But now I'm upset. I wouldn't say depressed, but I feel like shit. Nauseous, even. I didn't think I loved her, but now I'm second-guessing myself. Thinking about living without her seems bleak, quite lonely.
We've been living together for just about 1 year. 1 year in a few weeks.
I haven't treated her well lately. Since I pay for everything (rent, food, bills) and yet still feel like I do the majority of the housework, I've held some resentment for a while. She definitely feels it. She's been depressed for a while, months, longer than I've held the resentment, but I think I just make it worse. She says she's upset because she doesn't feel loved, and she thinks I hassle her too much about chores and contributions. Her view is that, since my parents help me financially and hers don't help her, that I should pay for everything and still do half the work -- she views chores as equally split, and the money as my parents (which a large part of the money is).
On my side of things, I mostly just can't take the stress. She's quite pessimistic, so aside from complaining about a ton of issues she also takes things negatively that aren't. For example, recently I bought steak and grilled it, then later that night she asked if I enjoyed it and I replied that it was okay but I don't really like steak much... she took it as me saying I only cooked it for her and that she was unappreciative. Just twisting events negatively. I Think the biggest issue is the housework, though. I feel like, for the most part, I clean up after her. Combined with what's financially provided, everything feels really one-sided, which gets really stressful when school gets tough. We're both in college, and were both working part-time until she quit a few weeks ago.
I have to admit, her quitting bugged me quite a bit. Her excuse for not contributing financially was that she didn't have the money -- yet she could afford to quit. Her excuse for not contributing with housework was lack of time -- yet after quitting nothing changed, except her having more free time (for computer/tv). Since then, I've probably been a little hard on her... refusing to pay for certain things, etc. It's just that I kind of want her to feel how expensive living on your own is so that she can understand just how much is provided for her.
Last night was the boiling point. Around 1 or 2 she went to an interview at Sears, she got the job and was upset that she did. She didn't want to work there, and only applied because her first choices wouldn't hire her. When she got home she was complaining about it quite a bit, I said she shouldn't have quit her first job, she got pissed and left... went see a movie with her ex-boyfriend and then bowl with him. This is a "friend" who, last time they hung out, was high and tried to get her to be physical with him. She calls around midnight to make sure I'm in the bedroom trying to sleep, then brings him over here and drinks with him until 3.
She always goes to a friend when really upset with me. She never talks to me about it, and if I bring it up at a later time she just gets pissed off and ends up leaving. So while they were her, I confront the guy and ask him what she tells him out us when she's pissed at me. My girlfriend, of course, gets pissed at me for it. It was only for about 5 minutes, then I went to sleep. Evidently afterward she just vented about being pissed at me for a while.
This morning, when I tried to talk to her about it, she just said she's going to "try to get out". She seemed upset that our relationship had come to this, regretful, yet had no sign of wanting to work on it. I think she believes she has tried to work on it. Lately, she HAS done more around the apartment... as much as I do. If it were financially equal, everything would be equal. The problem is, in this past week or so, when she's done more around the apartment, she's also treated me like shit. Even though she's done more, it's obvious she does so with resentment, even though what she's doing is just her half of the chores.
I definitely used to love her. I think. I don't know, I don't really know what love is, it's just what we feel when chemically addicted to a person. Biological impulse to stay with somebody. I thought I liked her and didn't love her now, but maybe I love her and don't like her, maybe both, maybe neither. To like somebody is to enjoy and admire who the person is, to love somebody is to enjoy the biological chemical reactions from instinct... equally confusing impulses. The one thing I'm certain about is that one part of me wants her to stay, while another part wants change and doesn't think change will happen so long as I'm living with her.
I think I'd appreciate her more, and show it more, if I didn't feel as if an unequal amount of responsibility is being placed on me. If she'd clean up after herself and do half of the chores, I don't think I ever would've shown resentment. That resentment is why I think she's been treating me like crap, and being more upset, feeling unwanted and unloved, and in turn holding resentment for me. In my mind, her fault for not doing her responsibilities, and in her mind it's my fault for... essentially, for letting it bug me. I guess more accurately would be for not showing I care.
She said she doesn't want to live with me, and I said I don't want her leeching off of me if she doesn't care about me. I think I probably want our relationship to work out more than she does, while, if anything, the ability to live here is the only thing keeping her tethered to me. It's obvious neither of us are happy with the current relationship, chores/money/apartment aside, but I think things can be worked through and I don't think she does.
I'm definitely being rational. I've taken bias into an account, and I think this is quite fair to the both of us. We're both flawed.
I don't expect helpful responses, I don't even expect you to read all of this. I just needed to vent, to type, to think. It's actually helped clear my head quite a bit. However, if you were board enough to read it and have advice/comments, let loose.
