Help me please, free game to most helpful CAG

TJordan522

TJordan522

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:!: EDIT: Interview over, but see page 2 for something else I need your help with. :!:

Hey fellow CAGs,

Tomorrow I am interviewing to run for NJ DECA State Office. (DECA is a nationwide marketing program kids can take in high school).
An inside source (a current NJ DECA Officer who goes to my school) filled me in on some of the interview questions, one of which is:

Tell a joke.

Well, this might seem easy but I'm not so great with remembering jokes. So here is where you all come in to the picture. Post your favorite APPROPRIATE joke here and bail me out. Thanks guys!! Haha, now if I win the election in March (that is if I even pass through the interview stage tomorrow lol) I can thank CAG!

Thanks a bunch everyone,
Jordan
 
Wow....you have over a 1,000 posts and yet I dont recall ever seeing you before on CAG...
 
Yeah...I cant help you dude. I know jokes that are politically incorrect.

Besides, its not the joke that counts. Its how you tell the joke.
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']Ask SneakyPenguin...he's got LOTS of job appropriate jokes.[/quote]

You still need to tell that dead baby and abortion joke.
 
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a! beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']Ask SneakyPenguin...he's got LOTS of job appropriate jokes.[/quote]

WARNING INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE HUMOR AHEAD








What's red and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Enjoy!
 
I really don't think you guys are helping. I'm not good with amusing stuff, but I'm pretty sure you guys jokes if somewhat amusing (not yours Sneaky =P) aren't proper.
 
[quote name='SneakyPenguin'][quote name='WhipSmartBanky']Ask SneakyPenguin...he's got LOTS of job appropriate jokes.[/quote]

WARNING INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE HUMOR AHEAD








What's red and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Enjoy![/quote]

It wasn't that offensive. At least this one was better than your baby down syndrome joke.
 
[quote name='AngellicLulu']I really don't think you guys are helping. I'm not good with amusing stuff, but I'm pretty sure you guys jokes if somewhat amusing (not yours Sneaky =P) aren't proper.[/quote]

Heh, I didn't make em, my twisted sense of humor makes me laugh at em though.

i really don't know many no-offensive jokes that are really good. My mind's sort of flooded with DB jokes atm. Sorry i couldn't memore of a help.
 
the best advice I can offer is to use a site like theonion.com to pull a joke from. Search the web, obviously these CAGs here, as much as I love them, can't come up with a clean, non-offensive joke.
 
[quote name='ZeroSupporT']I thought the wood pecker one was funny, I mean these are adults right???[/quote]
I agree it was humorous. I guess if he can memorize it then he should use that one.
 
This one's probably safe, but there's a very small chance the interviewer might get offended if it's an uptight woman.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
 
Wow 18 replies and only a few jokes. Thanks though, maybe I have something to work with from this.

And it is actually 7 high school Seniors interviewing me. (I'm a Junior).

Off I go....thanks again!
 
[quote name='Xevious']
Besides, its not the joke that counts. Its how you tell the joke.[/quote]

Yeah, I sort of realized that. It's just that I'd prefer to tell a somewhat humorous joke instead of a lame one.
 
[quote name='HSidwolf']This one's probably safe, but there's a very small chance the interviewer might get offended if it's an uptight woman.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"[/quote]
Never heard that one before... it's funny. I don't see how a woman can be offended by it.
 
[quote name='HSidwolf']This one's probably safe, but there's a very small chance the interviewer might get offended if it's an uptight woman.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"[/quote]

:rofl:
 
Well, everything went well on Thursday. I passed my test and did very well in my interview. I am now officially running for State Treasurer. Now I need your help again--I need a campaign theme. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. The theme should have some sort of giveout as weel. (My budget is $300, I am going to talk to Cheapy and see if I can make a thread asking for donations)

Thanks again guys,
Jordan
 
[quote name='godhatesjustyou']what's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?

the back of my hand.

-edit- ..oh, it's over.[/quote]

Lol thanks though.
 
