Win the Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion for the Xbox 360

I am but a poor Laplander living in the outer reaches of communist Mrzyvechsik (a small island nation in the Arctic Circle). All I have here is a shack, a yak, and some crack, the latter two of which, when combined, furnish me with the pinnacle of my yearly entertainment. I do believe that I deserve Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion because I (a) desperately need contact with the outside world and (b) am literally bored shitless. We here in Mrzyvechsik are so sheltered by the frozen tundra that the movie Footloose is premiering next week, but admission price is a staggering three dung piles and I spent the 11 I had saved up on an Xbox 360. My wallet and intestines are empty, and the cocaine is wearing thin, so I do not know what I will do with myself during the coming less-frozen months. Please, help me out - I do not wish to play Twister with my yak, but I will if I must.

PS: What is the best thing to do if you were taking a nap sitting up and hypothetically found your testicles frozen to the ground? Please respond as soon as possible, thank you.

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