Do you think it's acceptable to contact people you don't know on Facebook?

Rouzhokuu

Rouzhokuu

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For instance, if you're out of town and being waited on by an extremely sweet, adorable waitress at a restaurant, and you think there might be something there, but she's extremely busy and you're with family, and the opportunity to talk to her never comes up, and you have to leave town the next day...

Would it be, in general, acceptable to look her up on Facebook and shoot her a message of some kind?

It's not as if I had to resort to anything creepy to get a hold of her name. The full thing was right there in big bold letters on her name tag, easily readable and memorable.

Anyway, thoughts? I throw myself at the mercy of my CAG pals.

PS- Yes, I'm just an average looking fellow, and for the most part, I automatically assume that if an individual of the opposite sex in the service industry is overly nice, attentive, or sweet to me, that it's just because they're paid to be so, or she's fishing for a larger tip, but this time.. I don't know, it felt different. There might've been something there. That's what I'd like to find out.
 
Sure why not.

But depending on the girl, she either will find it sweet and romantic that you couldn't get her off your mind and needed to contact her - or that she thinks that your a weirdo.


P.S: Her name tag had her last name also?
 
shoulda said something while you were there.

facebook messaging is a little creepy, but whatever, you dont have anything to lose.
 
P.S: Her name tag had her last name also?

Yep, well, it was more of a name "badge", hanging around her neck.


shoulda said something while you were there.

This is true, but she was swamped from what I could tell, and it didn't feel like there would be a right time to pin her down and say something to her without being a massive inconvenience. =/

I might've said something to her while she was at my table, but I was with family, and while I love them to death, they have a way of saying the worst possible things at the worst possible moments.
 
I have to admit I sent random messages to some people on Facebook (who may barely know me in real life), but right away I try apologizing to them, but figure its the best way to get in touch.
 
you said you were out of town. how far is this place? maybe you can just go there again another night, not with your family and try your luck.
 
Why not? The worst that can happen is you can decide to go psycho and rape this girl..

But seriously, if she doesn't want to add you she can hit the ignore button, you have nothing to lose.
 
Negative. As someone who works in a public job, I am a bartender in a neighborhood/college bar, I find it incredibly creepy when people i don't know add me. The only exception to this being if a hot girls adds me that is, of course, always ok.
If you haven't had a conversation with someone, don't add them on Facebook.
 
[quote name='ian1418']Negative. As someone who works in a public job, I am a bartender in a neighborhood/college bar, I find it incredibly creepy when people i don't know add me. The only exception to this being if a hot girls adds me that is, of course, always ok.
If you haven't had a conversation with someone, don't add them on Facebook.[/QUOTE]

Understandable.

Though I hadn't any intentions of just attempting to add her and nothing else. I was only going to send a short message explaining who I was, and why I was contacting her.

Kind of the same thing though, I suppose.
 
[quote name='mtxbass1']She probably didn't even notice you.

Do it and report back. We could all use a good laugh.[/QUOTE]

You're probably right.
 
[quote name='RAMSTORIA']you said you were out of town. how far is this place? maybe you can just go there again another night, not with your family and try your luck.[/QUOTE]

I agree with the above. If it's too far away to drive out on your own, then it's probably not even worth trying anyway.
 
I had a few random girls in college add me on Facebook without knowing me, simply to chat about something (games, movies, etc.) in my profile. A couple of them turned out to be very fun.

Of course, I'm a guy. If it were the other way around, I can easily see the women being freaked out. Still, either something comes of it, or nothing does. I say go for it.
 
[quote name='Rouzhokuu']For instance, if you're out of town and being waited on by an extremely sweet, adorable waitress at a restaurant, and you think there might be something there, but she's extremely busy and you're with family, and the opportunity to talk to her never comes up, and you have to leave town the next day...

Would it be, in general, acceptable to look her up on Facebook and shoot her a message of some kind?

It's not as if I had to resort to anything creepy to get a hold of her name. The full thing was right there in big bold letters on her name tag, easily readable and memorable.

Anyway, thoughts? I throw myself at the mercy of my CAG pals.

PS- Yes, I'm just an average looking fellow, and for the most part, I automatically assume that if an individual of the opposite sex in the service industry is overly nice, attentive, or sweet to me, that it's just because they're paid to be so, or she's fishing for a larger tip, but this time.. I don't know, it felt different. There might've been something there. That's what I'd like to find out.[/QUOTE]
Creepy as fuck. Of course, it's the Internet and that means you should totally do it and then post a copy of your arrest report and the ensuing restraining order.
 
