated to the point where moving in together was considered. Then again, I guess the majority of them were in college, and living arrangements were pretty much already made (roommates and dorms and such).

Not sure what I was going for with the "feeling each other out" part. :lol: Physical on the one hand, but I also meant it's that really early phase of dating someone. The learning phase, or whatever.
 
Her not having a job is definitely not going to help her find a place for herself.

You have to cover your own ass if you two break up. You're gonna be stuck with a female roommate who doesn't pay rent, and the tension is gonna be so think that you could cut it with a knife.

Not trying to be negative, but don't go feeling sorry for her, let her move in and then regret it a month from now.

Will there be a considerable distance between you if she moves back home? Long distance sucks, too, but it may work out for you.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Her not having a job is definitely not going to help her find a place for herself.

You have to cover your own ass if you two break up. You're gonna be stuck with a female roommate who doesn't pay rent, and the tension is gonna be so think that you could cut it with a knife.

Not trying to be negative, but don't go feeling sorry for her, let her move in and then regret it a month from now.

Will there be a considerable distance between you if she moves back home? Long distance sucks, too, but it may work out for you.[/quote]

If things weren't going to work out in the relationship, I don't think she'd be sticking around. I wouldn't put up with that tension (though you are right; that's how it would be).

Distance would be about five hours one-way, I think. And a lot of times, I work six days a week, which wouldn't help the situation.

[quote name='javeryh']Run like the wind.[/quote]

:lol:
 
Not to be mean, but if she doesn't have a job and won't be paying rent and it's still really early in the relationship, can't you just cut ties and find a new girl?

Also, what does your lease have to say about if someone else moves in. Most of the places I've stayed require someone who stays there more than 3 nights in a row to be on or added to the lease otherwise you could get evicted.

If you do allow her to live there, make her pay rent/ utilities. You're not a charity. And if things don't work out, there shouldn't be any major repercussions.
 
Some states have "squatters rights" - if she's there long enough, you can't legally kick her out even if she's not on the lease.
 
[quote name='JJSP']Some states have "squatters rights" - if she's there long enough, you can't legally kick her out even if she's not on the lease.[/quote]
Plus, if she's crazy, which is entirely possible considering how long you've known each other, she can file a civil protection order which would be granted ex parte-without your knowledge. With her living there she could be granted residency. You would then be removed from the residence forcibly pending the outcome of the full CPO hearing.

This takes nearly a month, and you have to find a place to stay until then.
 
Dude, do not have her move in. You've only known her a few weeks, who knows if what she's really like. She doesn't have a job so you're inherently going to be supporting her. Do you really want to deal with the potential drama of the situation?

This is a real bad idea.
 
This reminds me of something that I have experienced. DO NOT DO IT! If she doesn't have a job or a means of paying for bills it's bad news. Why doesn't she live with her parents anymore? Why are the friend's getting evicted from their place? When was the last time she has had a job? Definitely questions you need to know the answer to before you decide.Take the advice as others have said man. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA! Setting yourself up for nothing but trouble.
 
Compare how you felt about your previous relationships at two weeks to how you felt when they ended, and ask if you would've been cool with them moving in at that point. If not, you have your answer.

The only nagging question might be if she's that one-in-a-million gem that you'd want to settle down with, but if she can't understand your reluctance in this situation, you might have your answer to that too.
 
Since you're still "feeling each other out", moving in together is a definite NO, especially since her moving in would be out of her own need and not your want. One of my friends was in a similar situation and moved in with her bf and although they've been together for over 10 years, they hate/resent each other, also their relationshit lacks trust (theirs is a loooong story).

If you decide to help these people find a new place to live, DO NOT sign a lease or agree to be a guarantor for them. You don't want to be held liable for people you don't know or barely know.
 
FHUTA.

Really tho, depends what shes like and if you have the balls to kick her out if it doesn't potentially work out. Don't let her use you for your house.
 
what does she do all day, i mean she is jobless for a month, she could get a mcjob if she was really desperate. I think she has grown comfortable doing nothing, especially when you will pay ALL the bills.

I say nay
 
If you go through with it I hope I don't see you on "Cheaters" in a year. You work 6 days a week to support the both of you. She is young, jobless, and likely bored most of the time you're not there. That's a recipe for trouble.
 
Judging by the fact that your asking you clearly have a strong desire to see her stay.

If you want her to stay probably the best situation would be to try to find her another place to crash for a month, even if it costs you a couple hundred bucks. If she's really looking for work and wants it bad enough she'll have a job before the months over. If not I'm sure her good old mom would at least spring for a bus ticket home.

Having only known her a couple weeks moving in together is a huge potential disaster either way. If you move her in without your landlord's approval you can get evicted easily and any damage to the property will fall upon you not to mention the quite likely scenario that she decides to go back home or elsewhere and sells your shit to pay for the bus ticket (I've known people who've had apartments cleaned out by short term ex's). Moving her in with your landlord's approval also sucks since she'll be on the lease or contract and getting her out if things go bad can be a real pain.

There's always someone on craig's list who needs a short term roommate, and in a month I think you'll have a lot better idea who she is.
 