OK, here's some incentive. If you come up with the theme that I use or that I slightly modify and use, I will buy you a Player's Choice/Platinum Hits/Greatest Hits game (or another game valued at $20).
 
[quote name='TJordan522']OK, here's some incentive. If you come up with the theme that I use or that I slightly modify and use, I will buy you a Player's Choice/Platinum Hits/Greatest Hits game (or another game valued at $20).[/quote]
 
The message says that the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration spent ten years and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity for use by astronauts. The pen will write upside down, underwater, on almost any surface and is functional at extremely hot and cold temperatures. The Russians, however, filled the need for a space writing instrument by simply using pencils
 
Did you hear about the naked guy who ran into the church?

They caught him by the organ.

*BuH Dum Ting*

/Im here all week try the veal.
 
Lol funny jokes guys, but once again the interview was Thursday and I no longer need them. The free game is for the best campaign theme you can come up with.
 
Ah that's a shame, I have lots of lame jokes. Like:

Two muffins are in the oven. One muffin turns and says to the other muffin, "Boy it sure is hot in here." The other muffin looks at it and screams (and you acctually have to scream here) "AHHHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barkeeper says "Hey I have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Escobar?" (or whatever name you find funny)

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... (pause for two seconds or so) BAH DUM CHING!

:lol:
 
Clearly people are posting and not reading the rest of the posts...
AS far as a campaign theme, theres two ways to do it.
The TRUTHful way:
Set up a charity for underprivliged gamers to have a chance to learn about the thought and effort put into games, rather than the senseless violence and misconception abput putting "make violent game" into a computer and watching the results. OR set up something with Game distibuters and Cheapy to get some sort of deal goin, i dont know. Youre a gamer, think about it, expand on it.

The Fake, but will Probably work way:
Look around the state at the multiple problems that face the community, and base your campaign around it. Don't Be subtle, besure to get to the inner city (with out getting shot or nothin) and not just the business people. Get a full and complete overview at the entire state.

WEll thats me. if it seems a bit optimistic, it probably is, Im 15 so sue me. I'd love a new game.
 
[quote name='TJordan522']Lol funny jokes guys, but once again the interview was Thursday and I no longer need them. The free game is for the best campaign theme you can come up with.[/quote]

you may want to edit the topic titles saying, FREE GAME L@@K!!
 
go with the nepolean dynomite routine... If I am eleceted _________(selct position), all your wildest dreams will come true.
 
[quote name='gamemasterjd']Clearly people are posting and not reading the rest of the posts...
AS far as a campaign theme, theres two ways to do it.
The TRUTHful way:
Set up a charity for underprivliged gamers to have a chance to learn about the thought and effort put into games, rather than the senseless violence and misconception abput putting "make violent game" into a computer and watching the results. OR set up something with Game distibuters and Cheapy to get some sort of deal goin, i dont know. Youre a gamer, think about it, expand on it.

The Fake, but will Probably work way:
Look around the state at the multiple problems that face the community, and base your campaign around it. Don't Be subtle, besure to get to the inner city (with out getting shot or nothin) and not just the business people. Get a full and complete overview at the entire state.

WEll thats me. if it seems a bit optimistic, it probably is, Im 15 so sue me. I'd love a new game.[/quote]

Thanks for trying to help! But....let me clear this up. I am running for Treasurer of DECA, which is a marketing education club. High school kids will be voting for me based on whether or not they think I would be a good treasurer, and based upon what free stuff I give out at my booth :)-- (my duties would include financial matters and updating the NJ DECA website: www.njdeca.org )
So I am basically looking for a theme to base my campaign around. For example, last year, some girl who was running for State President had a baseball theme and had a popcorn machine and gave out popcorn and had the Philly Phanatic come and had a baseball themed campaign booth with a slogan something along the lines of "Hit a Home Run with ____" She lost, but only because she was disqualified because she clearly surpassed her $300 budget.
So I am not really looking for ideas such as improving the community or whatever as I have nothing to do with that at all. I'm just looking for a theme/slogan/giveaway to influence people to vote for me.
Thanks though for your ideas and I'll look forward to hearing your new ones based off the info I just provided.
 
