jaykrue

My father is Mexican and my mother is lily-white. I grew up being accepted by white kids, but not really by Mexican kids. My wife is Cambodian/Chinese and is 7 months pregnant with our first baby. Our little girl will be Mexican/White/Cambodian/Chinese. Should I be worried about her being accepted by others? Maybe it depends on where you grow up, but I'm not too worried about it here in Northern California.

Dude. Your daughter is going to be smoking. fcuking. hot. Tell her to call me in 19 yrs. I really don't see where the hate for mixed races come from but I would guess any antagonism is based on jealousy at such potential attractiveness. I'd have to say, from my own experiences, most of them tend to look quite aesthetically beautiful/handsome.

I'm not being negative. I just don't want to go out drinking. One reason for this is that I would have to drive back home and cannot afford a DWI. Another reason is that these people usually show up once and may be difficult to catch after the initial meeting. Third, it is hard to talk over the noise.

A lot of it is personality also. I've noticed the people who usually hang out at bars have a different personality and lifestyle than I do. That's great for them, but the best way to make new friends is to find people with similarities with your personality and lifestyle. It's nothing negative.

I'm not being judgemental. I just didn't know how to go about finding clubs and organizations or whether volunteer work actually pays off if your agenda is to make friends. The reason why people don't want to hang out with me is because they don't know I exist. Now I am more aware of ways to find those organizations and can try them out.

It's presumptuous of you to think that:

- you will be intoxicated enough to get a DWI. It's fine to nurse a single beer and then follow it up w/ water to dilute the effect. You'd be surprised how much people don't give a shit. They're busy socializing.

- everyone you socialize with you must interact with later. You only need to find one friend at any social event. Just one. Why? Because there will be more later - both social events and friends. In addition, the individual friend you meet will most likely (surprise) have friends of their own that they will introduce you to. Friends will eventually accumulate exponentially.

- bars are THAT loud that you need to yell into the ear of the person sitting next to you. There ARE bars out there that keep the noise level down so that you can have a reasonably audible conversation at your table. You're not searching hard enough.

- just because people hang out at a bar, they're incapable of having interests similar to you. I'm an unapologetic clubber and bar-hopper yet I still play video games and watch anime. I meet so many people (yes, both genders) who are of similar mind so it's strange to me that you're incapable of the same.

You really are being judgmental. You just need to go out into places where people socialize, be it club, bar, shows, church events, satanic rituals, conventions, etc. Having the mindset that you're not gonna meet someone of similar interests at a particular place is a self-fulfilling prophecy - you won't meet someone simply because you believe so. I'm not talking down to you but try having a more flexible mindset and you can meet anyone anywhere.

PM and a bump

Or you could do what my wife and I do. In our relationship she's the one that pays the bills because I usually forget unless it's sitting right in front of my face, so when I get paid I just go the the ATM and hand her the cash for the bills I have to pay and she takes care of it. It's been working pretty well for the last couple of years. No more late payments!

Yeah, but your situation is the reverse of his, and unlike you, from FoC's description, his wife doesn't seem very open to the idea of someone else taking responsibility for the family bills (or at least communicating about such things).

At the 8+ year mark of togetherness, it's probably more difficult to change a significant other's habits (or lack thereof). Having thought about it more, I think FoC, at this point, is better off taking responsibility for the bills than changing his wife's behaviors in some Pavlovian manner for a few reasons:

1) it's time consuming
2) as already mentioned, loss of 'power'; control over one's life*
3) may negatively impact what already seems to be a fragile relationship (arguments or worse case: divorce)

It may be a good idea to just take over the bills and make it seem like a heavy burden has been lifted off her shoulders as TC mentioned. It makes FoC look good as well as not offending his wife's more delicate sensibilities. Getting a joint for family expenses & have separate checking for individual fun money seems to be the best course of action so far.

*though it could be argued that FoC's wife has already lost control since she's being irresponsible in the first place

If you're married, you should have a joint account, in which case you should just pay the bills yourself. I would never let my roomate have the responsibility of paying bills on time, because he is too irresponsible. I'm lucky he pays me for 1/2 of the bills.

While I see your point, paying the bills for FoC's wife won't change her behavior. I can't, however, disagree that what you say is the most pragmatic & reasonable choice to make.

To FoC:

I don't know what to tell you as I don't know what your wife's personality/quirks/habits are but some people won't learn until hardship has them backed up against the wall. So, I think foreclosure is probably the bucket of water to wake her up but, obviously, is not ideal as that adversely affects you and your family. If I had to tell you something, I'd say sit down w/ her and lay it out (firmly but gently). Life is seldom courteous to anyone so it's better that you (her life-partner) open her eyes to reality's harshness before it messes everything up for your family. As my mom, a doctor, would say: "Better to prevent than treat." At most, follow Brownjohn's suggestion and insist that major bills be paid by you and she just provide half (or whatever ratio you/she insists upon) the money.