Are best friend's ex's off-limits?

So, I recently got together with my ex-girlfriend. We had dated for almost 3 years before, and were almost engaged. We didn't date for over a year, but when I saw her on New Year's, something felt right.

We'd had a brief run-in a few months ago where it looked like we might work out again, but I got scared that I would hurt her, because I was being indecisive. At the time I decided we should back off and work on being friends again 1st. On New Year's, though, I realized it was nothing but me being scared, and knew I needed to talk to her.

I wrote her a letter, read it, re-read it, and then wrote it out by hand and gave it to her. She always gave me really personal holiday cards, so I thought I'd finally do it back, since it was around Christmas. She didn't trust me at 1st, but it didn't take long for her to take me back. We've been together for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going between us. We're communicating better than we used to, and just having fun and enjoying each other's company.

It turns out, though, that she started seeing/sleeping with (I don't think they were really dating, but it wasn't completely causual?) my former roommate of 3 years who is (was?) one of my best friends. I personally feel like that's a social boundary that generally should not be crossed, and I'm not dealing with it well.

It doesn't help that it was so recent. More than that, though, the 3 of us used to all work together. When I graduated from college last May, I got a new job, but they still work together. She knows how uncomfortable I am about the whole thing and has been very accommodating, and very patient. And sure, I dated other people during the time we were apart and even slept with a few, but none of them were people she knew, let alone best friends.

You may be thinking that I should feel just as negatively towards her as I do towards my friend... and you might be right. But, I'm admittedly biased, as I'm in love with her and think it could work out this time - the thought of marrying her is actually kind of wonderful.

I just don't know how to get past this friend thing. It would be different if it had been some guy I don't know and she never sees, but they work together and have a lot of mutual friends, so their paths cross no matter what. She offered (without my asking) to not hang out with him alone, which I really appreciate, but it's still driving me insane.

I feel like he's betrayed our friendship, and I feel quite violated knowing he's shared such personal things with her and that they still cross paths frequently. I haven't been sleeping well, and I can barely focus at work. In fact, the only time I don't think about it is when I'm spending time with her.

Am I being unreasonable? I've had one friend tell me it isn't that big a deal, but the overwhelming consensus among the people I've talked to is that they don't even understand how I can date her with that hanging over us. As it stands, I don't think I ever want to even be in the same room as the 2 of them at the same time, it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. She's having a party this weekend, and even made sure he knows not to come because I don't think I can deal with it right now (it's going to be on Valentine's Day, to make matters even more awkward). I know she's hoping I can move on and we'll all be a big retarded happy group of friends again, but I honestly don't think it'll ever stop hurting.

Thoughts?

[quote name='johnnypark']Thoughts?[/quote]

Summaries are nice.


Anyways all ex's of your friends or your own are off limits for dating.

Breaking up and reconciling is hard enough without extra baggage weighing you down. If this is seriously bothering you then you do have an issue. That said, when you let her go, you let her go, and who she spends time with at that point is only between the two of them.

It sounds like you've already talked this through with her, have you talked it through with him? There's probably always going to be a jealousy thing. You may never completely get over it. But if you ever are going to, you need to confront it with him instead of letting it simmer.

On to the other issue at hand. Be very careful reconciling with exes. There's a reason it didn't work in the first place. Are you sure you reconciled for the right reasons?

[quote name='Quillion']
On to the other issue at hand. Be very careful reconciling with exes. There's a reason it didn't work in the first place. Are you sure you reconciled for the right reasons?[/quote]

A valid concern. That's why I wrote down everything I wanted to say, and triple-checked it to make sure it was really how I felt. The problems we were having back then were more specific to what was going on in our lives at the time, and we've both grown up a lot in the time we were apart. So, yes, I can say with confidence that I'm with her for the right reasons.

[quote name='johnnypark']A valid concern. That's why I wrote down everything I wanted to say, and triple-checked it to make sure it was really how I felt. The problems we were having back then were more specific to what was going on in our lives at the time, and we've both grown up a lot in the time we were apart. So, yes, I can say with confidence that I'm with her for the right reasons.[/quote]
Good.

Now do you feel like the relationship with the friend is one that is worth salvaging? Because no poll or advice-giver on a video game message board can tell you this, and that's ultimately what's going to determine whether his actions crossed the line.

That's really all that matters, nearly anything can be forgiven if it is important enough to you.

