Post your jokes.

ryosnk

ryosnk

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Hey, we should post some jokes in the forum with this thread. Here goes one (not the funniest but I'll start it out)

A store has a sign up saying now hiring.
A dog sees the sign and brings it in
the person says, how may I help you.
The dog replies, I would like to apply for this job.
The guy then says, do you type, dog says yes and types over 80 wpm.
The guy then says, do you answer phones , the dog then answers the ringing phone politly and with great customer service.
But the guy then says thats all great but this job you need to be bilingual, and dog say's I'm bilingual; meow - meow - meow. :lol:
 
So a mushroom walks into a bar. As it stolls up to a barstool, the bartender yells out "HEY, we don't serve your kind here!"

The mushroom reponds by saying, "Why not, I'm a fun-guy?"

Ha Ha! Fungi, fun-guy....mushroom humor is great.
 
[quote name='The Cheapest Ass Gamer']These are the worst jokes I have ever seen.[/quote]

lol!

remember the last time a joke post was started and the dead baby jokes were rampant? hehe...
 
[quote name='The Cheapest Ass Gamer']These are the worst jokes I have ever seen.[/quote]

Instead of complaining, perhaps you should contribute.
 
God i know im gonna catch hell for this, but if it helps my step-dad is hispanic and tells me these all the time..not that it makes it ok or whatever but if its funny its funny!

What were davy crocketts last words at the alamo?

Wtf are all these landscapers doing here?
 
So there is a 2nd grade classroom and the teacher assigns the students to bring something that has to do with medicine, healing, or curing.

The next day the teacher asks Maria what she brought.

Maria replies "I brought band-aids"
Teacher: "Who did you get it from and what did he/she say"
Maria: "I got it from my mommy and she said it's to cover boo-boos and protect them from being infected."
Teacher: "Good...good. Johnny what did you bring?"
Johnny: "I brought Neosporin."
Teacher: "Who did you get it from and what did he/she say"
Johnny: "I got it from my daddy and he said it's to keep infection away from wounds"

and this goes on, finally the teacher reaches Billy.

Teacher: "Oh well...you're the last one Billy. What did you bring?"
Billy shows off a tank.
Teacher:"What is that?"
Billy: "Why, it's an oxygen tank."
Teacher: "Who gave it to you and what did he/she say?"
Billy: "I got it from my grandpa and he said 'You little SOB please don't take it away from me!'"
 
A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.
The bartender turns, looks at him and says, ''Sorry sir, we don't serve food here!!''
:roll:
 
[quote name='ryosnk']A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.
The bartender turns, looks at him and says, ''Sorry sir, we don't serve food here!!''
:roll:[/quote]

How the hell does a person get a sandwhich on their shoulder and how do they keep it up there?

What do you call a thousand white guys chasing a black guy?

The PGA tour! (Hey he's slumping but it still works)
 
This guy meets a girl at a bar. They go back to her place, and when they get there he says, "I've got to warn you, I'm pretty kinky." She says "Don't worry, I'm pretty kinky myself, let me go change into something more comfortable" and goes into her room. When she comes out, she dressed in a dominatrix outfit brandishing a whip. He gets up to leave, and she says "What's the matter, you said you were kinky?" He says "I am. I just Shaq-fued your dog and shat in your purse."
 
I just finished reading Jackie "the joke man" Martling's Disgustingly Dirty Joke Book and while these may be considered offensive, they're just based on stereotypes so they aren't directed towards anyone in particular.


Anyways, here on some of my favorites from the book:

Why did all the black people move to Detroit?

They heard there were no jobs there.


Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my fucking dick.


What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Gurrgh. (gag)


What's the difference between shooting arrows and Kathie Lee Gifford?

Shooting arrows is a Cupid stunt


How do you get a dog to meow?

Freeze the dog and put it through a buzzsaw. Meeeoowww.


How do you get a cat to go woof?

Soak it it gasoline and light a match on it. Woof.
 
this one is horribly wrong but ill say it anyway, how do you make a little girl cry twice, once by taking your bloody dick out of her ass and twice by whipeing it on her teddy bear
 
SO this guy is going down on his loose girlfriend and he says to her,
"Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy! Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy!" His girlfriend says to him,
"Why'd you say that twice?" and the guy looks at her and says,
"....I didn't."
 
[quote name='Nirvanaguy777']this one is horribly wrong but ill say it anyway, how do you make a little girl cry twice, once by taking your bloody dick out of her ass and twice by whipeing it on her teddy bear[/quote]

Well, what's the best part about having sex with a Six year old? If you tuck his hair back he looks four. (
 
how many goths does it take too screw it a lightbulb, twenty, one too throw it on the floor and ninteen too cut their wrists with the broken glass
how many punks does it take too screw in a lightbulb, three, one too climb up the ladder, one too kick the ladder from underneath him and one too say "thats so punk"
 
How many Final Fantasy fanboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Eight. One to screw it in and seven to complain about how much better the old bulb was.
 
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
Reality's Fringe said:
SO this guy is going down on his loose girlfriend and he says to her,
"Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy! Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy!" His girlfriend says to him,
"Why'd you say that twice?" and the guy looks at her and says,
"....I didn't."
Click to expand...
 
Leela: Bender..u shouldn't play with womens feelings..its just wrong!!

Bender: hahahahahha....oo wait..your serious...let me laugh harder ...HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA


god i love that one
 
Reality's Fringe said:
SO this guy is going down on his loose girlfriend and he says to her,
"Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy! Boy, you have a BIG P*ssy!" His girlfriend says to him,
"Why'd you say that twice?" and the guy looks at her and says,
"....I didn't."
Click to expand...
 
[quote name='cleaver']This guy meets a girl at a bar. They go back to her place, and when they get there he says, "I've got to warn you, I'm pretty kinky." She says "Don't worry, I'm pretty kinky myself, let me go change into something more comfortable" and goes into her room. When she comes out, she dressed in a dominatrix outfit brandishing a whip. He gets up to leave, and she says "What's the matter, you said you were kinky?" He says "I am. I just Shaq-fued your dog and shat in your purse."[/quote]

Funny, but wrong.
 
Two peanuts walked into a subway. One of them was (a salted). - from TaleSpin

This one is wrong, heard it on an Angel episode.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice.
 
A coach trying to get his all girl softball team from being the biggest losers in their league, starts giving them steroids. After awhile the team starts winning a lot of games. So the coach decides to up their steroid dosage. A couple weeks later, one of the girls approaches the coach and complains.
Player,"Coach I've got so much hair growing down the front of my body!"
Coach,"How far does it reach?"
Player,"To my balls!"
 
How many New York Jets fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to screw it in and one to say CHAD PENNINGTON IS FRIGGING AWESOME!
 
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his groin. The bartender looks at him funny and says "Do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?" The Pirate answers "Arrghh, it's drivin me nuts."
 
I see some people ripping FHM-STUFF-MAXIM jokes and using them..some are just plain fucking funny. Some are so wrong and even funnier.
 
[quote name='evilpenguin9000']A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his groin. The bartender looks at him funny and says "Do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?" The Pirate answers "Arrghh, it's drivin me nuts."[/quote]

Dude, that one is fucking awesome!

At anyrate, yeah, I shoulda figured out where I heard that one about the big pussy...,....I bought the special edition Predator dvd like the night before I posted that. :x
 
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