My biggest concern would be the workload if things go bad in a really major way, IYKWIMAITYD. You need a far stronger alibi if you live with rather than being some guy with no other friends or acquaintances in common. It elevates you to suspect #1, so you'll really need to have your ducks in a row when the time comes.
 
Where is that one guy who did let the chick in, and as soon as she showed up she turned from a nice avg chick to a monster. I remember the sudden appearance of 2 untrained dogs, tons of furniture, meth use, loud jock bf and IIRC eventually after a few months of hell the dude had to ditch the apt to get rid of her.

Food for thought.
 
[quote name='crazylikeafox11']Not to be mean, but if she doesn't have a job and won't be paying rent and it's still really early in the relationship, can't you just cut ties and find a new girl?

Also, what does your lease have to say about if someone else moves in. Most of the places I've stayed require someone who stays there more than 3 nights in a row to be on or added to the lease otherwise you could get evicted.

If you do allow her to live there, make her pay rent/ utilities. You're not a charity. And if things don't work out, there shouldn't be any major repercussions.[/quote]

I don't think my lease is anything fancy. The apartment owner is an old woman, and there were very few stipulations when I signed the lease. I did plan on combing it over again though.

[quote name='JJSP']Some states have "squatters rights" - if she's there long enough, you can't legally kick her out even if she's not on the lease.[/quote]

Yes, I knew this, but my state does not apply.

[quote name='zionoverfire']Judging by the fact that your asking you clearly have a strong desire to see her stay.

If you want her to stay probably the best situation would be to try to find her another place to crash for a month, even if it costs you a couple hundred bucks. If she's really looking for work and wants it bad enough she'll have a job before the months over. If not I'm sure her good old mom would at least spring for a bus ticket home.

Having only known her a couple weeks moving in together is a huge potential disaster either way. If you move her in without your landlord's approval you can get evicted easily and any damage to the property will fall upon you not to mention the quite likely scenario that she decides to go back home or elsewhere and sells your shit to pay for the bus ticket (I've known people who've had apartments cleaned out by short term ex's). Moving her in with your landlord's approval also sucks since she'll be on the lease or contract and getting her out if things go bad can be a real pain.

There's always someone on craig's list who needs a short term roommate, and in a month I think you'll have a lot better idea who she is.[/quote]

That is a very good idea that I had mulled over. Dunno about the Craigslist though; we are in a really small community (with almost no large cities nearby.)

Also, she came over last night and we chatted. I never brought up the conversation about moving in though. I was a tad bit mistaken in her current living situation.

She actually lives with a friend and her friends family (not just gf/bf). And she left home because her father struck her, and her mother defended him. I asked if she called the police or anything, but she didn't.

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I still feel the same way now that I do after posting this. (And that's that I'd be crazy to have her move in.) Paying for a month at some place probably wouldn't be a bad thing, and I'm considering that.
 
Even if she does find a job, it won't be enough to get her own place. You would be stuck with her. As convenient as it would be to have her around all the time, unless you are seriously thinking of being with her for a very long time, she needs to go home to moms.
 
sounds like you like her, so heres what you do.

tell her that she can stay with you for a little while. set a time frame.

tell her that after that she has to either a) have her own place or b) start paying rent at your place. its probably not a good idea to have her stay too long if youre "feeling eachother out" still.
 
Probably the "best" possible update.

The family she's living with is moving...about the same distance away as they currently are from me (different town though). They are going to be in a mobile home, which means she's gonna be cramped with them (five people for a two-bedroom trailer), but at least they are letting her stay.

Guess I didn't have to make the tough decision. :D
 
[quote name='transparent']Probably the "best" possible update.

The family she's living with is moving...about the same distance away as they currently are from me (different town though). They are going to be in a mobile home, which means she's gonna be cramped with them (five people for a two-bedroom trailer), but at least they are letting her stay.

Guess I didn't have to make the tough decision. :D[/quote]


just give it time sooner or later the subject will come up again.......
 
lokizz was correct.

The family was able to stay in their home for an additional month or so, while the landlord attempted to find a new renter. The family is moving into their trailer in the next couple days. She just called and asked again about moving in.

I said yes. Now, you guys get your drama. :p

I'm actually a bit worried. We've been having a great relationship so far, and she's stayed over many nights already. I just wish I knew the law and such if it gets ugly, and I need her to move out.

Hopefully, that won't happen. She still doesn't have a job. She's coming over later so we can discuss the situation. Pretty sure I'm gonna let her know she needs some job soon.
 
Now, it's getting good...

I hope it works out for you, man. Keep it civil.

If she can't find a job quickly, I'd ask her to at least do most of the cleaning. She's probably going to be spending more time at the place than you are (at least during the day).
 
[quote name='shieryda']Now, it's getting good...

I hope it works out for you, man. Keep it civil.

If she can't find a job quickly, I'd ask her to at least do most of the cleaning. She's probably going to be spending more time at the place than you are (at least during the day).[/QUOTE]

Make sure you frame it as something like "Help around the house". If you ask her to clean and make you dinner she might just do the opposite.
 
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