Simply put:
YOU ARE A MORON.
How do you image you have any right to be angry at either of them? The only person you should be angry at is yourself. You think you've matured? You're angry at to consenting adults engaging in private acts beyond your concern. Get over it. She didn't cheat on you and he didn't betray you. You aren't a victim, you're a little kid that wants to take his ball(s) and go home.

[quote name='johnnypark']So, I recently got together with my ex-girlfriend. We had dated for almost 3 years before, and were almost engaged. We didn't date for over a year, but when I saw her on New Year's, something felt right.

We'd had a brief run-in a few months ago where it looked like we might work out again, but I got scared that I would hurt her, because I was being indecisive. At the time I decided we should back off and work on being friends again 1st. On New Year's, though, I realized it was nothing but me being scared, and knew I needed to talk to her.

I wrote her a letter, read it, re-read it, and then wrote it out by hand and gave it to her. She always gave me really personal holiday cards, so I thought I'd finally do it back, since it was around Christmas. She didn't trust me at 1st, but it didn't take long for her to take me back. We've been together for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going between us. We're communicating better than we used to, and just having fun and enjoying each other's company.

It turns out, though, that she started seeing/sleeping with (I don't think they were really dating, but it wasn't completely causual?) my former roommate of 3 years who is (was?) one of my best friends. I personally feel like that's a social boundary that generally should not be crossed, and I'm not dealing with it well.

It doesn't help that it was so recent. More than that, though, the 3 of us used to all work together. When I graduated from college last May, I got a new job, but they still work together. She knows how uncomfortable I am about the whole thing and has been very accommodating, and very patient. And sure, I dated other people during the time we were apart and even slept with a few, but none of them were people she knew, let alone best friends.

You may be thinking that I should feel just as negatively towards her as I do towards my friend... and you might be right. But, I'm admittedly biased, as I'm in love with her and think it could work out this time - the thought of marrying her is actually kind of wonderful.

I just don't know how to get past this friend thing. It would be different if it had been some guy I don't know and she never sees, but they work together and have a lot of mutual friends, so their paths cross no matter what. She offered (without my asking) to not hang out with him alone, which I really appreciate, but it's still driving me insane.

I feel like he's betrayed our friendship, and I feel quite violated knowing he's shared such personal things with her and that they still cross paths frequently. I haven't been sleeping well, and I can barely focus at work. In fact, the only time I don't think about it is when I'm spending time with her.

Am I being unreasonable? I've had one friend tell me it isn't that big a deal, but the overwhelming consensus among the people I've talked to is that they don't even understand how I can date her with that hanging over us. As it stands, I don't think I ever want to even be in the same room as the 2 of them at the same time, it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. She's having a party this weekend, and even made sure he knows not to come because I don't think I can deal with it right now (it's going to be on Valentine's Day, to make matters even more awkward). I know she's hoping I can move on and we'll all be a big retarded happy group of friends again, but I honestly don't think it'll ever stop hurting.

Thoughts?[/quote]

The off limits of your friends ex is directly proportional to how much power he wields over you physically and connection wise.

i think its in poor taste, but if you broke up with her, it gives him more of a right to try. If I was going to even think about dating a best friend's ex I would probably tell him first, but I do have higher standards than some.

I like how it says...
"Definitely, with few exceptions."

No, never ever should you date an ex unless you want to be looking for a new best friend.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYBSqbNa97s&feature=related

Ok, Back on topic. In my case I could never deal with it.
To me it shows that she has no class and that you need to choose better friends. Lets Look at this picture. There are millions of dicks to choose from in the world and she chooses to spit on your best friends dick. This is the same friend that i'm sure would have been your best man at your wedding ( if it ever got that far). In the back of my mind there would always be the trust factor. (Was she always for my friends weiner and what other friends weiner would she injoy behind my back).


Sorry for being so negative but thats how my mind works. Remember, Without trust there can never be true love. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Do you like shooting yourself in the foot?

BTW, Things in threes are never good.

[quote name='Kayden']Simply put:
YOU ARE A MORON.
How do you image you have any right to be angry at either of them? The only person you should be angry at is yourself. You think you've matured? You're angry at to consenting adults engaging in private acts beyond your concern. Get over it. She didn't cheat on you and he didn't betray you. You aren't a victim, you're a little kid that wants to take his ball(s) and go home.[/QUOTE]

Don't sugar coat it or anything. I agree, BTW.

