A question about wiping your butt (serious, not flame bait)

VanillaGorilla

VanillaGorilla

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After wiping your ass, do you look back at the wad of paper to see how much $hit you just whiped out, or do you just trust you got enough and either zip up, or go back in for another cleaning?
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']I would correct your spelling into wiping, cause I def had the wrong idea when I came to this thread[/QUOTE]

Ha, good point. Although i'm sure some of the more experimental CAG'ers could share their thoughts on whiping ass.
 
[quote name='TheTrueSephiroth']there's only one way to be sure. Bubble bath after every shit. The bubbles are key.[/quote]

Float around in your own fecal matter?.......BRILLIANT
 
...

Dude, you get shit on your ass after going? Is this normal? It's never happened to me in my life, so I never need toilet paper.
 
[quote name='Blade']...

Dude, you get shit on your ass after going? Is this normal? It's never happened to me in my life, so I never need toilet paper.[/QUOTE]
I guess after years of getting cornholed in the locker room turds just drop right out of you, eh?
 
[quote name='Dr Mario Kart']The woman that I hire to wipe my ass and polish my balls takes care of this for me.[/QUOTE]
How the heck IS your mom doing these days, anyway? ;)
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']I guess after years of getting cornholed in the locker room turds just drop right out of you, eh?[/quote]

Assumption based on experience?

Mine is because I don't have a huge gelatinous ass that requires an industrial-sized crane to spread.

Please though, do elaborate on how you were treated at that Catholic school.
 
[quote name='Blade']Assumption based on experience?

Mine is because I don't have a huge gelatinous ass that requires an industrial-sized crane to spread.[/QUOTE]
You got a better explanation for your o-ring being so loose your dookie drops right out without making contact? ;)
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']You got a better explanation for your o-ring being so loose your dookie drops right out without making contact? ;)[/quote]

Shit has to touch the outside part of one's anus and both cheeks in order for the 'o-ring' to be considered tight? ;)
 
[quote name='Blade']Shit has to touch the outside part of one's anus and both cheeks in order for the 'o-ring' to be considered tight? ;)[/QUOTE]
Oh, I see...you were trying to be...smarmy or something..."ass" is not "anus" and the like. ;)

Still though, I find it hard to believe you don't need toilet paper. I mean, sure, we all get the phantom shits from time to time that just slip out with no evidence, but you've never had the bowl busting splatters? Either way, wipe your ass, dude. ;)
 
Quick question: why the fuck are we talking about how we wipe our ass? Are you CAGer's this bored? :lol:

O and to answer your question, yes I do look. It's a must I say!
 
[quote name='RiCeBo1']Quick question: why the fuck are we talking about how we wipe our ass? Are you CAGer's this bored? :lol:

O and to answer your question, yes I do look. It's a must I say![/QUOTE]
In a word: Yes. Plus, trying out the nifty new Quick Reply and edit upgrades is fun.
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']Oh, I see...you were trying to be...smarmy or something..."ass" is not "anus" and the like. ;)

Still though, I find it hard to believe you don't need toilet paper. I mean, sure, we all get the phantom shits from time to time that just slip out with no evidence, but you've never had the bowl busting splatters? Either way, wipe your ass, dude. ;)[/quote]

Yes, but 'ass' is one less button I need to press. Saves energy, y'know.

Have you seen a picture of me? I look like Ghandi on the Subway diet. I have nothing to wipe in the first place.
 
I look, hmm I always thought I was weird for doing this atleast I do not look for interesting patterns as if it were clouds
 
[quote name='Blade']Yes, but 'ass' is one less button I need to press. Saves energy, y'know.

Have you seen a picture of me? I look like Ghandi on the Subway diet. I have nothing to wipe in the first place.[/QUOTE]
:lol: Didja get aides from Jared? ;)
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']In a word: Yes. Plus, trying out the nifty new Quick Reply and edit upgrades is fun.[/QUOTE]
That quick reply's been there since CAG was started (I think)
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']:lol: Didja get aides from Jared? ;)[/quote]

If you mean medical help, then no. ;)

Actually, either way, no.
 
[quote name='RiCeBo1']That quick reply's been there since CAG was started (I think)[/quote]the quick reply feature got upgraded by Cheapy when he was doing the upgrades, havent you noticed how much faster it posts now?
 
[quote name='Graystone']Were the hell is CAG going.[/quote]

What's wrong? Down in the dumps about something?
 
My rule is you always do two wipes, check the second (first if you feel like) and you keep wiping with clean paper till it comes up clean. None of this "two and done".

Now, my friend believes that the proper way is to do it from front to the hole, back to the hole, then use a separate piece of paper to "pull" it away. This is to minimize the amount of shit staining your area. I say fuck that cause nobody is going to be looking at my asshole anytime soon.
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']Maybe a brown-eyed girl has him on the skids...[/quote]

Well if that's the case, maybe you should just relax and take a load off. If you strain too much, you'll get a hernia, and your whole career will be in a bind.

Perhaps you should take March Turd off and go on vacation, Graystone.
 
[quote name='beerguy961']My rule is you always do two wipes, check the second (first if you feel like) and you keep wiping with clean paper till it comes up clean. None of this "two and done".

Now, my friend believes that the proper way is to do it from front to the hole, back to the hole, then use a separate piece of paper to "pull" it away. This is to minimize the amount of shit staining your area. I say fuck that cause nobody is going to be looking at my asshole anytime soon.[/QUOTE]

Not that I'm gonna judge you but why do you know your friend's wiping habits?
 
I look at the paper to check for blood. That's an early warning sign that something is REALLY wrong somewhere in the pipes.
 
I'm with WSB on this one. For those that don't check - it's no coincidence that your ass itches the rest of the day after dropping a deuce.
 
[quote name='beerguy961']I say fuck that cause nobody is going to be looking at my asshole anytime soon.[/quote]


No with that attitude they won't Mr. Shitty Pants.
 
[quote name='RedvsBlue']Isn't this infringement on Javery's schtick?[/quote]

I was astounded that he's nowhere to be found in this topic. :lol:
 
All shits are not created equal. They require different amounts of wipes, depending on how messy things get.

I eat until I'm no longer hungry. By the same token, I wipe until I am clean.

If you don't have visual evidence, that's uh... really taking a leap of faith.
 
The last thing I need is a skid mark. I check to see if I'm clean...unless I have one of those cool ass washer things that spray water up. When I have a house, I'm getting one of those installed.
 
If I'm at home, I have a small pitcher conveniently next to my sink filled with water to wash my ass then wipe with tp. If I'm not at home, wipe till no skidmarks and then shower when I get home. While true that no one will probably be lookin' at my asshole anytime soon, being clean means my ass doesn't itch, girls givin' more frequent blowjobs/rim jobs (don't knock it till you try it), no skidmarks on my underwear, and I'll probably never get any snickering remarks from the proctologist when I get older while they're playing with my prostate.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']If I'm at home, I have a small pitcher conveniently next to my sink filled with water to wash my ass then wipe with tp. If I'm not at home, wipe till no skidmarks and then shower when I get home. While true that no one will probably be lookin' at my asshole anytime soon, being clean means my ass doesn't itch, girls givin' more frequent blowjobs/rim jobs (don't knock it till you try it), no skidmarks on my underwear, and I'll probably never get any snickering remarks from the proctologist when I get older while they're playing with my prostate.[/quote]
Ass itches are probably more about the surface you're sitting on, sweat, what underwear and pants you're wearing, weather and other non-poop issues.
 
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