How does an adult make friends?

S

steve_k

CAGiversary!
It's easy to make friends in high school and college as you are surrounded by people your own age, many of whom have the same interest as you. To top it off, many college students live nearby and have spare time, meaning it's easy to gather together to play some video games or do whatever.

Now that I am out of college and am an adult, I am no longer around other people my own relative age with common interests as myself. All of my friends from college are either married and have no time to spare, busy with work, or live too far away to socialize with. The only people I am around now barely speak English or are just flat-out weirdos (I live in a cheap apartment comlpex, which may explain that). I've joined an organization pertaining to my hobby, but unfortunately, it is dominated by old men (baseball cards, coins, stamps, model trains, etc). Nearly all of the members are men aged 40 to 70. It's awkard to 'buddy-up' with a 60 year-old man who has already accomplished a spectacular career and is far more advanced in life than you. I don't remember ever feeling compelled to call my college friends 'sir'.

Most people go out drinking when they want to socialize, but that is not what interests me. I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs, and I really don't want to make 'online' friends either. Besides, it's usually too loud to talk to people at bars. I've noticed churches are usually full of families or old people and not a great way to meet someone in the 25-35 age bracket who happens to have spare time to 'hang out'.

Hardley anyone attends my gym, and often I am the only person working out at the gym, so that rules that option out.

What are some good avenues for meeting people? Once I meet people, I have no problem being able to talk to them if they are cool, but my problem is that I have a hard time actually finding places where people go to socialize.
 
It's easier to meet more people, if you have at least one friend you can take places to do things. There must be at least one person?

And why not try to see some of your old school buddies again?

[quote name='steve_k']I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs,[/QUOTE]

I'm interested in what you think that people who hang out at bars are like.

Seriously, man, hit some bars.
 
[quote name='CoffeeEdge']It's easier to meet more people, if you have at least one friend you can take places to do things. There must be at least one person?

And why not try to see some of your old school buddies again?



I'm interested in what you think that people who hang out at bars are like.

Seriously, man, hit some bars.[/QUOTE]

It's not that they are bad people, but it's kind of hard to talk to someone when you have to speak slowly and shout to overcome all the background noise. Also, most people are not trusting enough to invite someone over to their home after meeting in a bar. Most people will think the person is some kind of pervert who is trying to get sex out of the deal or rob them. Maybe I just want to be able to hang out and play video games, go jogging, talk, and do social activities just like people do in college. It's not so easy to trust people though, so it makes bar-room social activities limited to the bar.

If you happen to talk to a female in a bar, she will most likely assume you are interested in her sexually. Maybe you are, maybe you're not, but regardless, she make think you are coming on too strong (because she has already assumed you want her) and be turned off. Some of these bar-girls get a lot of opportunites to have sex, which means many of them have sex frequently with different people. I'm not saying always, but more than usual. Say for example 20% of single women are sluts. I would venture to guess 40% of single women who frequent bars are sluts. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's not the kind of girl I want to meet.
 
[quote name='mietha']Wait, how did looking for friends become cruising for girls in 4 posts...?[/QUOTE]

Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with and meet a girl to do guy/girl activity. I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored. I certainly can't watch Grey's Anatomy with a girl. I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think. I'd probably get slapped. It's hard to go jogging with someone a foot shorter than you. I've got to do those things with guys.

It would be nice to meet a great girl and get married. Then I could live a normal adult life and would not have to worry about becoming a real-life John Arbuckle (Garfield's owner).

So maybe I want to meet both guys and girls.
 
coffee shops are a decent place. just say hi. start a convo about current events, local area stuff, coffee, weather ...whatever. doesn't always work but who cares. i think einstein said it best "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."

gotta try something new, go to a bar, do something, life is way to short to not say hi...there is a chance they are there because they haven't said hi to you.
 
By following them home...

Other then that really just socialize in a setting you feel familiar with. Like a concert or some kinda gathering.
 
Maybe you live in a city or at least nearby one, or in a decent-sized town?

I've found Meetup.com to be a great place to find interesting groups of people for friendly outings.

The groups vary widely, from professional networking nights to geek-out board game fans, to casual frisbee-type sport clubs and intellectual hobbyist or lecture groups. It really helped me branch out and start making friends once I finished school and moved.

I don't really think of these friends as "online friends" ...we don't really even email or chat or anything. The web site was just a place to post the place and time to meet, and I've been lucky to make good friends lasting a few years now.

Online works for me because I've got the benefit of living in range of large suburbs and cities; I still encourage you to think of an activity you like, whether it's something you love and want to share, or something excitingly new and strange.

I've talked to other friends who have this trouble, and some are starting to check out meetup sites... I definitely recommend it and I wish you well on your search for new fun!
 
[quote name='steve_k']Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with and meet a girl to do guy/girl activity. I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored. I certainly can't watch Grey's Anatomy with a girl. I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think. I'd probably get slapped. It's hard to go jogging with someone a foot shorter than you. I've got to do those things with guys.

