Crotchety old sports writer loses shit over baseball traditions; forgets Depends

jaykrue

jaykrue

CAGiversary!
Feedback
2 (100%)
Douchebaggery in bold:

linky

[quote name='Furman Bisher']Baseball used to be a game played with nine men to a side, two managers, four umpires, and the major-league season always opened in Cincinnati. Come to think of it now, that would be sort of like “Gone With the Wind” opening in Valdosta. But Cincinnati had a deal, see.

The first “major league” baseball game was played in Cincinnati on June 1, 1869. The locals, the Red Stockings, eked out a 48-14 victory over Mansfield, whoever Mansfield was. So, several years ago — even the league office isn’t sure when — it became a custom that every major-league season opened in Cincinnati. Nobody played before the Red Stockings, now shortened to Reds. It was just that way. That’s how baseball is, very long on tradition. It just gets into a habit it likes and stays there.

Well, not any longer. Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.[/quote]

Right... and the Japanese didn't know what a few bombs could do to their property.:roll: And the only reason he probably knows that some people don't like him to bring up Tokyo is because they keep telling him and that shit happened a long. fcuking. time. ago. All of the players in every major sport didn't even exist then! Don't blame the players for what their grandfathers may or may not have done, dickwad.:bomb:

Oh, well, ‘scuse me. It’s just tough to get away from it when you turn on your TV in the morning there are the Boston Red Sox playing the Oakland A’s in the Tokyo Dome. Not only that, but the Red Sox pitcher is Daisuke Matsuzaka, who didn’t grow up in Wampole.
Click to expand...

Right... because growing up in Wampole is a privilege reserved only for non-japanese pitchers. Gotta keep them Nips in check! :roll:

Why not? A Japanese newspaper chain, Yomiuri, foots the bill for this Oriental excursion. Yomiuri is not exactly the Chicago Tribune of Japanese baseball. Yomiuri owns several teams. The Tribune owns only one team, and that team hasn’t been in a World Series since World War II. (Sorry to have to bring that up again.) Yomiuri’s team has been the Yankees of Japan, and I’m not sure, but I think they call themselves the Giants.

About Cincinnati and its dibs on opening day, that went on for years. Then the major leagues expanded from coast to coast, cramping the schedule. Television came in spreading money around like fertilizer, and things began to change. The Reds no longer had a monopoly on opening day. So they were allowed to throw the first pitch before anybody else. That privilege is gone now, but one priority remains — the Reds are always allowed to open the season at home. So much for tradition, of which about all that remains is that the baseball hides are actually sewed together by hand by ladies in some Latin American country.

They no longer play a Hall of Fame game in Cooperstown. The All-Star Game ends when the commissioner says it’s time to go home, even if the score is tied. World Series games start about my bedtime. The schedule is so jacked around that the Braves open the season with a one-game “series” in Washington, where a new ball park is being opened. There, one other tradition still prevails: Presidents still throw out first balls. George Bush gets to start the last game of his eight-year career on the mound.

It would be my guess that in Japan, emperors don’t throw out first balls, or even have any kind of presence at such a sweaty game. I saw a game in the Tokyo Dome once, but it was more dome-shaped then. It now appears to have gone oblong to oblige the new long-ball society. Managers are interchangeable, it seems. Bobby Valentine is still managing a team in Japan, and Trey Hillman, who managed five seasons in Japan, is now managing the Kansas City Royals, which, on the surface, appears to be a demotion.

So that’s where major-league baseball stands today, geographically. Not here in the USA, not in Cincinnati, not even in Kauai, but on the other side of the International Dateline. Heaven only knows where it’s headed next. They tell me they’re building a state of the Soviet stadium in Vladivostok, complete with a video screen as high as the sky, and beer sales.
Click to expand...
Right... because the Soviet Union still exists despite it being dismantled 20 years ago but I suppose it's like yesterday for an old coot like him.:roll:

Oh, I forgot tell you this about Cincinnati’s sin. The Red Stockings were expelled from the league in 1880 for selling beer at the park. Think of that!
Click to expand...
OMG! They got expelled for teh b33rz!:roll:
 
I miss the Reds opening the season. They're my team: I can get to their ballpark in 10 minutes by bicycle.

That said, this old-fashioned "legacy" nonsense was long abandoned as the Reds have struggled to be anything in recent years other than a forgettable middle-of-the-division blunder, whose batting can produce between 2 and 6 runs on average, but whose bullpen makes those kinds of numbers irrelevant by the amount they give up.

All that aside, this is just one old bastard's willingness to be a racist pig. I don't hear him crowing about changing the name of the "World Series" despite - what? - one fuckin' non-US team?
 