Unfortunately for your friend (and fortunately for you), HE found out why it is not a good idea to date a friend's ex as she went running back to you when you decided you wanted her again. If you two are truly in love, you wouldn't need to worry about this guy. In short, stop manufacturing drama and get over yourself.

[quote name='Kayden']Simply put:
YOU ARE A MORON.
How do you image you have any right to be angry at either of them? The only person you should be angry at is yourself. You think you've matured? You're angry at to consenting adults engaging in private acts beyond your concern. Get over it. She didn't cheat on you and he didn't betray you. You aren't a victim, you're a little kid that wants to take his ball(s) and go home.[/quote]

I never said I was angry about it, or angry about either one of them. I said it's ing awkward and hard to deal with, particularly since it's someone who she still sees in her daily life. Thanks, though, for basing your entire response over something I didn't even say.

[quote name='bigdaddy']I like how it says...
"Definitely, with few exceptions."

No, never ever should you date an ex unless you want to be looking for a new best friend.[/quote]

I suppose that's one of the things that bothers me. He wasn't my closest friend but he was one of them, and we've been through a ton of shit together. To me it just says we weren't as good of friends I had thought, which is disappointing.

[quote name='niceguyshawne']
Unfortunately for your friend (and fortunately for you), HE found out why it is not a good idea to date a friend's ex as she went running back to you when you decided you wanted her again. If you two are truly in love, you wouldn't need to worry about this guy. In short, stop manufacturing drama and get over yourself.[/quote]

A good point. And really there's no issue of trust, so I guess I'm not worried in any real sense. I can't really change the way I'm reacting to it, though, but getting different perspectives is helpful. I don't feel like 'manufacturing' is an accurate word, as I'd love nothing more than to never think or care about this issue again, but I can't seem to shake it.

Really, I think it's just going to take time. If I'd heard that all of it happened 6 months ago, I'd care a lot less. Being that it was so recent, though, it just makes it all the more awkward.

How about "Definitely NO, no exceptions"?
You will thank me later.

I had one fraternity brother dump a girl to have another brother end up with her. I think they're married now. So I guess it depends on how attached/involved/serious your friend was about the person in question.

You think your situation was awkward, my current GF was my Ex-GF's best friend. Me and the Ex broke up because I went over her friend's house (my current GF, before we were romantically involved) one night and played some DDR. Keep in mind she had told me several times it's okay to do so, anytime I wanted.

Well two weeks later turns out me and my current GF had feelings for each other and decided to go out with each other. Now I'm well aware how bad this looked, but I felt okay with it because: a) We were only together for less than two months b) we weren't that serious and c) she basically dumped me and rejected my attempts at reconciliation. Even so, it was weird the first few weeks, but we got over it and now we're madly in love with each other.

It might be weird now, but if you like / love her enough, just stick it out and the awkward feeling will fade.

Talk to them. If it still bothers you (ie you can't sleep at night) then it's time to move on because your feelings won't change.

The rule amongst my friends is that it depends on how serious the relationship was. For the most part you don't date/ your best friends ex(s) without talking to him first...common courtesy.

[quote name='-Never4ever-']You think your situation was awkward, my current GF was my Ex-GF's best friend. Me and the Ex broke up because I went over her friend's house (my current GF, before we were romantically involved) one night and played some DDR. Keep in mind she had told me several times it's okay to do so, anytime I wanted.

Well two weeks later turns out me and my current GF had feelings for each other and decided to go out with each other. Now I'm well aware how bad this looked, but I felt okay with it because: a) We were only together for less than two months b) we weren't that serious and c) she basically dumped me and rejected my attempts at reconciliation. Even so, it was weird the first few weeks, but we got over it and now we're madly in love with each other.

It might be weird now, but if you like / love her enough, just stick it out and the awkward feeling will fade.[/QUOTE]

you fell right into the trap. Did she say it like "oh yea i don't care at all if you go to my best friends house and play ddr.... yeeeeea that doesn't bother me. go ahead............... try me."

I have some reactions, but from your OP it's hard to tell if you're bent because she was ing your friend while you two were apart, or if she is now that y'all are hanging out again.

If it's the former, get over yourself. If it's the latter, grab a bottle of booze, things to throw against the wall to smash, and some old country lps. It's best to be prepared when reality comes and runs your over. You're head over heels for someone who's playing you and screwing your best friend. And you're unsure how you think about it (other than that you're uncomfortable towards your friend and don't resent the ex)? You're head's up in the clouds, boy-o. And it won't be for long.