We've been living together for just about 1 year. 1 year in a few weeks.
I haven't treated her well lately. Since I pay for everything (rent, food, bills) and yet still feel like I do the majority of the housework, I've held some resentment for a while. She definitely feels it. She's been depressed for a while, months, longer than I've held the resentment, but I think I just make it worse. She says she's upset because she doesn't feel loved, and she thinks I hassle her too much about chores and contributions. Her view is that, since my parents help me financially and hers don't help her, that I should pay for everything and still do half the work -- she views chores as equally split, and the money as my parents (which a large part of the money is).
On my side of things, I mostly just can't take the stress. She's quite pessimistic, so aside from complaining about a ton of issues she also takes things negatively that aren't. For example, recently I bought steak and grilled it, then later that night she asked if I enjoyed it and I replied that it was okay but I don't really like steak much... she took it as me saying I only cooked it for her and that she was unappreciative. Just twisting events negatively. I Think the biggest issue is the housework, though. I feel like, for the most part, I clean up after her. Combined with what's financially provided, everything feels really one-sided, which gets really stressful when school gets tough. We're both in college, and were both working part-time until she quit a few weeks ago.
I have to admit, her quitting bugged me quite a bit. Her excuse for not contributing financially was that she didn't have the money -- yet she could afford to quit. Her excuse for not contributing with housework was lack of time -- yet after quitting nothing changed, except her having more free time (for computer/tv). Since then, I've probably been a little hard on her... refusing to pay for certain things, etc. It's just that I kind of want her to feel how expensive living on your own is so that she can understand just how much is provided for her.
Last night was the boiling point. Around 1 or 2 she went to an interview at Sears, she got the job and was upset that she did. She didn't want to work there, and only applied because her first choices wouldn't hire her. When she got home she was complaining about it quite a bit, I said she shouldn't have quit her first job, she got pissed and left... went see a movie with her ex-boyfriend and then bowl with him. This is a "friend" who, last time they hung out, was high and tried to get her to be physical with him. She calls around midnight to make sure I'm in the bedroom trying to sleep, then brings him over here and drinks with him until 3.
She always goes to a friend when really upset with me. She never talks to me about it, and if I bring it up at a later time she just gets pissed off and ends up leaving. So while they were her, I confront the guy and ask him what she tells him out us when she's pissed at me. My girlfriend, of course, gets pissed at me for it. It was only for about 5 minutes, then I went to sleep. Evidently afterward she just vented about being pissed at me for a while.
This morning, when I tried to talk to her about it, she just said she's going to "try to get out". She seemed upset that our relationship had come to this, regretful, yet had no sign of wanting to work on it. I think she believes she has tried to work on it. Lately, she HAS done more around the apartment... as much as I do. If it were financially equal, everything would be equal. The problem is, in this past week or so, when she's done more around the apartment, she's also treated me like shit. Even though she's done more, it's obvious she does so with resentment, even though what she's doing is just her half of the chores.
I definitely used to love her. I think. I don't know, I don't really know what love is, it's just what we feel when chemically addicted to a person. Biological impulse to stay with somebody. I thought I liked her and didn't love her now, but maybe I love her and don't like her, maybe both, maybe neither. To like somebody is to enjoy and admire who the person is, to love somebody is to enjoy the biological chemical reactions from instinct... equally confusing impulses. The one thing I'm certain about is that one part of me wants her to stay, while another part wants change and doesn't think change will happen so long as I'm living with her.
I think I'd appreciate her more, and show it more, if I didn't feel as if an unequal amount of responsibility is being placed on me. If she'd clean up after herself and do half of the chores, I don't think I ever would've shown resentment. That resentment is why I think she's been treating me like crap, and being more upset, feeling unwanted and unloved, and in turn holding resentment for me. In my mind, her fault for not doing her responsibilities, and in her mind it's my fault for... essentially, for letting it bug me. I guess more accurately would be for not showing I care.
She said she doesn't want to live with me, and I said I don't want her leeching off of me if she doesn't care about me. I think I probably want our relationship to work out more than she does, while, if anything, the ability to live here is the only thing keeping her tethered to me. It's obvious neither of us are happy with the current relationship, chores/money/apartment aside, but I think things can be worked through and I don't think she does.
I'm definitely being rational. I've taken bias into an account, and I think this is quite fair to the both of us. We're both flawed.
I don't expect helpful responses, I don't even expect you to read all of this. I just needed to vent, to type, to think. It's actually helped clear my head quite a bit. However, if you were board enough to read it and have advice/comments, let loose.
ing don't like steak, get over yourselves 
.