[quote name='jaykrue'] ....All of the players in every major sport didn't even exist then![/QUOTE]

Not true! I THINK Julio Franco was a rookie around that time ;)
 
Douchebaggery in bold:

linky

[quote name='Furman Bisher']Baseball used to be a game played with nine men to a side, two managers, four umpires, and the major-league season always opened in Cincinnati. Come to think of it now, that would be sort of like “Gone With the Wind” opening in Valdosta. But Cincinnati had a deal, see.

The first “major league” baseball game was played in Cincinnati on June 1, 1869. The locals, the Red Stockings, eked out a 48-14 victory over Mansfield, whoever Mansfield was. So, several years ago — even the league office isn’t sure when — it became a custom that every major-league season opened in Cincinnati. Nobody played before the Red Stockings, now shortened to Reds. It was just that way. That’s how baseball is, very long on tradition. It just gets into a habit it likes and stays there.

Well, not any longer. Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.[/quote]

Right... and the Japanese didn't know what a few bombs could do to their property.:roll: And the only reason he probably knows that some people don't like him to bring up Tokyo is because they keep telling him and that shit happened a long. fcuking. time. ago. All of the players in every major sport didn't even exist then! Don't blame the players for what their grandfathers may or may not have done, dickwad.:bomb:

Oh, well, ‘scuse me. It’s just tough to get away from it when you turn on your TV in the morning there are the Boston Red Sox playing the Oakland A’s in the Tokyo Dome. Not only that, but the Red Sox pitcher is Daisuke Matsuzaka, who didn’t grow up in Wampole.
Click to expand...

Right... because growing up in Wampole is a privilege reserved only for non-japanese pitchers. Gotta keep them Nips in check! :roll:

Why not? A Japanese newspaper chain, Yomiuri, foots the bill for this Oriental excursion. Yomiuri is not exactly the Chicago Tribune of Japanese baseball. Yomiuri owns several teams. The Tribune owns only one team, and that team hasn’t been in a World Series since World War II. (Sorry to have to bring that up again.) Yomiuri’s team has been the Yankees of Japan, and I’m not sure, but I think they call themselves the Giants.

About Cincinnati and its dibs on opening day, that went on for years. Then the major leagues expanded from coast to coast, cramping the schedule. Television came in spreading money around like fertilizer, and things began to change. The Reds no longer had a monopoly on opening day. So they were allowed to throw the first pitch before anybody else. That privilege is gone now, but one priority remains — the Reds are always allowed to open the season at home. So much for tradition, of which about all that remains is that the baseball hides are actually sewed together by hand by ladies in some Latin American country.

They no longer play a Hall of Fame game in Cooperstown. The All-Star Game ends when the commissioner says it’s time to go home, even if the score is tied. World Series games start about my bedtime. The schedule is so jacked around that the Braves open the season with a one-game “series” in Washington, where a new ball park is being opened. There, one other tradition still prevails: Presidents still throw out first balls. George Bush gets to start the last game of his eight-year career on the mound.

It would be my guess that in Japan, emperors don’t throw out first balls, or even have any kind of presence at such a sweaty game. I saw a game in the Tokyo Dome once, but it was more dome-shaped then. It now appears to have gone oblong to oblige the new long-ball society. Managers are interchangeable, it seems. Bobby Valentine is still managing a team in Japan, and Trey Hillman, who managed five seasons in Japan, is now managing the Kansas City Royals, which, on the surface, appears to be a demotion.

So that’s where major-league baseball stands today, geographically. Not here in the USA, not in Cincinnati, not even in Kauai, but on the other side of the International Dateline. Heaven only knows where it’s headed next. They tell me they’re building a state of the Soviet stadium in Vladivostok, complete with a video screen as high as the sky, and beer sales.
Click to expand...
Right... because the Soviet Union still exists despite it being dismantled 20 years ago but I suppose it's like yesterday for an old coot like him.:roll:

Oh, I forgot tell you this about Cincinnati’s sin. The Red Stockings were expelled from the league in 1880 for selling beer at the park. Think of that!
Click to expand...
OMG! They got expelled for teh b33rz!:roll:
 
I miss the Reds opening the season. They're my team: I can get to their ballpark in 10 minutes by bicycle.

That said, this old-fashioned "legacy" nonsense was long abandoned as the Reds have struggled to be anything in recent years other than a forgettable middle-of-the-division blunder, whose batting can produce between 2 and 6 runs on average, but whose bullpen makes those kinds of numbers irrelevant by the amount they give up.

All that aside, this is just one old bastard's willingness to be a racist pig. I don't hear him crowing about changing the name of the "World Series" despite - what? - one fuckin' non-US team?
 
[quote name='jaykrue'] ....All of the players in every major sport didn't even exist then![/QUOTE]

Not true! I THINK Julio Franco was a rookie around that time ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top