I wouldn't even hook up with a really good friend's ex. Your friend is an asshole... cut him out of your life cause he's a dick, and never talk to your ex again.

[quote name='DestroVega']I wouldn't even hook up with a really good friend's ex. Your friend is an asshole... cut him out of your life cause he's a dick, and never talk to your ex again.[/quote]

Exactly. There are tons and tons of chicks out there - go find one without all the drama. Also, I'd put this issue in the "dealbreaker" category - it will never go away and you will be better off in the long run without these two douchebags in your life.

Appreciate the input all around.

[quote name='mykevermin']I have some reactions, but from your OP it's hard to tell if you're bent because she was ing your friend while you two were apart, or if she is now that y'all are hanging out again.

If it's the former, get over yourself. If it's the latter, grab a bottle of booze, things to throw against the wall to smash, and some old country lps. It's best to be prepared when reality comes and runs your over. You're head over heels for someone who's playing you and screwing your best friend. And you're unsure how you think about it (other than that you're uncomfortable towards your friend and don't resent the ex)? You're head's up in the clouds, boy-o. And it won't be for long.[/quote]

It's the former. If there was anything between them since she and I got back together, that would be it, I'd be completely done.

She and I have talked about it enough in the context of us that I'm dealing with it ok, and when she and I are together it's not on my mind. It's more when I sit in front of my computer in my office all day (I have a research-focused job, so a lot of time is spent working in databases, spreadsheets, and looking up things online) and my mind wanders.

[quote name='javeryh']Exactly. There are tons and tons of chicks out there - go find one without all the drama. Also, I'd put this issue in the "dealbreaker" category - it will never go away and you will be better off in the long run without these two douchebags in your life.[/quote]

A girl lacking drama? Do they still make those? I'm sure they do, but not in VA.

I've of course considered this possibility. I think it's always going to bother me but it's not always going to preoccupy me, I'm pretty sure of that. I've gotten over much worse trespasses of friendship (not with either of these individuals) and the most important thing is time passing, it's all so recent that it's inevitably under my skin.

I love how the OP puts a qualifier even on the definitely poll option.

He was really doing you a favor and your just not wise enough to figure it out yet. Dump her and thank him with a beer, he earned it. In a few years if your still friends you both will be laughing and sharing stories about her. The only women that are off limits to friends are wives, everything else is fair game unless someone called dibs then you have to wait your turn.

[quote name='javeryh']Exactly. There are tons and tons of chicks out there - go find one without all the drama. Also, I'd put this issue in the "dealbreaker" category - it will never go away and you will be better off in the long run without these two douchebags in your life.[/QUOTE]

I kinda disagree here, what they go on to get married, have great kids and live happily for the next 40 years. The friend should never have instigated, or the girl (they can insitgate too ya know) to spare someones feelings for a few months. Screw them.

Would you have given up on your future children if your wife had at some point dated a friend of yours?

[quote name='johnnypark']It's the former. If there was anything between them since she and I got back together, that would be it, I'd be completely done.[/quote]

Fair enough. In that case, forget about it. If there was a hard and fast answer to the age-old question about exes, we would have known millenia ago. Not being together for a year, especially. "Bros before hos" and other similarly dreadful maxims - but, really, I hate this idea that men get to "mark their territory" with women. She ain't yours if you ain't dating.

That doesn't mean it's totally okay for him to date her the second you break up - but after a year - hell, after six months? No big deal.

So, yeah, it's going to make things difficult for y'all, but keep in mind that, at the end of the day, you have two consenting grown adults making certain decisions. So you can't feasibly only be angry at one of them. Both or neither, y'know?

(and by that, I mean "neither")

[quote name='Wombat']I kinda disagree here, what they go on to get married, have great kids and live happily for the next 40 years. [/quote]

It's possible, I suppose, but in the long run I highly doubt that will be the result. As you know, marriage and kids bring an entire new layer of complexities and compromise to a relationship - there's no sense starting out having to overcome some giant issue when there are so many other fish in the sea. It will be tough to move on short-term but I think every failed relationship gets you closer to finding exactly what you want without all the baggage.

[quote name='Wombat']Would you have given up on your future children if your wife had at some point dated a friend of yours?[/quote]

Yeah, I probably would have - I wouldn't ever know my current kids (because they wouldn't exist) and most likely I'd have kids with someone else right now (since I'm awesome) and never know the difference. Also, the OP's situation is very different - he previously dated this girl for 3(!) years and his asshole friend went and banged her anyway. Maybe some girl you take out a few times isn't 100% off-limits but 3 years?? No freaking way. The OP should run away from this as fast as he can, IMO. It will not end well.