[quote name='RAMSTORIA']shoulda said something while you were there.

facebook messaging is a little creepy, but whatever, you dont have anything to lose.[/QUOTE]

That's it in a nutshell. It's definitely creepy, but nothing to lose so why not I suppose. Unless it's a place you eat at regularly anyway.
 
[quote name='whoknows']Just go back OP and talk to her in person.

Or do the Facebook thing to entertain the rest of us. You're call. ;)[/QUOTE]
No, you are the call.
 
Hi,

Sorry to message you on Facebook but I just had to find you. About 3 days ago I was in with family and thought you were really nice and sweet. I felt like there could be something there but didn't want to speak up in front of my family members. I know it is your job to be nice and sweet to everyone since the majority of what you make is in tips but I just felt that there might be something different between us. I hope you felt the same way. Please message me back soon. Look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,

Creepy Asshole
 
Here are my facebook rules:

1. Never friend a co-worker in a current job that you hate or working with someone you hate. If you are no longer working at that place, but they are still there..add them but be careful not to bitch about the old job on facebook.

2. Never add someone to friends unless you have met them in person 3 or more times. My GF doesn't want to accept this idea as she wants me to add all her friends I've met only once.

3. Never stalk someone on facebook just to get a hook up.

Here is an example, one of my friends added a new friend and I noticed it was someone I knew back in high school. So I contacted them just to be sure it was them and sure enough it was. However she didn't remember me (because it was 14 years since we last spoke) at first. So I did bring up a few things we talked about and she started to remember but was better with faces than names but my profile was locked down so she said go ahead and add her to friends. She saw my profile and pictures and remembered me soon after. She was a hottie back then and it would have been nice to hook up if I wasn't in another relationship, but apparently she got married and had 2 kids....*sigh*...oh yea she was the reason I developed a crush for redheads lol.
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']No, you are the call.[/QUOTE]

Well I am the call, but I feel like that was directed at my incorrect use of you're.
 
Man, now I feel like a creep for messaging girls in my classes about homework assignments....

Uh, yeah, I wouldn't recommend adding her unless she was a co-worker, classmate, etc. you wanted to get to know better. Since you said you don't know her, she probably would have trouble remembering you.
 
[quote name='Malik112099']Hi,

Sorry to message you on Facebook but I just had to find you. About 3 days ago I was in with family and thought you were really nice and sweet. I felt like there could be something there but didn't want to speak up in front of my family members. I know it is your job to be nice and sweet to everyone since the majority of what you make is in tips but I just felt that there might be something different between us. I hope you felt the same way. Please message me back soon. Look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,

Creepy Asshole[/QUOTE]

Meh, even if he sent that, what's the big deal? With this lady living in a different town, chances are he'll never run into her ever again. If she rejects him or chews him out, it's really no big loss. The positive outcome could be great, but the negative outcome is pretty insignificant.

If anything, it saves him from wondering for the rest of his life "What if?"
 
People who do nothing accomplish nothing.

The worst thing someone can do is say no. Keep the message short and simple.
 
It's okay to look up chicks and hope they have some nice spring break pics to add to your spank bank. But doing a crapshoot Facebook search with the hopes of cyberstalking them (because there's a good chance that's what her first thought would be) is creepy.

However, if she takes you up on the offer, don't go on an actual date. Keep it casual and maybe just invite her along while you run some errands, like shopping. Think of it like a test. Pick up some duct tape, a hacksaw, trash bags, and a shovel. If she's still by your side after you go through the checkout lane, she's a keeper.
 
[quote name='Rig']I had a few random girls in college add me on Facebook without knowing me, simply to chat about something (games, movies, etc.) in my profile. A couple of them turned out to be very fun.

Of course, I'm a guy. If it were the other way around, I can easily see the women being freaked out. Still, either something comes of it, or nothing does. I say go for it.[/QUOTE]I had some people I barely knew (mostly were in the same social groups as me), but we became really good friends due to similar interests. Funny because one of them happened to be a CAG and we didn't know it was each other.
 
If that were the scenario youd be better off writing down your phone number and just saying "Im sorry, I know your busy but I thought if you would like maybe we could do something later. Here is my phone number" and leave it at that. Sending someone a message on facebook later is kind of like having someone give a note to someone else for you in the 6th grade.