It would be nice to meet a great girl and get married. Then I could live a normal adult life and would not have to worry about becoming a real-life John Arbuckle (Garfield's owner).[/QUOTE]


Okay I'm pretty sure this is a jokepost now.
 
I suggest using Facebook or join geek2geek. Geek2Geek is a great place to meet women and other people just looking for friends. Plenty of adults there.
 
[quote name='steve_k']Most people go out drinking when they want to socialize, but that is not what interests me. I don't want to associate with people who hang out at bars or strip clubs.[/QUOTE]

Hey buddy, we're not exactly bangin' down your door to get you to hang out either.

Have fun with your coins.
 
[quote name='steve_k']I certainly can't play video games with most girls. They would loose interest and get bored.[/quote]
grumps.gif


I would get bored, bang her, and then she would miss her show. I can't point out other girls with big tits and ask what they think.
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I've noticed churches are usually full of families or old people and not a great way to meet someone in the 25-35 age bracket who happens to have spare time to 'hang out'.
Click to expand...
Could be wrong, but I don't think the single girls at church would be the type who'd be lining up to 'hang out' with you.
 
I think it's just a matter of going out and getting into groups that interest you. If your hobbies attract an older set, then try out some new things.

I have met some good friends playing hockey and golf (in leagues). Those kind of activities just build a connection right from the start.

Friends of friends help too....like boyfriends of your girlfriends friends.

Overall though - most of my adult-made friends come from work.
 
At first I was like - yeah, I can understand how it may be difficult.

Then it got weird.

Maybe this is your problem...
 
Damn the gym thing always worked, how about myspace and stuff like that? Hookin up with atleast one friend from school and going from there. Work?

And what gym are you lucky enough to go to where no one is there? Enjoy that!
 
http://www.adultfriendfind Yeah, so maybe you could try finding some hobbies that's main demographic isn't creepy old men?

Play some recreational sports at the gym, like racquetball or something. You will probably meet a good cross section of girls and guys there.
 
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[quote name='darthbudge']http://www.adultfriendfindYeah, so maybe you could try finding some hobbies that's main demographic isn't creepy old men?

Play some recreational sports at the gym, like racquetball or something. You will probably meet a good cross section of girls and guys there.[/QUOTE]

:lol: I can't believe it took that long for someone to mention.
 
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I had a discussion about a very similar topic with a few people not long ago. What do you do to make pals as an adult? Isn't it kind of weird if you meet someone that seems like they'd be fun as the same sex? You almost have to hit on them in a way. How do you (as a guy) say to another guy, "hey, can I get your number so we can hang out?" because it just seems sort of odd.

A decent bet is to go to meetup.com and find a group that you're interested in and go hang out with them. I've found that I now have friends for specific things as opposed to when I was a kid having friends with whom I would do anything. I now have biker buddies, but I really only see them at bike functions, I've got pinball buddies and likewise only see them at pinball things. The groups tend to not cross over.
 
[quote name='Eviltude']:lol: I can't believe it took that long for someone to mention.[/QUOTE]


Actually, someone made that joke as like, the third or fourth reply to this thread, but the post is deleted now.
 
Pick a section of Craigslist and post away... You may even get a few "roses" for your time...

I jest, but seriously, I find it hard to find new friends as an adult, and as a female. I get along better with men, because I have more in common with them. But their girlfriends always get pissy, or the guys think I want to have nasty ninja sex with them or something. Meeting guys in public just seems like I'm trying to get their number for a date, not a L4D game. What DO you do?
 
[quote name='steve_k']Maybe I want to meet some guy-friends to do guy activities with[/QUOTE]

What exactly do you define "guy" activities as?

Drink beer, watch football, and scratching eachothers balls?
 
[quote name='basilofbkrst']Well, their is a difference between people who hang at the bar daily, and people that go to the same bar every weekend or two.[/QUOTE]

Yep.

If you don't drink at all, it's still a problem. But if you drink some, nothing wrong with hitting happy hour with colleagues every once in a while to meet people etc. Many people just like to have a drink or two with friends every once in awhile etc. Pretty faulty to assume everyone who goes to bars is some alcoholic or also frequents strip clubs etc. If it's not your bag at all, that's fine. But silly to make dumb generalizations.
 
Let's be fair, fellas. Most men do not scratch EACH OTHER'S balls, simply their own. Furthermore, there isn't anything wrong with frequenting a strip club. Some people enjoy paying to be dry humped.

Let's be constructive here. Gk2gk.com just isn't doing it, because everyone on that site is trying to get married, so let's brainstorm. Roller disco? You can meet friends there, right?
 
[quote name='blackjaw']What exactly do you define "guy" activities as?

Drink beer, watch football, and scratching eachothers balls?[/QUOTE]

Most of the things you do with a female can be done with another guy as well.

Going to lunch/dinner. It's not like you're going to buy wine and try to take him home. Just have a decent meal, a few beers, talk.