From personal experience, OP, it's never okay to date a friend's ex. Many years ago when I was but a naive young lad (what can I say, I'm one of those "older" CAGs), I dated my best friend's ex, and though the girl and I only went out for like 3 or 4 dates, it really knocked the crap out of the friendship I had with a guy that I looked at like a brother. We didn't talk for almost 6 months after that. Though we became closer friends after it was all said and done, the potential pain it causes isn't worth it.

[quote name='javeryh'] (since I'm awesome) [/quote]

This makes me lol a bit. It's funny 'cause it's true.

javeryh is awesome.

[quote name='javeryh']
Yeah, I probably would have - I wouldn't ever know my current kids (because they wouldn't exist) and most likely I'd have kids with someone else right now (since I'm awesome) and never know the difference. Also, the OP's situation is very different - he previously dated this girl for 3(!) years and his asshole friend went and banged her anyway. Maybe some girl you take out a few times isn't 100% off-limits but 3 years?? No freaking way. The OP should run away from this as fast as he can, IMO. It will not end well.[/QUOTE]

I will agree that you are in fact awesome, science has proven this so it is not opinion, but why take that chance to have those great kids. And who the hell cares what the ex thinks or how long they dated. It wasn't meant to be, it's over he needs to move on.

You need to to dump both of them. Especially since this is obviously bothering you enough to make this thread. I'm sure that if you continue to date her that this will come up sooner or later in a fight or something.

my take on it is this.

if you care about her that much then the feelings will fade.

the whole problem in this scenario is the whole male ego though. long as you have no reason to doubt your relationship with her then i say go for it and enjoy life. stop beating yourself up

[quote name='javeryh']
Yeah, I probably would have - I wouldn't ever know my current kids (because they wouldn't exist) and most likely I'd have kids with someone else right now (since I'm awesome) and never know the difference. Also, the OP's situation is very different - he previously dated this girl for 3(!) years and his asshole friend went and banged her anyway. Maybe some girl you take out a few times isn't 100% off-limits but 3 years?? No freaking way. The OP should run away from this as fast as he can, IMO. It will not end well.[/quote]

If his friend is an asshole why isn't the girl a slut?

[quote name='plasticbathmonki']From personal experience, OP, it's never okay to date a friend's ex. Many years ago when I was but a naive young lad (what can I say, I'm one of those "older" CAGs), I dated my best friend's ex, and though the girl and I only went out for like 3 or 4 dates, it really knocked the crap out of the friendship I had with a guy that I looked at like a brother. We didn't talk for almost 6 months after that. Though we became closer friends after it was all said and done, the potential pain it causes isn't worth it.[/quote]

If you were really such good friends would it have been such a big in deal?


The only reason I'd see to have a problem with the scenario is if they started bangin before breaking up (then they both suck) or if the "friend" tried to break the relationship to have a crack at her.

I think it would be totally fine if they developed feelings for each other, she broke up FIRST, and then they had sex. I wouldn't be happy right away, but you can't stop the heart and at least they were honest about it.

[quote name='Kayden']If his friend is an asshole why isn't the girl a slut?[/quote]

She's not a slut but she's a huge asshole too. There are certain things you just don't do knowing it will cause pain to someone you care about. Banging your best friend's ex (that he dated for 3 years) and banging your ex's (that you dated for 3 years) best friend are on the list.

Maybe I don't get it because I'm usually the other guy...

k

Whoever thinks the friend did nothing wrong in this situation is crazy. He's the guys best friend, he should owe him some loyalty. You can't really blame her because you weren't attached (unless she was doing it to spite you of course) but your best friend never even told you or asked permission? That's just low.

Alright, I say first of all, no definitely not. I've witnessed this happen among my circle of friends. The reason I say no is not because if one of your friends shouldn't be allowed to date them, but because of shit exactly like this. No one owns a mark of territory on a woman, anyone can date her. But someone is going to get a little hurt in the process (and I personally think it's not worth the trouble).