But when it comes to a waitress its hard to tell if she had anything with you because most of them flirt a little with guys because they know they will get a better tip for it. Ive had dozens of them that act kind of interested with me and flirt just a little or act interested and I watched them as they waited on other tables and they all did the same routine with every table with a guy at it.
 
I searched something completely different and this came up....

Did you contact her?


A guy at work said some chick who looked familiar contacted him on Facebook. Long story short she worked at Rally's which he visited several nights a week on his way home late and she said she wrote down his name off his credit card and traced him to Facebook..

Even he admitted it was creepy but you know guys being guys he went out with her several times because he knew he'd get laid if she put that much effort into it... :D
 
It's ok provided you express your intentions to stick it in her pooper in the message.

Why the fuck did it take two pages to get to this?
 
Nothing like making a girl feel uncomfortable while in the privacy of her own home. At least you'll give her a good story to tell at work. If you were slick enough to have the finesse it would take to pull this move off, you'd have done it by now. By asking us if it's a good idea you've already lost.
 
OP, I'm with the idea that you should go back to the restaurant and see what happens then. Then after a second visit you don't see her/nothing happens, and you still feel the need to message her, use discretion.
 
[quote name='ian1418']
If you haven't had a conversation with someone, don't add them on Facebook.[/QUOTE]

This is the best post I've read in this thread.

The only exception to this I've ever had was a good looking girl, with a single mutual friend being a good internet acquaintance of mine that I could see myself meeting up with if I was ever in his area.
 
a don't underestimate the creepy-factor. i once looked up a girl in my HS's phone number in the phone book (only last name Laughlin) and she had NO idea how I got her number. glad i was only asking for homework.

Then again facebook isn't about hardcore social networking anymore. it's a webportal and as such people are becoming used to filtering out signal-noise. So they don't expect everything on facebook to be expected if that makes sense. No face lost online so I say go for it.
--Whoa i had no idea we were talking about ADDing her I thought it was just a PM. PM ok.. adding 100% creepy.
 
[quote name='$hady']guy at work said some chick who looked familiar contacted him on Facebook. Long story short she worked at Rally's which he visited several nights a week on his way home late and she said she wrote down his name off his credit card and traced him to Facebook..

Even he admitted it was creepy but you know guys being guys he went out with her several times because he knew he'd get laid if she put that much effort into it.[/QUOTE]completely uncomparable. guys are easy. I'm not saying we're all the same but 90% of us if a girl broke into our house while we were at work and jumped out of our closet at the very least we're gonna make out and probably get into some light-heavy petting. even if all of us wouldn't go all the way with a waitress we barely remember. interesting question how many of us wouldn't go all the way with what is essentially a stranger but would brag on CAG that we did?
 
Damn these threads crack me up so much.....

Hell no you don't do that!

If she's "out of town", you have a choice - go back in town and try to bump into her again...or let it go. You don't hit her up via social networking unless she gave you her facebook. Especially not just because she wears a name tag!

Think about that...you probably barely spoke to her or even made eye contact and you're trying to holler. No.


You need to take your ass back there, talk to her (you don't have to order anything...just ask for her if you don't see her or even wait for her break if you're hell bent on getting that number) and being direct as possible....because you are out of town and you're asking a woman while she's on the clock or while she's at work.


You need to be like "I came in here last week and I noticed you and I didn't have a chance to really speak due to the circumstances. I know you're at work, but I wanted to know if I could hit you up some other time."

That gives her a yes/no answer. There's no maybe. Maybe means no. If you get a maybe, you're done! Don't try to turn a maybe into a yes. Just accept defeat.

No means no also obviously.

Yes?

"Look I know you're in a hurry and at work and I don't wanna take up too much of your time. Can I hit you up on (facebook, text, etc)?"

This gives her another option of yes/no. If she says no, then damn....you don't wanna fuck with her anyways! If she says yes...


YOU WAIT FOR HER TO GIVE IT UP!

Too many men are ready to give THEIR contact info first. I've seen it. Women don't care! If she wanted your contact info....she'd got it while waiting on you or whatever. Trust me. She'd slipped it in or fished for it.

If she says she don't have a pen on her or whatever just say you got a good memory and...memorize. She's going to put up a slight hurdle unless you're just a 7-10. Regardless...get it and go!
 
Cyber stalking someone is just another way to say I love you
(or I'm a desperate, lonely loser who needs to grow a set and talk to you in person versus stalking you online)
.

