So I stopped into Target the other day to check out what deals they have on PS5 games and experienced what could be the WORST neckbeard encounter to date. So there I am walking to the PS5 aisle and I hear shouting from the next aisle over, which is the aisle with the Amiibos. Here’s how the conversation went down:
Voice 1: I saw it first. The Samus/E.M.M.I pack is mine!
Voice 2: Fine, I’m picking up Steve and Alex then and also Zelda & Loftwing!
Voice 1: No you aren’t you don’t even have enough money!
Voice 2: Yes I do, mom said that if I cleaned the basement, I could get an extra $20 which I did!
Voice 1: No you didn’t, she said that if I did my own laundry this week, that the extra allowance money was mine!
Voice 2: Nope, see for yourself. (assuming he pulled out a $20 bill)
Voice 1: That’s bull crap, well I’m getting $20 from mom also then for the laundry!
At this point, my own curiosity overwhelmed me so I walk over to the next aisle and what I saw was probably one of the most frightening sights I’ve ever seen in a public store. So these neckbeards were twins right, no less than 35 years old with matching fedoras! I kid you not. And these things were worn. I’m talking WORN. Both of these fedoras looked like catcher’s mitts from the very first world series of baseball! So to complete the image so that you can see where I’m coming from here, the first neckbeard had on a Zelda shirt that had the logo from the original NES Zelda with the phrase “Push Start Button”, the other neckbeard, his twin, had a red shirt with Mario on it, with the caption “Game Changer”. The Zelda shirt had some orange stains on it, what looked to be Cheetos and the Mario shirt that his twin was wearing had a big hole in the shoulder area. The entire isle smelled like a boys gym locker room. They continued on as if I wasn’t even in the aisle:
Voice 1: Oh wait what’s this hiding back here. “oh wow it’s KIRBY!!”
Voice 2: It’s mine, I saw it first!
Voice 1: No you didn’t finders keepers!
At that very moment some lady comes around the corner with her hands on her shoulders. She looked to be about 400 lbs, and had a tattoo of a boat anchor on her arm. I’m thinking to myself “oh here we go, these guys are in trouble now! Target security just showed up!” Instead, this is what happened:
400 lb scary looking woman: Theodore, Bartholomew….. PUT THOSE TOYS DOWN THIS INSTANT! I SAID NO VIDEO GAME TOYS! I’ve been waiting in the car for 30 minutes. I told you to come in here and get some deodorant, some shampoo, and 3 packs of double stuffed Oreos! I don’t see ANY of that in your cart. Maybe it’s because you don’t even have a f’ing cart! Put that stuff back right now, and get in the car!
Voice 1: But mom, you said if I did my own laundry you would give me $20. And now I find out you gave Teddy $20 for cleaning the basement? What gives?
400 lb scary looking woman: I NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT! PUT THOSE DOWN, WE ARE LEAVING!
Then she grabbed each one by the ear and dragged them away, both of them not saying a single word.
Just as she was dragging them away, a store worker walks over asking what all the fuss is about. I motion him over and explain the situation. I’m like hey there, can I just pay for this game and gtfo of here before something worse happens? He nods, a little startled after hearing what just went down. I pay for the game…. and left the store fearing for the worst.
Watch yourselves out there boys. It’s a scary time. Not one neckbeard this time but TWO! And twins at that. Grown man-children living in their mother's basement no doubt, most likely enabled by their parents for their entire lives.
Check your six, and be cautious when going anywhere near Amiibos in public. Best to just order online from the safety of your home. Stay safe fellas. Your nose, ears and eyes will thank you for it.
ton of dupes, and I'd like to finish Set 5 without buying more packs because I only need the rares. Hit a handful of the rarer villagers I plan to sell to subsidize the cost a bit (Like Ankha and Erik)
