Jump to content

- - - - -

Tragedy strikes Shawn Kemp

#1 cleaver   You have 0 friends CAGiversary!   3547 Posts   Joined 13.9 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 02:39 PM

Pretty tragic for Shawn Kemp http://www.sportspic...72002-kemp.html

Kemp Accidentally Has Sex with Same Woman
Portland Trailblazers forward Shawn Kemp made a drastic error last evening when he accidentally had sex with a woman he has already had sex with. Kemp, who has fathered --seven children out of wedlock by several different women, learned of his mistake mid-coitus.

“I picked the girl up at a club after our game last night,” Kemp said. “I thought she looked familiar, but I’ve been with a lot of women and they all pretty much look the same to me now.”
It turns out the woman was a groupie Kemp had sex with nearly three years ago in Detroit.

“I have a strict policy of only having sex with a woman one time,” Kemp said. “Anything more than that and it just gets weird. I don’t want them to think I want a relationship or anything. I’m happy to give them a child, but don’t be calling me.”

The woman, Rhonda Mitchell, said Kemp became incensed when she let it slip during their sex that it was “just like last time.”

“He got all angry and said that as soon as he was finished he was going to leave,” Mitchell said. “He told me he wouldn’t even leave any memorabilia behind.”

Mitchell explained that Kemp’s “memorabilia” is not sports memorabilia, but a selection of un-opened condom wrappers in various colors, all with Kemp’s signature. “They’ve kind of become a collector’s item,” Mitchell said. “You can find thousands of un-used, Shawn Kemp-signature condoms on Ebay.”

Steve Peters, owner of SP’s Sports Collectibles in Portland said Kemp’s signed, un-used condoms are one of his most popular items. “We sell a lot of them,” Peters said. “It seems like as soon as we sell out of them, a whole new batch comes in. They don’t go for much money though, because the market is glutted with them.”

Peters said what he’s waiting for is the rarest of all Kemp collectibles: a used Kemp condom. “That would blow the lid off the market,” he said. “But as far as I know there has yet to be one in existence.”

Kemp said his mistake of last night has caused him to mend his ways. “I’m going to start fingerprinting these hoes so this doesn’t happen again. And from now on I’m not even taking condoms with me when I go out.”
The trade list is long, but distinguished.
Posted Image
This would be a fine death... if I hadn't run out of tokens.

#2 Kayden   Banned Banned   17673 Posts   Joined 13.3 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 02:55 PM

I have no clue who he is, but its funny.

Posted Image Posted Image

Kayden you would be awesome in Congress.

#3 Wlogan31   Economic Extraordinaire CAGiversary!   3147 Posts   Joined 14.2 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 03:09 PM

Hilarious :)

Buy/Sell/Trade - Come on Down!: http://www.cheapassg...014#post1554014

PS3 Trophies

Currently Playing:
:ps3: Resident Evil 5   :ps3: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

#4 guyver2077   CAG Original CAGiversary!   16078 Posts   Joined 14.3 Years Ago  


Posted 20 June 2006 - 03:25 PM

o man... shawn kemp is still on an active roster??

that storys crazy.. but tragic??

1080i is for douchebags

#5 shipwreck   CAG Reviews Editor Super Moderators   7574 Posts   Joined 14.4 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 03:33 PM

o man... shawn kemp is still on an active roster??

that storys crazy.. but tragic??

Oh, God no, Kemp is no longer in the league. The story is from back in 2002, but is still funny.
"Red-Headed Pain In The Ass" - Wombat
Posted Image

#6 CaseyRyback   Your New Nightmare! Super Moderators   24183 Posts   Joined 14.4 Years Ago  


Posted 20 June 2006 - 03:35 PM

he lost a lot of weight though and is trying to get back in the league with Denver

#7 TC   Better w/o Kinect CAGiversary!   3057 Posts   Joined 14.2 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 03:51 PM

Geez, First Fathers day now this.

#8 bobo2k4   OooSplendiforous CAGiversary!   3195 Posts   Joined 14.2 Years Ago  

Posted 20 June 2006 - 05:06 PM

Sucks when it happens.
Posted Image
Props to Ozzkev for the sig.