Any outdoors/athletic event. Rock climbing, marathon running, the gym. Guys tend to be competitive, my best friend pushed me into getting back into shape without saying or doing anything.

And IMO, one of the best, talking about certain things when your trust gets to a certain level. Notably, rejections. Talking about things that didn't go your way is incredibly refreshing. Eventually, you might bring it back up and laugh about it. It helps you get over your fears and doubts.

Sometimes you just have to open up. Of course all of these can also be done with female friends. It doesn't really matter.
 
bro, bars are the best place. If you go alone, hit a barstool and get you a drink, within 15 minutes someone will talk to you. Either guy or girl, that is a really good way to meet someone.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Whatever happened to being lonely and depressed? Is that not good enough anymore?[/QUOTE]

Works for me.
 
[quote name='blackjaw']What exactly do you define "guy" activities as?

Drink beer, watch football, and scratching eachothers balls?[/QUOTE]

Drinking beer and watching football while scratching our own balls. You're trying to make it sound gay. You remember what it's like to be in college living in a dorm, right? Guys would hang out and play video games or just do whatever to kill time. There was nothing gay about it. I understand I'm not a kid any more, but it would still be nice to be able to talk to someone every once in person besides my Mom / Step-dad or the Internet.
 
[quote name='BigPopov']Most of the things you do with a female can be done with another guy as well.

Going to lunch/dinner. It's not like you're going to buy wine and try to take him home. Just have a decent meal, a few beers, talk.

Any outdoors/athletic event. Rock climbing, marathon running, the gym. Guys tend to be competitive, my best friend pushed me into getting back into shape without saying or doing anything.

And IMO, one of the best, talking about certain things when your trust gets to a certain level. Notably, rejections. Talking about things that didn't go your way is incredibly refreshing. Eventually, you might bring it back up and laugh about it. It helps you get over your fears and doubts.

Sometimes you just have to open up. Of course all of these can also be done with female friends. It doesn't really matter.[/QUOTE]

It should be safe to say that typically, guys and girls have different interests and that their mindsets differ. I'm not saying 'always', but I am saying 'usually'. There are activities that men are usually drawn to more than women and vise-versa. For example, it's a pretty well-known fact that MOST (not all, but most) video game enthusiasts are male. I've had several girlfriends in the past, and none of them had a genuine desire to play a wide assortment of video games. I've had plenty of guy friends who have had that interest. It's well acknowledged that men (usually, but not always, keep in mind) have a greater tendency to be interested in sports than women. I'm not saying that sports never appeal to women. I'm saying men are more prone to be into sports than women. Take for example coins / stamps / baseball cards / model trains / guns / Civil War memerobillia. Nine times out of ten, the person who will be interested in this type of stuff will be male.

I'm not being sexist. I'm just saying that men and women differ. I'm not saying 100% of women follow 100% of the assumptions I've made above. Because men and women differ, you cannot always treat a female friend as though she is a male.

These statements should be common sense, but it seems there are people who become highly upset when it is stated that genders differ. I'm not saying men are better than women or vise-versa, only different.
 
[quote name='nasum']How do you (as a guy) say to another guy, "hey, can I get your number so we can hang out?" because it just seems sort of odd.[/QUOTE]
That's the one time girls have it easy. There's nothing odd about exchanging numbers with other girls.

[quote name='javeryh']Whatever happened to being lonely and depressed? Is that not good enough anymore?[/QUOTE]I'm a card carrying member.
 
[quote name='nasum']How do you (as a guy) say to another guy, "hey, can I get your number so we can hang out?" because it just seems sort of odd.[/QUOTE]

It only seems odd because you're afraid other guys will think you're gay. You need to get over that, or just learn to be content with being lonely.

If asking for another guy's number is upsetting to you, just give him your number. That way, the responsibility is theirs for contacting you. Do you have business cards? If so, just hand him your card and say, "gimme a call if you want to hang out sometime". Wicked easy.
 
[quote name='pimpster4183']bro, bars are the best place. If you go alone, hit a barstool and get you a drink, within 15 minutes someone will talk to you. Either guy or girl, that is a really good way to meet someone.[/QUOTE]

"Hey, bro, you look like a guy who collects model trains. lemme buy you a shirley temple."
 
If you want to look like a dick go up to a guy, tell him you like your tie and where you got it, then ask him about where he works, then tell him your a financial annalist or realistate agent looking for people to sucker into with you. Then ask them for their number.
 
[quote name='bmachine']It only seems odd because you're afraid other guys will think you're gay. You need to get over that, or just learn to be content with being lonely.

If asking for another guy's number is upsetting to you, just give him your number. That way, the responsibility is theirs for contacting you. Do you have business cards? If so, just hand him your card and say, "gimme a call if you want to hang out sometime". Wicked easy.[/QUOTE]


Yea, get over it. I moved to the place I live now less than a year ago, and I have gotten at least 3 guy's number ( I will admit that does sound gay) that I really enjoy playing video games hanging/going out with. I wouldn't consider them friends yet but they are people who I enjoy kicking it with.
 
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