You dudes saying it's wrong are treating the girl like she belongs to the dude. They broke up, shit didn't work out, and she hit it off with another dude which happens to be the guy's best friend. [quote name='Yoohoo1231']Whoever thinks the friend did nothing wrong in this situation is crazy. He's the guys best friend, he should owe him some loyalty. You can't really blame her because you weren't attached (unless she was doing it to spite you of course) but your best friend never even told you or asked permission? That's just low.[/quote]I didn't know you had to ask permission to smash an ex girlfriend. Friend or not, the dude needs to get over it.

Some good insight, javery, Wombat.

[quote name='lordwow']I love how the OP puts a qualifier even on the definitely poll option.[/quote]

What can I say, I don't think anything is ever 100% black and white.

[quote name='DarkKenpachi']my take on it is this.

if you care about her that much then the feelings will fade.

the whole problem in this scenario is the whole male ego though. long as you have no reason to doubt your relationship with her then i say go for it and enjoy life. stop beating yourself up[/quote]

I'm trying to see it this way. I don't doubt my relationship with her, I know I can trust her.

@ Yoohoo - I wouldn't expect anyone to ask me permission, as others have stated that's a little out of line or absurd. I think a heads-up could be appropriate, though, because as Prozac stated, someone is going to get hurt and it's often not worth the trouble.

In retrospect, had I known what was happening, I probably never would have bothered telling her how I feel and would have counted my losses. If things work out, then my prior ignorance on the subject would actually be a blessing.

Although personally I'd prefer to have never known about it.

Its simple everyone gets to claim 1 ex there friends cant touch other then that all are fair game

All pussy is fair game if the chick is spreading her legs.

[quote name='Wolve11']All pussy is fair game if the chick is spreading her legs.[/quote]
Now that's classy!

[quote name='Wolve11']All pussy is fair game if the chick is spreading her legs.[/QUOTE]

You. Stay away from public transportation.

100% off limits.

There's a lot of fish in the sea, no reason to risk a friendship over some pussy.

[quote name='jdsipe27']Its simple everyone gets to claim 1 ex there friends cant touch other then that all are fair game[/quote]

Dumbest ing thing I have ever read...

Look, I have about 4 guys I am really close to... the minute they even hook up with a chick, she is dead to me in that way. PERIOD.

I even had a friend ask me if he could try to hook up with a girl I was with only one time and I said no, he gets pissed when his friends do it to him, I wanted him to respect his same wishes.

These same four guys don't seem to care though, there are about 4 girls they have all had a hand in, but that's just not my bag... and they know where I stand... find your own broad. Don't be getting in my past life personal business when we are so tight. I don't do that shit to them, and trust me, my friends have had some great girls come and go that I would have loved to have as a girlfriend, but I just would never think of going there. It's bullshit.

Bros over Hos as they say.

I'm still blown away by what you all think are (1) the possessive properties a man has over..."pussy"...when that man is longer dating that woman, as well as (2) that you all reduce two consenting adults to "pussy." It's nonsensical.

You all condense dating and relationships down into a "to pussy or not to pussy" dichotomy which isn't how relationships work in the real world. Not at all, even the " buddy" relationships.

It's pretty ridiculously patriarchal and sexist to assign blame or cheer to the male for his decision on what to do with "pussy," as if it's a decision on his own. The OP even suggests that he buys into that concept, even indirectly, by assigning blame to the friend but finding no problem with the woman.

Christ, let me be the lone voice of dissent amongst this "bros before hos" circle jerk, but the woman made the conscious decision to date (or do whatever with - ain't y'alls business anyway how that relationship went down) OP's friend. Yet she is not held liable for the relationship; she is neither blameworthy nor sympathetic. She is an empty, vapid vessel for someone to decide whether or not to put their cock into; at least, that's how y'all come across to me.

As I said before, and was summarily dismissed by the macho man randy savage towel-snapping conversation in here: they are two grown adults. either they are both responsible or neither are. What's so hard to grasp about that?

I agree with michaelvermin.

Myke, I think that's an over reaction and looking at it the wrong way.

I wouldn't date one of my friends ex's as I don't want to hurt my friendship with him. It has nothing to do with his ownership of his ex or sexism. Just protecting a friendship.

I wouldn't want my friend dating one of my exes, mainly because I don't want to have to be around my exes. Not out of any possessiveness. Thus it just adds a strain on friendships.

And friendships can last for ever, relationships are much harder to maintain. Especially when you don't want kids and don't give a crap about getting married.

I'm not going to bother reading 3 pages of this, but here's my rule on it:

A friend can date your ex legitimately if they ask if it's ok with you first.

~HotShotX