The thing I like the most about American Horror Story is the depths they go to to explain why they're still hanging sheets in the yard.
Eldredpe
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I'm going to say the best move in F2P history thus far was when Zynga didn't give green as a default color in Draw Something.
Am I expected to drawup fake press releases for nonexistent companies in fervent preparation for the day I can glowingly present them to HR?
It's difficult to understand that every shot matters in a film and every sentence matters in a novel unless you've tried to create either.
I found a story I started 3 years ago. Half of it I'm disgusted in and half of it I'm enamored with. Both feelings are gross.
Life Hack: Save 48+ hours over the course of your life by simply never flossing.
40 foot high baby Godzilla wearing a shirt that reads "Here comes trouble!"
Wait. You're telling me Katy Perry ISN'T Tyler Perry's daughter?
Impress your friends! Use the Impact font for everything! Start today!
Somewhere somebody has an entire shed full of classic Four Loko that they're saving for the apocalypse.
I love when people put "Drug Free Workplace" on their job postings. Like, no shit. "Mostly Drug Free Workplace, but we shoot up on Fridays."
Every time I open a linen closet I expect to see a severed human head.
Chilling with three dogs and a baby. I've never been so sure that I am the smartest one in the room.
The job of the comedian is to provide triage to humanity. #WasThatDeepEnoughForYouTwitter?
I think it's hard to get through to people who aren't currently job hunting that when I say I've been applying /w no luck I mean in the 100s
I have watched Chungking Express maybe 15 times. I don't know why it always sucks me in.
Our Idiot Brother is a failure as a comedy, because it isn't very funny. It's decent at examining the way people treat each other, though.
Season 2 of Siberia focuses on the ethical dilemmas of the cameramen filming the reality show in Season 1 of Siberia. Maysles Bros produce.
I know I tweet this on an almost monthly basis, but if your name isn't Robert Heinlein, could you refrain from using the word "Grok?"
RT @brineweekly: what is up with the depretion???? http://t.co/7pOB6iwGG1
No comment. http://t.co/kGkfU7ppQj
Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" is a touching cut chronicling the search for a lost dog. (Credit to @Mockeridge and her roommate for that joke)
Because of the extreme specificity of my diction in conversation I'm confident I will never find myself in a dreaded monkey's paw scenario.
I'm kidding, we're moving forward with title "The Commish Lives" as originally planned. Chiklis could not be more excited to work in a van.
Someday somebody will give me an award for being clever. And by award I mean a stiff backhand to the face.
Do not exaggerate when you argue in writing and then hide behind a defense of "I wasn't being literal." It's writing. Be precise.
er.
Dear educators, museum attendants and tour guides, we've all heard the mercury/"mad hatter" factoid 100 times. Please stop repeating it.
If I were a General, I would issue all commands from an armchair. Just to ruin a figure of speech.
The number of implausible mix-ups in television and film caused by "clerical errors" makes me suspect that perhaps our cleric should reroll.
The day I decide to reset my sleep schedule and get up early a storm knocks out my power at 6AM. I get it, universe. Won't happen again.
Every time I write a cover letter I briefly consider getting into my car and driving it full speed into a tree. But that would be too easy.
"Looks like you won't have old Stevie to kick around no more." - Steven Briggs the High Powered Soccer Ball Lawyer's suicide note.
New study reveals dogs do not have excellent hearing, but are in fact clairvoyant. Unrelated finding: Eating own shit prevents cancer.
I think to myself "Damn, I wish I was more knowledgable about cryptography" on a surprisingly regular basis.
Pre-sale tickets are live for my upcoming all dog production of Samuel Beckett's "Endgame."
"What if they just beat the hell out of each other?" "Because the tigers are hungry." "I'm going to, uh, be out of town next week, FYI."
Associate Editor position requirement: "A strong work ethic and sense of urgency." Really? Sense of urgency? How about being easily winded?
RT @JoshMalina: Favoriting a tweet is a nice way to say "This is good. Not good enough for my feed, but good. Keep at it!"
Next time you say "They're only doing that for good PR," ask yourself "Do the intentions reallying matter?"
RT @fivethirtyeight: By August, about 600m people worldwide will live in states/countries with gay marriage vs. about 300m a year ago.
Status Report - http://t.co/dE2ThqpDA7
In a world where Enter the Dragon was never produced, what do fighting videogames use for their campaign storylines?
I'd like to see statistics on how often people forget where they bury their time capsules.
The Sad Story of My Car's CD Player - http://t.co/5OOmtDT9AD
Ahead to Penumbra - http://t.co/vv6hjpWo8e
In a rare miss, however, the show assumes that Hilary Clinton swept the 2008 elections.
Where Have All The Gamefaqs Gone? - http://t.co/hJiMxhbpQ4
The Purge: Nazi Punks Off - http://t.co/qpzrQxqFBk
TNG: Season One Thoughts - http://t.co/Z8EW0LRoE9 -
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bread's done