Hmmm... Is this a campaign line or a plan for a program? I do have a good line for a treasurer:

"INSERT NAME: Building a better future by keeping account of the present!"

I feel like James Carville!
 
Well I know a little about DECA and you are right they will probably vote more on your image and what free things you give out more than actual ability of promises.

So go with a very flashy campaign with lots of cheap signs and give out massive quantities of coca cola or some other cheap name brand beverage.
 
[quote name='TJordan522']
Thanks for trying to help! But....let me clear this up. I am running for Treasurer of DECA, which is a marketing education club. High school kids will be voting for me based on whether or not they think I would be a good treasurer, and based upon what free stuff I give out at my booth :)-- (my duties would include financial matters and updating the NJ DECA website: www.njdeca.org )
So I am basically looking for a theme to base my campaign around. For example, last year, some girl who was running for State President had a baseball theme and had a popcorn machine and gave out popcorn and had the Philly Phanatic come and had a baseball themed campaign booth with a slogan something along the lines of "Hit a Home Run with ____" She lost, but only because she was disqualified because she clearly surpassed her $300 budget.
So I am not really looking for ideas such as improving the community or whatever as I have nothing to do with that at all. I'm just looking for a theme/slogan/giveaway to influence people to vote for me.
Thanks though for your ideas and I'll look forward to hearing your new ones based off the info I just provided.[/quote]

Oooo, i thought it was for STATE tresurer, like of all of NJ.
Hmm...well you would need to find out what is in vogue among the Hschools in NJ. I know that here, its all about the gangs and stuffs. So if thats the thing there, go with the bling and crap. For i deas watch BET or MTV during one of thier video sessions. Youl get the idea. You could like make up a rap or a sort of gangsta session thing, idk. It all depends on how kids will react. If you come in talking like them and being like them, then they will definately vote for you. I suggest you observe at a school somewhere and base it off of that. Whatever you can do to win kids over these days, you have to go with it.
OHH, and whatever you do! DO NOT overdo the entire slang thing. YOu can really get in a mess that way.

I vaguely see it...."Keepin it real with TJordan"
 
Does this qualify as a joke:

"Your So Full of Crap......ITS COMING OUT YOUR MOUTH"

I'm not really sure if this is appropriate
 
Keeping track of things, one account at a time.

Philadelphia, eh? maybe a Flyers based campaign? Bring back good memories..
 
[quote name='mgriff']Does this qualify as a joke:

"Your So Full of Crap......ITS COMING OUT YOUR MOUTH"

I'm not really sure if this is appropriate[/quote]

I DON"T NEED JOKES ANYMORE LOL
 
How about you'll fight to keep the nets and the jets in jersey, lol, no one ever keeps their campaign promises including presidents
 
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Try and make a theme where you would use that quote. Uhhh...live every moment to the fullest, so you would have to put a theme like, "I know how to conserve money" or something. Something so ridiculously stupid, it'll attract so much positive attention. Like cardboard signs hung around with tons of errors on them, like Little Rascals or something to the sort.
 
how about you go with my line before, that will get laughs, then just make your booth some empty box you found and give away a XBOX and halo 2 in a raffle. and that you will only do the raffle if they vote for you.


EDIT: or buy a TON of burger king woppers and start giving them to every1
 
[quote name='help1']how about you go with my line before, that will get laughs, then just make your booth some empty box you found and give away a XBOX and halo 2 in a raffle. and that you will only do the raffle if they vote for you.


EDIT: or buy a TON of burger king woppers and start giving them to every1[/quote]

Actually, yeah, that's a sweet idea. I recommend just a gift card, though, since it appeals to a wider range of people. Can't go wrong with Borders or Best Buy.

You could even have a $100 grand prize, and some runner-up prizes, so that peoples' odds of winning something in the raffle are a bit higher.
 
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