Contest: Win Simpsons Season 4 (Brand New) on DVD for posting something funny!

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

- George W. Bush
 
How do you know if your girlfriend is dead or not? Simple. The dishes continue piling up, but the sex is the same.
 
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The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a
highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted
orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you
receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via
any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave
the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and
purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer
Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take
the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from
your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If
you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is
controlling your life.
 
Two men are out walking their dogs when they spot a bar up the street.
The first man says, "Hey let's stop in there and have a few beers."
The second man replies, "But they'll never let us in with our dogs."
The first man smiles and says, "Just follow my lead."
The first man then walks up to the bar and the bouncer stops him and says in a stern voice, "Hey you can't come in here with that dog!"
"But this is my seeing eye dog. That's discrimination." replies the man.
"Seeing eye dog? But that's a poodle!"
"No, that's a common misconception. Poodles actually make excellent seeing eye dogs. They're one of the best breeds for it."
The bouncer begrudgingly lets him in. The second man then comes walking up. Again the bouncer stops him and says, "Sorry, you can't come in here with that dog."
The man then says, "No, no, this is my seeing eye dog. You have to let me in."
"Listen," says the bouncer, "there's no way that's a seeing eye dog. It's a chihuahua for pete's sake."
The man yells, "That son of a bitch sold me a chihuahua?!?!"
 
Based on a true story...

A man is worried because his anniversary is coming up and he needs to get his wife a gift. She tells him, "There better be something in the driveway that does 0-250 in one second tomorrow!"

The next morning the wife finds her gift waiting for her in their driveway.

What is the gift?

A brand new... bathroom scale!?!? :lol:
 
So, I was screwing this guy in the ass the other day and he reached over for my balls. I looked at him straight in the eyes and said "What are you, gay?"

I don't know how funny it will be over the internet, but it always makes people laugh in person. Just gotta say it right.
 
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