VanillaGorilla
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In case you haven't heard yet, the US government is tryingimpose trade sanctions on North Korea, and their lovable crazy-ass dictator, Kim Jong Il. The sanctions would mean no more iPods, plasma televisions, or Segway Scooters. Now, this might seem pretty smart, for the US government to annoy this prick so that he....uh.....well, I don't really no what they are trying to do here. If you take away a babies toys, doesn't that just make the baby even angrier? Plus, couldn't Kimmy just get an iPod off of eBay? Sure, he probably doesn't have much positive feedback, and the fact that his shipping address is "9601 Nuclear Holocaust Lane, Pyongyang, North Korea" probably doesn't help, but I'm pretty sure he could find a way to get one. There aren't any Pawn North Koreas in the area? Also, how the hell could Kimmy even use a Plasma HDTV? Does any of the countries 4 TV stations even broadcast in HD? I doubt Kim Jong Il is clamoring to watch Game 5 of the NBA Final or Jericho in HD. And I don't even think I need to comment on the Segway Scooter ban. Kim, listen. You're a fearless, coldhearted dictator. It is IMPOSSIBLE to look like a badass on a 
ing Segway Scooter. See:
Actually, that guy should have his ass kicked for combining his Segway with a scarf, AND A HELMET!
This whole story got me thinking: if the US government really wanted to be assholes (it's not as if they aren't already though, right?), they should try to slap sanctions on some other stuff that's used by some of our biggest enemies. Such as...
http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/ju/just-for-men-gel-for-moustache-beard-&-sideburns-dark-brown-black.jpg
I'm sure you've seen the commercials. A bunch of 40 something Tom Selleck wannabes, trying to mask the fact that their getting old, by rubbing some gel into their scruffy beards. Well, it's not Just For Men, anymore, apparently, it's also Just For Douchebags, because Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad obviously uses it. And yes, I had to look up his name for spelling purposes.ing guy can't just go by Matt? Take a look at his obvious dye job below
Geez, for a guy who spends most of his time in a desert shithole, he sure has pearly white teeth. And I'll be damned if he's not sporting a rug too. No wonder the man is straight up crazy, he's painfully insecure.
You know what. Say what you will about Hugo Chavez. Forget the fact that not only did he compare George W. Bush to The Devil (hey, two things I don't believe in!), and that he loves Danny Glover movies (seriously, he does), the man is a damn fine dresser. When he's not sporting a G.I. Joe like beret, or posing for a picture in his newest sash, which may or may not have been won in a "Mr. Tyrant Venezuela" pageant, he's strutting around the UN in an exquisite suit. I mean, look at the guy, he looks like he just got done with a power lunch at Applebee's.
So I propose a trade sanction, on all designer wool suits from The Mens Warehouse. How do I know that's where he gets them? Come on, it's common knowledge that Venezuelan's love wool, so where else would he buy them from? Who would have thought that one of America's biggest allies in the fight for World Domin...I mean, World Pe...urrr, US Peace against Terrorists, would be George Zimmer, the founder and CEO of Mens Warehouse? I always knew that guy would end up saving my ass, be it a crotchless novelty suit on Prom Night, or by pissing off Americas enemies, forcing them to wear windbreakers and collared dress shirts.
Ahh, that's much better. See how pissed off he is?
So that concludes my take on how the US government should sanction the very things that get these evil bastards through the day. I'm sure that, without his scooter, Kim Jong Il would be powerless against us. He might have to actually walk over to the A-bomb switch to press it.
ing Segway Scooter. See:
Actually, that guy should have his ass kicked for combining his Segway with a scarf, AND A HELMET!
This whole story got me thinking: if the US government really wanted to be assholes (it's not as if they aren't already though, right?), they should try to slap sanctions on some other stuff that's used by some of our biggest enemies. Such as...
http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/ju/just-for-men-gel-for-moustache-beard-&-sideburns-dark-brown-black.jpg
I'm sure you've seen the commercials. A bunch of 40 something Tom Selleck wannabes, trying to mask the fact that their getting old, by rubbing some gel into their scruffy beards. Well, it's not Just For Men, anymore, apparently, it's also Just For Douchebags, because Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad obviously uses it. And yes, I had to look up his name for spelling purposes.
ing guy can't just go by Matt? Take a look at his obvious dye job below
Geez, for a guy who spends most of his time in a desert shithole, he sure has pearly white teeth. And I'll be damned if he's not sporting a rug too. No wonder the man is straight up crazy, he's painfully insecure.
You know what. Say what you will about Hugo Chavez. Forget the fact that not only did he compare George W. Bush to The Devil (hey, two things I don't believe in!), and that he loves Danny Glover movies (seriously, he does), the man is a damn fine dresser. When he's not sporting a G.I. Joe like beret, or posing for a picture in his newest sash, which may or may not have been won in a "Mr. Tyrant Venezuela" pageant, he's strutting around the UN in an exquisite suit. I mean, look at the guy, he looks like he just got done with a power lunch at Applebee's.
So I propose a trade sanction, on all designer wool suits from The Mens Warehouse. How do I know that's where he gets them? Come on, it's common knowledge that Venezuelan's love wool, so where else would he buy them from? Who would have thought that one of America's biggest allies in the fight for World Domin...I mean, World Pe...urrr, US Peace against Terrorists, would be George Zimmer, the founder and CEO of Mens Warehouse? I always knew that guy would end up saving my ass, be it a crotchless novelty suit on Prom Night, or by pissing off Americas enemies, forcing them to wear windbreakers and collared dress shirts.
Ahh, that's much better. See how pissed off he is?
So that concludes my take on how the US government should sanction the very things that get these evil bastards through the day. I'm sure that, without his scooter, Kim Jong Il would be powerless against us. He might have to actually walk over to the A-bomb switch to press it.