As for 'social networking', Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and any I missed can get fucked. Unless there's some sort of coupon I can get from X or Y company by signing up and becoming their 'friend' these sites are completely useless to me.
 
I know you alluded to it, but allow me to restate it back to you:

10/08/10
Hi there, how are you? You looks handsome in that wolf T-shirt. What can I get for you sweetheart?
Love,
Waitresses, strippers, hostesses, and flight attendants

10/09/10
Security!

Signed,
Lawyer of waitresses, strippers, hostesses, and flight attendants
 
That is creepy as hell. What the fuck is wrong with you? You *think* there is something there? She is a fucking waitress.
 
Although I think you falling head over heels for a waitress just by glancing at her is silly, I disagree with the majority of the people saying "dont do that, it's creepy". Welcome to 2010. What these guys don't know is that LADIES love to contact you via facebook, and they do it so often and nonchalant.
It's happened to me a few times. If you work at a sit-down food place, wear a name tag, or your full name is on the receipt when you give it to them (and it usually is in my city), if a girl thought you were kind and cute or whatever crazy crap is going through their mind, they're gonna' hit you up on Facebook. It's what girls do. Using this logic, one would assume girls don't mind if guys do. But we all know girls are very illogical, confusing specimens.

I've honestly never heard of a guy doing this. Yes, I've seen hundreds of guys hit up my lady friends or my girlfriends at random, but these are complete strangers that hadn't bumped into these girls in person.

When you say that you've "met" them already...IDK, they'll probably think it' flattering you liked them in person, but at the same time they'll wonder why you didn't talk to them face to face. Lucky for you, you have the whole "around family" excuse, so I think it's OKAY to go for it. If you were alone, or just with a buddy, then I'd say no, don't do it, you blew your shot. In the end though, sending an email is better than not, no matter the situation.

As for trying to bump into her again...Haha, that guy is hilarious. He must have a lot of spare time if he can plan a trip out of town to stalk a girl and hope she's at work that day. Maybe you can camp in your car all week until you see her pull up to work. Let's hope she works at least 4 days a week!
 
Never, ever, ever try and ask out a waitress/bartender while they are working. You need to be able to meet them while they aren't at work. Do you know how many people try to pick them up? Probably 1/2 their customers.
 
[quote name='strongpimphand']Damn these threads crack me up so much.....

Hell no you don't do that!

If she's "out of town", you have a choice - go back in town and try to bump into her again...or let it go. You don't hit her up via social networking unless she gave you her facebook. Especially not just because she wears a name tag!

Think about that...you probably barely spoke to her or even made eye contact and you're trying to holler. No.


You need to take your ass back there, talk to her (you don't have to order anything...just ask for her if you don't see her or even wait for her break if you're hell bent on getting that number) and being direct as possible....because you are out of town and you're asking a woman while she's on the clock or while she's at work.


You need to be like "I came in here last week and I noticed you and I didn't have a chance to really speak due to the circumstances. I know you're at work, but I wanted to know if I could hit you up some other time."

That gives her a yes/no answer. There's no maybe. Maybe means no. If you get a maybe, you're done! Don't try to turn a maybe into a yes. Just accept defeat.

No means no also obviously.

Yes?

"Look I know you're in a hurry and at work and I don't wanna take up too much of your time. Can I hit you up on (facebook, text, etc)?"

This gives her another option of yes/no. If she says no, then damn....you don't wanna fuck with her anyways! If she says yes...


YOU WAIT FOR HER TO GIVE IT UP!

Too many men are ready to give THEIR contact info first. I've seen it. Women don't care! If she wanted your contact info....she'd got it while waiting on you or whatever. Trust me. She'd slipped it in or fished for it.

If she says she don't have a pen on her or whatever just say you got a good memory and...memorize. She's going to put up a slight hurdle unless you're just a 7-10. Regardless...get it and go![/QUOTE]

QFT. This. /thread

...unless you try to add her, message her, etc. and hilarity ensues and you post it here for us to read.

Seriously put yourself in her shoes. She served maybe a hundred people that day - and you didn't even talk to her. How is she going to remember you over any other stranger in the restaurant that day?

And you're from out of town? How far out of town? Are you ever going back? So what is you game plan then for romantically pursuing this waitress? Start a long distance relationship over Facebook? Really?

Stick to hitting on waitresses in your own town.

Or try Craigslist Missed Connections. If its meant to be and she finds you via that - then go ahead. Otherwise let it go and crush on any of the other thousands of cute/attractive girls in this world.
 
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